I remember when I was a young
Teenager
I use to sit at home by the phone
Waiting for my boyfriend
To call or my best friend
We would talk for hours
Then came the good old
Answering machine
And we didn't worry so
Much about a missed call
But then we had to skip through all
The bill collectors
Then the pager the
Pager was the shit
You would get a beep and
Go to the nearest
Pay phone and call
Who ever beeped you
And then came that huge ugly
Car phone they were
So ugly I did not even want one
Now we have the cell phone
The very thing that
Takes away
That look in your eyes
The smile on your face
The warmth of
Arm around my shoulder
And the kiss of your lips
I have tons of guys now
They only want to sext
And see pictures
And they now are rude
And have no morals
Or politeness
They are no longer shy
And sweet
And respectful
I don't blame them
I blame
Technology
When he was away
I sent him picture messages
Of me holding signs
Proclaiming
He was the only one for me.
That our love was endless.
That one day, we’d have the house, the dog, the stocked wine fridge.
And I doubted it was true
Even as I wrote them.
But it was the fantasy to believe in
That he and I,
Two world-class fuck ups
In our own rights
Could finally
Not
Fuck this one up.
What once was joy and laughter
And holding hands on public streets
And feeling validated from when he would call me sexy
Quickly became
Lying on bedroom floors
Sobbing to the carpet
Heaving for breath
Wondering how it ever came to this.
I love to hate him.
The scars you see
Are ones he gave me
As I experienced the worst of
Neglect and
Abandonment.
We allowed ourselves disillusion
When reality became too tough
When hands that were holding
Felt like squeezing
When air we were breathing
Was suffocating
When love we were feeling
Became suffering.
I thought about all those signs today
Those signs I put in the “his” box
That he collected when I wasn’t there
Because I didn’t want to see him
And I wonder what he did with them.
If he threw them away
Like he did with us
Or if he has them still
And wants to be reminded
That he still fucks everything up.
The rain washed a little of the grey away
Away with some of the disappointment and the turgid
Turgid feelings of abandonment and conflict
Conflict and all the other 'ents' washed away today
Today with most of the negative things I had to say
Say anything to me now, I finally have my dream
Dream discovered, an attempt, recovered
Recovered if all dedication and zeal coalesce
Coalesce into the rebirth of my 'Ice-cream Truck'
Truck of dreams, 'bailey wick,' handing out wishing stars
Stars falling like a gentle soothing sleeping rain
Rain Washed A Little of the Grey Away, no longer insane.
Insane no longer at least not today coping coping
Coping in order not to run rabbit run away
They were best friends
nothing could tear them apart . . .
except...the boy
As he slowly
weaved through their lives
she changed. . . and with her. . . their friendship
Slowly,
love's face was splattered with disgust
as she
tore the bond
that held them together
she took away everything.
she took away him
she took away the pride
she took away the confidence
she took away the will to live
she took away the only bond
but she wanted to take more. . .
she took away the trust
she took away the privacy
she took away the friends
she took away the tree. . .
the only thing
keeping
the girl safe
and she took it.
made it her own
take away anything else
and
she might
just
e
n
d
it
all .
Sometimes life presents challenges,
which at the time may seem small,
but instead, appear insurmountable.
Finding true love is one of the hardest
tasks that humankind, as a whole, faces.
Many see love as pure fantasy,
reciprocal, requited, and unconditional,
as true love is meant to be.
This kind of love brings contentment,
and internal peace, which can be unlike
any euphoria you have ever felt.
This love intoxicates and exhilarates.
It will lift you higher
than the tallest mountain,
and make you feel fuller
than the deepest ocean.
This love will make you feel whole,
and complete, with the
joining together of two lost,
lonely souls, once wondering adrift.
in an union that fulfills.
But, for a select few, this ideal of fantasy is
more of a reality filled with heartache.
That same reality can bring us to our knees,
and the pain alone can smother us,
to the point of not being able to breathe.
Then comes the constant cycle of hurt,
emptiness, and anger, which draws us back
to the source which has caused such emotion.
It leaves us begging for the pain to stop;
sometimes making us yearn, to once again, be with
the one who has caused us to feel such turmoil.
It is an addiction unlike any other,
caused by the fear of being alone
and starting anew.
We now find ourselves
sacrificing our own self,
to maintain a sense of familiarity and safeness.
Not realizing, but instead blinded by memories,
that this reality is showing us that it
was just not meant to be.
It takes time to mend a broken heart;
time on our own, to discover our true self-worth;
time to realize that love will find us again.
We will encounter a struggle, unlike another,
to overcome our fears of distrust and vulnerability.
Many lessons will be learnt, along the way.
But, with strength and perseverance,
all of the time spent healing,
will open our heart to a brand new beginning, one day.
First, we must realize, that deep within our own self
lies the ashes of our once brilliantly burning heart.
Only with time, will our pain become manageable.
Yet, we will always wear
the scars of a love gone bad,
as an embattled soldier wears his own, from a war lost.
But, choosing to not allow this to consume oneself,
is a true challenge, in itself.
In the end, deciding when we have had enough,
is what will allow the reopening of our heart.
We must learn, to not allow the pain to truly hide
the one thing that lies right in front of us – opportunity.
