Under the weight of this dawning light,
there is nothing left but a hollow soul.
I gave everything I had for a glimpse of the future,
a taste of the place we will soon call home.
Lovers and friends have withered away.
Tormented with life I stay the same the wrinkles of age have left me untouched.
Signatures in blood will leave your veins dry.
All the vibrant colors and shades that fill in the cryptic grey are left meaningless
when walking down desolated roads.
These grains of sand fall motionless, tormenting time and the reapers call,
trapped in shadows and lost in the essence of sanity.
Overwhelmed with desire for the crimson flow, I’m alone in this world a wanderer.
As the autumn leaves blow a youth in the mirror and a corpse deep down inside,
a glimpse of the future and a withering past tormented with a life,
that will always last.
Life was good
The sun was setting with a sweet cold breeze of Autumn’s day
The smell of withering lawns across the neighborhood
The sound of children rocking back and forth on swings
A beautiful girl and a loyal friend
Life was good
The leaves die through the weeks
The year passes as each leaf falls
And so does a memory
That once was in my head
I thought I had a beautiful girl
I thought I had a loyal friend
All I had was a razor
Sticky with my own blood
Keeping me company
Until this year ends
I'd swim all the oceans for you
I'd break all my bones for you
I'd let all my blood
I'd put my right hand on the bible
But still I'd lie
I'd walk ontop of broken glass
I'd drive a car
I'd make decisions
That are rash
I'd wipe the makeup off my face
Even though that is a disgrace
I'd run a thousand mile race
I'd risk my life
I'd leave this place
I'd rip the wings off a butterfly
Just To see if it would still fly
I'd put a bullet through my head
Just To see if I'd die
I'd pray to the god that may or may not exist
I'd swim in a tank with the fish
I'd take every single risk
I'd lay down in my bed
And think of everything I dread
I'd re live nightmares
That go on in my head
I'd fly to the moon
I'd say "ill be back soon"
But if I had to,
I'd just drift off into the galaxies
Like a balloon
Near the blood orchid
lies my tomb of worthlessness
visible to all.
let's have a celebratory drink
of blood and tears
the taste of metal and salt
burns my tongue
let us toast to those who have fallen
under the ruthless mercy of the blade
with the mind
the unbalanced chemicals
let's envision them as the sun seeping into our pores
as invisible angels in the sky
content with their lives
let's take a drink of blood
for all those who have spilt their own
a sip of tears
for each one shed at 3am
and drown them
realize that darkness goes away
the storm comes to an end
and the sun shines
let's hope that less blood will drip from lifeless veins
and tears will only fall from laughter
so well never have to drink again
Luminol when sprayed on a cleaned wall
that was once stained with the blood of a human being
will light up every splatter, and reveal the crime scene in all it's
chaotic splendor, even after years of careful hiding
Things happen every day in my creamy, dreamy life
moods, like the calm bay that hides the sharks underneath
the blood splatter of the natural cycle is covered in blue indistinct waves
while carnage and drama play themselves out in the silent muted depths
And as the bay gets darker the further you go down
especially in the deep canyon where a fervent Japanese submarine snuck
into California waters, and chased a boat around briefly before dissapearing
forever, just as these depths contain mystery and waste
so my thoughts, once so churned and pained, lie dormant and unseen
with the plastic forks that are stuck in the sand
and the plastic bags that move by in the darkness like ghosts
Because beneath the surface, in that deepest groove
is where all the pain and waste and wreck of civilization has accumulated
and is creating a new order in a once pristine reusable recyclable landscape
But I cannot see my depths, only try to feel them
in a primitive way, like sonar--what is this?
A small submersible floats through the deep cold water down there
through the snow flakes of biological residue that is food for life
and it looks at the garbage and sends back a video signal
that this is a warning, of our ceaseless, accumulating destruction unseen
The pain is so strong that I can’t bare
It’s clear God isn’t answering my prayer
Another pitiful attempt to clear my head
My tears stain the silky material of my bed
No one listens, no one really cares
I have been damaged beyond repair
I know my parents won’t care if I’m alone, crying
I’ve tried to be a good daughter; yes I’ve been trying
I ball up in the corner of my darkened room
My face stiff and my eyes full of gloom
Suddenly my heart gives way and I feel numb
I knew I was through; I knew I was done
I’ve had enough pain, rage, and fright
I’ve decided it all ends tonight
I got up to my desk to write one last note
What I felt is what I wrote
I wrote how much I loved my Dad and my Mom
I never knew I could be so calm
I stumble to the bathroom door
Not before opening up my drawer
And picking my amazingly sharp knife
With this I will end my life
I locked myself in the bathroom and filled the bathtub with water
By midnight, this family will have one less daughter
I did what I had to do with my note beside me
My blood level dropped to a serious degree
I died that night in a bathtub of my own blood
I never noticed how much my bathroom could flood
My parents came barging through the door
In my blurry vision I saw my mother drop to the floor
My father scooped me up and tried to bring me back with tears in his eyes
His eyes held worries and so much love; no lies
My mother was besides me; screaming, I could tell she was scared
They were both crying, I never knew they really cared
The pain is so strong, it’s almost relieving
I know my soul fading away; I’m leaving
I whispered, “Mom, Dad … I love you so much”
As I felt my last touch.......
When someone tells you something’s wrong; please don’t let it dismiss
Please, listen to them; don’t let it come to this
You know what I'd do
You know what I've done
What I've given up
What I'm going to do
I'd give up more
For you and her
I love the both of you
I think I have what it takes
But do you
I think I'm ready
But do you
She might not be mine
But I'll treat her like my own
Family is family
Blood or not
I'd give anything for you and her
I love you
I love her
So I ask again
Do you think I'm ready
has constantly got you
at the stitches
Tempting you to spill
your insides out
To re-write love on your arms
Like you meant the cuts
To cut the conversation short
a blood loss
in a blog
Some masochistic pride
pulled you into the abyss
Where do you draw the line?
and raising awareness?
With trembling lips she kissed and sealed a letter she wasn't quite sure when she would send.
Tear stained paper and a bit of blood she found her life splattered across a piece of college ruled paper.
There were a few lines explaining her actions and a few lines of apologies.
A few lines about her family and a few lines about her regrets... But most of it was about you.
It was about the way you always told her how she reminded you of sunshine on a rainy day.
How she was pretty in the simplest ways even on those bad days.
How you would never let her go crazy no matter where her mind took her.
You said you wouldn't let her lose her mind till the day you died.
Tears flowed down her face
And she just wasn't quite sure how she got here...
Because you promised her that you wouldn't let her go crazy and here she sits planning the last couple days of her life wondering who she'll send the letter to...