haunt our past
they glide through our fingers
in memory mists
we are wanting to hold
but they tease our grips
If they could have seen the love that we had
and seen past their eyes of dream that went bad
they would still be here
as tangible as the sun
and waste some time before the day comes to an end
cause the sadness to grow
the emptiness to show
our hope to dim
We learn by learning to die
leaving beautiful creatures behind
sucking in the tears
as the years go by
knowing belonging is for another life not here
and faerie tales are only true far away from here
and when we are buried
we will be as hard as the earth that covers us
I wish I was a lighter I
that touched the clouds as they rolled by
and on the wings of joy I'd fly
far into the bluest sky
I wish that I had held it strong
held it true as we went along
and when the night came I was brave
and fought the shadows from my cave
But I lost my heart one day
in your smile as you drove away
and madness then consumed my mind
I was wrong, I was blind
because in you hope I saw
false as every time before
and I tried to cage you like a bird
with writing out my pretty words
I wish I was as cold as snow
cooled beneath an arctic wind
with frozen blood that could not feel
and no need to make me heal
I wish that I could see the lies
wedged with wires in my mind
I was not yours and you weren't mine
We are angels of a different kind
I wish that I could fix this mess
my insanity made my deeds digress
because its hard to let go of someone I touched
who told me that she loved me much
If I could go and fix the past
and make it better, make it last
I would be my closest friend
a hero that won in the end
But time can't bend back to repair
it's sealed and done forever there
and we are all just broken clocks
chained within and sealed with locks
And you were just a passer by
on a break, saying hi
And I was looking for a missing piece
or maybe just some pain relief
I've been unfair and been unkind
you did not deserve to see my despair
but you responded with human care
I think somehow you understand
And I will be well in the end
as I always get up again
and I'll try to leave this emo shit
it's a bit of an embarrassment
I will never get married because marriages don't last.
Being a product of divorce blows big chunks all the time.
You tell your parents how you feel and they say
"we will discuss it dear" but they never do it.
My mom was always on her cell phone talking her
tmi friend who tells all and how she and strangers
she meets placing personals have fun in her boudoir.
Don't reach for a thesaurus means her bedroom.
It's gross trying to get ready for classes and hearing
your mom talk about sex and big boob plastic surgery
she wants to get to keep her girly figure right and tight.
I got body image issues due to her can't stop looking
for flaws and wrinkles dumb ass mental complexes.
Need therapy much dumb and vain mother?
Could be why dad found a younger version of you
in evil bitch clone he lives with who loves his fat wallet.
No way can that someone with a hot bod want his
gray hair with more than one bald spot and flabby abs.
He works out but he's got a bod that quit even when
he spends hours exercising at the gym and dancing
trying to be my age saying old shit getting jiggy with it.
I think Kill me now when he says that and I hate my life.
I feel messed up in the head because my parents hate
who they are and I hate myself most days because that's
what I learned from them. Should I go out and have
sex with as many men as mom and her friends? Should
I meet guys off the internet like mom now does? Should I
meet a man who will take care of me like the woman
dad is with who loves his fat wallet and great job
and be the kind of woman my dad likes? Would dad
be proud if I wanted surgery to get huge boobs like vain mom?
Would mom care if I had sex with a guy in the back of
his pick up like she bragged to her friend about? Would
my teachers care if I sat in the back and cheated like the
girl who gets answers from tests in exchange for quickies
in cars during lunch. She is tardy for the party and class
a lot. Teachers don't notice what's happening in schools
and they don't freaking care if I study my ass off
to get the same grades and I don't sleep with all the jocks.
Maybe I should because I'm messed up in the head at 18 and
nobody cares about me but me and that's a short list.
Have friends but they have some of the same body
issues and mental ones like me. I'm messed up in the
head because I get accused of having sex and I'm still
a virgin but thinking about giving up the goods to
the one I met through personals. He wanted to cmid and
I proved I'm legal. On the fence about giving away my
virginity. Too damned bad my mother and dad are
busy and have mental issues and have no time for the
girl they dressed up when she was a tyke but forgot about
when she needed a training bra.
I feel this at night 'cause
during the day I'm not alive.
My depression hides so much better than your's,
You're pleading for attention
and I hate that.
We've all got problems,
Ever think about that?
I'm never going back there
and I'd kill to ensure that.
I lie under these covers,
Sickened by love.
I gotta put the mask on
and my hood up
'cause the socialite within me
will not halt.
He's an unstoppable machine
powered by ego and self-esteem,
Cause that's the way it has to be
lest people know what's become of me.
Torrential thoughts eat me away
while "the sun is shining everyday."