Sometimes this opportunity,
is a new love, that is more fitting than the last.
A new love, one that will ease
the loneliness that
envelopes us like a blanket;
a new start with someone who can
love, respect, cherish,
and adore us,
more than any ghost of our past.
We all have the power to turn
our reality into fantasy.
However, never lose sight,
that even true love is not perfect,
and neither are we.
We all make mistakes; we will disappoint.
Not all of us will possess the means, or desire,
to hurt another on purpose.
It is the search for a soul, that mirrors our own,
which will be the hardest struggle.
This struggle can be won with one true fact -
not all people are alike.
Once we open our mind, and our heart, to this,
all fears and inhibitions will melt away,
as the sun melts the snow, in early Spring.
With this sign of rebirth,
our new love will be unlike
all we have experienced before.
But, we must never allow our past
to dictate our present,
which will ultimately decide our future.
We must find that power within ourselves,
to overcome the reality,
by embracing, and enjoying,
the new adventure, and path,
we are about to undertake.
Vicki A. Zinn
February 2011
I can’t help but utter a curse
Or two, after the strap of my purse
Breaks and my things begin to roll
On the floor. Or my cereal bowl
Decides that it wants to fly
Away from the counter and die.
When my computer shuts down
And my work doesn’t save, I frown
And want my laptop to feel my pain
Cuz I don’t want to type it again.
When I trip over air, but I swear
Up and down that there was something there.
When I stub my toe on something
And hop up and down yelping.
It’s the little things in life
That tend to cause so much strife.
Your skin glitters in the moonlight
While my body is on fire from the thoughts
Of where this is leading to.
If someone put a thermostat between us
They’d think we’re smoking, baby
But you can’t douse this heat
Because our love is as deep as the sea
The bushiest mountain is no match for your sword
And
I promise
I’ll be there waiting at the summit
I’d say I could wait forever
But we both know we’ll be dead before then
And so
When our bodies have decayed away
We’ll find each other again
Where we can have a much more cosmic experience
And, baby, when that time comes
The galaxies will quake
I love the passion love brings
But that too many are scared to share
That first moment when something clicks
As if you know fate’s come your way
I love watching the layers of shelter peel away
So all that’s left is the raw being
Where that unbreakable bond is formed
And the pieces combine to form something new
I love when the flutters are gone,
Stored away for new obstacles
The reassurance that you are special
Opens up a world you were too frightened to enter before
I love the patience and understanding love brings
The crossing of barriers
To meet somewhere I’ve never been
A cultural exchange in an entirely new language
But what I love of love most of all
Is that plunge into a dark abyss
Where predictability is erased from the picture
And a whole new story is forged
I built a Berlin Wall around my heart.
Not to keep others out,
but to keep myself in.
I built the walls higher
until no light could get in
and I stayed there.
I may have been alone
but at least I was safe.
Safe from you and your sugar coated words and electric touch.
Protected from the lies that seeped from between your lips,
and god, just your lips.
I kept myself away from your impish charm and devilish smile.
I had to,
I couldn’t let you in
Because when you broke me the first time
I could hardly manage
to pick up the fragments
and build them into something that at least resembled the girl I had been before.
A shell of what it was.
I added armour.
Heavy chainmail to keep me away from your beckoning embrace.
Was it worth it?
I’m not sure.
But the over flow of emotions
that I swam through every time I saw you
was drowning me.
So I built a raft and let it take me away.
I put myself here but now I’m trapped,
stuck in my own mind and stuck in my own heart.
It’s a terrible place to be.
Trust me,
you wouldn’t want to be here with me.
......................................................................................
Toby Wilmont Hollingford
Wears his socks upon his head,
And will not relent to
Put his socks away.
Toby says his ears are cold,
And will not do as he's been told.
So afraid he'll catch a
Death of cold today.
Toby wears socks on his head,
And he wears socks on his feet.
He will even wear them on his nose
As he's walking down the street.
'Germs are everywhere, ' says he,
'And I'll not let them get to me.
I am one of a kind,
And I'm almost unique.
Germs won't get
The best of me!"
But his Mother did not agree,
And said,
'Toby, please take
Those socks off
Your head.
They are dreadful.
They are filthy.
And they smell.'
But Toby felt the winter chill,
And perched upon the window sill,
Said, ' But they fit me
So very, very well.'
Indeed!
Toby dressed himself quite well,
Rather well for May,
With socks protecting every hand
He took with him today.
He wore two socks on
His two feet,
And two socks on
His ears.
For the wind outside had
That biting chill
That penguins all
Revere.
He stepped outside
To test the cool,
And the coldness made
Him shiver.
And he breathed the frost
That nipped him
Just as winter
Would deliver.
Serenely, and with a
Nod of the head
He turned
And went back inside,
And said,
'It's cold out there,
Far, far too cold
To justify this action.
My knees, they tremble,
My elbows hurt,
And my shoes
Haven't the traction
To make it to the mailbox,
Oh, I've dared the
Great Outside!
And it's dismal, Mom.
I give up.
But at least
You know
I tried.'
Copyright © 2010 Richard D. Remler
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"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ..."
- Louis Hector Berlioz
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