My favorite song after my favorite song
Each line, yeah we sang along
Me and M
At a show for my favorite band
The band that played while I wailed
And snorted and choked
And broke down on the floor
And sang and wrote
And ran around, jumped up and down
Screamed and laughed, they were the background sound
And his eyes were so familiar again
And on my waist, his strong biker hand
And standing there with everything I wanted,
I missed you
I can't hear shit and I love it
these nights bleed
into foggy mornings
blink and weeks have passed, monotonous
days bearing no significance.
i cringe at their voices,
their word choice
where is the reverence and value that language deserves?
i write with the pen
i stole from you,
back in the days when my hands
were warm and your eyes still lit up when you saw me.
snow has fallen now,
your eyes are cold and
i drain the ink from your pen readily
and I am alone.
i am not a sculpture
or a painting
or a song
i am enough
(the majesty around me green
insists that i too live)
I know you said you'd never leave.
But I can't trust that cause so did he.
I was going to be with him forever.
That was my dream.
He would be my king.
And I his queen.
For the love that he gave me.
Was just as ours.
We were happy together
Until his popularity grew large.
He was too got for me,
The shy, sad, bother to the world.
I wanted so badly to be good enough for him
So I changed myself completely just to fit in.
In the blink of an eye I was gone.
I would never be found again.
I tried to be happy for as long as could be.
But every one could tell it really wasn't me.
He became my everything.
I breathed him in and held him for as long as I could.
But the thing about inhaling a substance
Is eventually you have to exhale.
And our exhale was sudden and scary.
It was the cough that gets stuck in your throat.
I held it in anyway. Through the cough and the pain
And for that I'm sorry
I held on for too long when clearly you didn't want me anymore.
That is my only regret with him.
That and falling too fast
And as long as I live
I'll remember what he did and I'll never be the same
And the words I love you will never come out of my mouth again
So thank your dear old friend for what he did to me
Because now our love is tarnished.
I guess we weren't meant to be
Right now I'm sitting on the verge of a hill and I can't even spare a blink. They are screening some movie about how autumn makes the saddest orange leaf to leave its tree and the tears are threatening to leave my eyes but I wont let them this time. Not because I am with my entire group of ant friends and they will drown with my enormous tears. Not because you have teared me apart to freaking pieces and you still want to burn the bitter rests, but because you don't deserve them, not even the slightest approximation of tear molecule coming from me (or whichever other pine tree you have made feel this way).
You made me feel as wonderful as a whole tree green from the spring climax, just to drop me to my lowest as the same tree at the winter climax, and that is not fair. I opened up my rib cage and let you explore every inch of the inner working of my photosynthetic organism and you doubted if I was real because I pumped blood. I could made light turn into different forms of art and you could only make my art turn into blood coming down my branches and trunk like the rain drops that fell between the leafs that laid perfectly in my hair, shaking my whole system, tearing my trunk apart.
My branches itches and my leafs claim to be attacked, and my wrists are ready to be destroyed and ridiculized.
But i won't, i won't, i won't.
Or at least I'm trying not to.
A smoke ring hangs
locked in my gaze
refocus, razor sharp
look, learn - listen
A thousand words
typed out - the
I had a dream the other night
For people like me, dreams are nonexistent
We never sleep, so we never dream but I was so tired
I had been around the world more than hundred times that day
My body was drained of energy
So I fell asleep, and well, dreamed
The rain has finally let up, clouds begin to clear
Rays of light soon peeked out from behind
Trees surround the walking paths, grass covers patches of land
I take a seat right next to a fountain
Mist attacks the pores of my skin
My fingers graze against the slight sheen
Just as I am about to turn around, let the water hit my face
A woman appears next to me
She wears a red scarf with a bright, yellow coat
It sort of screams McDonald’s
But when her elegant, innocent face with big blue eyes and brown hair
Turn to me, Mickey D’s is the last thing on my mind
A soft smile graces her lips and I return it hesitantly
Not sure why she is here, or what’s going on
Do you come here often?
She asks and I almost laugh at the pick-up line used by so many
But those eyes and that innocent expression refrain me from doing so
Um no, I don’t even know where I’m at
I reply honestly, because I don’t remember this place
There are so many; I can never keep track
That’s a shame
I love coming here
There’s a silence here, not many places have that
Silence, something I rarely hear
But it encompasses this entire area
I notice it then, we’re the only ones here
The thought vanishes when she speaks again
So why are you here?
