dear GOD,
pleze turn cigarets into dynomite sooooooooooooooooooooooooo
when people light it ther heds explods up to peces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
your best frend


Megan Cowzer
Megan Cowzer
May 10, 2014

6 year old me knows better than me now,
She told me how;

The future heaven is,
Singing in the rain is paradise.
It takes,
to go THE DISTANCE so...
People try to change you.
Take the PROS and
leave the
Live your LIFE
enjoy it 'till the day you
don't worry.

I guess it was easier then...

"Mom, why do you put that hot sauce on everything"?

"Because I like the flavor that it gives to most of my food."
"Do you want to try a little bit"?


(spit) " yukkk, it's too spicy and hot!"

"I know" (laughing)

"Do we have any cold sauce"?

Kids are so legit. I love their nature. They keep it literal and one hundred percent at all times. On the other hand, adults get on my nerves. Daily.
Mercedes Faust
Mercedes Faust
Nov 15, 2014

i bet your pretty disgusted with me right now.

i never thought i'd be getting drunk
or even high.

but it's just what happens when the first heartbreak happens.
or your first party
your first suicidal thought

i'm writing to say i'm sorry for disappointing you

i'm sorry i went down the path you wouldve never picked

i'm sorry for growing up so sick and twisted.

because i wish i stayed six and innocent

my niece once asked of me
after watching reports of a school shooting on tv
"uncle quin, why do people have to die?"

what do you say?

i told her
"well, honey, god calls some people to be angels
after they have finished their work here on earth"

she asked the hardest question after that
"even children who have never known sin?"

all i could think of to tell her was
"those are the purest of all souls
and god wants them more than any others,
because of that innocence and love"

"but uncle quin, what if it hurts to die?"

"the pain of a few moments is nothing
compared to god's undying love...
remember when you were afraid of that shot
at the doctor's office and it only hurt for a moment?"

"you're old, uncle quin, but you're never gonna die"

"i'm not afraid to die,sweetie"

"me neither, now....."
as she fell asleep in my lap

Ellie Taylor
Ellie Taylor
Aug 21, 2014

“If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand.
Hope you find out what you are; already know what I am.”

I am your daughter. And I don’t understand why you don’t want to play with me anymore or why you don't hum while you fold laundry or make spaghetti or smile when I do a silly dance to the music on the radio like you used to.

“And if it makes you less sad, we’ll start talking again
You can tell me how vile I already know that I am.”

I know I’ve been bad. I know I shouldn’t play with your makeup or cut my bangs or my doll's hair with your scissors, but I promise I won't do it again. I'll be so good.

“I’ll grow old, start acting my age-
It’ll be a brand new day in a life that you hate.
A crown of gold, a heart that’s harder than stone,
And it hurts to hold on, but it’s missed when it’s gone.”

I know the fights you have with Frank are about me. I heard you when you thought I was sleeping. I’m sorry I fight with Ryan. All I want is for us to be able to fly kites at the park and ride our roller skates around on the sidewalk with all those big safety pads like we did that one time in our family videos for my birthday when you made me that cake I liked so much that I ate a handful before I even blew out the candles.

“Call me a safe bet, I’m betting I’m not.
I’m glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget.”

You told me once that I look like him and that it’s hard for you to even look at me sometimes. I would look like anyone else if I knew how.

“If it makes you less sad, I’ll move out of this state;
You can keep to yourself, I’ll keep out of your way.
And if it makes you less sad, I’ll take your pictures all down.
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.”

I wish I knew how to make you look at me like you’re proud of me.

“It’s cold as a tomb, and it’s dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds.”

I know I remind you of things you don’t want to remember. I just want you to get out of bed today and maybe make Mickey and Minnie Mouse shaped pancakes with a bow on her head with homemade syrup like you used to, so that I know everything will be okay again.

“So call it quits, or get a grip.
You say you wanted a solution; you just wanted to be missed.”

When Frank said you had to go away for a while to get better because you were hurt, I was scared you weren’t ever going to come back because you were somewhere that you liked better than here. And then I was scared because I kind of wanted you to stay there.

“Call me a safe bet, I’m betting I’m not.
I’m glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
So you can forget, you can forget.”

Everyone says it’s not my fault, but I know they’re wrong when I look at you and can see that look on your face that’s the same look you had when Misses Page asked you what happened to my back.

