I used to hold my tongue
Stop my fists
Prohibit negative thoughts
Speak to comfort
Unravel my fists
Think happy thoughts
I used to hide my screams
Bite my cheek
Think before I spoke
Release my teeth
Think and don't say at all
I can't do it anymore
I scream out loud
Bang my fists
Blurt all of my thoughts
I can't do it anymore
Writing used to feel like home.
But too often lately,
even those words I cant trust.
Because it's kind of hard to believe;
that the purpose of your life;
is to write sad poems
And too often,
I can't endure my own writings,
even myself I don't trust,
You are my conscience
Whispering the rules of life
But you poisen my head
No I wont listen
You say you know whats best
But clearly you still have tribulations
Tiny daggers peircing my esophagus
Keeping me from telling the truth
Will I let you cover my mouth
Bound and gag my own words
I will let them drip out
The way they were meant to
And I might stop breathing
Instead I hold onto dear thoughts
They keep me living
Through your pain
Your selfishness inflicting lies
Will I let you control
My allies are mine
My whimpers were hushed by
The screaming of your lies
No not anymore
Sometimes, when you're not here
like you never are
I'll hear your voice in my head
and it sounds like music
so quiet beneath the screams
of all the others-
they don't exist.
I am the one who screams
like I hope that you can hear me
or will save me-
but you do not exist
I think I've lost my mind
I stopped loving you on my birthday. Did you know that?
It shocked me out of that confused numbness I'd been living in
Like a twig snapping
A candle, quickly snuffed.
All the other cliches people use to say that what was,
Can't be, anymore.
But it was sudden
And it was shocking
And I didn't know what to do.
So I tried to pass it off as PMS
Or stress, or distraction. But I knew what it was.
I knew what it wasn't, anymore. You didn't.
I wonder when you stopped loving me
Because surely you've stopped loving me
And I'm glad you've stopped loving me.
It's all I hoped for, from that day to the end.
I hope it was before the end.
For my birthday, I made my cupcakes
Drank my liquor
And prepared myself to remember how to love you.
But I knew I couldn't, anymore.
I can't seem to remember nor forget you.
You have fully seized my abnormal and dysfunctional heart.
because my abnormal and dysfunctional heart is what keeps me
You grabbed it into your hand without trying a bit
and it terrifies me,
knowing the fact that I will never be able to take it back;
not because I won't ask for it again,
but because I don't want it anymore.