Give me 10 bucks and I'll give you an advice.
Here take 10 bucks, where is my advice?
Your advice: Stop spending your money!
This is how I see the world,
Everyone pay... but none have any idea what to do
When everything is gonna change.
Someone told me to pay for his knowledge,
And now I'm working on my own way
'Cause he was so imbecile, and now
I'm thankfully to everyone which helped without any reason.
About the human race, he's going to nowhere,
And God will laugh 'cause humanity ended by herself.
I’ve been told a lot of things in my lifetime
To varying degrees of certainty (mine) and veracity (theirs)
To say the least
With the sudden nature of being
Into maturity, I realize that the stock I placed into these things-
The beliefs of others
Has no more lift than a pig’s wings
I’ve been allowing the smoke and mirrors (theirs) to out shadow the truth (mine)
But to what end?
Amongst the smoldering rubble of the burnt bridges (theirs)
Lays a soul (mine)
So send out the dogs to search for a sign of life
If I had a way
The way to say
What at least I wanted
One of us would have some truth
Even if unwanted by you
Maybe I could move
I could move right on
Into a new truth
A budding blue
Building my sky from the top down
Where I can’t let you down
If I could pick a day
And live in it always
It’s safe to say
It would be a”you” day
But now I’m heading
Into a new truth
A budding blue
Building my sky from the top down
Where you can’t let me down
Where you can’t be found
And the winds blew out change like birthday candles
burning, scolding heat lashing endings and wishes
with a tongue so sharp it cut glassy tears
kissing back stray hair from flushed cheeks -
the question rolls out like a gurney
how did you flail now?
let me count the ways
the little piggy crossed till the line faded from view
to kick up the leaves of a book
the book that two finger stepped to dreams come true
till Cinderella, beauty faded became a cuckold hen
till the princess found her pea and frigged herself
till Rapunzel tore her hair from the roots
till Bambi, a bullet sucking his gut took four hours to die
till wee wee wee became I and me
till the world turned upside down and inside out
to beckon a day when the question must be answered
to submit to the swaddling bindings of consequence
and pay penance for daring to believe.
Boy: "Dad i think I'd rather take the bus today, I don't feel like walking, can you pack my lunch right now as I get ready?"
(Boy goes into room in a stomping movement)
(Dad starts preparing lunch)
Dad: "Are you staying for tutorials today? Your grades dont look so good, and it's starting to reflect how you're acting at home.
You're always so lazy now."
Boy: "I'm not sure if I want to stay for tutorials, I'd rather go to sleep afterschool.
School is tiring.
I'll be home later than usual though."
(Boy starts walking towards the door and checks his pockets for money)
Dad: "Okay, well be safe, where are you going afterschool?"
(Boy turns around)
Boy: "I was about to tell you, I need 40$ for a fieldtrip today, sorry for the late reminder."
Dad" You should've told me earlier, I'll go upstairs and see what I have in my wallet."
(Dad goes up the stairs rapidly)
There's times where lying creates curiosity in a mans heart, and wonder if the liar is really telling the truth.
Although they know, they dont want to say anything, they'd rather trust.
Sometimes I lie, sometimes can be all the time for some people.
(rapid steps going down the stairs)
Dad: "Here we go, $40... What time do I pick you up from school?"
Boy: "Around 7:30 pm."
Dad: "Alright, I'll be there.
Hurry out, you're going to miss your bus."
(Dad grabs boys head, and kisses his forehead)
"I love you son."
(Guilt glows in the boys eyes)
Boy: "I love you too dad..."
(walks away slowly not wanting to admit his lie)
(boy walks into school)
(greets his friends)
Boy: "Aye, Matthew, you still down for afterschool? I got the $40, my stupid dad actually bought that I was going to a fieldtrip, we have until 7 to get back."
Matthew: "Dude you dont feel guilty? Not even I would lie to my dad face to face."
Boy: " Is your friend still hooking it up with the booze?"
Matthew: "Yeah, he's coming along with us, I hope you brought a jacket, it's going to get cold tonight."
Boy: "I did, dude I'm nervous, what if we get caught."
People have instincts on whether or not they committed something bad, the boy knew he had committed something bad, something he knew he'd regret at the bottom of his heart.
The trust in his fathers eyes killed him the second he went out the door towards his bus stop.
Matthew: "Trust me we wont, give me the $40 right now and I'll get us two grams of white widow, or do you want OG kush?"
Boy: "White widow, I was reading it has "cooler" effects when you're high."
Matthew: (laughs) "You're lame for looking it up, either way thats very true."
(Both kids walk different directions at the intersection of the hallway)
Boy: "Alright, well I'll see you afterschool by the lunchroom vending machines."
Matthew: "Alright, I'll see you there...
And dude, don't worry, we'll be fine."
Throughout the whole day the boy was anxious about what was going to happen afterschool, they didn't really plan anything, they just wanted a good time with marijuana and liquor.
