I assured myself again that I was completely alone. Gingerly, I sat on the corner of her popcorn-and-perfume-scented bed and allow my tingling fingers to reach out and open that sacred journal again to page one. I never really understood it but maybe if I read it one more time. “Things I Wish I Never Knew:

1. People are selfish almost always.

2. Shaking hands does matter. ******.

3. Wine hangovers are miserable.

4. Puppies **** behind things ‘cause they feel guilty; you wont find it until it smells.

5. Friends really do come and go.

6. Neti Pots absolutely **** and bring you nosebleeds NOT relief.

7. Attraction and love are different. REMEMBER THIS ABOVE ALL.

8. Joy is clicking add to dictionary in Microsoft word.

9. If you can make it through Taco Bell kisses, morning breath will be a breeze.

10. Be jovial, it’s a choice and a side effect of living in daily adventure.

11. Make sure that your family knows…” I pause because I think I hear footsteps padding up the fourteen red-carpeted steps to her bedroom. I know I can’t move, the old wood floor in this crumbling house will definitely creak and give me away, so I just sit on the edge of the bed at full attention.

        “…No, ma’am, everything’s basically back to normal again, we’re getting the locks changed on Saturday. I’ll tell her you send your love.” The footsteps and voice were at the top of the stairs and I saw a shadow fall across the dusty floor in front of the white wooden door. I know it’s my neighbor Annie because she lives here. We grew up together. “Yes, ma’am, I love you too. I’ll try to make her call you soon. Bye.” Her phone beeped to signal the end of the conversation followed by a loud sigh. I peered from the bed into the hall and saw her sitting on the floor. Annie is a pretty girl. All the girls who live here are. We used to go to school together until my grades got too bad and I started my special school. We used to play in her front yard with her sister, Kelly. One time I kissed Kelly, but we were only seven. She is my only kiss. They both leave for most of the year now to go to college but come home for Christmas break. I will never go to college, but that’s ok.

        I felt my pants vibrating and the theme song to the TV show Who Wants to be a Millionaire was somehow blaring from somewhere around my crotch. Before I could silence it, the shadow at the door became a tangible whirlwind of brown hair, sharp screams, and clawing grabbing fingers as she tried to wrench the ratty Moleskin journal from my fingers.

        “******, Cyril, I thought I heard someone in here. You give it back and get out of this house. You can’t, like, break into other people houses like this. This is just not what normal people do. Can’t your father control you?” At this point we’re both standing in the middle of the bedroom. I’m confused so I just dangle the journal in the air above her grasp. “It’s not yours and you know that. I know you at least understand that, right? Right, Cyril? What the hell would you do if Kelly had been showering or changing. Oh my god, ew, do NOT answer that.”

        “Ow,” I yelp as she scratches at my forearm to retrieve the precious journal. “Your claws are sharp, Annie, I have more scratches from you than I do Jimmy-cat and Jimmy-cat is mean, mean but fluffy… and he purrs but you don’t purr. Is that because you don’t like me?” I lower my arm and Annie snatches the Moleskine out of my fumbling fingers, avoiding eye contact at all costs. I hate it when people do that. I notice it, but they don’t think I do.

            “Cyril, get out.” Her right hand is now securely around the Moleskine and the other is shaking, pointed towards the doorway. “Now.”

            This is always the worst part. I walk out of Kelly’s forbidden bedroom: head hung as I creak down the fourteen red, carpeted stairs and make my way to the front door. It’s always quiet and I don’t like the quiet so whenever it’s quiet I count. I am good at counting. …Twelve, thirteen, fourteen…silence.

        I turn to her, “Annie, I’m sorry…”

            “Out.” She opens the front door and points me to my apartment, directly across the street. Its autumn now and the leaves and cold rustle down the street and I crouch deeper into my black coat as I step outside.

            “So maybe I’ll come over tomorrow?” I turn as I start down the steps, hopeful to have conjured up a smile from Annie, but all I see is the flash of brunette hair disappearing behind another thick, white wooden door.

            “Get off our property before I call the cops, you creep!”

            That’s what I’ve always been to these pretty girls: a creep. I don’t really understand what the word means, but I’m pretty sure from the way they say it that it’s not nice. Pops always tells me that I’m different because it’s better to be different. I don’t understand why Annie and Kelly don’t think it’s better that I’m different too.

            I decide to walk to Captain D’s and tell Earl hi because it’s Friday and that’s what I do on Fridays. Earl owns Captain D’s and has forever. Earl is my friend. Earl and Jimmy-cat at Captain D’s that I feed my left over fish are my friends. At least I think they are. I named the cat Jimmy-cat because Pops says mom used to listen to a man named Jimmy Buffett before she left us. I don’t remember those days.

            I turn the corner knowing Captain D’s is just 560 steps ahead and that to get back home I go 910 steps back and I’ll be at my front door. Counting is one thing I am good at; even the tests they used to make me take at the doctor’s office said so. I am good at numbers. Seven is my favorite number.

            I walk into Captain D’s and, like normal, its just Earl inside. He makes me two Fish-Filet sandwiches and we go stand outside. We usually don’t talk much, but I like that . I sit on the crunchy curb, put on my hood because the wind and leaves have made my ears sting. I unwrap the greasy paper on my first sandwich and Earl pulls out his red Marbolo’s and sits beside me lighting up his first cigarette.

            “Why do you smoke, Earl?” I ask him every Friday and he always responds the same way.

            “Eh. Why do the fish swim Cyril? Why do the Eagles and Crows fly? You know we don’t know why Women like shoes so much.”

I never really understand what he means but it makes me giggle and before we know it we’re both laughing. I’m pretty sure this is what friendship is. I lick the wrapper to get all the tarter sauce off and start on my second sandwich. Earl starts his second cigarette.

            “Where’s that alley cat you got trained up, boy? Go get ‘em and I’ll cook him his own fish patty.”

            He means Jimmy-cat. I wipe my fingers on my jeans, tear off a piece of the damp fish from my sandwich, and walk towards white picket fence that Earl built around the dumpster where Jimmy-cat lives. Jimmy-cat has a good life; he can eat anything in the green dumpster he wants and he is safe behind the big white fence. I don’t like the smell but maybe cats like eating and smelling the furry tarter sauce that clings on the sides of the dumpster. As I pull the lever to open Jimmy Cat’s home, I think it smells even worse than normal. After jiggling the latch a while, it clicks, and I swing the door open to Jimmy-cat’s house. It definitely smells worse. I step up one step and crunch on leaves and squish cold fries as I circle the dumpster. “Jimmy-Jimmy-Jimmy-cat, where-oh-where-oh-where ya at?” I stop as I enter the back right corner, I see Jimmy-cat but I don’t understand what is happening. I don’t understand what is wrong. He is covered in ketchup, maybe? But if that’s true what are the little white thingssss crawling around his stomach and why are they covered in ketchup and mayonnaise too? He is mewling and I’m scared. I smell fish. Fish and furry tarter sauce, one, two, three, four, my feet are crunching on the cold fries and leaves again, I know I’m at the door without even turning around.

            “Boy, what you doin’ in there?”

            “Earl?” …One…two… “Earl, can you help me? Earl, I, I don’t understand. I don’t like it.” …Three…four…five… “Jimmy-cat needs a bath, Earl, and something is eating his stomach.” …Six…seven…silence. Earl’s hand fells like a dead fish on my shoulder as he walks me back up to Jimmy-cats home.

            “Stay here, Cyril. Just gimme’a sec to see what’s happening.” Earl disappears into the leaves and fries and fur.

            eight…nine…ten

eleven…twelve…

            thi­rteen…

fourteen…

            silence.





            “Boy? Come back here now. C’mon.” Earl’s voice echoed around the green corners and I followed. One…two…three…four…five…six…seven I stand above Earl and I know the ketchup and mayonnaise and Jimmy-cat eating monsters are just on the other side of his crouched over body.

            “Well don’t be shy, come look.” Earl stands and I see his work apron covered in the ketchup and mayonnaise but beyond that in a bed of Fish-filet wrappers is Jimmy-cat and all the stomach eating monsters mewling at his stomach, as I get close I think they look kinda like little Jimmy-cats. I push my hood off my head as I lean over closer and that’s when it hit me, “Kittens! Jimmy-cat had kittens, Earl!”

            “I think Jimmy-cat may be more of a Jasmine-cat or Jennifer-cat.”

            I laid down the piece of fish I brought and Jimmy-Cat looks up into my eyes and I swear he was happy to see me.  I looked up at Earl and he was happy to see me too. I sat down in the mess of wrappers and fries and mold and laughed and laughed and laughed.

The inner force
1- Believe
He couldn't believe that
He could imagine in fact
That can be the weakest
Convert to be the strongest
The kind waves that carry ships
Can be overlapped and damaged them
The fire that warm people
Can harm and hurt them
The boy lost his mother
His father was confused
He tried to heal his son from bad temper
His son cried a lot
And stayed alone at his room
His father asked many doctors
He went to a lot of physiologists
They advised to get new friend
For good luck, the boy found a small cat
They would be friends for all times
His father suddenly married one
He introduced her as she was kind
As she had two children
Son and daughter that would be fun
He refused that marriage
He insisted at his opinion
The woman appeared as she was kind
She dealt him as an angel
But he refused that deal
The kind can look at inner
Heart or self at inner
The father had wild desire
He married and got her in
After while she brought her kinder
She dealt him with her best
At the beginning, at the first
After that,
She appeared her solid heart
And began to hurt him for reason or not
She got very anger
When he studied and her children not
She hurt him
He had to wash the dishes
Before he went to school
After his return he must sweep
As well as clean the flat  
When he complained to his father
She lied on him and got him as a guilt
He was punished by his father
He remarked that when he complained
She wore naked dress
And mothered his father in obvious
Then they closed their room
After that he would be punished
He always ate at the kitchen
He ate the residual and bad food
He slept also at it
While her children ate well
Slept at their beds
Dressed well and did their home works
Without any annoy or disturb
His father lived in another planet
When he saw his son's hair cut in bad way
His step mother punished him by this way
His father didn't ask
What was happened at any way?

