My feelings are unsure, these I haven't felt before
My heart tears into two
People drawn apart
That too familiar feeling of being alone in the dark
As I think to myself, what have I done
With the quickness of the hand,
I take what I still love
And I run
I run away from what this means
I used to love me
I used to love us.
Married for all the wrong reasons
Who do we blame?
No happy future here
Just selfishness and shame
We used to be amazing
We used to be in love.
Now I have torn feelings, after each and every hug.
The tear no one sees
The ache no one feels.
Living in a lie,
Is this even real?
I've mixed so many emotions
Just trying to find love.
I lost myself somewhere
Somewhere I never wanted to go
I’m not going to lie
There is a part
It makes me sad
Tares me apart
I know after all
You still care
We went through so much
Has to be something there
Please don’t leave
Not just yet
A little longer
Then I’ll face regret
Thank you for everything
The good and the bad
I’ll get up and move on
It’s just a little sad
Enough time has passed
I don’t think so much
Then I remember the feeling
Of your soft touch
I am not ready for you
Out of my life just yet
I constantly think of that day
When we first met
I’ll keep it inside
And you will never know
Just know one day
You used to make me glow
I’m saying that for good
To be completely honest
I never thought I could
Good luck to you
I hope everything turns out well
I’ll walk away now
I guess I'm ready for this
Signed the papers with my tears
Didn't think it would hurt
After all these years
Friends now, like we never were
But erasing your name from mine
Even though I'm with someone else
I still think "what if we turned back time?"
You tell me you miss me
But you didn't want me when I was there
The saying is true, "you don't know what you got till it's gone"
Yet back then you couldn't bring yourself to care
Our house just wasn't a home
You were there but I was all alone
You worked all day, then with her all night
You never even answered your phone
Now I'm loved and adored
He holds me every night
Kisses me on my forehead
Tells me everything is all right
As soon as the paperwork is through
I'm marrying him after divorcing you
Love was a game I never thought I'd win-
But I did, and my prize is him.
Did you think it was funny
Watching me cry
Thinking I was alone
Huddled my backbone
In the corner
While you laughed
Did you think it was nice
To read my suicide
Bringing me angry orchard
In your face of lies
Did you think it was kind
Finding my rant on maggot
Dedicated to my ex husband
Turning it out
To again you benefit
Did you think
You were the only thing around
To be graced
As a human?
There was something about the silence
Something about the “Our little secret”, “Don’t tell anybody” silence
That kept intruding into our conversations
On Friday afternoons
The silence was the ex-boyfriend
Who sucked his “I love you’s” and “Baby”s
Right from his lips.
The silence was the ex-husband
Who demanded him to pay for everything
With him avoiding eye contact as acceptable payment.
The silence was the ex-lover
Who stole the romance
As it slowly got of his bed taking with it his words and love.
The silence was the reason I stopped talking to him.
im sure weve all got one
ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend
ex husband, ex wife
so much pain in just one word
so much loss and so many tears
im sure youve wished to end your life
there are stories and laughs
that you remember from them
but theres no going back
you can use ex for all you once had and lost
ex happiness, ex joy, ex future
without them, theres always something youll lack
You have someone interested in you.
But you're still creeping with him.
That divorce man of yours and the father of your kids.
No reasons you give seems legit.
And you try to offer them to justify your action.
And the only one happy is the divorce man.
You have someone trying to connect to you.
And he even commented, you're getting played for a fool.
Just being used for a physical need tool.
Satifying your ex-husband lust.
But the new man doesn't blame him.
As much as he level the error of judgment upon you.
He does inquire, what will happen when he quit you?
And another interest his heart.
Since you agreed to be used.
Don't later try to say he took advantage of you.
For that wouldn't be true.
Many men get blame for the stupidity of a few.
But in this case, it's you.
1st shot, I'll forget you tonight.
2nd shot, I should date Noah on the weekend.
3rd shot, Been 6 years since we tied knots
4th shot, This is for you and your lies.
5th shot, For the stripper with red panties
6th shot, Go to hell Steve.
7th shot, Why Steve?
8th shot, Steve ..
9th shot, I'll call Steve.
10th shot, Please come home. I miss you.
11th shot, One more Blue Margarita
12th shot, I'm not drunk.
13th shot, Hello Ben! Officially divorced!
14th shot, I know. His lose. Thank you.
15th shot, Blah.. Blah.. Blah..
16, 17, 18, 19, 20, How many shots?
Probably 21, drunk enough to slept with my husband's brother.
22, Ex-husband, Sylvia.
fucking nature poems-
as if the trees are going to get up
and hug you and tell you to
forget your ex husband,
he was a piece-of-shit anyways.
as if you can live in a house by
the lake all by yourself and
never be alone because the
goddamn water will talk to you.
i don't know much about science
but i know that lakes don't
generally knock on the door
and ask for a cuppa.
no one believes in water
people have stopped worshiping it
the way they've stopped worshiping god,
canceled their Jesus Weekly
tore up the bible, drank the holy water,
ate his flesh and my flesh and your flesh, too.
and it's better that way.
all i know of god is that sometimes,
when i ring him up late at night,
he tells me
to go to hell.
and it's better that way.
(c) Zoe Terner 2014