I feel stupid for thinking about you every time "love" is brought up-
I don't believe in those blues.
I feel stupid for thinking you might make contact with me one day-
give me a couple I miss you's.
I feel stupid for feeling so hollow at the loss of you-
such an emptiness.
I feel stupid for missing something I never truly had-
I don't get that blissfulness.
I feel stupid for letting you use me whenever you wanted-
an object in your games.
I feel stupid for letting you burn me out so easily-
an insignificant flame.
I feel very hopeless,
I feel the strength oozing out of me,
Pooling up on my bathroom floor- staring up mockingly.
I feel the vibrations of your voice, loud & clear,
They always know where to hit me, just like a spear.
I feel as if I do not belong anywhere I go,
I'm a laughing stock & guess who's the main attraction at this wicked show?
I feel my "loved ones" drifting apart,
I was your rock but reality has crushed me down with a mighty start.
I feel the non believing eyes boring down,
None of you care as deeply as you claim, you'd rather I swallow my misery & hurriedly drown.
I feel you changing your mind about me,
I'm not the person you cleverly made me want to be.
I feel the stomps of your feet though I am thousands of miles far,
You make yourself believe you provided the necessary with a house & a car.
I feel the love I have for you slowly disintegrating,
It's funny how it's your world that is now changing.
I feel myself going crazy, completely insane,
& you're the only one who can carry that blame.
I feel the way this is going to end,
So let me get the blade, my old friend.
Beauty is an illusion
Tricking everyone who walks by
They don't see you, they see the disguise
Of what you want to be
Of how insecure you are
In this world you have to be a superstar
Look like a Victoria secret model
Be all skin and bones
It envelops your being
And the feeling
Believe me it grows..
Tricking everyone into seeing
Leaving them on there knees
I fell into this hole that was too deep to climb out that I started shouting for help
Hope happened to pass by and peeking in, found me in hysterics and left
Telling me she will go and find help and some rope, then come back
To lift me out from this place, dark and cold
And left her twin - Despair to keep me company
He jumped in and told me his sister is a consummate liar, that she will not be coming back
He said that she knew I'd be stuck down here forever and just couldn't bear to tell me the truth and so lied
But he told me not to worry 'cause he was willing to help me dig my way out and so had jumped in
He says he will not leave my side (as if he could now that he's down here and not up there)
That the only way out was down and that we'll be best friends in no time
At least that's what he told me
The other day, Depression happened to peer over the hole because he heard the sound of someone digging
My best friend invited him for help and he jumped right in without a second thought before I could stop him
Now I listen to both of them chattering and laughing away, best friends forgotten, in this crowded hole
And in between telling me that I need to lighten up saying they were there to help me as they dig beneath my feet
It's been two months and a half since Despair jumped in to help me
And this hole has gotten so much deeper, thanks to Depression's tireless help
I wonder where Hope has gone and was she really what her brother told me
As I try holding all this dug up dirt up on my shoulders without falling
And no matter how I tell them to stop, her brother and and his friend won't stop their digging
They say we are getting very close to the other side of the world
I've been told the world is flat and if I believe it to be true
And if these two should dig their way to the bottom
Where will we fall? And how long? And what's down there?
And will Hope's helping hand ever reach me that far down?
Here it all is, in your hands
You can burn it
Or treasure it.
You can read it like a poetry assignment
Or you can feel it like a first kiss.
But let it be said now
That anything you see here that you find beautiful
Is your reflection
Staring back at you, clear as day,
From a page.
I told her
But she wouldn’t believe
She would for life not believe.
I can’t stay back dear
I don’t belong here anymore
They know it
And they’re waiting
They too had a day like this.
And then I started to cry
Burying my head in her breast
Holding her tight
But I don’t want to go there
I can’t for your love
Leave this place
I clung to her
Please do something
Tell me I’m dreaming
There aren’t none waiting
Your touch is true
My hugs are real
We stand here
Bound in a fate
Nothing can separate
Time up they said
The more you stay
The more you suffer
She was weeping
Only she didn't see!
