I've down played my ego changing everyday
Not listening to any other voices but my own.
Not into the drama or rigged games
I spent my time away instead of wasting away
I give it to god he will provide no need to hide stay true
Others can be cruel even if they don't know you
I let the bad fade away start to make my own way
I've learned to love it's hard to trust
I forgive but it's hard to forget hate being stuck living with regret
One more time on my own this time I survive and grow.
Sitting in the darkest corners of my thoughts,
I've never felt such clarity.
As if the nothingness made me feel more
Than what life could ever provide me.
Its void reminds me of my own
Reality trickles down my spine like cold embers.
I try to ignore the whispers of my mind
As they speak to me of a time I've long forgot
And the cold fire it made me feel
A cold fire that made me sick
The cold fire that made me be.
Said, I can show you around the blackberry bush –
I planted it last summer, you know, that June you coasted
to university and stopped having crushes on cousins.
Said, you grew your hair long.
I toss it out the window many mornings:
dewdrops as a conditioner and tease strollers with
a crease by my armpit you like(d), my flab on the side –
I impress others now, men cling to the bottom of my skirt
and suckle on the hem to make each thread fray.
Said, but your knees feel dusty up against mine.
There is no big wide world, no plum summit skies below
the cuff of another person’s dress shirt –
just a watch. Remind me how much time I have left
until extinction, no hand held or hug goodbye:
this is a kingdom where nothing can die
and when it does, seeds are sown in the pelt of your heart.
Said, no, I bred this world for the fireflies.
Said, there are berry-droppings on your chin.
You look as if you’ve eaten licorice or caught lung cancer;
I wish you had, I wish I had never called you sugar.
Troublesome ties to a former me
Each seemingly speechless you'll see
Yet calling up on me every first snow
Surprised These winters have gotten colder
Than the ones we used to know
Spring will tear you up, wash you away
From still water line to crest
these tantalyzing tidal waves
Never to say what they mean,
Or mean what they say?
Manage to leave the sea and find the sands
are we rowing in circles, shallow calloused hands
I don't know what to do with my life right now
I am an abstract thought fleeting from my mind
And every aspect of me is running away faster and faster each minute
Each second each hour each goddamn day
I can feel myself slipping away
When you're a kid
You don't think about this type of shit
You just live
Life is life
C'est la vie
The French have a word for every goddamn feeling
I swear it
If only I could speak French maybe
it'd make writing poetry a bit easier
But it will never get easier
Because poetry is life
And with each word you extend yourself
You extend the years to come with this poem
A single poem
A single stansa
And within that word a thought can sprout
But with water and time that thought can become work
And with work and effort you give birth
To a beatiful goddamn poem
Filled to the brim with emotion
every sin in the damn book
written onto a blank white page
You dissected yourself before a crowd
And you open and pull your guts out to only have them shoved back in
because thoughts are the flesh of your brain
and the words are the substance
the minerals of this poem
And they may taste bitter and they may come out hard
but when they sit in the stomach of your reader
and crumble and decay
and die again
you become the eternal worm
you become the everlasting fruit
you become the demon that your parents and your pastors
and your lovers and your friends and your family
and your pets and your dreams and your goddamn thoughts warned you about
because knowledge is power
and power corrupts
and thinking is evil
so be a villain in the most beautiful sense of the phrase
and live and please
longer than this poem ever will