The thought of becoming stardust
when you die
is a reassuring one.
Being strewn across millions of
light years seems exciting.
Witnessing stars being born,
planets forming life,
stars collapsing in on themselves
and becoming black holes.
It's appealing compared to
going to a gloomy underworld,
or worrying about a punishing hell,
who deserves to burn and who will become angels.
It wouldn't matter,
you'd be apart of the growing universe.

I feel your presence,
each night that I get lonesome.
I feel your presence,
each morning that I force myself to get through the day.
And I miss you so much.
And I feel crazy, insane, depressed.
That I can't see or feel or hear of you, no more.
Each time I meet strangers,
all I could see, are full of dangers.
I'm so caught up with you.
I'm so in love with you.
But you died in the morning of may.
Just a year ago...
and my thoughts of you, can never go away.
Here I am, just thinking about you, and if you were here today,
I just want you to know,
how much I truly loved you.
But I can't live this sickness of missing you,
I want to move on.
Because you're completely gone.
I want to fall in love again.
I want to fall asleep, peacefully again.
Without having to even count up to ten.
But you will forever be a part of my heart.
But tomorrow is a new day,
and that will be the day we need to be apart.
Goodbye....................
                        for now.

Underneath pale spring skies
to everyone's surprise
'The Wanderers' returned telling tales of omnipotence
and the relevance of a divinity
I heard nothing
I was deafened by the noise from the laughter of the girls and boys so filled with glee
that 'The Wanderers' had seen fit to see
to find their way and come home to be
with them and you and me.
I don't know where they went or how they spent those,
lonely days when I would gaze with fear set solid in my heart
and wonder how it is that being apart
is so painful.
Fearful now
I keep my eye on those that take it in their mind to fly away.
But what is day without the night
and night without the dawn?
Storms may come and go but this is what I know
'The Wanderers'
will always be the hope and the guardians set by the gate
of those who wait
for liberty.

Yes its something i scribbled here and there a long time ago

A dark night dawned upon us as i found myself on a little boat decorated with little lights and me and my heart throb stood facing the wide open sea. we didn’t speak. didn’t move. didn’t blink. i soaked the sweet smell of the sea and let the wind into my hair. then we slowly climbed into the ice cold waters. we looked into each other’s eyes and just stayed as we were. an invisible element slowly but gradually pulled us apart and no matter how much i tried swimming, my body was possessed by the unknown.
he drifted apart, away and in the dark, desolate night, and i found myself at sea. with no one to save me.

i woke up to find myself on the floor near the entrance of my house door. my eyes were heavy with dried tears and my body ached. i felt empty, hollow, like something was missing.

yes. the boy i loved was a nightmare to me. just like every other nightmare, you end up either screaming or crying.

sleepless nights are more preferred to than this, don't you think?

I destroy homes.
I tear families apart.
I'm more costly than diamonds,more precious than gold.
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.
If you need me,remember I'm easily found.
I live all around you.
I live with the rich,I live with the poor,down the street & maybe next door.
I'm made in a lab,but not like you think.
I can be made under your kitchen sink.
I have many names but there's one you know best,my name is Crystal Meth.
My power is awesome,try me you'll see.
But if you do you may never break free.
Just try me once & I may let you go.
But try me twice & I'll own your soul.
When I possess you you'll steal & you'll lie.
You do what you have to-just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms,will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms (your lungs & your nose).
You'll lie to your mother,you'll steal from your dad.
When you see their tears - you should be sad.-
But you'll forget your morals & how you were raised.
I'll be your conscience.
I'll teach you my ways.
I turn people from God & separate friends.
I'll take everything from you.
Your looks & your pride.
I'll be with you always-right by your side.
You'll give up everything,your family,your home.
Your friends,your money,then you'll be alone.
I'll take & take,till you have nothing more to give.
When I'm finished with you,you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me be warned-this is no game.
If given the chance I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body.
I'll control your mind.
I'll own you completely.
Your soul will be mine.
The nightmares I'll give you.
The voices you'll hear from inside your head.
The sweats,the shakes,the visions you'll see.
I want you to know these are all gifts from me.
You'll regret that you tried me,they always do.
But you came to me - Not I to You!
You knew this would happen,many times you were told.
But you challenged my power & chose to be bold.
You could have said no & walked away.
If you could have that day over what would you say?
I'll be your master & you my slave.
I'll even go with you to your Grave.
Come take my hand,let me lead you to hell.