Some people may say I “day dream”
I’d call it pre-occupied
They say “absentminded”
And that I’m “wasting my time”
But I call it time well spent
My father says I “waist the day away”
Laying around with my cat
And laying on my bed,
In the woods, or just in my own head
But I know he is wrong
My mother would say I “dilly-dally”
But she would just be assuming
And the world would never wonder
They are all busy making money
That will never make them happy
I think it’s sad…
Because I see this strange world form a much different,
More beautiful angle
And I believe that if they all stopped for a second
To what I just want to show them
They would see
How beautiful simple can be
My friends say my mind is “complex”
That I’m “dramatic”
Because they don’t see the world through my lenses
My best friends know my mind is like a book
They want me to write one
They would read it if I would
Because when I’m “wasting my time”,
Or “just wasting the day away”
The gears in my mind are turning
As they sink deeper and deeper
To converge with my soul
As I figure my life problems out
As I realize where to start
And what are my goals
The ideas start rolling
You could ask me about them all
And the stress roles off my back
Its one of the ways I attempt to cope
Sometimes depression sets in
Sometimes I feel more beautiful within
So if you ask me
You will find that I see it as something different
Ill ask you, is my time wasted
Or time well spent
theres a monster in my head
and a demon in my soul
they're tearing me apart
with every second they take their toll
sometimes i talk to them
but i don't like what they say
they tell me no one cares
i believe it everyday
they tear at my skin
and break my mirrors
they send tears down my cheeks
and make me skip dinners
at first we were fighting
i thought they only lied
but its okay now
were on the same side
the demons want me dead
but they promised not to tell
anyway of dying
is better than leaving in this hell
i thought the demons killed me
but really i killed myself
i let the demons in
that was worse than anything else
never let your demons in
don't let your monsters rule your head
for if you ever do
you will surely end up dead
You were my rock
I was just your stepping stone
So when you said goodbye,
Naturally my heart sank
And yours didn't skip a beat
How come you were the one who made me believe that you believed in me?
So I finally believed in you too
I believed in you more than anyone I'd ever been with before
So how come you were the one to make me the worlds biggest joke?
You took me higher than I'd ever been
Only to drop me so deep, the water barely rippled
You knew you had me in the palm of your hand
I thought you knew you were holding my heart, not just my hand
I could've waited for forever to end for you
But you turned the tide on me
And I was washed away by all your lies
I kept thrashing through them, trying to get back to the you I knew
I didn't realize that in that icy water my heart froze over, and hope died
I didn't want to go
I kept looking for your hand to pull me out, to stop me from drowning in the loss of a love I thought was true
But, you weren't there for me
And you never really had been
It took a lot of being stepped on and looked over for me to see...
So I wrote you this note
I folded it up nice and neat, and tied it to a rock with a red bow
I thought about throwing it in your face, like how your lack of concern for me was a slap in my face
But.. I can't wound you when none of my heartache is a weapon
The wind is brisk and harsh coming off the black, icy water below
The same water my heart sank to the bottom of when you just..let me go
So naturally I let you go there too
The water stung when it splashed on my face as I dropped my rock
It quickly vanished out of sight
Just as you had
Like my heart did that unforgettable day
You might have walked away as I sunk to the bottom but...
I stood there staring at the waters surface ,even though it had been still much longer than it had rippled as my rock sank
You were my rock
They say that your eyes are the windows to your soul
But these deep blue eyes are a miss interpretation of mine.
Because you’ll never know what I feel inside
Or when I choose to lie
When I say that I’m alright.
For those words have fooled so many
Even when I feel like screaming help me
Oh it’s ironic
How life goes on
When mine is crumbling down all at once
Is it okay to fear the next days dawn?
And how it forces me to carry on
When all I want to do is just sleep the pain away
And run to where I feel safe
And I've tried that so many times
But never get very far
So don’t be so naïve to believe
What you see
When you look at me
For I am broken…
Just. Like. You.