2 the cat
Once, when she found him playing with the cat
She lifted her up
She warned him at loud
She threw it in strong
The cat screamed at aloud
The cat fell without movement
He cried and tried to get her
Safe
He found his step mother’s heart solid
He called her a devil
She became in anger
She went and lifted her
She threw her out of the window
They were at the third floor
The cat downed without movement
The boy screamed a lot
The neighbors didn't get help
As they knew that she was worst
And his father ordered them in rigid
Don't give advised
When she tried to get his son straight
She hurt him badly
He could move heavily
He stayed waking and crying
She approached and hurt him strongly
Ordering not to get any sound
As his father would be coming
He lied silent
Till the silent covered
Every inch of the land
He opened the flat's door
And put a shoe before it
Preventing it from closing
He descended quickly
But his movement was silently
He thought that she had devil’s spirit
With millions legs and hands
Like octopus which stretches legs
And catches his victim and eats
Those could watch him
So he was been feared
Of disappeared and hidden ghost
He carried the dead cat
As the thoughts he felt
He got up to the flat
He found its door closed
He knocked it softly
As fearing of getting her up
When he disappointed
To get the door opened
He fell down crying
He curved around himself
He crawled into land
He was crying and wishing
To get die at that moment
He lifted her face up
He prayed to his God
Asking him to get himself dead
As the cat was dead
He looked frustrate
His father dealt him badly
His step mother dealt as a slave
He couldn’t open his mouth
Or even tried to give a breath
Of opposite that would be assigned
Of not satisfying to her plan
He finally got up

3-The chickens’ home
He ascended the stairs
He reached the last floor
He opened the chicken room’s door
He slept hanging his cat
Covering with hens over his chest
Over all his members
So he tried to get warm
In spite of the cold
He got up according to pick up
The chickens’ beaks
At his lips and face
He laughed for a moment
When he saw the cat without move
He cried and lifted her at the hill of chaff
He ascended and knocked the door
Ordering the chickens not to touch her
After he cleaned his clothes as he could
From their stools
She opened the door and released a high sigh
His father came with astonishment
When he saw his son at that manner
He laughed and tried to hang him
Forgetting to ask him
Where he was
Forgetting to show him his pathos
The wife screamed and wandered,”
Oh! Bad one
In spite of hurting him
You laughed at him”
The father ran and returned
He caught a stick
He hurt him in strong
The neighbors looked
His step sister and brother watched
He got up with big sad
When he stole out
He ascended with inner sad
His horizon was collapsed and closed
He expected everything wrong
He expected his future lost
When he opened the chicken’s door
He laughed at loud
He found the cat in fight position
With chickens those attacked
He carried her and celebrated
He danced and jumped a lot
He forgot his hurt and pain
He kissed her a lot
Then he hid
At his bag
When he was out
Her step mother kissed his father
She also kissed her children
When they ascended
His father called at him
He tried to kiss his son
He screamed and said,”
You are not my father
I wish one of us was dead”
That was bad wish
That son wanted to be achieved
There was some fault
Man could be remarked
Or all would be lost
He cried and ran
His step brother and sister took the bus
While he went on foot
The father hesitated
Then he went to his work as he thought
He was late
The boy went to school in sad
4- School manager
When he was at classroom
He got the cat out
He put it in desk
Ordering not to make a sound
At every inch
There were haters or lovers
For anyone had alive
For his luck, his classmates saw her
Who hated him
They laughed at loud
They might bassps with remarked
The teacher ordered him to go the manager
The manger called his father
He was coming on the following day
The manager told the boy to let the cat
As it was not permitted
It would get great noisy
It would chatter the mind
It would decrease the concentrate
The father looked
He talked to his boy
You must obey
All you will be punished
The boy refused saying she is my soul
She is my only family
My sister, mother
The manager interrupted,”
And here is your father”
The boy looked and laughed
“my father was dead”
The boy interrupted
Then he bowed to the land
Crying and screaming
The teachers, workers some pupils
Entered
The sound was sufficient to get up the dead
He said at loud
He said in clearest and repeated
‘’my father was dead”
She interrupted,”
He is a live
He is kind “
He screamed,”
You are liar
All of you are liars
He didn’t pay any attention
To any harm occurred
The only thing he is clever at
Obeying her wife and follow her
As he is the small kid
Especially when she dressed
In naked”
The attendants loved
He completed,”
If this cat was hurt
If this cat didn’t bring the class with me,
You will not see me”
The cat had a mind
She looked as proud
Of that speech was telling
The manger let his father to take him
And tried to get him calm
Otherwise he will be in
Physic hospital”

5-The punishment
The boy returned with anger’s father
He told his wife
To get that boy in moderate
He told her everything
The father returned his work
As his wife advised
His father advised her to deal with kind
She said,” She will return his mind”
She looked at him
She said,’’ so, for this
You would sell all things
Father, lovely mother your brother
And sister
Your manager
Boy let that devil away”
He said with loud,” no!”
She said, “You will be devil
You will enter the hill
He wandered, “why?”
She said, “As you didn’t obey me
Let her go or you will not know
Her way”
He screamed,”no!”
This scream vibrated wall
This scream wake up deepest sleeping
She laughed and said,” Oh boy! You feared me!’’
She completed,” let her or”
She went towards her
She lifted her
And threw it at the floor
She stroke her head
At the solid floor
Trying her to dead
The boy could not stand
The boy could not stop
He pushed his step mother away
In spite of his will
In spite of his polite
But he wanted to save his love
She got up
She threw the cat at the floor
She downed without movement
She stood in front of him
She caught his clothes
Saying,” Oh! Hero!
You will see your deserve!”
She threw him towards the wall
His head was strongly hurt
He fell unconscious
She dragged him to the kitchen
She brought a sharp knife
She put a steel rod
Which was used in grill
She said,”Mrs.
Who begged, was my neighbor
Advised her to bring you
To work with her
But she wanted some decorate”
Occurring at your body
She completed,”
I will cut your *******
Then I will get your eye blind”
The cat was hardly nearest
For his good or bad luck
When she saw her
She laughed and said,”
Let’s begin with this mad”
She caught her and brought the knife
The moment between death and life
The moment between day and night
Equals blink
The boy’s mind was returned
The boy got up and hurried
He forgot his headache
He threw his step mother out
She laughed as mad
She said with loud laugh
The neighbors swore she was mad
As they heard her mad
Laugh
She prepared towards him
After putting the rod on furnace
To get it red and hot
She faced the boy
With sudden move
She downed him
She prepared the knife
To be ready to cut his hand
To look petty  
To get mercy
To get a lot of money
He screamed
He called
“You are the devil”
She laughed and said,”
Am i
I will take your eye!”
He screamed, he prayed,”
Oh! God help, help!
No power like you God!”
She laughed and said, “Where is he?
He could not save you
As there was nobody
Except me and you!”

6-The reward
She said, “Oh! Idea”
She threw the knife out
She got the hot rod out
Saying, “Well, I will let you
Blind
As I have mercy
I would not let you hurt
Watching your hand cutting”
She approached, approached
She caught the hot rod
She was confident
But suddenly something was up
Something was on her face
Something hurt her strong
She was the cat
She didn’t let her
Until the blood got out of her eyes
The cat moved towards the hot rod
Forgetting his hot
She hardly lifted it up
Hardly caught it
With her weak mouth
She became so strong
She put it at her tongue
Till it was burned
She couldn’t talk
She was dead after days
His father apologized to him
He didn’t tell his father
As he was not believed
The cat lived at home
As faith and strong one

I knew this cat
With this stupid moustache
And this stupid round head
I'm writing this out to
To bid you farewell

This wild cat you see
Got found on some field
Under the shade of an oily tractor
By this tractor-rider wannabe
Cat adopting girl

I've been with this cat
Less than a handful of times
Shouldn't really matter right
But man the presence of this cat
I can't shake it off

I know other cats I thought
What's with this one then
The runt of the litter this cat
This little round devil this
Sneaky finger biting cat

With wild cats I know
You can't hold them too long
And the more you try to play
The more the cat will fight you away
It will jump away inevitably one day

With this cat I always knew that
But it shocked me when it did that
And now I can't help but playback
What could've been back when
I wasn't tied to this jumping cat

This cat played with yarn you see
Showed me all kinds of tricks it knew
And when I got caught up in the strings
It just jumped away but me
Was left dragging along the threads

You see me and this cat
I just can't get why this cat jumped
But I know why this cat jumps off
That's just what this wild cat does to
To people fond of the cat

You know cat I'm sorry to see
That you're not around anymore
For me but for your mother even more
I'll remember your stupid name
And your stupid round head

Here dragging this cat's threads you know
But that's fine and alright I guess
I can still like this cat and not see it again
Memories are meant to be kept for that
Can't accept to forget that stinky cat

Move on I'm sure you'll say cat
And I've done exactly that
Apart from the bites and scratches
You've left as part of me you stupid silly cat I
I can't get rid of that

Well see now you stupid silly round
Sneaky goofy biting got me stuck
Jumping scratching stupid round moustache
Wild stupid cat round and round we go
I'm sad to see you go

Blanket city run along soaked in rain. Idiot Boy wastes his time visiting a passing crush at the other end of town. Slips between two houses and a metal sheet, communal refrigerator in the middle of the road filed with half-empty soy bottles.

Dead bell stop, mocking red blink of the operator. Father arrives, a mess of wiry muscles and hair.

“Hey. Is Coffin Cat here?”

“Who?” Father squints at Idiot Boy’s cap. Idiot Boy avoids eye contact.

“Um.”

Recessed in the blackness behind Father, a Figure says, “You looking for Coffin Cat?”

Idiot Boy nods.

The Recessed Figure turns. “I’ll go get her.”

Father returns to his parched body on the couch, content.

Indistinguishable forms move back and forth in the kitchen to the right. They stop their pacing and glance at Idiot Boy as he passes. Idiot Boy avoids eye contact and slips into the left-bound arterial vessel.

“So this is the heart chamber I’ve been living in,” Coffin Cat says as Idiot Boy enters her room. There is music gear. “It’s pretty comfy.”

“Oh, sick mic,” Idiot Boy says, pointing at the mic behind Coffin Cat’s head.

“I feel like a ghost,” Coffin Cat replies, falling on her bed.

Idiot Boy settles next to her. Animal distance. Intensely aware of his rain-soaked right shoe. “Same.”

Nothing comes out right, intersubjectivity a false God to mediate the impossible kernel of being, nobody can find nor express. Idiot Boy searches for connection. He glances around the heart chamber, at the music gear, but nothing grips. Four pears sit on a table by the window, their skins garish green in the harsh grey light.

Coffin Cat moves from the bed to the floor. She opens a virtual aquarium on her computer; fish eat pellets dropped from the sky to **** out coins to buy more fish to **** out coins to buy more fish. Capitalist investment and accumulation. Every few minutes a rocket-spewing robot teleports into the aquarium to attack the fish. Ruthless competition in the global marketplace.

“No! Why would you swim there, you ******* fish?” Coffin Cat yells as one if her fish is eaten by the nomadic war machine. “So dumb. ****. Why did it eat my fish?”

A knock at the door. The Recessed Figure from earlier enters the room. “Hey, mind if I join?” Their arms dangle like fine threads of hair.

“I like your music gear,” Idiot Boy says, pointing at nothing in particular.

“Idiot Boy also makes music,” Coffin Cat adds from the floor.

The Recessed Figure does not respond. They are enthralled by their phone, streak of dead pixels along a digital chessboard, minute reflection of their own gaunt face in the glass. After an extended period, they decide to move none of their pieces. A gaping coffee grinder rises out of the rubble at their feet. They begin filling it with tobacco from broken cigarettes.

“I’m surprised you’re still playing this,” Idiot Boy says to Coffin Cat. “I swear this is one of those games designed to ruin your life. Get addicted, stop going to work, become a hikik weaboo.”

“Already there, man,” Coffin Cat laughs. “Nah, this is my new job. I’m going to be a professional gamer.”

“Stream only PopCap games.”

Another knock at the door. Tired squander in an endless pacing of flesh. Strawman enters and nods at the Recessed Figure. “Hey bro.”

