Harriet Maguire
Harriet Maguire
Dec 13, 2013

White horses.
Couldn't drag me away.
Not with all the green snakes they have.
Lurking in their bellies.
No written word or painted scene.
No Who.
Or Stone.
Or Radiohead.
Can save me from this madness.

Depression

Nix Townsend
Nix Townsend
May 16, 2011

A fools heart
Or a wise man's brain?
This will surely drive me insane

Emma Townsend
Jul 8, 2011

Childhood gave you to me in the form of best friend.
Adolescence made our chemistry collide and rebound.
Now on the verge of adulthood you are taken from me.
All that remains is the unrequited possibility.
Unspoken and unforgotten are those almost memories.

Nix Townsend
Nix Townsend
Apr 7, 2011

The words I said I didn't mean.
Angry, agony swell up in me.
Overwhelming pain drowns me.
You're gone.
There is no forever.
I become lost, broken but alive.
Life is now a strange sensation.
What is life without love?

Nix Townsend
Nix Townsend
Apr 7, 2011

Walking a little bit sideways
While on the wrong side of the road
several weeks flow into days
and every prince is just a toad
though the nothings are a something
'cause the world is viewed through eyes
of a vocalist that cannot sing
and fancy men without a tie
cause suicide is just another way to die

I spoke, you watched my lips move, but you never really listened.
You heard the words that left my mouth but you didn't take the time to understand them
You saw the sadness in my eyes, the tears that welled in them. But you were too busy tending your own worries.
You felt the hurt in the way I spoke but you ignored it. Making me feel worse.
You never knew who I was. You'd already decided. I walked away from you and you let me because you didn't care enough to make me stay.

CUTTING THE TIES THAT BIND
So I cut myself with a knife
just to see if I can still feel anything in this pathetic life
But I feel nothing at all
as I watch my crimson blood fall
I score my skin, deeper and deeper, push the knife in
nothing..... not even a sting...absolutely nothing
I frantically seek a virginal place I can carve, cut away my hate
self loathing, disgust, as I look at myself, what a fucking state
Waiting to faint, as my blood seeps and escapes
but as if mocking me, I have to wait
relief comes at a price, a deadly cost
and reminds me of all that i've lost
tired and sleepy, waiting for death to collect me
I've planned for no one to save me, finally be free
one last slice, just to ensure
deep across artery, my blood pumps no more

My Journey Through Madness

Where is my Mummy?
The terrified child asked, each and every night
Where is my Mummy?
without her I am afraid, please don't turn out the light
Where is my Mummy?
I'm scared...is she alright?
Where is my Mummy??
I am frightened, I need her to hold me tight
Where is my Mummy??
I really do miss her so
Where is my Mummy?
Where did she have to go?
Where is my Mummy?
Why did she not kiss me goodbye?
Where is my Mummy?
tell me please, and this time don't lie
Where has my Mummy gone?
did she leave cos I was naughty? did I do something wrong?
Where is my Mummy?
Tell me, will my Mummy be gone for long?
Doesn't my mummy love me? can she hear me cry?
Why did God choose my Mummy to live with the angels in the sky?
So many kisses & cuddles, yet to give to my Mummy, but now, how can I?
I see no stairway to heaven, and no wings have to fly
Is it because I wasn't a good little girl, Oh how, really hard, I did try
Where is my Mummy??
When will my Mummy be coming back?
Without her love, I am exposed, I am easy to attack
My Mummy did protect me, she made up for that we lack
My Mummy always took so much s**t and she never gave it back
Where are you Mummy??
I search for you everywhere
can you hear me Mummy??
can you hear my heartbroken prayer??
Mummy, Mummy where are you???
Nana said you'd gone to see baby Paul in heaven, is that true??
Grandad said that you were tired and needed a bit of a rest

