what will it take? 20 years of outright lies
and denied mistakes?
watching you escape on a plane set a thousand miles away
or at home screaming in pain
we're both here, both alone
both sorry, both stubborn
overcome with disappointment
and it'll kill us, we'll die here, we're done
Roll the ball down the lane
Hit a pin or two
Shoes for rent
Scores are kept
Roll a spare
Three holes feel with fingers
Sometimes a gutter ball
Keep trying for a strike
Get your roll down till it feels right
Play all your frame
Love it so much keep playing the game
Play in teams or do it alone
The scores at the end says it all
From A to B, my temper holds
stronger than if still,
for I can't see a destination
stronger than my will.
Moving breaks my static gaze
as reels of passing art
leave their mark and fall away
but just in perpetual shift may they
stretch out time for me and stay.
My pangs are lost in deep transition
as we reach towards B from A,
and I look ahead to C, dare I say:
As life winds up its next stretched reel,
my will on that way would be stronger still.
Pines line the lane
Beside the field
Where you and I used to trade our brains
For a bowlful of fleeting moments
In the glowing giggle zone.
Bowling on the green we called it,
Back when I still possessed my hand grenade,
And my head bore a flowing mane.
I haven't spoken to you since you found a better place
but I remember your voice, and I remember your face.
Merp and Midland,
and stuff like that.
I'm glad you found the secret.
I used to know it
I forgot it.
But I remember bowling on the green,
and the songs we sang together.
Stepping in and smelling fresh diarrhea and cigarettes
Slide your fingers into the heels of over worn shoes
Then your feet- someone has been here before, hundreds of people have
sit in the solid plastic swivel
step up to the dead rack and pick up a germ infested, god-forsaken ball
bowl terribly and pull your glute
It was night
There were no clouds in the sky,
Just stars in the black sea.
Noise spilled through the doors of the bar.
Outside the Brass Rail people with alcohol in their system
And the ganja in their lungs crowd the 49 highway.
In the middle of the road,
Where the white and yellow lines run parallel,
A wild smiling girl sets the triangle of bowling pins.
A ways down the highway line, a smiling man with blond dreadlocks
Swings his arms back and forth, ready to threw the ball.
The wild girl moves, the man throws his ball, the crowd cheers, trucks honk,
And the pins are hit!
Everyone jumps in the air, everyone claps and whistles,
And the game starts over again.
Bowling on highway 49 in North San Juan, California.
These wild free spirits are my friends.
I’ll take it as a lesson
Not to play games,
Cuz this shit’s got me guessin
Whether I am or not sane,
Or whether this mess is
Because of my brain
Or because those
Doing the messing
Aren’t true to their names,
Or maybe they are,
Fuck it, either way
I go to the bar
To slam scotch in my veins
And watch as the cars
Circle in the drain.
These people believe they’re driving forward
But they’re going in circles,
Why do you stare with
Those angry eyes?
Am I not just another girl
With a bag too big and
A skirt too small,
With a huge jacket with
Sleeves too long and
A tired look
Am I not just
Why do you look at me like I keep
Lethal and dangerous goods in my
Gigantic bowling bag or
Possibly stowing away bombs
I know people stare.
I've seen the look of
"The weirded out look"
Have I blocked your way so much?
Have I stopped you from moving metres ahead?
Have I accidentally, unknowingly run over your
Oh what, oh what
Oh what have I done
To receive this look of
I jumped so far
Knowing I would hit the pavement
I swam out to sea
Knowing I would drown in misery
I leapt into space and time
Knowing there is no air, I will suffocate
I believed false promises
Ones so easily refuted, forgotten
Love shut off just like that, how quaint
Like a game of bowling
I am the pins
I set myself up to be knocked down
But I never thought you would throw the ball
Or actually I did but I soaked in denial
Ball came rolling fast, unstoppable, fierce
So yes I shattered into the pavement
I felt water fill my lungs as my vision darkened
I suffocated in the vacuum of space, surrounded by darkening stars
I set myself up to be destroyed
If I put the pieces back together perhaps I may learn
That words mean so little these days
My mind is logical
I now follow it to the end