Sometimes when I'm smoking I think if its really worth it, then I remember I'm sad for the moment, and these herbs I'm puffing on will make me smile for a few hours.
(Boy sees Matthew from a distance and yells his name out)
Matthew: "Aye, I was just looking for you, we going? My friends waiting outside."
Boy: "Hell yeah I'm ready" (he answered with slight tone of worry)
Matthew: "Alright let's go, I've been waiting all day for this."
Boy: "Same here."
(Both walk up to a black car by the side of the school)
Matthew: "Jesus! How've you been? This is my friend, he's going on an adventure with us today, he bought us some widow."
Jesus: (greets himself to boy, and unlocks the car doors)
I've been good man, just hanging out, work is going slow though. Nobody wants to get tattoos right now, maybe after graduation.
I'm so glad I dont have to deal with school anynore though, my mom always bitches at me for dropping out."
I dont think school can make or break your value as a human. I feel like whatever you love, is enough to pursue. I dont think can school can define intelligence. I feel like self perception of value is so low. I feel like people that love you will always tell you your value is higher than what you think it is.
Matthew: "Damn, mothers can be a hassle, atleast you love what you're doing now."
Jesus: (Looks at the boy) "What about your mom, what does she get on to you for?"
Boy: (looks down) "My mom died in a car crash... she was intoxicated, and didn't stop at the red light, and an 18 wheeler slammed right where she was sitting; the driver seat..."
Jesus: "Sorry to hear that bro, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't know."
Boy: "It's fine, we should get going now, there's cars behind us and we're causing traffic."
The boys vibe was killed by remembering the thought of his mom dying.
He asked Matthew to roll up a blunt, he was starting to get sad.
All of them took hits from the blunt, and soon they were touching Gods feet, and laughing so much.
Sometimes when you remember something you dont want to remember, you do things that can put your pain to ease and convince yourself that you're happy. Little lies.
Little lies to make you smile.
Little lies to make you feel relieved.
Little lies to be accepted.
Jesus: "Hey guys, I'm pretty fucking high, lets go somewhere and relax, I know this place where you can look at the whole city from a cliff.
You guys want to go?"
(both nod yes)
car pulls up at a cliff
Boy: "Dude this place looks amazing, how'd you find out about this place?"
Jesus: "I was wandering the woods and found it, amazing right?"
Boy: "Hell yeah, the view is great."
Matthew: "Will you guys accompany me to a beer or what?"
Both smile and start drinking heavily
The boys didn't notice, but they were intoxicated, and higher than the Empire State Building.
Before they knew it, they were in tears expressing everything they wished people knew about them.
Sometimes your consciousness explodes when your body is let go from reality.
Emotions flow like waterfalls, fast and carelessly.
Unspoken feelings are yelled into the oblivion.
Boy: "HOLY SHIT, guys I need to get back to school, and if my dad finds out I'm drunk and stoned he's going to kill me!"
Jesus: "Keep your calm, here take a hit from this."
Boy:" Dude no, I have to go, drive me back."
Jesus: "Fine, Matthew can you drive? I'm too, well you know."
All three were sharing laughs on the way back, and telling eachother which girl they wanted to fuck from school. Matthew was sharing his roadtrip idea he had for the summer, and Jesus was saying how much weed he'd buy for the trip.
All three were excited, because they knew they had each other.
They were each made from different backgrounds, but they became the same when they smoked and got drunk.
Boy: "Matthew look at my eyes, they look red as fuck, look at them!"
(Mathew turns around)
Matthew: "Hahahaha, dude they're so red, we need to buy you some eye drops."
(Matthew accelerates still looking at the boy)
Tire squeals were heard from a distance, but kept getting closer.
(Matthew immediately turns around)
He tries to brake, but it's too late.
His reaction was too slow, his vision was blurry, and didn't know where to turn.
Ambulances covered Jesus's face while on the bed he was lying on.
Matthews face was unrecognizable.
The boy had lost his legs, and half of his head of missing,
His brains was splattered all over the winshield.
Later on, when the dad found out his only son had died, the week after the incident, he hanged himself in his livingroom.
You know, it's crazy how a lie can take away future plans and expectations.
Expectations like they never existed.
People's footsteps on earth, like if they never stepped on it.
My mom used to tell me it's wasn't good to lie.
I didn't believe it, lying had brought me a long way when I was a child.
I never knew I was going to suffer consequences 5 months ago, when I was suicidal because I was depressed.
I guess every lie I said came back as big drops of sadness raining in my heart.
I guess it's better to feel pain in truth; in the present,
than to feel pain in the future because of something you could've avoided with honesty.
In the end, it all catches up to you.
My eyes are bruised
My pupils are black & blue
Sometimes i cut open my eyelids just to see the truth
I should be put in a mental institute
Because even with all this evidence
Im still evident ...
Self-harming just to get through
Each cut represents you
I lost hope in what to do
Where can i push this pain to ?
I know if i push it to you ,
You gonna continue to do
what you do
Im blind to whats happening
It is what it is exactly ...