Fuck me for being so weak.
Fuck me for falling in love with every girl who shows me the tiniest bit of attention.
Fuck me for giving in so easily.
Fuck me for wanting to please others.
Fuck me for being too nice.
Fuck me for not loving myself.
Fuck me for thinking others would be nice to me if i'm nice to them.
Fuck me for trusting people too easily
Fuck me for not thinking more.
Fuck me for being so weak.
Here I go again, meeting a blue eyed boy and tripping myself into a trap, catching feelings and getting infected more than I should. His tremendous fingertips tuck against mine, making mine tremble in a way I forgot they could. My fingers are dwarves against his, trying to hold onto something tangible, something real, as he breathes heavy air my way and I giggle, unable to handle the seriousness.
Because this is serious. We laugh and poke and prod and joke but when I look into his eyes, I know. I know for once this is something far more serious than a fling, than dating, than any of it. He is my friend and we are standing here bare to each other and we are not turning away, not hiding unto ourselves, we are basking in the glory of each other's nakedness and loving it.
Each time he touches my side I feel a flutter and a yearning that I haven't felt so strong in a long time. He is touching me, and kissing me, and each moment I wait for the next touch, the next kiss, I go crazier and crazier. I crave his hands on mine, on my body, on all of me, and I can't handle it.
Pull me down onto you and make me feel something I've never felt before. Make me forget all those other boys to the point only you exist and I exist and that's all that matters. Make me feel beautiful naked. Make me real. Make yourself unforgettable.
I'm falling in love with him.
Why don't you see the monster within?
My god, just look at my sins.
Why don't you listen, do I have to scream?
Just let go of your ludacris dream
I've become far worse than bile
Take a look at your fucking denial
I'm a little disease
I'm too hard to please
Spit in my face
I'm such a disgrace
I'm a stupid cunt
I can't look in the mirror without feeling disgust.
Fuck my libido, wouldn't you know
It's done nothing but cause you pain and woe.
I'm a perfect actress, to have lead you on so well.
God I hope you can get out of this hell...
My hands are shaking
i can't breathe
my tears won't stop flowing down my cheeks
my chest aches
and my hands are cold.
I really don't want to be alone.
You pressed your lips to mine
and held my face in your hands.
But now you say we're just friends.
i knew you were trouble.
you say you're not the right guy for me,
but you're the guy i want.
you say you aren't over your past
well neither am i.
Fuck me for falling for you.
I should have known better.