Stare out the window
to each other
Eat terrible food
with one another
gallivant around antique shops
of life together.
We'll reach the final destination
throw our suitcases
on the bed of our
and kiss passionately
Someday, I’m gonna live in the big city;
The glow of Manhattan lights and
Chatter from the streets of the
city that never sleeps will
be my lullaby as
I close out a long day well spent
in my third-story studio
My picture will be in lights with
“Up and coming author”
tacked to my name.
I will sign copies of my latest novel
for young girls with dreams as
big as mine once were
in a quiet little coffee shop downtown.
And when those girls tell me
“Autumn, you are my inspiration”
I will tell them,
“No, you’re mine. Keep dreaming, honey.
never give up on whatever
pushes you through those lonely
the future seems impossible.”
I will buy grapes from a farmer’s market
and share them with the little girl
sitting in the cart in the next isle over and
I will smile lovingly, knowing that someday,
that little girl will have dreams
heartbreaks, but for now, the sweet taste
of ripe fruit and friendly smiles is enough to
keep her satisfied.
I will wear flowy dresses and
hats ten sizes too big
and I won’t care if my lipstick has smudged
onto my teeth
because I will have nothing left to lose.
I will be somebody.
But for now, I am just a small town girl
with a mother that I love, a passion for beautiful words
and an undying ambition.
And for now, that will have to be enough.
I don't know how or when you became so important to me, so much that you've changed me without asking me to. For good or bad, I changed who I was because I was afraid you wouldn't like me for me, so I tried to be someone you'd love, and the fact that it didn't work isn't the worst part, the worst part is that I didn't realize I had changed until you fell in love with someone else, someone who reminded me of someone that I used to know, someone who was not afraid to speak, to be herself, someone who brought joy into your life instead of letting you bring bitterness into theirs. I used to be a lot like her, maybe if I'd been a little more myself you would have liked me, but now I'll never know that because I didn't stay true to myself.
Now that I think about it, if I had been 100% who I was when I meet you I wouldn't have changed, I don't know exactly when I stared letting society tell me how to be and how not to be, what to say and what not to say, what to upload and what not to upload because it wouldn't get a lot of likes.
I keep telling myself that I'm strong and that I don't need anyone and that no one can hurt me, but if I really were strong I wouldn't let society affect me so much it'd changed me completely, I wouldn't be so afraid to love and get hurt cause I'd know I would be able to get back on my feet and keep going and keep trying, and I would be able to go trough life leaving pieces of me behind but without emptying myself, filling others and making them better without getting worst, without getting lost, because that's what I've done, I've lost myself somewhere on the way and I don't even know where to find me, I've given myself to others who didn't even want me and didn't give anything back, so now I'm almost empty, because I told myself I was strong enough and I wasn't.
I hate the fact that I'm writing this cause it makes me feel weak, if someone reads it, they'll know I'm weak and sad but the truth is I'll be weak and sad even if no one knows it, even if I don't admit it, I'll still be at home, watching movies not wanting to go out or do anything like I used to for no appearing reason, not wanting to do anything I used to cause that's when I realize how much I've changed and how lost I am and how hard it is to find me, how hard it is to try and act like I used to cause it doesn't feel natural anymore, so maybe just maybe if I tell myself that I'm weak I'll realize its time to get strong again, if I tell myself that it is okay to be sad I won't have to hide for myself and get even more lost, maybe I'll be able to make a new path for myself, keeping the new things I like and maybe that path will someday somewhere cross with the path where my old self got lost and maybe I'll be able to keep the new good things and the good old things in a new combined stronger path, and maybe I won't let anyone carry me out of my path again.
I don't blame you or society, I only blame myself for letting it affect me so much, but it is okay, I have to tell myself it's okay and that I forgive myself and that now is time for me to try and build those paths, but in order for me to do that I have to accept that I'm lost and I'm weak and I will get strong, not tomorrow but someday.
Worship taste you
I would never waste you
Ravage your body then I'll face you
I am your M.A.N
Hold more than your hand
We can make plans know where I stand
I am the real
It's what you feel
Putting a seal on this new deal
Show you I'm true it's what I do
Yes I'm a fool one for you
Drop the disguise you are a prize
A Khaleesi an empress in my eyes
Queen of the moon but that's been done
Love for you burns like the Sun
Till the day we become one
I'll beat in your mind like a drum
Take my words with a grain of salt
Fact that I love you is not my fault
Not looking to catch but I caught
Or looking to rent so I bought
Into you I fall away
Disappear into what I say
Serious with these words I play
To hold you in my arms someday.
Here I am, just brushin' up on my notes
that someday, I'll sing to you in person
That like everything else
In this world
Everything becomes a someday...
But how much time do you truly have to fit in all those
Long gone promised memories
Known as somedays
An old man once said to me
"I'd like to see the Eiffel Tower"
He knew his days were runnin' out
But his wish turned into a someday
When he passed away
Life is too short
To keep saying things
Without meanin' it all
And actin' upon it
I knew this couple long ago
Where they went nobody knows
But they once said
"Someday, we'll go to California
Raise our kids just like we wanna."
I think they made their wish come true...
Life is better when you act
Upon every single wish
Don't leave any unanswered
Call them all back to memories
From child to old
Everyone says something that turns into a someday...
And time passes fast as it always did
And time stands still for no one
So just do it...
Don't waste in the only life you have
Live moment to moment
Always taken a chance
But lesson learned
Don't be the old man
And waste all your time...
There are nights when I sit up
wondering if things will always end this way.
I’ve spent years in the beds of men
who didn’t deserve my body
and never cared for my mind
or the thoughts that ran through it
as their fingers ran through my hair
and I refuse to waste another day
being treated like a falling star when
I was born to burn like the sun.
I am more than a temporary fix for
your lonely days,
I am more than the heart, bleeding
on my sleeve.
I am the clouds in a stormy sky
and goddamn it, someday
this rain will clear up and the darkness
raging through me will evaporate
into the most vibrant rainbow
your sorry eyes have ever seen.
Maybe someday someone will come
along who doesn’t dull
the color radiating through my
Maybe someday someone will come
along who knows what love
*This was originally written as a spoken word piece*
Maybe someone will notice me.
In the way I want.
Someday someone will notice me,
More than naught.
Maybe I won't feel lonely,
Inside my shell,
Someday I won't feel lonely,
Inside my hell.
Maybe I will die,
By my own hand,
Someday I will die,
Don't you understand?
Maybe it will get better,
Than it is today,
Someday it will get better
Or so they say.
Maybe I won't get bad,
Like I was before,
Someday I won't get,
A face in the door.
Maybe someday starts today.
Where I will feel well
I'll escape Hell.