A block, a wall. Taller than tall. Away! Far away, forever she will stay. If we have it my way. Because my way is the only way. A contradiction you'll say. A game with no winner; The saint, The sinner. Find a way! It's a new day. Everyday. Mine an yours and their way. Lost my mind! And in no time, you will see; there's a me, and the me that I see. Be free! It could be a melody or a song to sing. New feelings to bring. And in my soul, the story she tells will never fail to lead me. My way. The way. A contradiction I'll say. You'll agree. Love me to hate me. Set you free! Just let it be. You and me.
Sure goes smooth
Sure does not feel as reckless as it really is
Sure goes fast
Sure can’t take you fast enough
Past these fields and cities, images
That fade in and out of the window’s view like a wafer melts away on your tongue.
Can’t look too closely or you’ll make yourself sick with the speed
Would be better if the train was so fast everything was a blur instead of pictures going by
Like being immersed in the ocean or careening around in the sky.
It feels like a secret
Your favorite secrets, the kind no one tells you and the kind
No one knows
But you who learned them, the ones
Not whispered between cupped fingers,
But seen from in hiding, without acknowledgement.
This late night train
It runs past windows and shakes the legs of bridges
And only a few were awake to see it speed by
Maybe saw your face on the other side of the glass
And thought about this face they would never again know.
There’s a runaway on it
Who looks out the windows and listens to the still air in the car and
With a somber optimism
Tosses to the racing pictures that hound the windows, hungry,
A name and all the strings attached to it.
A November wind stirs up the road before us,
we still don't see the leaves falling
We laugh and cry amongst ourselves,
and hear not the silent whispers calling
The twilight dawn caresses our echo_
And carries it away into the misty abyss
Tonight the sky is my only friend,
The stars all watch me as I'm walking these streets.
This concrete ground is the most stability I've felt
All year, and I love these hours between day and night.
These are the hours where the truth comes out, the hours where you just want to tell them everything
Honest for once in my life.
these are the minutes where we talk about our lives
and have heart to hearts.
the minutes we count until we have to go home,
The minutes we wished would go slower
These are the seconds that you spend with someone you love.
The seconds that you can't catch your breath,
because the sky takes it away.
the small seconds you look at him,
but then look away before he catches you.
these are the:
where the truth comes out.
4:31 in the morning, alone in the Bronx
Why do you do this to yourself?
You like danger and adventure and you're naive.
You need fuckin help.
If one night stands is the way you go
Then baby i say good riddance.
Cuz it's 4:33 in Chelsea,
You could be in your own bed in your own village.
But instead you're waiting
On the steps underground.
You give a whole new meaning to
"That girl gets around."
Because you're here, you're there, you're every where
And now you're finally on the train
Heading away from then shitty apartment that belongs to a guy who can't pronounce your name.
It's 4:35 in the morning, and the trains not running express
You'll have to make every stop on this journey home,
Then you'll finally get to rest.
But you never learn your lesson, you'll be back at it again
Sharing secrets, chasing silhouettes with a guy who's "just your friend"
The time keeps moving, the clock keeps ticking, it's already 4:37
And you can keep checking, you can keep looking, but we're not even close to manhattan.
Cuz it's 4:38 on tremont avenue, and no one else is getting in this car
Because they all understand the consequences,
Sometimes you take things too far.
It's 4:39 on the train
And things have gotten dark
And it feels like you're not getting closer,
Just more torn apart.
It's 4:40 in the Bronx, come on just hold it together.
You were looking for some fun, a distraction or whatever.
And you found it, in the Bronx, at the other side of this journey.
God damn, keep your eyes open, this really fuckin sucks.
Now it's 4:42 and you don't know where you are,
You really fuck up to too much.
I will fall in love with you everyday
but I wonder, would you do the same?
I will draw you pictures everyday
but I wonder, would you do the same?
I will pick a flower, or two, for you everyday
but I wonder, would you do the same?
I will cry for you if you walk away
but i wonder . . . would you do the same?
A sea of stones hosting life of their own,
Put on display to honor the lives that are gone.
Hundreds of stories locked away in the archives,
Overlooked on a weekday afternoon.
A melody of silent ballads, still played by those who are left.
And written in the pages of everlasting text.
The wind still sings for those who are forgotten,
Who still walk among the notes of the song.
Forever, until all is said and done.
This bedroom filled with memories
Familiar lights holding harmonies
Trying to forget that rose peddle smell
Remembering all of that hell
Our final day together, it was late at night
I put myself in such a consistent fright
Asking the wrong questions
Feeling like therapy sessions
I tried to think of something to do
This only thought was true
Our end came to be
You would never see me
The way you looked at me was gone
Reality checked in at dawn
For one whole year
I still miss you my dear
I spend twelve months thinking of you
Can’t get my head out of this fuzzy hue
Making those silly mistakes
That face of yours in my tears of lakes
My heart became a sickness
How can I find you again, miss?
I can’t have you be a distant memory
Can’t you tell I can see?
No time left to fix
We can never be in this mix
As dumb as it sounds
Making all these regretful pounds
How much you meant to me
Losing your love at sea
You call from far away
Making me pay
For all the damage
You turned to a razor edge
It’s been a whole year
And I just remembered today, my dear
I try to forget about you
Darling, I wish that wasn't true
The hallway seemed to sway with the motion of the tears filling my eyes. I tried to keep going to get to the door, but I collapsed there in the hall. The weight crashing down on me. She was dead. My only love was dead. I’d been with her for six years and we’d been waiting to get married. That was all over now. They had killed her. I laid my head in my hands and let it all go. I fell spiraling down into the darkness at the edge of my consciousness. My very last thoughts echoing in my head as I slipped into this grief coma, they would all pay, they would pay.