I asked why didn't mummy have a lie down?? she could have used my bed
Robin sighed, looked straight into my eyes and said "Kristie, our mummy is dead"
The room is spinning Mummy and I feel really, really sick
Come and kiss me better Mummy, I really need you
Mummy please come now, I beg you, come quick
but in my heart, I know, my Mummy isn't coming back
My Mummy really has gone
I don't have a Mummy - She couldn't keep fighting on
I have nothing, I have no one - Maternal Love went wrong
I tell everyone and anyone - I don't have a Mummy anymore
I cry and cry for my Mummy - until my eyes and throat are sore, red raw
but it doesn't do me any good, Mummy doesn't live with us anymore
and gone are Mummy's hugs, kisses & smiles galore
Goodnight Mummy, I hope that you have a really nice sleep
I will always love you Mummy, and your memory alive, I shall keep
I promise you Mummy, I shall try not to cry
For your star I shall seek, wishing & wondering why
I blow to you and Baby Paul many kisses, Mummy
I blow them hard and way up high
I shall see you again, one day mummy
To you I will not ever, say goodbye
So many years have passed now Mummy,
Since you had to go away
and your only daughter still misses you
and needs you, each and every single day
I have to ask you though Mummy -
cos still on mind it does play
Why Mummy?? Why??
Why did you go away?
Why, Mummy, why?? -
Did you not love me enough to stay??

In Memory of My Mummy, SYLVIA LUCY LEDWITH (RIP 17.06.81)
#suicide   #dying   #death  
Emma Townsend
Jul 9, 2011

Flowers on rooftops. Sold by stalks or bunches or barrels.
Rooftops, where beginning see new light.
Sunsets are given a second chance.
Sun rises sweep you off your feet.

Until you are tumbling towards oblivion.
Falling for someone or no one,
Someone will still catch you,
For no one is truly absent on a rooftop.

Rooftops are shelters.
Covering our small material lives,
That reflect poorly our selves.
No living room can represent a person’s soul.
Our drive, our motivation our passion.
What we believe we are underneath.

Without rooftops snow would drift against our bedsides.
Without rooftops stars would tell the stories of our dreams.
They would burn away the acid that disappoints us.
That keeps us from laughing.
We’d be filled with starlight, snowflakes, flowers.

Flowers are sold on rooftops because,
Perspective is shifted up there.
Ground is still down but farther down.
We are as tall as skyscrapers.
Gravity makes our knees tremble.
Tempting that leap of faith.

Flowers deserve a second perspective –chance.
How many times have you counted the petals on a dandelion?
Or asked a lily if he loves you?
Why send a rose when you have orchids?

Rooftops are surreal.
Ordinary cannot but attained that close to the clouds.
The balance between flight,
And gravity’s relentless pull keeps a mind awake, -alive.

Rooftops are where flowers should be sold.
No cars, cement or money.
No stereotype, or donuts or guns.

Anyone buying flowers  
Is looking for a second chance.
Is hoping for magic.
Waiting for lightening to strike him,
In the same place twice.

