I lay breathless and wild
like a newly born child
The ecstasy of breathing
To bosomed heart beating
Alive in the armed delight
Heavy breaths blurs sight
In the sweet, soft wake
of moored give and take
We wisp the padded wind
Until we being again...

Music.

One of the things
That makes all this

Bearable

Be it listening to
Or making
It’s one thing
That takes all this

Away

Lose yourself
In its lyrics
Dreaming up
Another story

The heavy bass
Beating in time
With your heart

Pour everything
All your energy
All your thoughts
All your pain
All your unspoken words
Into the chords

Feel it flow into the keys
Weave them into the musical phrases
Transforming them into a symphony
Giving life to the notes on the page
Just feeling everything

Gush out

Just for those six pages
Or so
Just for those four minutes
Or so

Music magically
Takes
Everything

Away

Turning them into something

Beautiful

And then, as soon as it had started,
It stops.

And that
Silence

Resonates through you
Through that

Emptiness

And that’s when you can
Get up
Smile
Bow
And walk off
Carrying on
As if nothing happened

Thank you, music
For making this possible
You’ve brought me this far
And you’re still keeping me going.

You are

My savior

First draw me in with your glinting eyes,
And those flashing teeth,
And those beautiful lies.

Then hold me down and steal my breath,
And keep me submissive,
A weakling at best.

Then leave me alone and rip me apart,
While selling my soul
And breaking my heart.

And keep building me up and beating me back,
And show me my faults,
And be what I lack.

But when white flags of truce Color our skies,
I'll look down on you love,
with contempt in my eyes.

We spoke of many things
While Adventure Time blared in the background
And my heart throbbed
And my head filled with fear

If only I lived a little more with my heart
And a little less with my head
I might know that she’s mine, for sure

Mine.
Ha.
She’s not anyone’s girl. She won’t ever be, probably.
That’s why I like her.

Wild as wheat in an abandoned field under beating sun
And her hair was soft as a cushion
And I used her stomach as such.

Oh Lauren.
I can’t help myself.
That’s a lie. I can, slightly, but I don’t want to.

I don’t know if you’re sleeping or leaving or nodding (that’s unlikely - is it?)

You’re probably not gone
I’m probably just freaking out

At least I have art as a consolation
Even your sweat smells good
Lauren
Who I don’t know and I know too well already

I want to grab you and fuck you until we’re one
And have lost you to the world by spring.

She’s as beautiful as the sun in the sky
She is the prettiest girl I have ever seen
She makes the world shine when she smiles
She is everything I want in a girl

But she likes him
The guy with all the excuses
The guy who wants one thing from her
The guy that is just going to break her heart

I wish I could make her see that I am better
I could be there when she needs me
I could love her better than he could
I could never break her heart

But she says I am just a friend
She says we could never be more
She says that he is the one
She says that she loves him

I see him hanging out with another girl
He is smiling at her
He is talking to her so sweet
He is holding her a little to close

I walk over and BAM
The fight had begun
The fight for the girl he told he loved
The fight for the girl I love

She runs over in confusion
She thinks why would he hurt him?
She thinks who is that other girl over there?
She thinks This can’t be happening.

She walks over to me after the fight
She says you toke a pretty good beating
She says I can’t believe anyone would do that for me
She says I want you as more than a friend

I grabbed her and kissed her like there’s no tomorrow
I said you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen
I said that I would do anything to protect her
I said I love you

There is an empty cavern in my chest,
Where once I kept a heart.
Its' beat was steady, its' muscles strong,
But after it broke I had it removed.

At first I noticed no difference,
The stars came out, the sun shone,
All was still the same.
But then one day you came along,
And an ache began to grow.

I have searched high and low,
In cupboards, bags and boxes,
But my heart is not here.
And the ache for it is ever growing,
It wasn't until I saw you today

That I found where it had gone.
I saw the red upon the floor,
A great and flowing lake,
And by my hand, on my sleeve,
My heart was surely beating.

It's strong, and it is healthy,
And the cracks seem not to show,
But I cannot prise it from my sleeve,
There it happily stays.
I thought you had noticed it,

When you reached out for my hand,
Because although it was my hand you held,
It was my heart you truly touched,
Now it's no more upon my sleeve,
But safe within you grasp.

And the ache I never thought would leave
Is gone without a trace,
For now I have the greatest gift,
Of your hole, and loving heart,
And its' beat is steady, it's muscle strong.
This heart will surely last long.

You
Yes, you
You’re not supposed to know
About the parts of my body that shiver
With pleasure at the purchase of a glossy Spider-Man comic

And
You
You’re not allowed to know
How I want to dig my fingernails into
My brain matter when it’s racing light-years ahead of my emotions

And
You
You’re a stranger who shouldn’t hear
How I jettison ideas like bullets, poetry like shrapnel
In hopes that it will hit someone’s beating heart and make it bleed

And
You
You’re not obliged to absorb
My metaphors for how martyring it is to be alone
And truthfully how much more terrifying it is to belong to someone

You
Yes, you
You’re not allowed to read this
Barrage of brokenness if you found it under my bed, only
When I whirl it in cyberspace, shotgun-like, to blast you in the face

Yes
I said
You’re not allowed to read this
But truthfully?
All poets lie.

When I stand and ask to stop the fight, I wake up to find tears ripped out my eyes, without a sound, no sound
As long as I live in that illusion, screams won't save me, coz nobody's moving all around, all around
When the dark nights and lonely days are coming, all I have to do is be brave to handle the truth, the truth
Spent a lot of time in the wrong way, I didn't respect or even understand my youth, my youth
Dreams became the only place to live in, coz when the clock's ticking, my whole world stays freezing won't move on, won't move on
Voices sound like echoes, hearts aren't beating, with no loving and there's no believing, it's like a song, a sad song
Rejected by the closest ones to my heart, until I had a shell closing on me hard 'til I broke, I broke
Stuck in the moment, facing all kinds of insulting sayings that I couldn't stand, 'til I spoke, I spoke
Facing the fever in the middle of the snow, so cold and destroying won't let me glow so I cry, hardly cry
I have to be careful when I breathe in, coz everytime I take it, for me It's pulling away from sight, it gives me fright