The clock on the wall ticked loudly as I made my way to Mr. Jefferson’s office. The hallways were empty, an unusual thing for a Monday morning in a business firm. I tried not to let it get in my head. I had a job to fulfill. If I didn't get this one right the boss would surely wring my neck. She wasn't the most understanding person, and tolerated no mistakes. A dark cherry wood door lay at the end of the long hallway with a silver plate spelling out Mr. Jefferson’s office. All the other doors I had passed had, had similar ones.
I knocked on the door quietly waiting for an invitation inside. I took a deep breath and steady myself. Telling myself I had to do this. There was still no beckoning to come in so I knocked louder, but was only greeted by silence. I opened the door quickly and peered in. Mr. Jefferson laid slumped over his paper work in the messy piles on his desk.
A bullet through his head. Well this was just great now the boss had another reason to chew me out. I closed the door quietly and made my way to the body. Blood spilled from the back of his head and off his shoulders dripping into the puddle on the floor. I took my phone from my pants pocket and called Leo.
“Hey, Leo we got a problem, Jefferson’s already dead. They’re a step ahead of us. What’s my next move?” the line was silent for a minute until he replied, “what was the cause of death?” I looked at the back of Jefferson’s head one more time to make sure that was no other abrasions. “Bullet wound in the back of his head, no sign of struggle either.”
“Alright, I’ll inform the boss. You should probably make your way back to the headquarters. I can tell you now the boss isn't going to be happy.” I sighed I already new that. The bitch had been riding my ass all month now. It wouldn't hurt her to give us all a break once in a while. I closed my phone. I made my way out the door. No doubt someone else would find Jefferson and would immediately go for the video tapes.
Luckily I didn't come here alone, I brought my computer genius along, that could erase us from every tape and cover his tracks. I gave a polite smile to each person I passed and had to fight to walk calm and smoothly out the front doors. Brain already waited inside the car looking anxious. We were both fairly new to the working in the field. Usually the boss assigned me on small assignments. I got inside the drivers side and pulled out right away. “Jefferson was already dead when I got there, bullet wound to the back of the head, what I don’t understand is how no one heard it, or why he didn't struggle,” I told Brian. “Maybe a silencer on the gun? And perhaps his lack of struggle was because there was a gun pointed at his head?” I thought it over. It was possible but that was different from all the others. “They usually cover their tracks better than that though,” I looked over at Brain whose face was crinkled by his deep thoughts. “Maybe they were in a rush?” The wound had looked freshly made. “Perhaps,” I said still mulling it over. “I suppose we’ll just have to wait for the police reports.”
As I had figured Liana was furious. “How is it that four out of seven of the people I've told you to get information from then take out have ended up already dead when you got there?” She spit angrily in my face. Liana was a scary lady but she didn't scare me.
“I don’t know you tell me,” I said and smiled at her. I could feel the audience behind me stop what they were doing and cringe. “Do you think this is funny?” Liana said quietly.
Her face had gone rigid and her fist clenched so tightly at her sides, the knuckles had turned a ghostly white.
I knew which battles to fight and which to surrender. “No, nothing is funny,” I spat out clenching my jaw. I really hated this stupid job. If it wasn't for Liana keeping my brother alive I wouldn't be here. And just as I thought it Liana cheerfully reminded me, “do remember darling, your brothers life lies in my hands. One wrong move and it’s bye bye brother, understood?” Her dark eye’s drilling into mine. The feeling of hatred seeped from my body as it was overflowing inside me now. “Understood,” I growled.
“Good, now get out. I’ll call you when I have your next assignment.” She turned but stopped to look back,
“ and next time do not mess up,” then walked back into her office slamming the door.
I let the breath I had been holding out and left quickly before they all burned holes into me with their heavy glares. I made my way to Kyle’s room. The walls were painted dark blue with small silver stars painted all over. I had painted it for him, he loved the stars. “Kyle?” I said shakily looking down at the boy. His tiny body shaking in pain. He wouldn't eat. The vomiting broke his bones sometimes. His bones stuck through his skin like his skin had only been draped over his frail bones. The tears flowed from my eye’s and down my face. He was only fifteen.
He was so sick, I just wanted him to be okay. Healthy again. The reason I’d signed up to join this place was because they promised to save him. They said as soon as I finished the biggest assignment they would heal him. But I grew more and more doubtful.
Kyle had been infected, by the scientist. A super parasite they’d created. It caused brain disorders, like anorexia. Kyle’s brain was being attacked making him suicidal and making him believe he was anorexic. Making him believe he had to do these things. When it first started he was only depressed. He began cutting himself. When I saw the deep cuts in his arms and on his stomach I asked him about it and his answer had been, “I didn't want to do I just had to“ . At the time I’d misunderstood him.
Now I knew. He literally had been forced by the parasites inside his brain.
His eye’s were closed and I could see the struggle it took for him to intake each breath. His arms, thin ropes, laid at his side. It took a massive amount of energy and strength for him to even turn his head. “I will fix this Kyle, believe in me when I tell you that, I love you.” I kissed his cold forehead and left shutting the door slowly.
He lived a lie while
he was with me, It
started when I ended
up in the ER after we
saw that horror movie
and he could no longer
be his true self, the last
bit was gone and he
tried a little too hard
to be what I wanted.
In the end, that drove
him away and now
he's living the life he