“Good to see you, man.” The Recessed Figure plugs the coffee grinder into the wall. “You got any ciggys?”

Idiot Boy points under the table and says “Ahh” with his mouth.

The Recessed Figure empties it into the coffee grinder. The device whirs into motion, creating a centrifugal blur, a mechanical and headless hypnotic repeat.

Idiot Boy and Coffin Cat look for horror movies to watch. The Recessed Figure empties the contents of the coffee grinder onto a metal tray. Strawman repacks it into a ****. White smoke fills the empty column, moves in slow motion like an oceanic rip a mile off coast, surface seething with quiet, impenetrable violence.

Idiot Boy refuses the first round. It’s never done him any good. Face turned to smoke and the wretched weight of a tongue that refuses to speak. Headless carry-on as time ticks through the clock face.

The door bursts open. Everybody turns as Manic Refusal or the Loud Person saunters in.

“I can’t believe it. I can’t ******* believe it. They’re selling me off!” the Loud Person says in exasperation. “First time back in New Zealand in five years and they do this to me!”

“What? What’s happened?” Strawman asks.

“Some rich ****** in Australia has bought me as his wife. I knew it, I knew if I came back, my parents wouldn’t let me leave again. Whole ******* thing arranged!” the Loud Person laughs bitterly, before hitting the ****.

“Oomph, that’s rough,” Coffin Cat quips from the side.

“No, you don’t even understand. This is the first time back, the first time back in five years, and I’m being sold to off some rich ****** who owns all the banks in Australia.”

“But like, who is this guy?” Strawman asks, pointing.

“And he’s been reading all my profiles. He has access to all my information. I don’t even have control over my Facebook profile. Grand Larson’s logged in as me, posting for me,” the Loud Person continues. “I met him once in Australia, clubbing, and now he’s tracked and bought me.”

“That’s creepy as ****,” Idiot Boy says.

“So he’s not a complete stranger?” Strawman asks.

“I can’t believe it. I can’t ******* believe it. First time back in five years and I’m being sold off!”

Idiot Boy decides one hit from the **** wouldn’t be so bad. He packs the cone with chop, lights and inhales. Smoke rushes through the glass channel, a swirl of white ether, more than he’d expected. He quickly passes the **** to Coffin Cat, before collapsing onto the bed, eyes closed. A suffocating sensation fills his body. He sinks into the chasm of himself, further and further into an impossible, infinite depth.

“Still working at . . . ?”

“Yeah, yeah. Management. Hospital. You?”

“Like, property. Motions.”

“Subcontracting? Intonements?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Mmm.”

Idiot Boy doesn’t know what’s going on. He feels sick and tries to get Coffin Cat’s attention, but cannot move his body.

“Come on. Sell me drugs, Strawman.”

“Nah. I don’t deal drugs. I don’t deal drugs.”

A strange silence stretches like an artificial dusk, a liminal duration, the hollow click of a tape set back into place in reverse. The Recessed Figure coughs and the Loud Person whirs back into motion.

“I can’t believe it. I can’t ******* believe it. They’re selling me off! First time back in New Zealand in five years and they do this to me!”

The Recessed Figure makes a noncommittal noise.

“I knew it, I knew if I came back, my parents wouldn’t let me leave again. Whole ******* thing arranged!”

Coffin Cat laughs quietly.

“No, you don’t even understand. This is the first time back, the first time back in five years, and I’m being sold off to some rich ****** who owns all the banks in Australia.”

“How about this fella? He doing okay?” Strawman asks, pointing. Everyone turns to Idiot Boy and laughs affectionately.

“Still working at . . . ?”

“Yeah, yeah. Management. Hospital. You?”

“Like, property. Motions.”

“Subcontracting? Intonements?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Mmm.”

“Sell me drugs, Strawman.”

“Nah. I don’t deal drugs. I don’t deal drugs.”

Idiot Boy slowly opens his eyes and stares out the window. The same grey light as before. He moves his arm further towards Coffin Cat, but is still too weak to get her attention. The same strange silence stretches. The Recessed Figure coughs and the Loud Person whirs back into motion.

“I can’t believe it. I can’t ******* believe it. . . .”

As the conversation repeats over and again, Idiot Boy begins to think he has become psychotic, or perhaps entered into a psychotic space. He thinks of computer algorithms, input-output, loops without variables, endless regurgitations of the same result. Human machines trapped in their own stupid loop. Drug-****** neuronal networks incapable of making new connections, forever traversing old ones. Short-term memory loss, every repeat a new conversation of what has already been. The same grey light painted upon four pears by the window.

He’s not sure if Coffin Cat’s laugh is getting weaker with each repeat.

Signal-response. The exterior world oversaturated with variables: roadways, rivers, forests, wildlife — an ever changing scene to respond to — the illusion of depth. Automatic response mechanisms reorient to new stimuli. The soul rises like surfactant, objectified fractal diffusion. A becoming without end.

But within the border of this interior world, the light stays grey. No input, no change; the same dead repeat, over and over, until sundown triggers a hunger response. Lined all along the street, a black box ceremony of repeating machines, trapped in their idiot cults, walls of clay and blood.

Idiot Boy finally gets Coffin Cat’s attention. She helps him through the house’s arteries to reach rain and wet stone, overcast skies. As he shakes in shock, Coffin Cat mumbles, “It’s cold.”

Idiot Boy sits silent on the ride home. Travels through himself. Tunnel through the body or Mariana Trench. Loses his footing before a traumatic void. Leaves the car and pukes.

Cats and Birds communicate well. The Cat stalks the Bird and the Bird flees for its Life and then the bird is caught and killed by the merciless hunter. Now that's a pretty clear communication.  Birds are cats prey. It has caused a dilemma for me over the years because I love cats but I also love birds.

I already had two parakeet birds when I brought my first cat home. To remedy any conflict I put up a shelf and kept the bird cage on the shelf. The shelf was up high and I had to step on a stool to reach it but it granted the birds absolute safety from my two cats while I was at work or away. The second cat I got was a female gymnast that could jump high and climb anything but the shelf was not in her reach.

Over the years my original set of birds changed because they died, except for a blue colored bird that survived the three other birds in the span of ten years.  I named this bird "Bluebird."  Everytime a bird would die I thought it was sad that the single bird was all by itself and I would drive to the pet store and purchase another bird to make the world right.

After the third bird died there was a short lapse of time that Bluebird stayed by herself.  I noticed that Bluebird was not sad at all.  In fact, I never saw her so happy.

She started singing all the time and jumping merrily around the cage like she was having the time of her life.  She would go into the corner of the cage and do little somersault flips in the corner of the cage that were so funny and cute that I would laugh out loud when I saw her do it.  I would make a clicking noise to the bird that she would repeat back to me and at that point I just couldn't find a good reason to purchase another companion bird for my single bird that was so happy to be on her own.

At the end of the day when it was time to relax, I would be in the living room watching evening television with my two cozy, affectionate cats.  Usually pet people consider their pets their family as I did, and I started bringing the bird cage in the living room in the evenings so that Bluebird would spend time with the family.

It is perfectly alright to laugh at this because it is hilarious that someone would consider their cat creatures their family but I was sincere, single and loved my pets which have always been a major part of my life. Since I didn't have anywhere to put the birdcage I just set the cage on the floor against a wall right in front of me so I could see the cage at all times.

At first my girl cat would sit in front of the bird cage and just stare at the bird and watch the bird closely.  I would make an announcement to my cat that Bluebird was a family bird and not for hunting.

As time passed, the cat would lay casually by the bird cage and watch the bird casually.  Further down the road the cat would lounge and take naps by the bird cage, abandoning  the need altogether to watch the bird so closely.  The other cat stayed away from the cage and was not interested in the bird.

The cat and the bird started playing through the cage.  A game of tag was initiated by the bird. Now, in the evenings they played tag through the cage and I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it myself.

My twelve pound girl cat was gentle and careful as she pawed where the bird was chirping and jumping inside the cage and insisting dramatically that the cat catch her and when the cats paw touched the bird through the cage it was caught and the bird would acknowledge the catch by touching the cats paw with its beak and then continue jumping all around for the next tag.

They did this on a regular basis.  It was neat.  It was love.  It was fun. Sometimes when the cat would leave the cage and be heading a few feet away, the bird would make a lot of chirping sounds as if calling to the cat and the cat would stop, turn around and go sit back at the cage keeping the bird company.

The bird actually called the cat back to the cage to hang out.  I was never so brave as to let the bird out of the cage to play with the cat without the protection of its cage.  

It was just a pleasure to see the cat treat the parakeet bird as one of the family as the two of them became very good friends.

Pretty Cat, Kitty Cat.
U stole My Heart, this morning.
Pretty Cat, Kitty Cat.
Let's watch the Stars burning.
Pretty Cat, Kitty Cat.
Where did u learn to purr?
Pretty Cat, Kitty Cat.
You're a Kitten fully of fur.
Pretty Cat, Kitty Cat.
Your Heart, was Once My Home.
Pretty Cat, Kitty Cat.
Don't in the streets, U Roam.
Pretty Cat, Kitty Cat.
Who, let the Dogs out?
Pretty Cat, Kitty Cat.
Why do U make me Shout?
🤭

Cat-like lotto being scratched off
Shades dressed to the nines
Cat Women whites and Gray's
Pulling out her men's hairballs

Chatty Patty pancakes hearts
online more calcium her
bone Inn limit
Thank God! its' Friday
However, did it come to
the number 13 Orange
Pumpkin heads
Minus the 4 days she
needed her nine lives
back in bed

So finicky to test our time
Pulling all strings her nose cute
as a  black spot button,
Beguiled black baby cat on
her futon Miss pretty Kitty

He's the Navy Seal
The coach sealing the deal
Having *** appeal from
Heaven to earth 4 For 4
Wendy Tuna smells
Fortune tells the Luna
Cat on hot tin roof tiger print tabby,
The Egyptian Robbie dancer
starry eye glancer in the long
narrow alley Maggie May
The heating cooking up his
finicky paw the last
religious supper huge day
The black cat she's got 
 hot legs I love you honey

Rod Stewart forever young
On the ladder kitten gloves of money

Lady in cat print what
Cat's meow man handlers
Not one flaw over her dresser
Becoming the cat calculator

Fiddler on Roof Lechaim
to Life maybe it's not what
it seems
Hollywood Stray Cats big
bang theory what priority
Black Coach  secrets Victoria
Women like cats in her diary
Windmills of the Gods

The Hail Mary mastery
Tell me your dreams
Don't spill the milk
How love drops sewed me
in silk thread the test of time
We shouldn't test ourselves
like an unfortunate crime
About time knowing oneself
Well the cat got your tongue
Chosen one shelf

Like a book  going stale
We need them
Cat Coach matchmaker
You're the miracle worker
The book speaks without
being told
But how quickly our hearts
could be sold now taking
the bar exam
And your "Miss Kitty"
making her best-baked yams
So illegally you stoled all the pink
His smile is playing on me
His tiger eyes  Cat Coach so tempted
And like hot shepherds pie flicked
It's not bad luck to see a cat
when you had lied
You get what you give
Something gives how fate pulls