I SEE YOU NOW, AS NEVER BEFORE
I TASTE CONTEMPT, SWALLOW IT DOWN RAW
WANTING, NEEDING TO SETTLE THE SCORE
TIME WILL TELL, WHO REALLY IS HARDCORE
YOU THINK YOU’RE “ALL THAT”
YOUR ACTUALLY PERCEIVED AS A TWAT
A DICKHEAD'S DOORMAT
"BITCH, SWALLOW! IT WON'T MAKE YOU FAT!"
YOU PLACE YOUR BABIES IN DANGER
FOR A BRIEF DALLIANCE WITH A STRANGER
NOT UNIQUE BEHAVIOUR
YOU OFTEN TRADE FLATTERY FOR A SEXUAL FAVOUR
EASILY LED, INTO NEXT MAN'S BED
PUSSY ALIVE, MORALS DEAD
BELIEVING EVERY DRUNK WORD THAT IS SAID
WHILST PRETENDING NOT TO NOTICE RECURRING THOUGHTS IN YOUR MESSED UP HEAD
IF YOU CONTINUE
YOU'LL ALWAYS BE DICTATED TO
JUST ANOTHER RANDOM, EASY SCREW
LEFT FEELING LONELY, USED AND BLUE
IF YOU COULD TAKE A STEP AWAY
IF YOU ACTUALLY LISTENED TO WHAT YOUR CONSCIENCE HAS TO SAY
YOU'D BE SURPRISED AT THE WAY
YOUR NEON SIGN FLASHES - 'EASY PREY'
WAVE GOODBYE TO YOUR SONS, TWO LIVES TORN
JUST AS YOUR FIRST BORN
THE ONE YOU CLAIM TO MOURN,
TOO LATE NOW, APRON STRINGS FRAYED AND WORN
SAY GOODBYE TO TRUE LOVE
COS LABELS STICK FOR GOOD
YOU WANT TO BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE MISUNDERSTOOD
NO DEAR, YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER 'HO FROM THE HOOD'
I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU NOW, YOU’RE NOT TO BLAME
YOU HAVE BEEN MANIPULATED, USED FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S GAIN
SOUL BROKEN, SPIRIT BRUISED
CONSTANTLY IN EMOTIONAL PAIN
YOU HAVE NO DIRECTION IN LIFE
EXCEPT CAUSING DRAMA AND STRIFE
THE ONLY TOPIC OF CONVERSATION BETWEEN YOU & YOUR CREW
IS, WHO IS NEXT ON THE LIST, TO FUCK OVER & SCREW?
YOU USE WHITE POWDER TO NUMB YOUR PAIN
WAKE THE NEXT DAY, HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME
OPEN A CAN, FUCK ANOTHER MAN, UPSET WHO YOU CAN

LIVING A LIE, YOUR LIFE IS A SHAM
YOU NEED A NEW PLAN - AS QUICK AS YOU CAN!
ARGUMENTATIVE, INSTIGATING THE NEXT ROW
I'M ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT I EVEN KNOW YOU,
LET ALONE HOW
YOU MAKE MY SKIN CRAWL, I FEEL SICK NOW
YOUR LESSON, IS SIMPLY LONG OVER DUE
YOU HAVE NO SELF RESPECT LEFT AT ALL
IF WHAT I HAVE BEEN TOLD IS FOR REAL
YOU ATTEMPTED TO MAKE ME LOOK SMALL
LOOK YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR, HOW DOES IT FEEL?
TURN YOURSELF AROUND, BEFORE ITS TOO LATE
AND THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU, REPLACE IT WITH HATE
REPETITIVE CYCLE, ON THIN ICE YOU SKATE
YOU'LL BE DISOWNED, ALL ALONE,  - STALEMATE
YOU ARE A FUCKING STATE, LOSING EVEN MORE WEIGHT - FATAL MISTAKE
ONCE MORE YOUR BABIES, FOR THEIR MUMMY, THEY PATIENTLY WAIT
HOPING THAT TODAY THERE IS FOOD ON THEIR PLATE
AND THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE TO SHARE, WITH DRUNKS OFF THE ESTATE
YOUR BABIES THEY NEED THEIR MUMMY
AND HEALTHY FOOD IN THEIR TUMMY
UNLIKELY COS THEIR DINNER MONEY ON VODKA, YOU SPENT
AND DRUNKEN ANGER & ANGST ON THEM, YOU WILL VENT
WHAT WILL IT TAKE?
FOR YOU TO SEE & ADMIT THE MISTAKE?
HOW LONG BEFORE YOU BREAK?
HOW LONG, TIL THE NEXT GREAT ESCAPE?
WHEN WILL YOU REALISE, THAT IT IS ALL ROTTEN?
WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND ADMIT, YOU'VE HIT ROCK BOTTOM

#low   #rockbottom  
 
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