It's like drowning in a never ending wave
of cool ocean water.
The kind of water that's so clear, you can see all the way to the
bottom of the endless ocean.
It's like falling from the top of the highest mountain,
but the fall never ends.
You wait as the world passes you by,
full of anticipation for the moment of impact,
but it never comes.
It's like being at the center of
a vicious tornado.
You twist through streets and destroy everything in sight
leaving the damage behind to be repaired
by someone else.
But there is no one left when you've teared everything apart,
when everything falls down,
when everything sinks to the bottom.
All you have is your pride.
And all you've lost is me.

i am a fighter. the most competitive and the most unforgiving. my heart is wilted, but i will take it. and so will you. my punching bag. worn from my incessant bickering. torn from my attempts to rip apart your spirit. but you. you roll with the punches. you feed my fire. and i ask you to feed my fire. crumple my insecurities and toss them in a waste basket. relentless but restless. persistant. insistent. why. why do you brace and watch. me. crossing my fingers. hoping the ice will crack. take us down. make us drown. i fall and will fall. into a million pieces. again and again. pathetic and needy. wanting you to need to me. wanting you to leave me for someone else’s taking. someone else’s breaking. but you don’t. you get down. on your hands and your knees. with a magnifying glass. looking for the pieces that fit together. every bit and every glimmer of my complication. my skeleton of a soul. why. why when i leave you to find me in the dark. my ruthless game of hide and seek. to find me. to unwind me. catch me and grind me. the ways i grind you. leaving you without any light. without a way back to me. do it yourself. i am relentless but restless. persistant. insistent. but still you play. you stay. why, why do you stay. waiting until i decide to switch the light back on. until i decide to give up. you think you will win. but i am the toxic type. the no missed calls. the watch you fall. the wants you to hurt. become bruised. and become used. become just like me. the needs to push you away. but wants you to stay. my heart is hard. my heart is tough. and you will never, ever understand. that love means surrender. to you. to me. and to all that i am.

I don't want it if you don't want it.
I don't want it just because it's something to do.
I don't want it because of pity.
I don't want it because of a sense of obligation.
I don't want it as a result of lowered inhibitions.
I don't want it due to boredom.
I don't want it if it pushes us apart.
I don't want it just because you think it's what I want.

I want it because you want it.
I want it because it is what you do.
I want it because of mutual respect.
I want it to be from a sense of devotion.
I want it as a sober thought and action.
I want it when we're too busy to think about it.
I want it to be as glue, a part that holds us together.
I want it because you know it's what we want.

It isn't a need.
It isn't a want.

It is affection and adoration and respect and understanding and a piece of me and a piece of you and the world and a living, breathing thing.

It is Love.
And so much more...



That's what IT is.

She was sitting there in her grey cardigan and self-satisfaction
And she said, "They're going to be putting a cap and gown on a chair for him."
And I said, "That makes me so sad. It makes me think of our 8th grade graduation.
Oh god. That makes me so sad." picturing a freshly ironed gown for a dead graduate

It was a few minutes later and the kettle began to whistle
And someone made some smart remark about some stupid topic
And I sighed and I said, "I just can't do it"
And she said, "Jeez, you’re just lacking emotional maturity today”
I excused myself and avoided her for the remainder of the day

I found myself a few people I might consider my friends (if anyone)
I sat down for a minute and said, "I just can't do it"
And the one turned his cigarette-yellowed teeth to me and said,
"They just aren't as cynical as you, huh?"
And I looked him in the eye and he smiled, meant nothing by it
Maybe just, "Shut up, will you? Just breathe for a minute"
And the other, with his slicked back hair and Tom Waits voice
Said, "Not everybody can be a female Louis C.K."
And I smiled and said, "Screw you"
Then I excused myself

And I found myself a quiet corner where I could collect the pieces enough
To hold myself together for two hours of calculated performance
Until I could go home
And quietly fall apart again

I'm a UFO in this city
Unidentifiably bright
A spark in this desert night
Setting me apart from this war
Of society.