Meaning/mission/alleyway/
Dreaming/Cat fusion/Cat Valley-pay
Just love the way he makes you feel
Not in harm's way home cooked meal
Like Independence day cool

Kissing your money goodbye
Two glasses of wine Athens
Greece
Bigger than life Black cat
Demonstrator making her
own world of peace
German tour bus
Sparkling beer and good
cheer black cat like a
good soldier
under the chair
Dark blue sailor
He was in the alley
With cans and faded glory
You would never realize
he had a cat story
The ancient days of Gladiators
All imitators full moon black cat

Came way too soon
Bodies of the women
were sold
Roman EmpireTrump
got hired play trumpets
But darkness prevails
Like the treachery
The California dreaming
but the truth primary
Love wilderness or blind love
wildfire but brings tenderness
She said, my husband,
died happily and the other lady
told her___?
But he was happy to die
From the old world or new
We get cat licked
New world marries right away
An old world  it takes 1 to 2 years
But cats life will be even better
Nine lives you could wait
Are defeat you fall into
his bait
Fairy__tails Cat dynasty
Spartacus like bonafide
Princesses in the Coach
Teaching at the college
Taking a long tree ride
Get roared out Big Tigers
coach Please Papa Preach

Oregon Demon Cat

The demon cat
Lived in Medford Oregon

The demon cat was a ******* cat
His eyes were filled with demonic energy
He stared at you

Looking into your very soul
Filled with anger, and hatred
For the entire human race

He seemed at times
To be not from this planet
Perhaps an alien species
Studying the human race

Or perhaps he came
Form hell itself

The demon cat loved to torment visitors
For some reason he hated the man’s daughter

The cat would stare at her from his perch
Down the hall from the old man

Then he would run at her
Screaming like an escaped banshee
Straight out of hell

She told her dad
Either the cat goes
Or I go

He said
See you later

The demon cat smiled
At the small victory

And she left the house
With the demon cat
Screeching good bye
Strange Cat Watching Me


A cat sits on the edge of a bed
Watching me watching him
Both of us thinking
What sort of strange creature this is
That has invaded our personal space
Upending our daily routines

The cat came up to me
Staring at me
with his soulful eyes
Boring into my very soul
Looking for answers
To these dark fundamental questions

The cat smiles a mysterious smile
And purrs in contentment
Having found an answer of sorts
And indicates that we can be friends
As long as I know
That he is the boss of me

And I pet him
Acknowledging
the time honored
Ritual of human cat interaction
That dates
back to the dawn of time

When humans and cats
First became aware
Of the other
Strange creature
that shared
our planet

Cat Dreams **** Humans

cat sitting smiling
cat lost in buddha trance thought
cat dreams **** humans

Through long nursery nights he stood
By my bed unwearying,
Loomed gigantic, formless, queer,
Purring in my haunted ear
That same hideous nightmare thing,
Talking, as he lapped my blood,
In a voice cruel and flat,
Saying for ever, "Cat! ... Cat! ... Cat!..."

That one word was all he said,
That one word through all my sleep,
In monotonous mock despair.
Nonsense may be light as air,
But there's Nonsense that can keep
Horror bristling round the head,
When a voice cruel and flat
Says for ever, "Cat! ... Cat! ... Cat!..."

He had faded, he was gone
Years ago with Nursery Land,
When he leapt on me again
From the clank of a night train,
Overpowered me foot and head,
Lapped my blood, while on and on
The old voice cruel and flat
Says for ever, "Cat! ... Cat! ... Cat!..."

Morphia drowsed, again I lay
In a crater by High Wood:
He was there with straddling legs,
Staring eyes as big as eggs,
Purring as he lapped my blood,
His black bulk darkening the day,
With a voice cruel and flat,
"Cat! ... Cat! ... Cat! ... Cat!..." he said, "Cat! ... Cat!..."

When I'm shot through heart and head,
And there's no choice but to die,
The last word I'll hear, no doubt,
Won't be "Charge!" or "Bomb them out!"
Nor the stretcher-bearer's cry,
"Let that body be, he's dead!"
But a voice cruel and flat
Saying for ever, "Cat! ... Cat! ... Cat!"

What can you do with a naughty cat
When she’s lying on your bed?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she’s sleeping on your head?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she’s always up to no good?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she loves digging in the mud.

What do you do with a naughty cat
When she loves to jump and fight?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When her top trump is to give you a fright?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When in corners she will creep?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she won’t stop hunting your feet?

What can you do with a naughty cat
When she’s pooing in the bath?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When all you can do is laugh? (Don’t)
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she covers your phone with drool?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she’s taking you for a fool.

What can you do with a naughty cat
When she keeps stealing your lunch?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When all she really wants is a munch?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she’s fighting with your pen?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she just won’t get off again

Oh I give up

Before you ask--no, I have not seen your cat.  
Your cat left the house around 4:45 pm, while you were at work, I'm assuming. I'm assuming your room-mate left the door open and the cat saw an open space, a new world, waiting to be scratched and pawed and possibly snacked on. The cat walked out on you in this way.

The cat padded along the wooden steps, peacefully, quietly.
No one was around except a grasshopper, who died in the cat's mouth later.
Meanwhile, your room-mate brushed her teeth and did mouth rinse for as long as thirty-five seconds.

There were puddles in the road, and a car drove by and water splashed up into your cat's little face.  The little face of your cat winced, and the little body shook off the water, and kept cat walking to nowhere in particular.  Your cat--the zen master.

Seemingly out of no where, a large tree appeared, and the cat walked around the tree to the other side.  A squirrel paused to observe the cat, cautiously.  

Like the squirrel, the cat then proceeded cautiously around his or her own predator, the dog.  The dog was chained to a fence though, and your cat was free.

When you came home from work, you were so tired you fell asleep and did not even notice that your cat was gone.

I think I am the cat’s pyjamas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I am the cat’s pyjamas

Today and each and every day I’m told.
Halos hanging in my wardrobe tell me so
I think I am the cat’s pyjamas.
Not just an ordinary pair for an alley cat.
Know that I am a modest cat. It must be true

I think I am the cat’s pyjamas

And I will explain to you the clever things I do
My mummy cat try’s to curb my vanity

Though I think I am the cat’s pyjamas
Have you ever seen a cat writing poetry ?
Extra special pedigree cat’s can do this !

Can’t you see I am the cat’s pyjamas
And writing is my forte. It is my cloak.
Though I sleep every night with my beliefs
See I believe I am the cat’s pyjamas

Pyjamas of the finest Indonesia silk.
Yes in hues of pinks and vivid purple
Justification I am the cat’s pyjamas
And my modesty is known far and wide.
My goodness I am such a splendid Tom.
And to finalise know I am the cat’s pyjamas
See she told me last night so it must be true.!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Written by Philip.
November 10th 2018.

Kitty cat kitty cat
Stole his place this evening
Kitty cat kitty cat
No more competing

Kitty cat kitty cat
I won't mind you stay
Kitty cat kitty cat
I'll leave as well today

Kitty cat kitty cat
Do you care if we go?
Kitty cat kitty cat
To me you felt like home

Kitty cat kitty cat
You don't feel my dread
Kitty cat kitty cat
Sleeping on my bed

I think I am the cat’s pyjamas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I am the cat’s pyjamas

Today and each and every day I’m told.
Halos hanging in my wardrobe tell me so
I think I am the cat’s pyjamas.
Not just an ordinary pair for an alley cat.
Know that I am a modest cat. It must be true

I think I am the cat’s pyjamas

And I will explain to you the clever things I do
My mummy cat try’s to curb my vanity

Though I think I am the cat’s pyjamas
Have you ever seen a cat writing poetry ?
Extra special pedigree cat’s can do this !

Can’t you see I am the cat’s pyjamas
And writing is my forte. It is my cloak.
Though I sleep every night with my beliefs
See I believe I am the cat’s pyjamas

Pyjamas of the finest Indonesia silk.
Yes in hues of pinks and vivid purple
Justification I am the cat’s pyjamas
And my modesty is known far and wide.
My goodness I am such a splendid Tom.
And to finalise know I am the cat’s pyjamas
See she told me last night so it must be true.!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Written by Philip.
November 10th 2018.

Black, white, and fur all over.
That's what you were, George.
Generic street cat look, or what we Filipinos call,"Pusang Kalye".
Fattest cat, I've seen in person but probably the only reasons why I can like cats as an animal.
You came to our lives at a very interesting point in time.
You were the size of an overgrown puppy when we got you and you just turned 7 years old.
I thought it was interesting to have a fat cat live with us because I only imagined the amount of interest that would build into my family despite us never having a cat.
My sisters were scared of you out of trauma, but you know that wouldn't last forever.
I spent my entire afternoon with you the day you came to our home, and observed your mannerisms.
You like lying down on surfaces with odd textures because you like how it feels, and you love to hide in shadowy places because you were edgey I suppose?
Dunno, but that's what you were George. The fat cat in the shadows.
Time passed by, and my sisters started growing to you.
You eventually moved into my sisters' room, and you stayed there ever since.
To my sisters, you were the greatest things that happened to them.
Alyssa, the second oldest in our family, loved you as if you were her long lost boyfriend.
She'd brush your fur, bathe you when you hated it most, and she'd trim your nails.
Alyssa always looked out fo royu.
Sasha, the youngest in our family, would always pester you because she'd see you as a living stuffed toy.
Of course she did that as a joke, but I know that she really loved having you around otherwise she'd be stuck on her iPad the entire day just watching anime and K-drama.
Even our mom, who hates cats grew to love you.
She'd always stop by my sisters room just to pet you and let you walk around her legs.
Only cat owners and people who've seen cats enough would understand that cats walk around people's legs to let them know that,"I own you." It's a cat's way of saying,"I love you."
Sounds twisted, but it was one of the most genuine things a cat could do.
To me, you were one of the most deviant things in my world.
I've never imagined having a cat, and nor was I looking forward to having one.
I remember lying down on my bed frustrated.
Frustrated with insecurity in a time where I thought the whole world was filled with crap.
Every now and then, you visited my room.
You just kind of lied down on my bed and stared me.
Some times you'd meow to get my attention because you needed to use the restroom, but you were just there as if you were listening to the insecurities in my head.
One day, I came back from a giant youth conference that changed every part of my life.
I was just lying down, thinking about everything that I decided to change in my life.
Then all of a sudden, you lied down on my stomach as if it were your bed, and you just purred.
A cat purr is probably one of the most oddly comforting things in the world.
A cat's entire body vibrates and lets out a soft hum.
Receiving a cat purr is like receiving an affectionate hug from someone who's not close to you, but you know they're genuine.
I didn't move from my bed  because I didn't know what to do, and I wanted to observe but I knew that you loved me.
I wasn't very expressive in showing that I cared about you George, because I was focused on myself way too much.
Yet you were always there to meow at me and to lie down on me, even when I took long naps.
Until one day, you stopped being affectionate.
You stopped showing your love for me.
You just lied down on a bed as still as a statue.
You wouldn't react to anyone who pet you or tried to bug you.
You were frozen...
Mom took you to the vet, and who knew...
You were dying.
You were emotionless, because you were sad.
We didn't know how selfish we were by just watching you play statue.
How callous of us!
As days went by, anxiety built within my sisters.
Until February 22, 2017, you were gone.
Hearts were broken. Tears were shed.
But this thought always lingered the entire time you were there.
"Everything happens for a reason and whatever God allows is His will."
Here I am in a coffee shop on the same day, trying to grasp the concept of mourning.
If dealing with death is coffee, then mourning is black coffee.
It's the healthiest of the choices but its bitter.
It awakens you physically and emotionally.
Too much of it, is bad for a human being.
You're a cat, the second most loved pet in the world but a "hit and miss" pet for the general populace.
I'm just thankful that you were in our lives because if you weren't there, Alyssa wouldn't have learned responsibility.
You brought her stability.
Thanks for dealing with Sasha, because she needed to release her emotions as well every time she pestered you.
And thank you, for always bugging me when I'm alone.
I used to push people away for getting too close, but you taught me that it doesn't take much to show love.
Thank you, George.
The Fat Cat of the Silva-Afzelius household, the Cat of the Shadows, and Alyssa's Sweet Prince.
We are thankful for the joy of companionship that you left in our hearts.
Good night furry one.