I stare at her then look all around me
Tall and lean trees surround the vicinity
Encroaching on the small stone trails
Sunlight blotches in thin lines between leaves
Green, plush grass covers the land between paths
The soft water of the fountain can be heard and small chirping sounds emerge
I begin to relax, let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding
I needed a break
She nods her head and doesn’t ask why
Something I’m grateful for
Instead she says
I know what you mean
Someplace to catch your breath
Find a moment of peace
When she says it, it hits me square in the face
Peace, that’s what I needed
I nod my head once, indicating I understood her
You can’t stay for very long, can you?
I shake my head no
That’s what I thought
Don’t you ever just want to settle down?
I look at her—this girl, this woman, this stranger
Who reads me like a book
Turns every page and reads every line
And finds all the secrets hidden inside
I wish it were that simple
I say looking down the shady path
Well, I have to be off
She says as she rises and rearranges her scarf
I grab her wrist, signaling her to wait
Where are you going?
I ask looking up with an expression that surely reads displeasure
She smiles with a teasing glint in her eye and takes my hand
Come on, you can walk me out
I follow like a man in a daze
Her hand warm in mine
I glance down at her and realize how much taller I am
She’s so petite but so breathtaking
What’s your name?
I have to know that at least
Her lips turn up slightly and the glint returns to her blue orbs
We reach the end of the path
Where the trees widen
Into an open area
Full of grass, knee high
But I see it, in a distance, another trail, as trees part for its way
One, I assume she is going to get on
Well, here we are
It was a pleasure
She states facing me
I look down at her
At a loss for words
I stare at her in discontentment, not knowing why this has to end
I don’t want to say goodbye
She smiles wider this time and reaches up to touch my cheek
Oh how different you are
I almost forget to breathe
Emotions swirling around me
Captivating my body
I blink to regain some motion
And she’s gone
I look around frantically
Searching for her
Then I catch sight of her
Across the way on the other path
Waving in yellow and red
I attempt to run to her
But my feet don’t move
I look down and see them fading
Before I know it, the sun becomes cloudy, trees blur and vanish
And I wake up feeling a loss like none other
I had lost time, during the dream that night
But I knew, those hours, those minutes of peace
Were worth it, even for just a moment
Then I remembered, I did know her
I try to stop by every chance I get
Just to look at her, make sure she’s okay
Even though she sees right through me
Her innocent charm, her wonderful personality
Of course, it would only be her
Within the crowded city where life is swift
Do You hear the voice of Jehovah up on
The busy streets Of New York City
Were all the empty broken hearted goes
Dancing in the pouring rain to wash away
The pains this darkened world gave
by an blink of an eye above the noise of
laughter that is empty , cruel ,and very
loud of self pity
Do you listen for Jehovah's voice in this
restless crowd ?
Do You pause in amazement of hunger
trueness of his Love
never fear Jehovah is near the broken hearted
no matter where You are
take hold and never let him go
He will save souls
Give the brokenhearted rest
Listen to his voice and take all his words in
And when the end comes
You will find he had never forgotten you
He loves you
What became of them.
They all died.
I did nothing wrong at all.
I missed the best of them.
Now I have the rest.
Let them slip from my grasp.
I need not apologise.
It's just the way times flies.
In the blink of an eye they vanished.
These creatures, so once reliant on me.
We set each other free!
My children are now adults.
Catapulted from infancy.
© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)
Shaking, I bid my last Adieu
To the one who has haunted my dreams
For a little over a year.
I say my peace and bow sarcastically.
I recall all of the unnecessary pain you put me through
And cringe at how it could have ended.
How many times since we've met
Have I contemplated the worst
(or rather the best)
way to end?
How many times since we've met
Have I taken your abuse
With the blink of an eye?
Blind to what you were doing
Blind to your manipulative ways
And you callused words
Thick and ridged
Slamming into my ears, making me tear
And now this is my emancipation
"I am done!"
Done I say
I am free
Free from the blaze you used
To set my world on fire.
And I've always had a bucket of water,
But now I've developed the courage
To use it.