“I want to die”
I am unable to respond.
My fifteen years of life
Mean nothing
Compared to her ninety.

She sits across from me
Tears forming
Threatening to fall,
To spread the truth down
Her sunken cheeks.
Her face is stricken with pain
Yet so sure.

My grandmother wanted to die.

“I’m just staying alive for them”
Them being my stepdad and aunt,
Her children.
Again I am speechless
I cannot comprehend her words
When does one’s life stop being a gift
And becomes a chore?
How can the strength to go on leave?
How?  

I don’t know how to reassure her.
How can anyone persuade
Another person that their life
Is worth living?
Let alone a teenager
Whose biggest problem is a pimple?

Death is surrounding us
Covering our bodies
Forcing us to acknowledge it.
I want to run away from it but death will follow
It always does.

I do the only thing I hope will help.
I hug her
Our cheeks pressed together
Our tears joining,
Slipping away
Like the life left inside of her.

I gained her trust
Slowly going up the stairway
Pumping out the dark from her heart
Taking cursed items
Knowing of there power
I sought to destroy them
With fire
But in doing so I unleashed
Sinister beings
I felt like I was winning
Burning those cards
Not knowing I gave them
The strength to kill my soul
Me and my family
Battled for hours
Demon after demon
One by one the fell or fled
We called for Jesus
We called for angels
They came
HE CAME into my house
And we battled
Repelling and repenting
We fought
I was left alone to fight
And I was quickly overwhelmed
Then I drew I cross and gained my strength
Just enough to keep her at bay
They lied
They screamed
They attacked
One spoke and we heard it say
Can she? As if it were mocking my aunt
We cast it out of this house
This holy ground
But
Now no one trusts me
Or my fiancée
We are both reduced
Rejected from my family
In time we will regain that
Trust
But not any time soon
I told them I was sorry
But they don't wanna hear it
Anymore

When my wife’s great Aunt ‘Dora died
We received a strange bequest.
Not land or Gold or Mallomars
Just an ornate box, covered in dust.

Her will strictly enjoined us
from opening the box.
The sides had cryptic puzzles
That served it as strong locks

The box was rather gaudy
Carved from finest sandalwood
Inlaid with golden letters
a Greek would have understood.

We both took very seriously
The task to guard this prize
To keep this family heirloom
preserved from prying eyes..

Ten years it stood there in our room
An enigmatic guest
And often I would ponder it
while I was getting dressed.

Until one dark December day
In the Millennial year
Curiosity overcame my wife
And she succumbed, I fear.

My Darling, being curious,
Solved the riddles on the side
She was just prying up the lid
As I ran inside..


A disembodied Banshee screamed
The air was thick and red.
I rushed to close the box back up
in existential dread.



Still, the world seemed little changed
As I sequestered hope.
The radio said by 5-4
George Bush had won the vote

I think on all that’s happened since
As things have gone to Hell
Bloody wars in foreign lands
Discord at home as well.

Since then twin towers crashed and burned
And Wall Street did the same
Do you think it could be possible
Aunt Pandora’s Box shares blame?

I remember Buffalo-
Amherst actually, but the suburb not the college town
My nephew lives in Amherst
But the college town not the suburb

My grandmother lived in Buffalo
Amherst really
and my dad too
My grandfather died there, before I was born

We never said we were going to Amherst
We said Buffalo
Like someone from Los Alamitos might say
they were from Los Angeles

But Buffalo was where grandmother was
But not the fun one
The fun one lived in Gloversville
Which is near Amsterdam, my mom used to tell us it was Amstergosh

Still, Amherst had soft boiled eggs for breakfast
a giant oriental rug on which a small boy could play
but just with his Matchbox cars
and a blow-up Sinclair dinosaur

There was the garage with doors at both ends
Perfect for hiding a car
From brothers-in-law
On a wedding day

There was the giant Chrysler
light green as I recall
In the driveway past which the neighbors lived
with their iced tea with mint and lemon

There were Uncle John and aunt Mimi
Who were like my great uncle and aunt
Except they weren't
Just really close family friends

Uncle John was the one who told me at the age of five
"Always tell a woman you need to leave an hour before you actually have to leave"
We were waiting for Mimi to "get ready" so we could go somewhere
She was taking forever

I do remember Buffalo
Amherst really
But I know there is so much more
that I've forgotten

year 1
two beautiful babies,
born at separate times,
on separate days,
in separate places
to separate parents
with separate lives.
one 7 lbs 9 oz, the boy,
one 5 lbs 6 oz, the girl.