Line Twenty-Three: Everyday - Rusko
Do not let Death in.
Surely, he will take my breath away.
He does that well. Yes, very well.
Do not let Death in.
For he will make me go with him.
Somewhere quiet. Down into the catacombs because he says
He shall be the only one to see me.
He does not like sharing.
Even if he has a dozen others at his disposal.
Do not let Death in.
He does not leave once he has come inside.
No, he stays around.
Far too long for comfort but you will never notice.
For he appears only in the walls. At night. When you are all asleep.
He glides off the white paint and visits me.
But do not be afraid; he lingers in the air.
As he waits for his next victim, you will feel him chilling your bones.
Around your house, do not despair when you feel alone. He is with you.
Waiting for the right timing,
And then you shall stand in his trophy case filled with his other many conquests.
Do not let Death in.
Who ever said spontaneity
is a perk
is a liar.
Who ever it was
that romanticized surprises,
is a fucking liar.
Occasionally i will buy flowers
for my mother.
Tell her it's just a reminder
of the beauty she sustains.
Another i will threaten
take her heart
in the palm of my hand
and crush it.
I'll take my lover
on a trip,
somewhere he'd told me
wanted to go
seven months ago.
Then stay in our
sad and irritated,
pushing him away
from the bond
he thought we'd have.
I'll wake up one morn
and inform myself
that it's worth it.
That not all things
are destined to fail.
The next i will crawl back
under cold covers
and weep over
repressed thoughts and
a mind that unfairly
chooses to be content
when it feels like it.
I could tell whoopers and get you in trouble
or take a lover and run off to Europe, Asia or
Africa where you, mom and gold digger can't find me.
Got some nibbles on the net when I placed an ad
seeking someone to take me away from this
miserable existence I call my no fairy tale life.
I could travel incognito and wear a Burqa in a far
off place where you can't come unless you leave
skank at home wearing shorts up to her parts
that are half covered by tight and short teenager
clothes she still wears to keep you from looking
at all the ladies on facebook you still friend and
chat with behind her back. That would make your
gold digging pissed if she knew what you did
when she wasn't logged to facebook. She thinks she
got you tied to her for eternity and for ever more.
Look at me and mom evil bitch! He was mom's and
now you think he's yours. I'm glad I'm 18 and can
live where ever I want. I found a way to get out of the
country when I get my passport I ordered in a few
weeks. It will be bye bye dad, skank, and baby
sibling I dad never told me about forever. BUT,
I think I will miss my mother even if she is
dumb and believed her life was a fairy tale
then she found out dad the freaking loser was
I hate it.
I hate that you just
Disappeared from my life as if
You never existed.
You made your mark,
Left a stain,
Gave me a permanent scar that would
Never fade away.
And then you left.
Do you know how much
I fucking miss you?
All of you.
I miss you talking to me all the time in my head,
Day and night, in and out,
It was torturous sometimes but
Hey, it was amusing.
I miss you're comforting hugs and
Music sessions in that grand room of yours,
With the giant piano and
Rows of violins, and
You'd be singing with that angelic voice of yours.
I loved the last song.
I miss you and you're loud booming voice.
True, you shouted a lot, got angry a lot
But man did you really love
Always protected and thought of
The best for everyone.
I miss you and your Texan accent
And times when you tried to stand up
And seem smart, though it usually backfired.
But then you'd melt their hearts with your
Kind deeds and scrumptious food.
I miss you and your brother,
Always cooped up in that
Tiny lab but always coming up with
Funny contraptions that always
Benefits the neighbourhood.
I miss hearing your snoring
All the way from the cave even though we were
An entire valley apart, still
Every time I went there,
You'd offer me one of your snacks from your
Constantly stocked up fridge.
I miss even you, no matter how cheeky you have been.
But I understand, you just wanted to be seen.
You wanted him to be proud of you,
And I'm happy you had a dream.
And of course you,
I'd never seen you.
I'd never heard you.
But you must've had something really special too.
But I hate
Why did you have to drag
The entire border,
Cause distress to my entire family,
Cause grief to
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
You're gonna miss me by my hair
You're gonna miss me everywhere
Oh, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone"
You were goddamn right.
hollow out the demons
that are ripping up your skin
let them be free
they’re only bothersome
make them no more
for you’re better than your demons
don’t let them tear you to shreds
eliminate the negative entities
tell them to fuck off
they don’t compare to you
you have a voice
you have a reason
you’re better than the demons
don’t let them control you
you’re yourself, you aren’t them
all it takes is
simple as that
your demons are gone.
Mockery in the streets .
With each atom disintegrating.
With a fierce rage Of defeating while chasing
Without blood shedding