SCHRODINGER'S DOG

Unlike
Schrödinger's cat

Schrödinger's dog

was always
there

under his feet

hungry for
...his Master's voice...a pat...the sound of his step...

The cat
(like anybody's cat)

couldn't give
a toss

(but that was neither
here nor there) .

It's hard to tell

if it's alive or if
it ain't.

It's one
lazzzzzzy cat.

He's never there
(when you want him to be)

and always there
(when you don't want him to be.)

Quark the cat
was just one big paradox.

The dog
was old and faithful

always
in the box

asleep or gnawing
a bone in thought.

The cat couldn't care
less

a source
of constant

anxiety

about its
whereabouts

and the state
of its health.

Being
neither

here nor
there

or somewhere
else entirely

as if it lived
in a parallel universe.

Lived in a world
of its own.

Thus the theory of
Schrödinger's Cat

proved
(beyond doubt)

that although
cats are nice an' all dat

dogs
are a scientist's

best friend.

*

In 1935, Schrödinger published an essay describing the conceptual problems in quantum mechanics. A brief paragraph in this essay described the cat paradox:

One can even set up quite ridiculous cases. A cat is penned up in a steel chamber, along with the following diabolical device (which must be secured against direct interference by the cat) : in a Geiger counter there is a tiny bit of radioactive substance, so small that perhaps in the course of one hour one of the atoms decays, but also, with equal probability, perhaps none; if it happens, the counter tube discharges and through a relay releases a hammer which shatters a small flask of hydrocyanic acid. If one has left this entire system to itself for an hour, one would say that the cat still lives if meanwhile no atom has decayed. The first atomic decay would have poisoned it. The Psi function for the entire system would express this by having in it the living and the dead cat (pardon the expression) mixed or smeared out in equal parts.[

*

There was a leak in my cistern in the brain stem. I didn't like to play dice with my universe so I called a quantum mechanic in. I asked him if it was bad. He said: Well, it is or it isn't...depending on how you look at it.. It's good for me...bad for you! '

'Now, about that cat? '

'Not that old chestnut....the cat is over 70 now...just fix the cistern will ya! I had the cat poisoned...so that's that! '

'Ohhhhh! '

'Anyway...it was a hypothetical cat! '

'Ya mean it wasn't real? '

'Oh...what is real?

He seemed considerably saddened by this and left without charging for the cistern.
I hate when after all this time Animal Rights activists disguise themselves plumbers in order to rescue the ****** cat that is neither alive or dead.

Next time it leaks...I'll call a vet.

I'm trapped.
Trapped like a rat.
And he is the house cat.
We live in New York,
which is to say,
we live in chaos.
We like to dream big,
but we don't follow through.
Afterall, a cat will attack a rat because it's a rat.
The way of our world.
A beautiful hurricane of a vicious cycle.
When it rains,
it pours.
You and I are a perfect example of no pain, no gain
but the gain is really so miniscule that this game,
Mr. Cat,
seems like there is truly no glory in winning.
A rat can try to run from a cat, and very few escape.
If I could evade the cat and leave New York...
I have the time to contemplate...
Could there be a better existence in which I am a) not being chased, attacked, or trapped by a cat, and b) free of the noise and chaos of New York?
I have been in this corner for awhile now.
His patience is everlasting.
He guards the safest escape route.
Cat's are smart.
There is, however, a crack in the wall.
But it would be a tremendous fall.
A chance, perhaps, this rat could scale the brick wall of the apartment building,
down 10 floors to the alley and scurry scurry scurry far far far away.
Wait.
He is...retreating?
Is this a trick?
No, it seems I've bored this tired, old house cat!
This is my chance to leave, lickety-split
out through the hole behind the welcome mat,
that rests against the south wall.
I peak my head out of the crevice -
there seems to be no cat.
I run. Scurry scurry scurry.
Hurry hurry hurry.
Too late. It was a smarter trap.
Retreat! Retreat!
His teeth sink into my hind leg.
I squeak, I thrash. I poke him in the eyes with my sharp nails.
He releases me and I hobble scurry to the crack.
The cat is attacking the wall.
Furious.
Next time, he won't allow me to fight back.
There is no point in staying here, afterall.
I will take my chances on the wall.
Out the hole, brick edge by brick edge I cling and claw my way down.
....
I made it.
...this is a free rat.
There is no cat.
There is still noise, anger, people everywhere;
shouting.
This is not where this rat wants to be, either.
Out of New York.
That's what is desired.
The cat has left me with wounds,
and memories of torture.
I will go, and heal, over many of moons,
and find peace in my future.
Run and run and free free free.
So it wants, so it has done, so it will be.

One Cuil = One level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation.

Example: You ask me for a cat.

One Cuil: If you asked me for a cat and I gave you a rhino.

Two Cuil: If you asked me for a cat, but it turns out I don't really exist. In the place where you perceived me to be standing is a picture of a large cat. On it's collar are the words: "I am a large rhino."

Three Cuil: You are a cat. You begin to scream, only to realise that you are meowing. You scratch just under your ears and begin to purr.

Four Cuil: Why are we wearing dinosaur outfits? A light breezes rolls over our bodies but you only have one arm. Suddenly, the wind begins to howl and an alternative universe is created where we are dinosaurs wearing human outfits. I have cats for arms, and as you notice this you meow again.

Five Cuil: You ask for a cat; and I give you a cat. Your pull it to your chest and begin to pet it. Your nose begins to run and you wipe it on the cats tail. On the other side of the world a bank is robbed by a woman who has 7 sisters. In her wallet is a picture of you, in your human form. Your ears are pierced in this picture and they were in your human form as well, but something is different about them. The cat purrs and grabs a hold of your earring, ripping it from your ear. Milk drips out of you wound and the lady robbing the bank is arrested. Her oldest sister is climaxing while having *** with my brother. I give you a cat and it is poisonous. I am dead.

Six Cuil: You ask me for a cat. Mark Whalberg tells me he will not **** and he hands me a cat. The cat is smoking a cigarette, I develop liver cancer. I die. The wind blows on you again and the cat does not have a left rear leg. It puts its cigarette out on my eye. MGMT plays softly and you meow to the moon which is a pizza. The pizza has olives on it which displeases you. Your displeasure causes the woman to rob the bank so she can buy you Hawaiian pizza.  The gravitational pull of the olives causes a flood to reach your house. You cry and your tears become lakes. The Earth is flooded. Uranus ignites suddenly, engulfing Neptune in flames. A civilization of Nicolas Cage's living there are destroyed. Obi Wan says that there has been a disturbance in the force. A cat hands you me.

The courtesan and poet Zuo Fen had two cats Xe Ming and Xi Ming. Living in her distant court with only her maid Hu Yin, her cats were often her closest companions and, like herself, of a crepuscular nature.
      It was the very depths of winter and the first moon of the Solstice had risen. The old year had nearly passed.
      The day itself was almost over. Most of the inner courts retired before the new day began (at about 11.0pm), but not Zuo Fen. She summoned her maid to dress her in her winter furs, gathered her cats on a long chain leash, and walked out into the Haulin Gardens.
      These large and semi-wild gardens were adjacent to the walls of her personal court. The father of the present Emperor had created there a forest once stocked with game, a lake to the brim with carp and rich in waterfowl, and a series of tall structures surrounded by a moat from which astronomers were able to observe the firmament.
      Emperor Wu liked to think of Zuo Fen walking at night in his father’s park, though he rarely saw her there. He knew that she valued that time alone to prepare herself for his visits, visits that rarely occurred until the Tiger hours between 3.0am and 6.0am when his goat-drawn carriage would find its way to her court unbidden. She herself would welcome him with steaming chai and sometimes a new rhapsody. They would recline on her bed and discuss the content and significance of certain writings they knew and loved. Discussion sometimes became an elaborate game when a favoured Classical text would be taken as the starting point for an exchange of quotation. Gradually quotation would be displaced by subtle invention and Zuo Fen would find the Emperor manoeuvring her into making declarations of a passionate or ****** nature.
       It seemed her very voice captivated him and despite herself and her inclinations they would join as lovers with an intensity of purpose, a great tenderness, and deep joy. He would rest his head inside her cloak and allow her lips to caress his ears with tales of river and mountain, descriptions of the flights of birds and the opening of flowers. He spoke to her ******* of the rising moon, its myriad reflections on the waters of Ling Lake, and of its trees whose winter branches caressed the cold surface.

Whilst Zuo Fen walked in the midnight park with her cats she reflected on an afternoon of frustration. She had attempted to assemble a new poem for her Lord.  Despite being himself an accomplished poet and having an extraordinary memory for Classical verse, the Emperor retained a penchant for stories about Mei-Lim, a young Suchan girl dragged from her family to serve as a courtesan at his court.
      Zuo Fen had invented this girl to articulate some of her own expressions of homesickness, despair, periods of constant tearfulness, and abject loneliness. Such things seemed to touch something in the Emperor. It was as though he enjoyed wallowing in these descriptions and his favourite A Rhapsody on Being far from Home he loved to hear from the poet’s own lips, again and again. Zuo Fen felt she was tempting providence not to compose something new, before being ordered to do so.
      As she struggled through the afternoon to inject some fresh and meaningful content into a story already milked dry Zuo Fen became aware of her cats. Xi Ming lay languorously across her folded feet. Xe Ming perched like an immutable porcelain figure on a stool beside her low writing table.
Zuo Fen often consulted her cats. ‘Xi Ming, will my Lord like this stanza?’

“The stones that ring out from your pony’s hooves
announce your path through the cloud forest”

She would always wait patiently for Xi Ming’s reply, playing a game with her imagination to extract an answer from the cinnamon scented air of her winter chamber.
      ‘He will think his pony’s hooves will flash with sparks kindling the fire of his passion as he prepares to meet his beloved’.
      ‘Oh such a wise cat, Xi Ming’, and she would press his warm body further into her lap. But today, as she imagined this dialogue, a second voice appeared in her thoughts.
      ‘Gracious Lady, your Xe Ming knows his under-standing is poor, his education weak, but surely this image, taken as it is from the poet Lu Ji, suggests how unlikely it would be for the spark of love and passion to take hold without nurture and care, impossible on a hard journey’.
       This was unprecedented. What had brought such a response from her imagination? And before she could elicit an answer it was as though Xe Ming spoke with these words of Confucius.

