I truly am pathetic.
But not for the ways you say.
For the way that I let you tear me down.
For the way I said it was my fault.
That everything was my fault.
In truth it was yours darling.
But I thought if I blamed myself,
then you wouldn’t be hurt.
That you would feel better about yourself.
And you did,
But I didn’t.
Now this is what it’s come to?
You, writing these spiteful lies you call poetry?
Now you’ve become pathe-
I can’t speak of you this way.
I never could.
I always let you hurt me
with a smile on my face.
I always blamed myself,
though that was not the case.
I should have said something.
Stood up for myself.
But I didn’t want to hurt you,
Make you sad,
Make you feel the way I do…
I just wish
That these people,
The ones who read your poems
Knew the whole story,
My side of it.
The side that makes the heroin, the villain
That makes the abuser,
the awful, disgusting, worm of a man,
just a sad, lonely and broken boy,
willing to destroy himself to see his true love happy.
But words are powerful
And hers may be better than mine.
If so then my story may go untold,
But, believed or not,
The truth must be told
I will no longer be that pathetic, submissive soul,
but instead an instrument to show the truth
A lens of truth…
A lot of you probably think I'm a cunt
But what is expression if not to be blunt?
I say what I feel and do what I want
I don't see the point in a mask or a front
You get what you see, you see what you get
I'm honest and noisy, you'll never forget
I've scared away most of the people I've met
But I'm not at all worried, and I'll never fret
I believe what I see as the truth in this world
I watch as the idiots tales are unfurled
I laugh as their deceit is constantly hurled
And smile when they argue "You're just a dumb girl!"
I laugh when I'm told that my views are all wrong
I'm not worried about how we get along
So spill out your hatred, it just makes me strong
I feed from your speech, so please make your words long
I'm simply just me, I'm only just I
I'm not here to make you feel happy, or cry
I don't care if you stay alive or you die
It's all the same to me, I'm not gonna lie
There I lie awake
Under the stars,
Thinking of what I could be,
of what I could feel,
and of what I could see.
I open my eyes to see,
that I am just behind bars,
that this is my reality.
I wish I could find,
the better side of the deal,
with all the goodness intertwined