Martha Jordan
Martha Jordan
Feb 2, 2014      Feb 2, 2014

I've got a lot on my plate these days.
I glance around, find an empty booth, and slide in.
I hate my job.
The owner, an older Chinese man, smiles and brings water and a menu.
Money is tight, it's always tight.
Mongolian beef today, I think.
I have no passion for life, my dreams just confusing mashups of the past.
Wonton soup like always, the fried strips melting into the broth.
My friends are gone, lost to time and distance and I feel so alone.
The owner brings me a gorgeous looking plate full of food, I thank him.
The love of my life finds more excitement in his computer than in me.
Tender beef, saucy peppers, perfectly steamed rice.
I search books for romance, fiction won't tell your secrets or get jealous.
Half the meal goes in a box for later.
My bed is as cold as my heart, no sleep will deter my exhaustion.
An almond cookie makes the check easier to pay.
Maybe I should be on medication. Maybe I should break up with my boyfriend. Maybe I should cut my hair. Maybe I should stop eating. Maybe I should move back home.
I pay at the counter and thank the man for an excellent meal as always.
I tuck my credit card into my wallet, my feelings into the deepest part of my mind so that I can make it another day without falling apart.
At least I have enough leftovers for dinner.

Johnny Overseas
Johnny Overseas
Jan 3, 2013

I won't be there for you,
Can't care for you,
My heart tears for you,
But I don't know where it lies,
Do you?

I'm not coming to lunch,
I'm not coming to dinner,
You won't see my face,
Nor anything inner,
I've made a new family,
From thread of a new spinner,
Our patchwork is of skin
We make brothers like we're kinners.

I won't share with you,
Can't be there with you,
This is all your issue,
Now you you want me at your side,
Wish you.

Wish that you had been,
Something of an admin,
Something of a book fiend,
Instead of just a cold wind,
Wish you had been anything,
That could have taught me how to win,
Or know this feeling from within,
Or teach me how to keep a friend.

But no.

You had to spend this 23 years figuring out how to get out of it.
23 years spent weeping and moaning every second that I ever doubted it.
Where's my rock? Where's my home? Where's the words I should have shouted?
I've got nothing. I'm alone. And you all just watched and fucking allowed it.

I have no brothers in my blood.
My sister to me linked by thread we've spun.
I have no interest in what was.
Gee, you're family sure looks fun.
I guess to you I'll run.
Cause with mine I'm fucking done.
And I'm sure I'll be the only one.

Johnny Overseas
Johnny Overseas
Dec 30, 2014

How is it I feel the way I do?
Living in this generation often leaves me quite confused, broken, bruised.

Let it be not that which you may believe.
Step aside the actions and reset what you perceive.
Grieve not about that which you verily have grieved.
Take a hit, be SURE to dodge the next. Duck and weave. Duck and weave.

Johnny Overseas
Johnny Overseas
Apr 10, 2014

I'm diagnosed
It takes my stokes
I cannot keep my hope for most
Call me insane
I am untamed
But do not drug away my brain
Killer kind
This tape unwind
I have mortality in mind

Johnny Overseas
Johnny Overseas
Nov 7, 2013      Nov 8, 2013

She doesn't exactly follow an ambition to be part of a new world
She isn't exactly the definition of your typical post-modern-feminist girl

I'm sorry princess, that you had to have me on this day
But you could have made it easier to find something to say
Jumped up and done some doing about how my foot got in my mouth this way
Instead you're sitting, pouting pretty cause your pretense won't get played

I'll watch you smoke your cigarette, while you're in your loose thread Sunday clothes,
Let's take one of those strings, hold your dress to the wind and see if it floats

Disposable cameras,
Forever fights.

Forever cameras,
Disposable nights.

Hey there weary stranger, I'm sorry I got you confused,
It's just in my lamer moments like this, I don't know what to do,
My silence won't tell you you're beautiful, so I overload and surge through the fuse,
Let me shut up and take you to dinner, if you're lucky we'll both get used.

We're so over the disposable camera generation,
Disposable cameras,
Forever fights.

Now it's a forever rolling fixation,
Forever cameras,
Disposable nights.

So watch out how you smile,
Maybe try to be nice,
Cause if happiness is found in teeth, I friend the crocodile,
And the coolest cats do the same for the mice

So watch out how you smile,
Maybe try to be nice,
Cause if happiness is found in fangs flashed then I friend the crocodile,
And the coolest cats do the same for the mice

We're so over the disposable camera generation,
Disposable cameras, make way for
Forever fights.

Now it's a forever rolling fixation,
Forever cameras, only roll on
Disposable nights.

I feel you when I'm with you,
Like time moves slow,
I know more than you know I know.

Your touch is filled with anxiety
That's why I don't want it
Your kiss, puts us exactly where our eyes meet
And it leaves me haunted
You touch me with urgency but never take it anywhere
What are you afraid of?
My words could never lead you to believe
that this was love, but you don't care,
This isn't love, that's what you're afraid of.

I feel you when I'm with you,
Like time moves slow,
I know more than you know I know.

I hate it when it's not love but it still has to be.

Do you ever have dreams where you're running as fast as you can.....

But it still isn't fast enough?

Johnny Overseas
Johnny Overseas
Jul 16, 2014

I'll catch butterflies
and bring them back to you.
Release them in your garden,
like a lovey dovey fool.
And all these winged insects,
mantis, butterflies and crickets
flap along on the electric light that pulses from your world.

Keep those butterflies alive, I'll be bringing more.

Is this how you love someone?

I want the people I owe to know I'm working really hard to pay them back
I want my soul to know it's alright that pain when you cling to my back bones

New unknown unknowns
The frame re and re froze
Don't forget to strike a pose
Don't forget that no one knows
where you're gonna make your light go

#life   #unknown   #light  
Johnny Overseas
Johnny Overseas
Nov 29, 2012

What do you do? When the world is this unfair to you? I should just start lying cause they say it hurts to be true. It hurts to be left. It hurts to be dropped. What's worse it feels nothing, to be nothing, when your within has been chopped. Severed from waiting. Severed from chance that your hands will be waving to bring me on back. What do you do when these words are all you have and you read them to yourself so something that makes sense can talk back. Must write them. Must write them down so no one can ever forget. Until my dexterous fingers with blood they drip wet. But no one will see because no one can read them. Till up the ground and you plant them. You seed them. But nothing ever grows when the sun turns its back. No one ever blossoms with their life spent like that. You wouldn't believe me if you told you anyway. That these are my demons, with your mind they will play. No sense could be made even day after day. So just like the others. You fly fly away. It's ok. Ill just live in roulette, I'll keep my head spinning so I can't feel the regret that clings to the walls of the brain I was slewn. That makes walk round the body that sings its hollow tunes. Scripted I rise. Unscripted I fall. Don't tell me you love me. Cause I never had any parents at all.

I found out today that the grandfather that I was named after lies on his deathbed. 23 years. And my mother finally admits that I don't know her. Blames it on me because I didn't ask the questions. 23 years and I never knew the man I was named after. Now with him will die my name.
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