“Do not be concerned about others not appreciating you, be concerned about you not appreciating others”

Being the very sensible woman she was, Zuo Fen dismissed such admonition (from a cat) and called for tea.

Later as she walked her beauties by the frozen lake, the golden carp nosing around just beneath the ice, she recalled the moment and wondered. A thought came to her  . . .
       She would petition Xe Ming’s help to write a new rhapsody, perhaps titled Rhapsody on the Thought of Separation.

Both Zuo Fen’s cats came from her parental home in Lingzhi. They were large, big-***** mountain cats; strong animals with bear-like paws, short whiskered and big eared. Their coats were a glassy grey, the hairs tipped with a sprinkling of white giving the fur an impression of being wet with dew or caught by a brief shower.
       When she thought of her esteemed father, the Imperial Archivist, there was always a cat somewhere; in his study at home, in the official archives where he worked. There was always a cat close at hand, listening?
       What texts did her father know by heart that she did not know? What about the Lu Yu – the Confucian text book of advice and etiquette for court officials. She had never bothered to learn it, even read it seemed unnecessary, but through her brother Zuo Si she knew something of its contents and purpose.

Confucius was once asked what were the qualifications of public office. ‘Revere the five forms of goodness and abandon the four vices and you can qualify for public office’.
       For the life of her Zuo Fen could not remember these five forms of goodness (although she could make a stab at guessing them). As for those vices? No, she was without an idea. If she had ever known, their detail had totally passed from her memory.
       Settled once again in her chamber she called Hu Yin and asked her to remove Xi Ming for the night. She had three hours or so before the Emperor might appear. There was time.
        Xe Ming was by nature a distant cat, aloof, never seeking affection. He would look the other way if regarded, pace to the corner of a room if spoken to. In summer he would hide himself in the deep undergrowth of Zuo Fen’s garden.
       Tonight Zuo Fen picked him up and placed him on her left shoulder. She walked around her room stroking him gently with her small strong fingers, so different from the manicured talons of her colleagues in the Purple Palace. Embroidery, of which she was an accomplished exponent, was impossible with long nails.
       From her scroll cupboard she selected her brother’s annotated copy of the Lun Yu, placing it unrolled on her desk. It would be those questions from the disciple Tzu Chang, she thought, so the final chapters perhaps. She sat down carefully on the thick fleece and Mongolian rug in front of her desk letting Xe Ming spill over her arms into a space beside her.
       This was strange indeed. As she sat beside Xe Ming in the light of the butter lamps holding his flickering gaze it was as though a veil began to lift between them.
       ‘At last you understand’, a voice appeared to whisper,’ after all this time you have realised . . .’
      Zuo Fen lost track of time. The cat was completely motionless. She could hear Hu Yin snoring lightly next door, no doubt glad to have Xi Ming beside her on her mat.
      ‘Xe Ming’, she said softly, ‘today I heard you quote from Confucius’.
      The cat remained inscrutable, completely still.
      ‘I think you may be able to help me write a new poem for my Lord. Heaven knows I need something or he will tire of me and this court will cease to enjoy his favour’.
      ‘Xe Ming, I have to test you. I think you can ‘speak’ to me, but I need to learn to talk to you’.
      ‘Tzu Chang once asked Confucius what were the qualifications needed for public office? Confucius said, I believe, that there were five forms of goodness to revere, and four vices to abandon’.
       ‘Can you tell me what they are?’
      Xe Ming turned his back on Zuo Fen and stepped gently away from the table and into a dark and distant corner of the chamber.
      ‘The gentle man is generous but not extravagant, works without complaint, has desires without being greedy, is at peace, but not arrogant, and commands respect but not fear’.
      Zuo Fen felt her breathing come short and fast. This voice inside her; richly-texture, male, so close it could be from a lover at the epicentre of a passionate entanglement; it caressed her.
      She heard herself say aloud, ‘and the four vices’.
      ‘To cause a death or imprisonment without teaching can be called cruelty; to judge results without prerequisites can be called tyranny; to impose deadlines on improper orders can be thievery; and when giving in the procedure of receipt and disbursement, to stint can be called officious’.
       Xe Ming then appeared out of the darkness and came and sat in the folds of her night cloak, between her legs. She stroked his glistening fur.
       Zuo Fen didn’t need to consult the Lu Yu on her desk. She knew this was unnecessary. She got to her feet and stepped through the curtains into an antechamber to relieve herself.
       When she returned Xe Ming had assumed his porcelain figure pose. So she gathered a fresh scroll, her writing brushes, her inks, her wax stamps, and wrote:

‘I was born in a humble, isolated, thatched house,
and was never well versed in writing.
I never saw the marvellous pictures of books,
nor had I heard of the classics of earlier sages.
I am dimwitted, humble and ignorant . . ‘

As she stopped to consider the next chain of characters she saw in her mind’s eye the Purple Palace, the palace of the concubines of the Emperor. Sitting next to the Purple Chamber there was a large grey cat, its fur sprinkled with tiny flecks of white looking as though the animal had been caught in a shower of rain.
       Zuo Fen turned from her script to see where Xe Ming had got to, but he had gone. She knew however that he would always be there. Wherever her imagination took her, she could seek out this cat and the words would flow.

Before returning to her new text Zuo Fen thought she might remind herself of Liu Xie’s words on the form of the Rhapsody. If Emperor Wu appeared later she would quote it (to his astonishment) from The Literary Mind and the Carving of Dragons.

*The rhapsody derives from poetry,
A fork in the road, a different line of development;
It describes objects, pictures and their appearance,
With a brilliance akin to sculpture and painting.
What is clogged and confined it invariably opens up;
It depicts the commonplace with unbounded charm;
But the goal of the form is of beauty well ordered,
Words retained for their loveliness when weeds have been cut away.

The world is only as big as it reaches.
And yes, my children, it reaches pretty far.
It's filled with millions and millions of faces just wishing to attain fame.
They want more and more of it and they need it now.
But then there are those who don't know their purpose.
They feel like they can't fit in in this far reaching world.
They are the sould dressed in black, not because they are sad.
But because they are absent.
They feel like day after day after **** day they are going down like the Titanic.
But at least the Titanic drew money.
These souls, they are left to suffer under shadows of vultures.
They don't own a mirror because they don't want to look at themselves in it anyway.
Because they're afraid if they do, they'll see what they look like.
They'll see what people see.
The disgust, the patheticness, the nerd, the goth, the dork, the ****,
The in pain.
The insane.
The mental game.
They are all taking their tolls.
But where are these people to go?
How are they to know?
How were they to know that a disorder known as bipolar would result in bringing a blade to their wrists or a noose to their throats?
Their screams can't be heard because they're being cut off by the noose.
They try so hard to escape from this far reaching world.
But they can never escape this lie we're living in.
They scratch and claw at the door like a cat wanting milk.
Because that cat had a bad day at cat school and he just wants to come back to his cat home and drink his cat milk.
And then cry himself to sleep.
And as the cat sleeps he'll have his cat dreams.
He'll dream of one day becoming top cat,  sly cat, papa cat, and even the cat's pajamas.
He'll dream of one day when he can stroll down to the corner trashcan without being harassed by the big dog names Spike from down the street.
He'll dream of mice and how things aren't nice and about his dinner, rice.
But then his dreams turn into nightmares.
Like a 50 year old losing his hair.
Or like your spouse declaring they just don't care.
They've given up.
But suddenly you awaken hearing your cat crying in the night.
And you run to him and pick him up, assuring him that he is not alone.
And it is then that you catch yourself in the hallway mirror.
You see who you are for the first time.
You see yourself, and also a dark cloud.
It's that dark cloud of denial hanging over your head.
But you also see your cat in your arms.
And you are suddenly reminded that you are not alone in this far reaching world.
This far reaching world would be alone without you.
So my children, my black wearing souls.
Pour yourself some milk and cry yourself to sleep.
But when you awaken, remember your dreams.
Put them in a file and label it "Hope."

And when you feel that you are alone at the end of this far reaching world, remember,

You're the cat's pajamas.

Captured in the psych ward part 12



This was a weird day for Ron, you see, he has to make sure that all the patients
Get the right dose of their medication,and he likes to be friendly to the patients
Cause it's hard for him to be harsh and every time a patient came out saying I am
Charlie Chaplin or Jesus has healed me. Well Ron wasn't ready for our next person
Who was Graham Toad, and he lived a great life in Broadmeadows with his cat
Snowball, off the show the Simpsons and he had a lot of fun with snowball, every
Chance he got, he would throw him around making snowball snarl at him and, this looked weird for the neighbours to see and they hated the idea of this cat being out at night
And asked Graham very nicely to bring his cat in at night, but graham was a sucker
For having a cat out having fun all the time when he wanted, said, ******* ya old fogies
And then went inside and unknown to him, the neighbours rang the police to get them
To come over to teach graham about being nice to his neighbours, and when they came
Over graham said, ******* ya ****, I live my own life here, and if you don't like the way I
Live, you can *******, and the police said to graham, the neighbours are complaining
About you, you need to respect their wishes, to keep quiet at night, and graham said
******* pigs, I don't want you **** around here and then the police left and put snowball
Inside and graham and snowball were having a wrestle and the police were worried about the well being of the cat, and just sat down on his porch and he saw a very violent for a
Cat wrestle going on and the police walked in and said, I have to tackle this cat, you see
It's the dingo that killed Azaria chamberlain, I need to **** the spirit, it's spoiling the aura of this place and the police, put his hand on Graham's shoulder and then graham said I have to do this, and tbe police said, it's your little cute cat snowball graham, and the neighbours
Were watching like a pack of peeping toms, and as graham was being pulled to the car
He said to the neighbours, stop staring at me, you stupid stupid old clots, get off my fucken
Property, and get off it right now and then he pushed the police man down, and ran inside his house and locked the door and told everyone that, he will stay in his house forever,you
See, he said, I will be the judge if I am well, or not and there is no way known to man, that
The psych ward will ever get him and keep him in that psych ward, but the police rang the
Psych ward and they sent the doctor Ron cooper and they rang him up from the cafe
Where, Ron was speaking about the interview with Macauley Culkin he saw on YouTube last night and Fran said, what did he have to say and Ron said, nothing much, just speaking about writing a book and all that jazz, and them Dan said, that Macauley Culkin is a real
Troublemaker, but then Ron said, there is ** such thing as a troublemaker and we should
Be nicer, than those ****** adults of the 80s decade and then the phonecall came and
Ron was called out to Graham's house, to try and convince him to go to the psych ward
And he opened the door, but only to yell,,at the policemen to give his cat to him and then
Ron showed up on his doorstep and said, I don't think so, I know you love this cat, I don't
Think you are ever guilty of ever loving this cat, ok, but if you love him, you will let us take him off you, you see graham there is nothing wrong with being taken to the psych ward
You are sick, you need to be monitored on medication, and then Ron grabbed graham by the arm and graham said ******* ya ****, get off me ya stupid baby man, I want you to
*******, right now ok, if I do go with you, I want you to sleep the first night with me, cause
You go to your warm bed at night, thinking you are king ****, and Ron said, I would be breaking rules, if I did that, things could happen, and graham you are handling this like a
Coward, remember what ya dad used to say and graham said, yeah, my dad ain't around no more and I feel a bit insecure, with going to that psych ward and Ron said, ok, then he told
The police, to leave him here, but Ron said, he will take snowball back to his house and
He bought a weeks worth of cat food and a fish and chip meal and went home to rest
And fell asleep in front of the TV, with the cat running up and down the house, and Ron
Had snowball sniffing his nose,which made him sneeze


