What if I ran when you told me to?
What if I hadn’t said no?
What if I had left you the way you left me?
And what if you weren’t the first girl?
Would I have loved you the same?
Would I still be bound and chained by this addiction?
I grew closer to you than anyone,
I sang to you on the phone before your surgery,
I straightened your hair when you couldn’t lift your shoulder
How do you reconcile this?
How do you rationalize it?
Or discard it?
I couldn’t always be there for you,
But I always tried,
Despite the distance,
I always tried
A new day arrived again today, there are new desires again.
There is a renewed love in the remote corners of the heart.
Hidden desires, many of them in many hearts.
What happened and why?
The heart seems to be as quite as a shrine.
May the blessings shower on us again
May the blessings give a sign again
May the blessings make this heaven again
Look at how lonesome I seem without you today
Just like a moment. Lost in the sea of time
Come. And. Reconcile.
Come and cheer me up
I won't be able to live in such sadness
The memories Ask me every single moment...
... Why are there tears in your eyes?
When you left my head
to reckon on its own,
it parted from this world to be alone.
Nothing laughed and all I saw was grey,
all the things I loved seemed to float away.
I was moving around,
but not seeing a thing,
Kept my head empty to keep from thinking of you.
And so I walked with a vacant smile, took far too long to reconcile.
Everything has a time - hearts will stop and people cry.
But clocks will tick away until the good comes around again...
Sometimes you have to reconcile love
To really love yourself
To truly know yourself
To let go of your preconceptions
Of what love might be
And find yourself again
An irrefutable dream,
fulfilled tenfold in the illusion
made imperfect by dreamers' oblivion,
sought by the delver of selves.
Rejection of messengers,
the hive of deluded apathy
that saturates the air thick with the droning of silent hesitation
sundering your cedar carapace,
which cancerous excess shatters,
and only cracks remain;
the afterthoughts of paradise
and undiscovered paths of depression,
an anxious exodus of life-force.
Part thine red sea,
lest plate tectonics make waves,
that cause molecules of hemoglobin to disperse in light,
the crimson tears of a soul,
sweeter than the lips coveted.
When the dice are thrown
one can only hope for a chance
I was sad, almost dead inside
when you suddenly came in,
I raised my head, in the darkness
still in disbelief,
and saw your eyes sparkling
do I imagine , or has this gleam been hidden
from my pining heart by some strange design?
I was about to grab my things
and vanish in the cold darkness
you wouldn't have seen me ever after;
life could be heartless, cold, even when
it seems to be smiling like full moon,
I had learned this, in my days of love lessons
But through the corner of my open window
I saw the sky was so blue and smiling
the fluffy white clouds, like sheep in a pasture
were playful, they did their best, to cheer me a bit,
brought me hope that something will change everything,
you would even decide to see me one last time
before everything go up in smoke.
Then, you walked in,
the scent of a freshly bloomed flower
sought my hand to dance with her
I still wasn't sure what it did signify
but the sparkle of your eyes, said it all
they arrested me, I did surrender
wasn't that what I yearned all this while ?
Regrets (Going Home)
I’m sitting at the stop light waiting for the light to turn green
Traffic is bad and I’m waiting for an hour it seems
The song on the radio is playing one from Red
And thoughts keep spinning ‘round, like a carousel in my head
I’m living like I’m driving: always moving but not taking time
To be in the moment or to read the signs
Going through the motions on autopilot every day
What more is there to life? Is there a better way?
What have I been missing that is hiding in plain sight?
There is more in this world outside my personal plight
You know I’m thinking about you now
And I sit here wondering how
You are doing and everything I’m missing
I had so many chances and here I am wishing
Hoping I could go back and do it all over again
To be there for you to be there for my best friend
I lost sight of what was truly important in pursuit of personal gain
I have all this money but the fact still remains:
I have no family now and money simply cannot fix
This emptiness inside the sadness from all this
I want you to know I’m sorry and I was so wrong
I never realized how much I had until all of it was gone
Please know I pray for you and for the kids whenever I can
I know I could’ve been better, been a Godlier man
I could’ve gone to church on Sundays, prayed a little more
I could’ve stood up for our family: a thing worth fighting for
If only I had been aware before all that I now know
I might have done things differently if so
I have come to understand a little a purpose far greater than me
Life is more than just a job, money, or nice things I believe
It is family, it is love, it is a something that you feel
In your heart, in your soul, and it is very real
Helping others, taking care of yourself, being there, showing love
These are all things that matters most if push comes down to shove
Then again it’s not too late to try to reconcile
I’ll take responsibility for consequences and go the extra mile
The only thing I would ask is to keep me in your prayers
And that you know wherever you go someone really cares
The song changes, the light turns and I continue heading home
To a place I can go back to no matter how far away I might roam