I hate being a martyr
I hate being a martyr
I hate being left undone and screwed over
I'd rather be the unheard pang
of the rain as it hits the pavement in May
the sound of a kittens tattering feet
as she walks, slowly sounding her to sleep
I'd rather be the unpleasant scent
that ascends from the job I reside myself in
I'd rather be the frozen river
stuffed with the water the fall didn't care for
He said it was filled with hopeless dreams
and not enough beauty compared to the sea
I'd rather be, a common thing,
a meaningless, real, existing thing,
I'd rather be, left unseen,
than a martyr lying in unmade sheets.
live empty, die young
the broken ones do it well
looked over, undone
and nobody even cares
I could write up a story
that would move you to tears
the album of my life
would leave you dangling on a bridge
my hand is really hurting
at this very second
did I tell you what happened?
the boy I love split it open
after I carved up a message
on my upper right thigh
and wasted time contemplating
whether or not I should die
so I wasted it on a picture frame
and watched the blood spill
only then did I realize
the depth of love I feel.
Like a captive, I capture rapture wrapping around stakes that matter
Joan of Arc battered
Also tattered but, easily dismissive
Refracted from fractured prominent phrases people play with
Distinctly persuasive and evasive, dressed boyishly attractive, lax stature, dawning armor crafted by absence as if asked about it-
Protection is principle prerequisite, when fire is lit
I sort of implore your aorta before it’s incinerated to ashes
Dethatched as a habit, with swords or hatchets crafted to singe heartstrings that attached it
While I slash slick Rick as a quick fix,
To fend for pretend pretenses or presumed tricks,
I can’t quit
Cause I hit lips against hash spliffs fashioned with dashes of passion all while rationing fireball cinnamon sips
Martyr to avoidance
I gaze at fabled dazed gossipers galvanizing grips on gritty grapevines while licking warning labels through smoke haze on blurred lines
Other eyes attending scandal circles able to shout lies and rekindle handed arguments on tables with locked smiles stay boxed in
Searching for counterparts when combusted or branded
Toying with matches loses meaning when rules reseed
Those vagabonds claim love is some all end hard bent to mend what the same above can’t comprehend.
Breaking boredom, I pillage pillows with night terrors
And ardent arsonists yearn for flames that churn, turn, liquefy and learn learned thoughts and smoldered feelings
Melting in one another they are completing each other like two candles tryst true at a wedding day
However later the blaze is severed, smoke sears, and charred black wick stands alone for them.
Aggressive and progressive.
As for me never pleading, fire forever fleets to streets between iron bars I built that cage in deep heat and seep dire dreams once desired
Suppose I’m a skeptic
Roasted or disconnected
Just jaded, just met you
Always over it too soon
Burnt but I’m amused.
I am not this person...
I was not that person.
Every pacifying sentence,
every empty promise,
they made me her.
And I don't blame you
as much as I
blame your words.
I play the martyr
and we all know
you play the victim.
We deserve Oscars.
We play them so well.
You have to admit
you want no part of this.
It has been obvious
for more than five years.
Now I have to listen
as your daughter cries for you...
saying you are gone...
saying she needs you...
saying I broke your heart...
and I must comfort her...
saying you love her.
Tell me why
that feels like a lie?
When there's fire in your Hearts,
And fire in your Souls,
Raise your weapons Child and fight for your right,
not to be left in the cold.
Your past doesn't matter,
for that i am sure.
Fight for those you love,
and get them safe to shore!
Fight for your life,
Follow your gut and your soul!
To them i am a Pawn to be moved as they please.
So who better than I, To slay this villainous King,
For which you would die?
So with fire in my Heart and fire in my soul,
I will raise my mighty arrow,
and strike him down in the cold.
My once dear twin brother,
now a tyrant on the throne!
But as they try me for my crimes,
I ask that you not cry.
For I do this for you my love,
For our children do i die!
At the chopping block I stand,
Stand tall and do not cry.
When i look to our family,
I see our children fair.
I look to our youngest child,
Our daughter with her Auburn hair.
There were tears in her eyes
but she dared not to cry,
For the blood traitor to the Crown,
So she watched her mother die.
But before I faded here,
I saw the Fire in her eyes!
And i knew it in my Heart
what i had set in motion.
I knew it in my Soul,
I had started a revolution!
For i saw it in my soul my love,
I saw our child die!
Our child will fight for us, and one day die for us,
but not for a Long long Long long time!
For she has a land to save,
my fight is now hers!
My dearest little Kankri,
There is Fire in her Heart, and Fire in her Soul.
She will lead this revolution,
with her brothers by her side!
She will lead this revolution, and become a legend to be told.
I will die for my family, and her for this land.
We will fight for what we love, and do as the Gods command!
Martyrs for our love, to be remembered far and wide,
As myths to be told, till the sun begins to die!
With Fire in your Heart,
And Fire in your Soul,
Raise your weapons child,
and fight for what it is that you hold most dear!
Whether it be your friends or your children,
your home or your land,
Raise your weapons son,
and Protect all you can!
Is it stupid of me to like
A person like you
Is it stupid of me to think
You would change
But I guess we’re both stupid
I can’t believe the rush I felt
When you talked to me
Who would've known
It was that easy
But I remembered what you did
I can recall my tear stained face
And all the things you said
Is on repeat
But you’re so sweet
Worrying about me
And so dumb
To think I would leave
I don’t think you really know me
If you do, what were you thinking
I don’t let go that easily
Especially since you mean so much to me
And now I sit cold and afraid
Of what might happen
But then again, I’ve been through this before
Again and again
I don’t care
Can’t you see?
All I want to do
Is to speak to you
Talk to you, love you
That you’ll just leave me
This is the 21st century
Martyrs don’t exist
You might be the last of your specie
A love martyr
Don’t you know
What I need
Is not your protection
But your presence
Sadly, I can’t do anything
You've made up your mind
And I’ll accept that wholeheartedly
But don’t be surprised if I’m gone
You got what you want
And I’m gone.
I get accused of a lot of things at first glance
"You're simplistic, you're hiding something
You have no convictions, you don't think deeply"
Usually by those who I consider to be on intellectual crutches
If you're gonna come up to talk to me from a religious context
from a spiritual context
from a hierarchical, metaphysical, eat this shit popsicle mindset
Don't expect me to swallow
Don't expect me to talk
You won't like what I have to say
Because really you just want me to agree with you
If you want me to respect your framework
When you have nothing but the claims of quacks
and the feelings you gleaned from your last psychedelic trip
to back you up
While I have to sit back and listen to how I'm close minded
Close minded for wanting some real truth in this universe
unfiltered, raw, verifiable, and in my hand
and that anything other than that is a spray paint over
my true awakening
Then I guess I'll just have to be that asshole
to die for these intellectual sins
The Eldest Son of Matt, hater of pretense
Hypocrite to the highest level
Build me up into a figure of idolatry
Just like you do with the rest of your ego cases
Priests, Gurus, Rabbis, Rockstars, Poet sensations
Tell me how wonderful it is to listen to them
Tell me how I should be more in touch with a tree
Tell me how I don't dream
When all my life is but that
Tell me how I'm not deep when you make no attempt to learn
Who I am, and where I have come from
Misinterpret my teachings, and claim me to feel
As if I was the newest son of god
When all I want is for people to get beyond blinders
and love each other, and to get beyond the metaphysical rat race
Tell me that I'm supposed to live and let live
While you jam your beliefs down my throat
and expect me to respect getting philosophically tea bagged
Tied up to the crucifix
and asking me to repent for my search for truth