Sent from my iPad

Hey, elegant cat,
you think you can
rest there sitting so prim and well-brought up
and think I’ll bring you some sparrows I catch
on from the tree-top?
You got to move your ****, brother;
Sparrows don’t fall off trees like ripe fruit
for you to pick from the ground, you know.
Or maybe you don’t know.
And I’m not going to be doing the work
for you, wild cat and friendless as I am.
I live on my own, catch my own sparrows
and eat my own dinner
and lick my lips and I sleep under the shade of the tree
when my tummy’s full
and sure, that’s all I care about
getting my daily meals.
And not even in your wildest dreams, hey well-washed cat,
not even in your wildest dreams
do I have desire to share bird meat and bones with anyone
and especially not with an elegant rich-home cat like you…
Well, you can have the feathers, if you like.
Now really, how did a nice cat like you get lost?
Is this your day out or what?
Some kind of an expedition day?
You want a sparrow to eat?
Get your fat **** here up the tree
with as much stealth as you can
and catch yourself one!
And you stupid cat from comfy rooms
having sat your **** on soft cushions all your life –
stop meow-meowing with hunger! – you’ll scare the birds away,
you unnatural, unnatural domesticated cat!
You know, you’d be better off using your powers of sight
and finding your way back
from wherever you came from and get back
to mummy’s home asap.
Go stand under some lamp post where they might have a
Cuddly Cat Lost sign
and someone might bring you to your owner for a reward.
No way you going to survive in the open, brother!

i'm pretty sure they have home, but i can't be too sure...
              they seem to like me...
                 there was this "ghost" of a cat
in my garden tonight...
    a bonsai version of my 10kg maine ****...
it's the second time i've seen him
in my garden...
      the first time i wanted to feed this
poor orphan... i started shaking a plastic
bag of cat treats asking him for
     trust...
                 didn't work...
       just today i was playing my "imaginary"
drum-kit with my hands...
                 variations, culminating
                                in my right hand's index
tapping against my left hand's knuckle...
               and my left hand's index tapping
    against the right leg's knee...
     truly... the (Χ pose... on the windowsill
                         χ)
            drumming away, enjoying the song
jestem psem by lao che "too much"...
            this drumming imitation without an actual
instrument: african cultures call drumming
                                    a medicinal approach to
your mental health...
              too be honest? it's not exactly a beijing
pharmacy where this advice comes from...
evidently you can catch the curiosity of "stray"
cats coming into your garden...
so i tried to feed the poor thing...
         i changed my tactic tonight...
              cats are naturally distrusting, and it's hard
to build up a trust to the point where they
can relax all godly and be fed easily...
               so what happened...
                    (i don't know what *** this ginger
bonsai was)... but i'm guessing female because
my ginger hulk became interested too much...
he's castrated, as all cats bought from
            pedigree sellers...
                                i do know that cats are
very protective of the space they occupy...
                like people and the time they lived in...
but ***** **** *** happens when cats do it...
      dogs and permission...
                                (i'll get onto the ******* question)...
  but i really did want to feed the poor thing...
   honestly? what do you have to a cat
                 for them to go "missing"?
                                      how can cats go "missing"?
      i remember seeing this guy tie his dog to a bench
and then run away... sooner than no sooner
the dog was a stray, and he found a friend... another
dog that ran from the opposite gate of the park
where he was left in...
                  oh right: so this bonsai ginger...
evidently i interested him to come back to my garden
with my drumming using my hands and the rest
of my body acting as the kit...
            i thought of another tactic...
          i took a little plate, sprinkled it with cat treats
and took it outside into the garden,
             then i went away to put on my shoes,
went back to see if the orphan moved... he was still
"agitated" by the scent of my cats sitting
                     tense in contemplation...
                 i took the remains of the cat treats
   and showed him: it's not poison...
        and then i threw of them into my mouth...
CRUNCH... CRUNCH... CRUNCH...
                they're not that bad...
                                   all i know is that if i eat a few
cat treats (dry, felix goody bag) -
                    all i know is that i won't have to have
the same problem as people eating maynard's wine gums,
or rowntree's fruit pastels...
                                 i like my teeth,
     and i like the sugar: lactose... i drink milk first thing
in the morning to stop myself imitating tuberculosis
      of the larynx lined by marmite phlegm left by
the previous day's tobacco...
                            it almost feels like ice-cream...
           so i left this plate of cat treats on a little plate
in the garden as gently as possible so as to not
frighten the poor thing... and went out to buy
two bottles of 70cl of whiskey and a bottle of ms. pepsi...
  they call me a gentleman in the supermarket...
          huh?       and today's compliment from
the cashier tarah: matt... you lost weight.
                really? must be the alcohol diet combating
drinking water.          and it does happen...
i look overweight: but i'm just bloated from the "abuse"
of alcohol.
                   i'm not going to repent... it might attract
the next al capone in the american era of speakeasies;
a story that parallels what happened in poland after
the second world war... some regions of poland had
no idea what coffee was... honest to god, 20th century
and there were regions in poland where coffee wasn't
drank... my maternal great-grandfather actually
          poured coffee into the river of my local town...
they didn't know what to do with it!
                    i'm guessing: if you live in a chai culture
(tea, samovar) you won't know what comes invading,
new...              but they were given loads and loads
of coffee (the detail missing? were they bags of
coffee beans or ground-down coffee? don't know) -
but they got rid of it, giving the river a mouth to
eat it... this is mid 20th century...
                      a bit like: did the americans know what
to do with alcohol in the zeitgeist of prohibition?
i don't think so: butterfly here, tornado over there -
i'm pretty sure they didn't know what to do with alcohol.
*******?
                       well obviously i'd wish to have it snipped,
don't get me wrong... and if this could be a graphic
novel it could well be with what i write next:
           i couldn't.
                           no... two protruding veins on it that
went from the base and encircled the "excess" of skin...
if they cut it of: i'd be dead bleeding from my ******* "pride",
that would later translate into: well... now i guess
i can do **** with a girl.
                                 it's one thing that i imitate after
being taught by pronography and risk pulling it back
and wondering: will these two veins be ruptured?
           well... shoving it into a soft pouch of a **** i'm
guessing: not really... if i did it in reverse via the ****?
probably.
                           but am i going around saying:
do this! do this! i learned this in school: circumcised males
are *****... bombastic retards too dependent on
female genitals... because if you're circumcised and have
to resort to *******: you missed the whole
biblical narrative on the point... jerking off is only
permitted with *******... well: i don't who got *****
prior to being allowed the decision to alter those regions
of the body... but it's certainly sad to be "predestined"
to have such parts... but don't worry: you can choose
whether to have a crew-cut or a mohawk or a mullet:
informed choice... you won't get it down south...
               thankfully i know that revising down south
is not open to me... two serpent-veins encricle the region
that could be "revised"...
                          definitely improved...
                        but it's hard to hear the egyptian argument
of the female counterpart...
         are these really drives to craft a civilisation
         because for a man: it's so necessary to please
women? when you don't have the improvement you turn
to other pleasures... music? prime. alcohol? another prime.
a work ethic? also a prime.
                        i might not play, a ******* clarinet,
but i can tap out a drum beat...
                that's what i love about modern music:
there was once the term americana...
   now there's another: the perfect example of
africaana (ā) - drums... which counters all the hot air
   and burning horse manes of violins that
classical music represents.
                           again: a complete lack of drums!

the cat? i earned its trust, came back from the supermarket
and almost all the cat treats were gone...
            well... they're not that bad... coarse, sure,
but then cats have frictive tongues, they have sandpaper
tongues (if you were ever licked by a cat on the hand)...
         but at least
                                 he trusted me.
         i can only call it the tactic of: look, i'll eat what
i'm about to give you, it's a cold march night and
you can find whatever pleasurable nook (and there are
a few) in the garden and sleep there;
         come back tomorrow, and i'll leave you moist
cat food (that... i won't eat... dry cat food i can eat,
brush my teeth after... wet cat food? no no).

.penta - come in: like i said, horror movie soundtracks, i fall asleep listening to them... they're so atmospheric i, simply can't resist their inherent allure.

the infamous Croydon cat killer...
i'm not buying what the media is selling...
i'm currently in the possession
of a quasi-pet...
  a fox...
comes round my garden for food,
leftovers...
which i give to him with overcooked
rice...
      no... i'm not buying the police report...
two reason...
you know where Croydon is...
and when the next incident happened?
north east London...
   did the fox... ******* swim?!
a fox is not a migratory animal...
   it's niche...
   it's local...
   if it has a sustained food source...
scavenger that it is...
omnivore like a petted dog...
  no...
i don't buy it...
              why would it transverse
south west London and strike in
north east London...
    did Herr Fusch
and why were the bodies left as evidence?
this fox has a *******
fetish for cranium meat or something?
i'm no Mr. Softie for the company
of a fox...
     but on the outskirts of London...
cats and foxes share a strange
   symbiosis...
   ever walk the dark Essex roads
at night, and peer into the fox
and the house-cat look at each other with
curiosity?
      like all serial killers...
it begins with animals,
there's always the audacity with animals...
most of them would probably become
model citizens, if they were allowed
a job at a slaughter house...
   so the mainstream media explains
the Croydon cat killer as a fox...
a fox that decapitates a body...
   and doesn't eat the torso?!
******* magic!
that's not how mature nature of
the wild works: you either eat...
or you're eaten..
        my neighbors owned ducks...
you think that when a fox
dug a hole beneath the cage...
there was a duck torso and a missing
duck head?
ha ha! good luck!
       why would a wild animal **** something...
and not eat it?
    a Swizz fondu makes more sense
than this explanation!
no cautionary animal,
that is primarily a scavenger,
travels from south west London
to north east London...
             BULL...****...
       BULL... ****!
           i don't feed my Brody because
i think he's cute...
   i feed him...
     because i randomly feel like it...
do foxes even own the concept
of a head terrine delicacy?
   my little ******* will eat
rice mingling with off-cuts of meat
and fat...
           so... he bit the head off...
but left the torso for evidence?!
BULL... ****...
oh i'm pretty sure a shy, a very shy
bored Jimmy is lurking in the shadows...
shy bored Jimmies need
a canvas of innocence...
animals are their primal choice...
  well... considering that Cain
was a vegetarian and Abel wasn't...
          he's lying low...
he needs to wake up from the adrenaline
rush...
   he needs for it to cool down...
a fox doesn't leave torso evidence...
and what would be the point of...
   did they say whether the heads
were guillotined, or chewed off?
no ******* animal chews off a head,
unlikely for an animal
to decapitate another animal...
   only human imagination provides that
sort of ingenuity...
         crock ****... basic crock ****...
blame the foxes...
     ha ha!
find me this shadowy little Jimmy before
he boasts about
the human sin of being gullible....
thank **** i'm not a campaigner...
   what i do with "my" fox is concerned
with ecological advantages...
also something akin
  to a Monday morning...
and how my neighbor's trash isn't littered
over the road... because
the wolf was fed, and so the sheep
too...
                 there is no logic to
the claim that a fox made methodological
killings of pets...
   if you ever walked
the streets at night,
and watched the stare-off between
a fox and a cat...
   last time i checked:
   cats have claws and a ferocious bite...
foxes? no claws...
just the bite...
oh, right... what am i listening to?
    penta -            come in...
   i'm still thinking of little Jimmy in the shadows,
collecting his decapitated
   cat heads... and stuffing them
with fiddles of a post-scriptum
to the Hollywood movie genre...
   oh believe me...
from what i heard of Eddie the Gain...
20th century alternative culture
was basically him
being covertly cited...
            no...
a fox wouldn't do it...
   if it was a a duck / chicken affair...
sure...
   but cats being decapitated...
and the torsos left as evidence,
i.e. not being eaten?
         little Jimmy is taking a break...
given that: i'm pretty sure a Bonsai
tiger knows a few tricks about
how a predator defends himself...
          then again, the explanation
could be:
  too many cat videos...
             cats aren't cute...
they're bogus critters who are in
the potential of biting and scratching...
come one...
all the way from south west London...
to north east London?!
foxes don't travel that far,
and the closest route would be
by a hypotenuse vector...
   sooner proving Santa Claus
exists...
    and...
              it couldn't be the same fox...
wild animals are analogous...
but they're certainly not original copy-cats...

