Someday my little flower
Things will change
You will see the sun shine lovelier
When the rain ceases from falling
like broken angels that
cry from the grey clouds of misery
Someday my little dove
You'll float into the
Wiser, stronger and even lovelier than before
Only the heavens could
have imagined it.
Stare out the window
to each other
Eat terrible food
with one another
gallivant around antique shops
of life together.
We'll reach the final destination
throw our suitcases
on the bed of our
and kiss passionately
Someday, I’m gonna live in the big city;
The glow of Manhattan lights and
Chatter from the streets of the
city that never sleeps will
be my lullaby as
I close out a long day well spent
in my third-story studio
My picture will be in lights with
“Up and coming author”
tacked to my name.
I will sign copies of my latest novel
for young girls with dreams as
big as mine once were
in a quiet little coffee shop downtown.
And when those girls tell me
“Autumn, you are my inspiration”
I will tell them,
“No, you’re mine. Keep dreaming, honey.
never give up on whatever
pushes you through those lonely
the future seems impossible.”
I will buy grapes from a farmer’s market
and share them with the little girl
sitting in the cart in the next isle over and
I will smile lovingly, knowing that someday,
that little girl will have dreams
heartbreaks, but for now, the sweet taste
of ripe fruit and friendly smiles is enough to
keep her satisfied.
I will wear flowy dresses and
hats ten sizes too big
and I won’t care if my lipstick has smudged
onto my teeth
because I will have nothing left to lose.
I will be somebody.
But for now, I am just a small town girl
with a mother that I love, a passion for beautiful words
and an undying ambition.
And for now, that will have to be enough.
I don't know how or when you became so important to me, so much that you've changed me without asking me to. For good or bad, I changed who I was because I was afraid you wouldn't like me for me, so I tried to be someone you'd love, and the fact that it didn't work isn't the worst part, the worst part is that I didn't realize I had changed until you fell in love with someone else, someone who reminded me of someone that I used to know, someone who was not afraid to speak, to be herself, someone who brought joy into your life instead of letting you bring bitterness into theirs. I used to be a lot like her, maybe if I'd been a little more myself you would have liked me, but now I'll never know that because I didn't stay true to myself.
Now that I think about it, if I had been 100% who I was when I meet you I wouldn't have changed, I don't know exactly when I stared letting society tell me how to be and how not to be, what to say and what not to say, what to upload and what not to upload because it wouldn't get a lot of likes.
I keep telling myself that I'm strong and that I don't need anyone and that no one can hurt me, but if I really were strong I wouldn't let society affect me so much it'd changed me completely, I wouldn't be so afraid to love and get hurt cause I'd know I would be able to get back on my feet and keep going and keep trying, and I would be able to go trough life leaving pieces of me behind but without emptying myself, filling others and making them better without getting worst, without getting lost, because that's what I've done, I've lost myself somewhere on the way and I don't even know where to find me, I've given myself to others who didn't even want me and didn't give anything back, so now I'm almost empty, because I told myself I was strong enough and I wasn't.
I hate the fact that I'm writing this cause it makes me feel weak, if someone reads it, they'll know I'm weak and sad but the truth is I'll be weak and sad even if no one knows it, even if I don't admit it, I'll still be at home, watching movies not wanting to go out or do anything like I used to for no appearing reason, not wanting to do anything I used to cause that's when I realize how much I've changed and how lost I am and how hard it is to find me, how hard it is to try and act like I used to cause it doesn't feel natural anymore, so maybe just maybe if I tell myself that I'm weak I'll realize its time to get strong again, if I tell myself that it is okay to be sad I won't have to hide for myself and get even more lost, maybe I'll be able to make a new path for myself, keeping the new things I like and maybe that path will someday somewhere cross with the path where my old self got lost and maybe I'll be able to keep the new good things and the good old things in a new combined stronger path, and maybe I won't let anyone carry me out of my path again.
I don't blame you or society, I only blame myself for letting it affect me so much, but it is okay, I have to tell myself it's okay and that I forgive myself and that now is time for me to try and build those paths, but in order for me to do that I have to accept that I'm lost and I'm weak and I will get strong, not tomorrow but someday.
Someday the moon will not shine at night and the sun won't rise
Someday my soul will leave this body and the remains will be dust
Someday I might rise with the sun and maybe I won't