I'm diagnosed
It takes my stokes
I cannot keep my hope for most
Call me insane
I am untamed
But do not drug away my brain
Killer kind
This tape unwind
I have mortality in mind

Martha Jordan
Martha Jordan
Feb 2      Feb 2

I've got a lot on my plate these days.
I glance around, find an empty booth, and slide in.
I hate my job.
The owner, an older Chinese man, smiles and brings water and a menu.
Money is tight, it's always tight.
Mongolian beef today, I think.
I have no passion for life, my dreams just confusing mashups of the past.
Wonton soup like always, the fried strips melting into the broth.
My friends are gone, lost to time and distance and I feel so alone.
The owner brings me a gorgeous looking plate full of food, I thank him.
The love of my life finds more excitement in his computer than in me.
Tender beef, saucy peppers, perfectly steamed rice.
I search books for romance, fiction won't tell your secrets or get jealous.
Half the meal goes in a box for later.
My bed is as cold as my heart, no sleep will deter my exhaustion.
An almond cookie makes the check easier to pay.
Maybe I should be on medication. Maybe I should break up with my boyfriend. Maybe I should cut my hair. Maybe I should stop eating. Maybe I should move back home.
I pay at the counter and thank the man for an excellent meal as always.
I tuck my credit card into my wallet, my feelings into the deepest part of my mind so that I can make it another day without falling apart.
At least I have enough leftovers for dinner.

Johnny Overseas
Johnny Overseas
Oct 28, 2012

I'm waiting for the perfect girl,
I'm painting her in my mind,
I'm not using my hand or my arms because soon I hope to be blind.
I don't want to see, hear, taste, smell or touch,
for life is measured in seconds and sensors, and relatively I've had enough.
I've had enough of your radiance,
enough of your beauty,
In trying to describe it I've done more than my duty.
If our love was flawless, had mercy, a sensory piece of art,
then it would leave me no skin, eyes, ears, tongue or nose
and to leave me perfect,
to leave me scarred and marked,
if it was hungry enough to rip me apart,
catalog all of my senses in measures and chart,
for our love to be perfect,
it would eat my heart.

Johnny Overseas
Johnny Overseas
Nov 29, 2012

What do you do? When the world is this unfair to you? I should just start lying cause they say it hurts to be true. It hurts to be left. It hurts to be dropped. What's worse it feels nothing, to be nothing, when your within has been chopped. Severed from waiting. Severed from chance that your hands will be waving to bring me on back. What do you do when these words are all you have and you read them to yourself so something that makes sense can talk back. Must write them. Must write them down so no one can ever forget. Until my dexterous fingers with blood they drip wet. But no one will see because no one can read them. Till up the ground and you plant them. You seed them. But nothing ever grows when the sun turns its back. No one ever blossoms with their life spent like that. You wouldn't believe me if you told you anyway. That these are my demons, with your mind they will play. No sense could be made even day after day. So just like the others. You fly fly away. It's ok. Ill just live in roulette, I'll keep my head spinning so I can't feel the regret that clings to the walls of the brain I was slewn. That makes walk round the body that sings its hollow tunes. Scripted I rise. Unscripted I fall. Don't tell me you love me. Cause I never had any parents at all.

I found out today that the grandfather that I was named after lies on his deathbed. 23 years. And my mother finally admits that I don't know her. Blames it on me because I didn't ask the questions. 23 years and I never knew the man I was named after. Now with him will die my name.
Johnny Overseas
Johnny Overseas
Jan 3, 2013

I won't be there for you,
Can't care for you,
My heart tears for you,
But I don't know where it lies,
Do you?

I'm not coming to lunch,
I'm not coming to dinner,
You won't see my face,
Nor anything inner,
I've made a new family,
From thread of a new spinner,
Our patchwork is of skin
We make brothers like we're kinners.

I won't share with you,
Can't be there with you,
This is all your issue,
Now you you want me at your side,
Wish you.

Wish that you had been,
Something of an admin,
Something of a book fiend,
Instead of just a cold wind,
Wish you had been anything,
That could have taught me how to win,
Or know this feeling from within,
Or teach me how to keep a friend.

But no.

You had to spend this 23 years figuring out how to get out of it.
23 years spent weeping and moaning every second that I ever doubted it.
Where's my rock? Where's my home? Where's the words I should have shouted?
I've got nothing. I'm alone. And you all just watched and fucking allowed it.

I have no brothers in my blood.
My sister to me linked by thread we've spun.
I have no interest in what was.
Gee, you're family sure looks fun.
I guess to you I'll run.
Cause with mine I'm fucking done.
And I'm sure I'll be the only one.

Johnny Overseas
Johnny Overseas
Sep 17, 2013      Sep 18, 2013

You emerge a woman
Let your hair down from those knots
And let me keep the ribbon
So I can keep you in my thoughts

What really feels the worst
When narrowing, I had to
Isn't the threat of getting hit
It's that if I did I still couldn't have you

You go to bed next to him
I'm just a whim
Just a whim
When you've had your drinks in

You don't come to my life
I only go to yours
I jump the walls and cut the fence
But still have to knock on the door

I beg you for permission
To sit in on this chapter
But I didn't think that I'd get stuck
And not care for what came after

You go to bed next to him
I'm just a whim 
Just a whim
When you've had your drinks in

But why doesn't he come?
He won't bask in the light of your sun.
He listens to all that you've done
But takes the bench for this one

Let me force myself upon you
And you can whip me with the guilt
I've got the better back
So I'll take the weight you might have felt

I'm just a whim

I've done it again haven't I?
Thinking im better or clever or sly
It's impossible for me to live a lie
So when I say I can't be with you I have to tell them why

If he tried to match my passion then from your fancy roof you'd sing
But there's a device between our vice
And the ring is the thing

It's not fair

I don't remember what I said
While you were swerving down the road
You're next to him in bed
but you don't want to sleep alone
So I go and think the thoughts that make me eligible for lashes
If this could be our final moment

I wouldn't care if this car crashes

So close those tired eyes
And let's see what happens

But you make it back  next to him
I'm just a whim 
Just a whim
Just a whim 

Somebody buy me a drink.