coming from a newspaper
like the times:
   i'm vaguely allured to claim them
left-leaning... right-centrist for sure...
but they're still quasi-Guardian
types...

the topic at hand came,
thanks to no. 10,154 sudoku puzzle...
and the narrative...

1    0    0    0    0    0    0    0    5
0    5   ­ 0    0    2    0    0    3    0
0    4    0   6    0    5    0    1    0
0    0    2   0    0    0    8    0    0
0    0    5    4    0    3    7    0  ­  0
0    3    0    5    0    2    0    6    0
0    6    0    8   ­ 0    1    0    9    0
5    0    0    0    0    0    0    0    1
­0    7    0    0    6    0    0    4    0

ut 10,153 was a mess...
i can only suppose it was too simple...

let's just say i had to think
of something,
esp. little Jimmy...
    
                        and the scapegoat fox...
after all: it's the easiest route...
   pretending that a wild
animal is to behave in a civilized manner...
but even wild animals
do not behave like
meticulous killers...
          and decapitation?
it an example of a civilized
meticulousness of a killing...
        
i sniff a rat, a see a rat...
             mainstream media is a load
of *******, and hardly an outrage
of der stimme...
    
foxes don't assert methodological killings...
little Jimmy... whittle Jimmy...
taking a break...
having made foundation
in the first membrane of audacity...
sooner or later...
little Jimmy is moving from cats,
and into the territory of humans...

they all do...
  "they"?
        serial killers!

          that wasn't a fox...
i'm petting a fox at this moment in time...
well.. petting is a lose term...
otherwise strapped to:
"petting"...

           but as you do... solving a sudoku...
here's the linear
narrative:

   (b) 8 8 1 1 3 4 7 9 7 7 9 9 4 9 7 9 4 7
(a) 1 1 5 5 5 1 6 6 7 7 8 2 3 4 9 6 6 6 8 2 3 2 4 4 8 3 9 3 9 2 3 2 2 8 8

and you do think up crazy ****
while you're at it...

1    2    6    9    3    8    4    7    5
7    5    8    1­    2    4    9    3    6
3    4    9   6    6    5    2    1    8
4    1    2   7    9    6    8    5    3
6    8    5    4    1    3    7    2  ­  9
9    3    7    5    8    2    1    6    4
2    6    4    8   ­ 5    1    3    9    7
5    9    3    2    4    7    6    8    1
­8    7    1    3    6    9    5    4    2

but then the everyday newspaper
you read on the everyday
from Monday to Friday....
and there's a newspaper magazine...
ah...
   so that's the problem...
i'm not bundled up in a demographic
nearing retirement age?!

the Croydon cat-killer is still out there...
  a fox wouldn't leave a decapitated
torso as evidence...

as the one simple rule of nature suggests:
NATURE DOESN'T BELIEVE
IN LANDFILL SITES...
IT BELIEVES IN RECYCLING...
a fox that chews off a head
of a cat, and doesn't drag the torso into
the forest to eat?
   well... let's just suppose
that idiocy doesn't exactly permeate
in the wild...
              less a stupid animal...
more a selfish / slothful animal...
  foxes are neither...

             little Jimmy is still out there...
with his love for souvenirs of
cat heads...
           and he's buying time...
so a scapegoat emerges...
  
        if a fox did what was "supposedly" done...
i'm pretty sure there would be
no evidence...
          left...

you get the picture?
  Michael Myers began experiments
on animals... as did Jeffrey Dahmer with
road-****...
                can't someone make an outlet
for these people to work
in slaughterhouses?!
                    they'd be perfect!

decent human beings:
in the most indecent human conditions -
and i'm pretty sure these guys
would love working
in the slaughterhouses...

  i could, for some reason,
forget vegetarians akin to Adolf ******
by then!

I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots;
Her coat is of the tabby kind, with tiger stripes and leopard spots.
All day she sits upon the stair or on the steps or on the mat;
She sits and sits and sits and sits—and that’s what makes a Gumbie Cat!

But when the day’s hustle and bustle is done,
Then the Gumbie Cat’s work is but hardly begun.
And when all the family’s in bed and asleep,
She tucks up her skirts to the basement to creep.
She is deeply concerned with the ways of the mice—
Their behaviour’s not good and their manners not nice;
So when she has got them lined up on the matting,
She teachs them music, crocheting and tatting.

I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots;
Her equal would be hard to find, she likes the warm and sunny spots.
All day she sits beside the hearth or on the bed or on my hat:
She sits and sits and sits and sits—and that’s what makes a Gumbie Cat!

But when the day’s hustle and bustle is done,
Then the Gumbie Cat’s work is but hardly begun.
As she finds that the mice will not ever keep quiet,
She is sure it is due to irregular diet;
And believing that nothing is done without trying,
She sets right to work with her baking and frying.
She makes them a mouse—cake of bread and dried peas,
And a beautiful fry of lean bacon and cheese.

I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots;
The curtain-cord she likes to wind, and tie it into sailor-knots.
She sits upon the window-sill, or anything that’s smooth and flat:
She sits and sits and sits and sits—and that’s what makes a Gumbie Cat!

But when the day’s hustle and bustle is done,
Then the Gumbie Cat’s work is but hardly begun.
She thinks that the cockroaches just need employment
To prevent them from idle and wanton destroyment.
So she’s formed, from that lot of disorderly louts,
A troop of well-disciplined helpful boy-scouts,
With a purpose in life and a good deed to do—
And she’s even created a Beetles’ Tattoo.

So for Old Gumbie Cats let us now give three cheers—
On whom well-ordered households depend, it appears.

SCHRöDINGER'S SOCKS & THE REVENGE OF THE CAT

Schrödinger's cat
failed to see just what

all the fuss was
about?

It was all such
a reductive absurdum.

The cat couldn't understand
collapsing wave functions

decoherence
entanglement or whether

reality was really
quantum

to save its life.

It was aware of
one thing & one thing

only
. . .the diabolic device. . .

Cat in a metal box
with a Geiger counter

with a radioactive substance
blah blah de ****** blah

an atom decaying or something or
other &

releasing a hammer to smash
a phial of hydrocyanic acid.

Wot!

"I do not like thee Dr. Fell!"
thought the cat.

It was a very literary cat.

So all this palaver
about a cat( me? how! )

being both dead or alive or
neither dead or alive or

. . .wot!

So this is to be my great
to-be-or-not-to-be!

Welllll excuse me!
Say...doesn't the cat have his say?

So, I( clever cat that I am)
merely claw my way to the top &

disengage the device
by taking out the hammer.

So no cat was harmed
in the making of this

thought experiment.

It almost drove Schrödinger
out of his tiny little mind!

And he( hee hee )
never did discover

what ever
happened to his socks.

I forever stealing
one sock from a pair

from the open
washing machine.

Leaving him to ponder
just where socks go?

The other side of the Universe?
Oh come on Erwin...it's not

rocket science!

Now, to get back to
describing the behaviour of

a quantum entity.

"Mmmmm......mmmmmm?"

"Naw....I still don't get it!"

"Say ya couldn't see yer way
to giving me a scratch...could ya?"

"Up a bit....upabit....yeah...yeah
. . .there...just...there!"

What? What’s up with you guys?
can’t a cat have peace in one’s own home, yeah?
never seen a cat eat before?
can’t you just mind your own business
and let a cat do a cat’s business of eating, ha?
HA! - what’s that laugh for?
and for goodness sake put away that camera
You think I’m cute, ha?
wait till I get my paws on you
and a flick of my tail while I’m in mid-air
will take care of your camera
What, you some kind of paparazzi or what?
OK, let a cat eat and you mind own business, yeah?
Oh, I’m really suspicious about you guys
Maybe you’re hungry, yeah?
go get your own food guys;
stop looking at cat food
or at cat as food – I’m really not sure about you guys
You’ll eat anything!
OK, jokes aside
I’ve worked hard my day entertaining you morons
and purring so you can squirm with delight
and curling up in your laps
so you’ll be happy and live longer at my expense
No, I’ve done my work so let me eat in peace
Do your work and go get your own food
That’s better...
Ah, now for some cat food, a catnap after
and some cat peace for a while at least
without adoring humans who think
they’ve got a circus just because they’ve got a cat at home

Hello little ***** cat
How are you today
I am fine I am fine
But won't you let me play
I love little ***** cats
They are cute you see
They have names like
Tiger and spike and snoopy and fluffy
I talk to my ***** cat every single night
And I say
Hello mr ***** cat
How are you today
I am fine I am fine
But won't you let me play
Then the little ***** cat
Gets very tired
Ya know running around the yard catching mice and birds
He comes in and eats up all his
Whiskas and then after that
The little ***** cat will have a
Play inside and fall asleep
And then you say
Hello little ***** cat
How are today
I am fine I am fine
But won't you let me sleep
The ***** cat will sleep
And dream of something big
Like the biggest mouse that
This ***** cat has ever seen
You see the only way to catch it
Was to pounce on it fast
In which he did because it was just a dream
And you will say
Hello mr ***** cat
How are you today
I am fine I am fine
But won't you let me dream
Meow meow meow
Won't you let me play
Won't you let me sleep
Won't you let me dream
Meow said the ***** cat
Saying where's my food