and will not
sit here and speak to you
in metaphors and similes
like he did to me
because i know that you will not even come close to understanding
but neither am i gonna sit here
and zip up my mouth and lock it up
just to throw away the key and keep quiet.
i also cannot
and will not
speak to you in simplicity because
it is NOWHERE near that simple.
i am speaking nonsense
and you probably think that i'm just
jumbling letters together to create words
and having them just roll off of my tongue
but i swear to you that i'm not
i'm trying to make sense
but my thoughts aren't quite coming together
so maybe i'll just talk until they do
this is quite ironic actually
because i may be rambling,
but my feet are really, really cold.
What words do I use - do they even exist
To help lift my soul from this low
The fog is so thick and clouding the way
The left or the right way to go
The perfect picture life of bliss
Painted for me, by you
Was only outlines that you sketched
My love filled in all the hues
Of all the hurts that you could choose
You’ve given them all before
Something novel I would expect
Not the same cloak that you once wore
You caught me twice on the same hook
I hang my head in shame
I allowed love to dull my sight
And was a pawn again, in your game
The glue on my soul was not yet dry
From not even six months ago
What words do I use, do they even exist
To help lift my soul from this low
We've walked this path,
many times before.
The fun and the laughter,
has turnd to a bore.
I'm sorry we can't be,
what each other needs.
I need life normal,
and you need life's schemes.
I know you have tried,
but can't beat your demons.
I've tried my best too,
but can't find more reasons.
I can not pretend,
that my heart isn't sore.
You push till the limit,
and then push some more.
My strength has run out,
and hope has run dry.
The belief that I had,
was squashed with each lie.
I love you so much.
But I can't stand the strain,
you inflict on me daily,
'cause your head is in pain.
I offered you love,
and a lifetime of life.
But you chose the other -
hurt, conflict and strife.
I can not disrupt,
my bubble that's calm.
'Cause your chaos living,
has only done harm.
You know you can't give me,
what I need in life.
And I can't keep living,
with nothing but strife.
You are the right man,
I believed was for me.
But now you have shown me,
deceipt has a fee
If you could stay sober,
for more than a week.
Life would be pleasant,
and we'd find what we seek
Lifes blessings are so many.
Yet we forget to see.
The things we take for granted -
are those that set us free.
We wallow in our problems.
We give them place to breed,
till they have multiplied so much -
they've strangled every seed.
If we could only give as much,
attention to our joys.
The sun would chase the dark away -
and quieten all the noise.
Seeds of joy inside our souls,
need just the smallest spark.
To help them strengthen and to grow -
to banish all that's dark.
We stupid fools give all control,
to misery and to pain.
Sit back and let it swallow us -
till we almost go insane.
In those times of dark dispair,
we need to step aside.
And focus on that miniscule -
blessing we know we hide.
Once we find that ray of light,
in the abyss inside of us.
That ray will shine on other joys -
and question, 'why the fuss?'
The tests that life throws our way,
is never beyond our skill.
They're set with future tests in mind -
to stregthen soul and will.
You don't attempt to do your best,
and rather run and hide.
Hoping it will all be gone -
when you jump back on the ride.
Bunking tests is fine for now.
You've won 'cause you weren't caught.
But next weeks test will rely upon -
the lessons this one taught.
Bad as things may seem right now,
they feel like it's the end.
There's always little seeds of joy -
waiting to help you mend.
Don't concentrate on what you've lost.
Say thanks for what you keep.
You could have had a whole lot less -
for what we sow we reap.
Tend and nurture the seeds inside,
so you can learn and grow.
Your soul will be at peace again -
and your heart will surely know.
You've been in my heart,
for five years long.
I'd accepted the fact -
that we didn't belong.
The stars then decided,
to give us a try.
They gave us new wings -
to see how we'd fly.
The problem with flying,
if you have two wings.
They must both work equal -
to achieve greater things.
Both wings need to want,
the same final goal.
Or else one will tire -
and give up the toll.
But your wing was wounded,
and healing took time.
I believed love invincible -
and your love strong as mine.
How foolish I was being.
My heart lying to me.
'Twas fibbing when it made me think -
that love could set you free.
I do believe you love me,
though not enough for you,
to cast off all your shackles -
and do what you must do.
It hurts to be with someone,
that runs away from real,
and rather numbs lifes' blessings -
than allow himself to feel.
I'm clearly not the person,
thats meant to be for you.
'Cause if I was it wouldn't be -
so difficult to do.
In this life I hope you find,
the person that's for you.
And maybe she will show you things -
that I had tried to do.
Love's not about projecting pain,
'cause you are feeling small.
Those are the times you should reach out -
and let me break your fall.
I do believe our love is rare,
and written in the sky.
It's probably that the time aint right -
it's not our time to fly.
Make no mistake, love of my life,
I know we meant to be.
If not this life, then in the next -
we'll be as one, you'll see.
Life consists of nothing but
Loud rushes of connections
that seem completely
Beneath all the nonsense,
there is order.
A system so tight and meticulous
there is no room for
I've never understood love songs.
How generic, simple and almost
pointless they seem at times.
The "I love you"s
don't quite cut it for me.
Substance is what it lacks;
the compassion and compromise
of what it is to love is missing.
Yet, I find the most powerful love songs
where no love was ever intended.
And this is where I'm mistaken,
for there is an even greater love
than what my mind can even conceive.
I f*ing hate myself and the situations I put myself in.
I hate my heart I wish I could get rid of it
Leave me f*ing dead- a dull empty shell
I can’t help it so I just yell till I can’t breathe
I wish you’d fucking leave!
You said that you would leave and I guess you were honest at the time
I wish you told me sooner that you’d leave me behind
I cross boarders beyond reaching and though I've made goals for myself —
You've don’t nothing but bring me down and you made me shut myself out
I could help but bear a single word that fell past your lips
Lying through your teeth it’s like speaking with a lisp
I shared so much time that I can never get back
You talk about wanting a needing and I speak of fainting
Why would you tell me you cared when in the end you wouldn't
You left me to rot in places where children speak of fun
Run! RUN! That’s all you practically did
You held the camera but boy I ran the show
You spoke of trust and honesty
I gave you stupid promises and what I had left
You never took me for a fool until you decided to waste away
Intoxication— your body felt like it could burn like a rocket
You open your mouth to speak and out came was fuel
You burned down a forest with your cruel sense of humor and words
But in the end you were the one who coughed up ash
While I stood there and watch time pass flames
Now you must think I still care about you
Because this poem is technically about you - but you are wrong
You see I did care but that eventually faded after you run me up like lights burning on a pine tree
And after all that talk and your stupid, plain comfort I threw you away while you lingered on the thought of what we had
People told me I've changed after you and boy I really did
I've learned to trust my instincts better then letting your filthy words get to my head.