My grade school
Once in the 1930's
then again in
there were two
large black and white
of the school houses
begore both fires
hanging in the
At some point in
someone had decided
on two boys
The one at ground level
was always clean.
There were small white
tiles and fresh blue paint.
It always smelled like
never ran out of
There was always
liquid soap in the
shinny silver dispensers.
There were doors with
locks on the stalls.
It was a timeless
prestine and somehow
Free and unscathed
by the ugliness of
Then there was the other
The basement restroom
was below ground.
There were windows
with wire cages over them.
Their view allowed
a look at the scabbed knees
of the children
who ran about the
hot black top of
There were no doors on
yellow stains beneath
Smears of rust around the
a coarse hand soap
in the often broken
More fit for prisoners
It smelled like
piss and was always
I don't know why
one was always cleaner
than the other.
Maybe it was an
Maybe they seen it
as somehow lower
than the other.
I always chose the
It just seemed more
natural to me,
it made me feel strong,
made it all more real.
Now after so many
hardships I can't help
but look back and
Then ask myself
maybe I've always been
ment for a dirty,
even way back then.
Just a finger.
Slipping underneath the lace.
Lightly caressing the softest skin.
And I tense.
Inhaling your exhales.
Take my breath.
My body is yours.
Find my treasures.
They’ve been hidden for too long.
Waiting to be discovered.
Permission was granted long ago.
I’ve been waiting for this.
(If I were writing this to anyone else, especially and most probably a woman,
it would go something like this:
I would like to unfold you one layer at a time;
I will peel off clothing
until I hit bottom
until there is nothing between
my hand and your drumming heart
except trembling skin.
But writing you right now is different; those soft words would feel forced, fake, hollow and pretty and attractive and wrong. I can’t tell you why but I know my heart has a song of its own
for you and if I get it wrong you know you can laugh at it.)
Do you know how overpowering you can be?
Do you know what it is to draw a breath,
one tiny insignificant breath,
and feel my entire body throb to
To run my fingertips across your skin
(not necessarily gently)
to press my hands into your skin until the impress -
like a flower pressed in a book -
I don’t want to peel your clothes away from you,
slow and confident and assured, (not right now).
There isn’t always confidence in want, is there?
I’d rather tear them away from you,
quest for your beating heart and the shape of
your hip and the long line of your spine attempt,
with my lips on yours,
to take your breath and make it ours.
My hands are hungry;
they feel empty, grasping, needful.
My lips are wet.
I love you.
(I ask what I am saying and I wonder if this is weak: I want your body against mine.)
I'm partying down at a Hollywood bash
The reason I'm here is that I crashed
I figured that if I would have asked
I would have been told to kiss their...
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies
I'm not even close to being a famous guy
Something I often ponder and question why
But that's another story for another...
Time to see if there's anyone that I know
As I'm rubbing shoulders with the escargot
Something smells fishy at this table bro
Wondering should I stay or should I...
Go ahead and think what you will of me
I'm just here to meet Justin "The Bieb"
Once I do then I can leave
Wait a minute, in the corner is that...
She gave me a glimpse from behind the bar
I'd take her home but don't have a car
With that deduction I wont get very far
Still do you think she thinks I'm a...
Star light helps to guide me home
I was found out and kicked out of the Hollywood bowl
It's a lonely walk that I'm walking home
Hey look! Another party, what the heck, you never know...
It was a small little thing
Between us a silent game
I wished it ‘good morning’,
As it brushed my window frame.
It swayed happily at me
Softly holding onto its root
The chance-grown guava tree
I thought would never bear fruit.
‘Good morn, Guavo, how are you?
My window frame, did it hurt?’
‘Nay, I’m fine, had my cup of dew,
I really made a good start.’
I loved this cute little thing
To ask it ‘how do you do?’
Loved the undernourished sapling
Why I really had no clue.
After sometime it started to fade
Keeping relations is not so easy
‘Guavo’ disappeared from my head
I forgot the lean sickly tree.
Then one day my wife came along
A big round guava she brought me
‘Taste how it is, the plant is fine and strong,
It’s from your friendly tree.’
It came back to me inside and deep
Our time-buried sweet story
Guavo hasn’t forgotten our friendship
I must run to it and say sorry.
There it stood proud and high
A full-grown guava tree
Swaying in the wind, saying ‘hi,
I haven’t forgotten thee’.
wait for me
ive gone away
to some unknown place
purple night dims dark
have i lost my humanity?
"here, take this pill," you say
"it'll make you better"
but pills get lodged in my
i choke i choke
wait for me
thats all i ask
so we can go together
down unlit paths
If I was given a day
Or whatever force there may be
It would be with you
In an empty room
and you would speak to me
I would ask no questions
Utter no words
Invisible buttons would be connecting my lips
You would speak of it all
What makes you laugh
Why you're so shy
your weak spots
If you're selfish
what side of the bed you like
hot or cold
sweet or sour
Marvel or DC
I would watch
touseling of thick hair
My heart would grow immensely
Secret. Hobby. Weakness. Preference.
watching your lips move
and your face morph
With every emotion
my heart would reach to you in sorrows
and leap at triumphs
Butterflies would become a typical occurrence
a smile tattooed on my face
that's all I desire
voluntarily trapped in a room
shedding our skin
in no way is that strange
In fact it's beautiful
On the Outside Looking In
How sad it is when brave heart meets mad assassin!
On day lit street,
How cruel it is,
When daylight spreads her stunning wrap as shroud,
Tragic life lost!
Let hell have no mercy on their vile souls,
Fire fed incubus,
Community relations busted,
As two rampaged alone,
Dancing with devils,
Religion whirls in chaos,
Solution zero, not grounded,
Crucify others with tongue alone,
Here I sit and ask that all this evil ends,
I know that it's impossible to have a world of friends!
© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)
People are mysterious,
We all have stories,
Secrets to keep,
We all have our lies,
Most importantly we all know pain,
It is always the ones with the most pain,
Who become the targets,
From other people they are judged,
It's a very strange process,
Giving more pain to the pain,
They already suffer,
Take time to think,
Before you judge a person,
Ask yourself what they may be going through,
What happened in the past that affected who they are,
All they are trying to do,
Is figure out why they are here,
Who they are,
Sometimes they get blinded by judgement,
They get negative answers,
They think negative thoughts,
Then they become someone....
Wrong for who they were supposed to be.
It's also the strongest people,
Who have been through the most pain,
They suffered through all,
Found themselves in a better place,
Lit up there lives,
Ignored all the judgement,
And forgave those who put them in pain,
They grew from their experiences,
They never gave up,
They followed fate,
It brought them to a stronger place.
doesn't particularly like company
but sometimes it likes tequila?
it makes me sleepy
at least then i can take a break
what i want
no one can give me
though i feel like i don't ask for much
i don't need therapy
nothing is wrong with me
i need someone else to acknowledge
the reality of this construction
the reality of my situation
but that takes thought
and effort...and no one wants to think about that
i found a cure
it is misery and hopelessness.
i used to be self-righteous and holy
until i knew better
i listened and heard silence
i'm on my own
where i was hesitant
i want to be bold
i want to be free
but i'm hot
my ankle is chained
and i just want to lay on the floor
for a year or two
with a thimbleful of tequila
and straighten things out.