If I'm to believe in a higher power,
then every second feels like an hour.
When it's spent away from you,
heaven seems plastic and untrue.

But if Gods are a delusion,
then you'll pardon my intrusion.
There's no plan, no we, no "one".
Without love, my soul is gone.

Yet, if this cosmos was designed,
there is a port I have to find.
But if it's simply chemistry and dice,
then my heart can live on ice.

Wake me up when we can travel in time,
when we can turn our blood to wine.
And if you could be mine,
that would be divine.

Is there a God?
I don't know, I haven't met you.

While I sat across the table from your crooked smile and elegant eyes as you continued to sip at your coffee, I attempted to entertain you with another one of my strange stories. And with the conclusion fell an consuming silence, the kind of peaceful silence shared between lovers on Sunday afternoons, the silence that is found when your eyes lock and the only thing you can think of is their beauty and how lucky you are. I shifted awkwardly in my seat when I realize you were looking at me with those same eyes and we having those same thoughts. I played with my straw sifting the ice in my glass; breaking the silence with what seemed like the sound of crushing & crashing that occurs only in an avalanche.

It’s been 1856 days since we last spoke, 5 years and 29 days that I have spent without your presence,  It terrifying to think that have been gone that long.  The death certificates said that it was a suicide, and if you read between the lines that means that you not only gave up on life but also on me. May 21, 2008 haunts me daily.  You are the ever present ghost that speaks to me in my dreams and regardless of how it ended, your first love always lingers within the seams of your thoughts. You recall or recollect every kiss and long embrace and morn of all the time you allowed go to waste. The night that you passed away I caressed my own lips hoping to savor the taste of you. But in the end it is what it is and though you are gone we still live on.

We sell 2 albums on itunes if you search loud with love


I wake to the sound of silence
sunlight hits me dead in the eye
still I wake up on it
and I dont lie

I want you to hold me
I want you to care
I know you've supported me for a while now
somehow it still isnt fair

I've got alot to give
I've got some to take away
dont you know harvest has it's struggles?
thought you should know I'm great

I want you to hold me
I want you to care
I know you've supported me for a while now
somehow it still isnt fair

Ready to take my first steps,
To run away,
Run into your arms.

I was just about done,
Money saved up
ready to run, right to your arms.

You left.
No clue why.
You once said,
You were afraid of getting hurt,
Guess what,
I was too.

Time keeps slipping away.
And we watch it fall into the abyss.
Forever lost.
So we think.

The silence is here now.
Have we hit our target?
Not yet.

My insanity keeps me awake at night.
Insomnia becomes so routine.

Where dreams become just fragments of memories…

The streets are still hot from the summer’s day.
And I can’t help but still feel so cold.

It’s no longer the escape it used to be,
My thoughts- they’re too full,
They can’t let me be free.

The gift of deliverance,
How I cherished it long,
The hours of relief;
All those times I was gone.

I was taken away,
With people I trust,
But the gate- it won’t open,
I’ve allowed it to rust.

All those places I travelled;
That wonderful feeling of welcome,
It’s all starting to fade now,
No…I can’t let this happen.

But I know it’s no use,
I’ve tried again and again,
Reality keeps intruding,
I can still see its grin.

Oh, how I wish I could go back,
To how it was before,
When I could walk freely in that realm,
When there was no lock on the door.

But instead I’m sitting, staring,
And all I see are pages,
It’s not like it used to be,
Where are all the dragons and mages?

I stare intently at the words,
But register only spaces,
There’s no one there to greet me,
No familiar faces.

This is when it happens,
When my reality takes the wheel,
It scares away my one reprieve,
It tells me what to feel.

No longer is there comfort here
Between this tattered cover,
My real life is weighing down on me;
Begging that I take over.

I gently close the book I love,
And resist the urge to cry,
But it’s time to focus on myself right now,
It’s time to say goodbye.

You are no man
You are but a child
How can you live the way you do,
Pining to be pursued
When you are supposed to be the pursuer?
You cry and whine that you cannot be wanted
That you will not be humored
You are not accepted
You shall not be loved
But you are a coward at best
And a failure of a man at worst
You are no man
You are but a child
Your desires are far from realistic
And you expect to be pampered
To be waited upon
To be loved unconditionally
You will not apologize
For acting selfish and stupid
You will not allow yourself
To be 'humiliated' in that way
To incline your head to a woman you've wronged
God forbid you apologize
God forbid you show remorse
You are prideful and conceited in the worst of ways
You are no man
You are but a child
I cannot bear to listen to you grovel
About how your dream girl is unattainable
And all you want is a little love
A man would not waste away for lack of courage
A man would be courageous and chivalrous
Taking a leap of faith and being honorable
But you?
You cower at the sight of adversity
Squirm at any sense of discomfort
You have no backbone
You have no sense
You are but a child
And a child you shall stay

The morning dew

Lay upon the ground

As we walked along the beach

His hand in mine as we talked

About life and when we did first meet

He was so sweet his gentle ways

Just captivated my soul

He said I was so beautiful

But I blushed and insisted no

Then taking both of my hands

He held them to his heart

Now look at me my sweet little dove

I say this from the heart

You are to me a beauty queen

You take my breath away

Tears just fell as he whispered love

So sweetly in my ear

My heart just went all erratic

As he kissed my tears away

Never doubt me when I say

I will always love you dear

©Kaila George 2013

These late night poems, when I get down to thinking
More than under-the-sun dreams
I'm calm and under the influence of darkness
My ideas have been ripped at the seams.
Because right here, in the dark of the night and the clouds
I have seen when there's nothing to see
Right here in my lonesome with no one around,
I have been when there's nothing to be.
Under the sparkling balls of gases billions of miles away
I have understood the silence and innocence
The way the stars are simple messages of being alive
I understand my mortality, in a sense.
No, I'm not taking acid or any drugs,
And I haven't even downed any beers
However, I'm under the influence of stars
Glowing balls of gases for another million years.

It’s an odd thing, that certain something.
I remember not so long ago
A moment when I felt severed from all.
I was a phantom walking,
And I felt a certain kind of power
As I stalked those crowded halls.
I’d kept my hood up and my sleeves down.
And paced to the sounds of Sunny Moore.
I am bad was my thought as I gave cutting looks.
But I was only ever a fake.
All was a charade I used to keep the kids at bay
After one mocked me for my orange shoes.
“We don’t like fags around here, kiddo,”
Bucktooth said, knife in hand.
Soccer never was respected here, was all I thought
As I escaped without a scar.

Understand yet? Mine is the false kind.
And sometimes…. I’d just watch the cars.
All the while thinking that juvenile (yet grounded) thought:
We are like ants on this Earth
And even less than sand further on.
Mine were never the perceptible kind.
I couldn't show them as pail signs of the battle
I was waging because Mine was the fake kind.
Mine came because I wasn't sad enough
When a loved one passed…and then another.
I saw everyone crumble as she died.
I saw my entire family break down because of a flood
That took away everything we had.
But I was never sad enough for my liking.
And then as the cars sped by,
As the kids starting kicking my desk again,
As some girl flirted with me,
As someone ‘pantsed’ me in the locker room,
One thought remained, one source for what I named my certain something:
E------, you are less than sand. You couldn’t even cry for your aunt.
And not once did I ever act. Or will I ever.
But I will never be false again,
Just a little older, a little wiser
For knowing my certain kind of something.