year 7
he was confused about himself
and about the world around him.
raised by a father with strong opinions,
he was afraid to be himself.
good thing he was good at hiding it.

she looked at all the other girls in school
and thought that she looked different.
she asked her mom
and she agreed.
that day,
she started her
very first diet.


year 13
he walked in on his father
yelling at his mother
and hitting her
square across the face
with all his might.
he did not understand,
but he swore he would never
be that cruel to the woman
he loved.

she walked in on her mother
hunched over the porcelain seat
with her fingers in her throat
and her lunch in the water.
confused, she asked what she was doing,
and her mother explained,
and she did it too.


year 15
he caught his father
yelling at his mother
and he was not sure
if he should intervene
but the voices in his head
told him not to
if he wanted to stay safe.
and he promised himself
he would never yell at
a woman like that.

she watched her mother
take crisp bills from her dad
as he counted them out
with a droopy face
and dead looking eyes
and she flipped her hair
and sighed that the plastics
were maxed out
and left him with a kiss on the cheek
and she felt sadness in her heart
for her father.


year 18
his parents sat him down
on the couch that was once comfortable
and told him that they did not love
each other anymore
and that they
would be splitting up
and moving on.
his uncle whistled and told him
what a shame it was,
that his dad was such a bad man,
then turned to him and told him
that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
but the boy shook his head,
and said then i will roll far away.
and he cried for the first time
since he was born.

her parents sat her down
on the couch that was once comfortable
and told her that they did not love
each other anymore
and that they
would be splitting up
and moving on.
her aunt told her it was a shame,
that they were in love,
but the whispers of her neighbors
told her her mother only wanted
his money.
and she cried for the first time
since she had weighed herself
last week.


year 21
he saw a girl
across the counter at a
movie theater
and believed that it was
love at first sight
and that everything
he had ever told himself
about life and love
was coming true.

she saw a boy
eyeing her at work
and she felt uncomfortable
but when he bought his tickets
she could see the crisp bills
in his wallet and the
credit cards in his name
and something sparked
inside of her
and she figured this
was love.


year 24
they hadn't been dating long
but he couldn't believe
how fast he had lost
his temper
and done the thing
he had sworn not to.
he had hit her right
across the face
and immediately regretted it
and promised never to do it again.

she was very quiet when he hit her
but she told herself
the pain was only temporary
like the number on the scale.
and she forced a smile
and told him it was okay-
that it would be okay
as soon as he bought her
jewelry to make
up for it.


year 29
he screamed at her
on their wedding day
and called her worthless
and a piece of shit.
but afterwords he apologized,
swore he didn't mean it,
and promised to make it up to her.

the tears that used
to come naturally
for her no longer came
and so her wedding makeup
was still pristine
after he yelled.
and he promised he wouldn't do it again.
and she wanted to tell him
that he said that last time,
but instead she remembered
the size of his wallet,
and pretended to love him.


year 38
they sat down their kids,
on the couch that was never really comfortable,
and told them they were never really
in love,
and that they were splitting up.
and the kids cried,
and they felt a sense of deja vu,
but they dimissed it
as growing up.
and for months after,
the people whispered
about how she was
such a gold digger
and he was such
an awful man
and how the apple
never falls far from
the tree,
and how they can't roll themselves
away.
-ijl

Sir, we did not know this is your garden…
No…Sir, my brother wanted some flowers
and I said I would love them too

You see we were walking from the cottage
and my little brother ran across the fields
and I followed, Sir; and no, we were not able
to tell anyone; and my brother ran,
and he raised his hands across the fields
like the birds do, their wings across the skies
and I ran, and I forgot the distance
and the places
and then we sat down, tired and there was a brook
and we drank  some water
and then my brother saw the flowers across
on the other side
and he ran again and he wanted the flowers
He said he’d pick some for  Mamma,
some for our aunt
and that is how we came here;
and we love the flowers and the scent
and so I helped him, Sir…
no, we did not tell anyone we were coming
We don’t know where we are
Please Sir, do not look so angry
my brother is about to cry -
he cries when people are angry, and he is afraid
We will put the flowers back on the ground here
where it belongs, in your park, back on your land, Sir
Let us go now, Sir...we will go and
we promise not to come back ever again…
I will not let my brother come, nor will I