“You are calm and reposed.
Let your beauty unfold.
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones.
Spring keeps you ever close;
You are second-hand smoke.
You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins;
Holding on to yourself the best you can.
You are the smell before rain.
You are the blood in my veins”

I love you. I'm afraid for you. I'm afraid of you.

“Call me a safe bet, I’m betting I’m not.
I’m glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget.”

But I wont. Because I can’t.

An optimistic 6 year old girl with the whole world in front of her.
A crying 8 year old wishing her parents would hug her.
A damaged nine-year-old hoping for a bedtime story.
A changed 11 year old learning that it'll never be okay.
A broken 13 year old looking for an exit.
An angry 15 year old with a bag packed at her side.
A bitter 16 year old lost past the point of return.
A determined 18 year old ready to fly.
A recovering 19 year old seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
A strong 21 year old seeing the whole world for the first time.

#future   #hope   #past   #light   #fly  
May 2, 2013

I would have told my 5 year old self,
Don't cut your hair behind the couch.
I would have told my 6 year old self,
She becomes really annoying.
I would have told my 7 year old self,
Stop trying to please everyone.
I would have told my 8 year old self,
No, don't be friends with him. He'll hurt you.
I would have told my 9 year old self,
Please please don't get your hair cut.
I would have told my 10 year old self,
That girl is a backstabber.
I would have told my 11 year old self,
Cheating in school isn't cool.
I would have told my 12 year old self,
Men are so gross, just be friends for now.
I would have told my 13 year old self,
Being a teen isn't fun. Don't get your hopes up.
I would have told my 14 year old self,
Seriously, cheating in school sucks.
I would have told my 15 year old self,
I would have told my 16 year old self,
What are you doing with yourself? Think about it.
I would have told my 17 year old self,
It'll be over soon. I promise.
And I tell myself now,
It's okay to cry sometimes.

Joey Austin
Joey Austin
Oct 29, 2012

I was once told to edit the world. I grabbed my colored pencils, my childish ideals thinking I could simply, go over the imperfections left by my predecessors. Soon I would come to realize, life is no etchy-sketch.  I could shake the world, twist, mold into anything I wanted.  It’s still fucked up.  I’m still trying to color the problems.  I shade the unwanted, masking it over so I can pretend it’s gone.  My day dreams continue further as I sketched over past memories,   just want to edit the world.  But, colored pencils become daggers when in the right hands.  I’ve leaped into this idea with no plan, Standard american wisdom.  Act first, question later.    my first action should have been to ask, is the world a canvas?  Maybe it’s a kindergarden sandbox, 5 year old fists and 6 year olds toes smash and pound through.  Maybe it’s a thunderstorm because, I was told life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. All I’ve seen is dark clouds and lighting.  Maybe the world is me.  Poetic angst without fail, too much energy to use, to many words spoken at a rapid pace. Maybe the world is you, you, or you.  It’s not just its own story, it’s a combination of auto-biographies still being written.  Maybe... Just maybe, we are all editors.  The world is constantly being edited, no single person should aim to do it themselves.  Our world is force, a group, a team, a family taking the pens from our mothers and fathers, writing our chapters into the guide on how to edit.  Sooner rather than later, we’ll pass our pens down to those who will write the chapters we never get to see.  Hopefully, 5 year old fists and 6 year old toes become 20 year old champions and 30 year old heroes. We can share our stories, filled with the people we’ll never forget, and the nights, we can’t seem to remember. In the end, editing the world will never finished, it can be forgotten.  We hope shedding sun rays on a rainy day, might convince our successors to never forget.  Sadly, We can only hope they wish to edit.

Jan 12, 2012

The cancer ate my sister's heart,
her liver, her bones,
and now I'm alone
with my sick-stomached guilt
and my never-told confession.
Remember, we were younger. Our neighbor's sister
came home with a bloody nose and you turned to me,
"What would you do if that was me?"
6 year old certainty, "I'd kill them,"
swelling with 6 year old bravado,
"I'd kill
who hurt you."
Our mother was appalled and our father told me not to say things I didn't mean, but
I meant it then.
And sweetheart, I mean it now.
I can't kill the cancer, because it's already killed you.
I can't kill the husband, because he's already dead
(left you widowed and heartbroken, my only sister,
and I am to blame).
And so I'm standing here, looking at the
jagged-box-shaped rocks so far far far below,
and I'm thinking
(stacking box, after box, after box
in her empty-floored apartment),
and I'm wishing
(to the crier of sorrows I've never known)
and I'm breathing
(if only he hadn't been the adulterer)
and I'm jumping
(with me).

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