Johnny Overseas
Johnny Overseas
Nov 7, 2013      Nov 8, 2013

She doesn't exactly follow an ambition to be part of a new world
She isn't exactly the definition of your typical post-modern-feminist girl

I'm sorry princess, that you had to have me on this day
But you could have made it easier to find something to say
Jumped up and done some doing about how my foot got in my mouth this way
Instead you're sitting, pouting pretty cause your pretense won't get played

I'll watch you smoke your cigarette, while you're in your loose thread Sunday clothes,
Let's take one of those strings, hold your dress to the wind and see if it floats

Disposable cameras,
Forever fights.

Forever cameras,
Disposable nights.

Hey there weary stranger, I'm sorry I got you confused,
It's just in my lamer moments like this, I don't know what to do,
My silence won't tell you you're beautiful, so I overload and surge through the fuse,
Let me shut up and take you to dinner, if you're lucky we'll both get used.

We're so over the disposable camera generation,
Disposable cameras,
Forever fights.

Now it's a forever rolling fixation,
Forever cameras,
Disposable nights.

So watch out how you smile,
Maybe try to be nice,
Cause if happiness is found in teeth, I friend the crocodile,
And the coolest cats do the same for the mice

So watch out how you smile,
Maybe try to be nice,
Cause if happiness is found in fangs flashed then I friend the crocodile,
And the coolest cats do the same for the mice

We're so over the disposable camera generation,
Disposable cameras, make way for
Forever fights.

Now it's a forever rolling fixation,
Forever cameras, only roll on
Disposable nights.

Johnny Overseas
Johnny Overseas
Oct 26, 2012

Take me back to the asylum
Where the walls beg to breathe 
Where everything is carefully broken
Where you can hear touch and see
Those souls that never want you to leave

Watch your step in these walls
Let yourself feel the pull, not the push
Everyone rides out their highs till the falls 
To wait till they're given the rush
To feel you must allow just as such

Feel the crawl upon your skin
Their hands and breath pervade you
From where? They stay within 
And in your mind they barricade you
Be not afraid, its how they'll persuade you

Tell me why you're here
And what is the reason you stay
I ask you why must I feel fear
And why you can't be in the mood to play
This cold wasn't here during the day
Definitely not in this way

Mother I'll guide you home
Take Gregory and the children and go
You're surrounded but still feel alone
And something is making it so
And from the darkness it flows
My ankle it will not let go

Hey stranger,
I've never seen the like.
They told me when I came to watch it like a hawk at night.
You gotta watch your step.
Did I catch you at a scary time?
I have a tendency to take it to a sharp decline.
Take a step,
start with the left foot in the front.
No way you'll get there if the right is having all the fun.
I got a feelin' you'll be likin' what you see in here.
That is as long as you can leave behind your every fear.

Before you,
is everything you'd love to know.
Say anything you want, if you say so.
Leave everything alone, or you can make it blow.
Enter here,
The House of Scattered Souls.

That weight you're liftin'
looks like a heavy load,
got a thousand ways that we could help you let it go.
Let it down,
watch it fall into the dark at night,
then watch the hawk let out a shriek and then jump into flight.
Have you seen the kind,
that let's you leave behind,
the kind of baggage laggage fad that can infest your mind?
Forget the sharp declines,
I've got a love to find.
I kiss my name into the wind and take whatever I can find.

Before you,
is everything you'd love to know.
Say anything you want, if you say so.
Leave everything alone, or you can make it blow.
Enter here,
The House of Scattered Souls.

Wrote this 4 years ago and the me I am now has such an envy for how I USED to write :/
Johnny Overseas
Johnny Overseas
Oct 23, 2012      Oct 26, 2012

Her love is like a Minnesota river,
Still only on the surface, and only in the winter

My love is like a maple on the shore
That waits to be fed by your waters and constantly wants more

I don't need to tell you where or know whee you go,
You're gonna do what you do and be beautiful so,
Don't let me stop you,
Just flow river, flow

I know it's impossible to keep you dammed,
Your waters will swell to keep moving and I'll lose your hand

See you're made of water and slippery after all
But you're always there on the landing and soft when I fall

I wanna grow into your deltas, shade your shores, give you love,
My leaves fall in your waters, you surround and give the best hugs

I could never stop you, and I won't try any more,
I'm just a maple in the autumn waiting to wade into your shore

I'd kid myself thinking you're not a different river every day,
But at least I always get a new you before I have to let you flow away

But in a tiny little puddle in my roots you'll be remembered for a while
I know that I'm not as tall as I want yet, and you're not nearly the Nile

But still you'll flow to different places and I'll stay here the same
I'll always see you shining in the current and hope to feel you in the rain

Her love is like a Minnesota river
Still only on the surface, and only in the winter

My love is like a maple on the shore
That waits to be fed by your waters and constantly wants more

I don't need to tell you where or know where you go,
You're gonna do what you do and be beautiful so,
Don't let me stop you,
Just flow river, flow

 
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