"We don't want her, she's too loud"
"We don't want her, she's too problematic"
"We don't want her, she's too fat"
"We don't want her, she's too dirty"
"We don't want her, she's not 'Christian' enough"
"We don't want her, she's too depressed"
"We don't want her, she's not like her sisters"
"We don't want her, she's too smart"
"We don't want her, she's too skinny"
"We don't want her, she's too pretty"
When will I be wanted?
Alone, cold, and mislead
is what it feels like to be unwanted.
After a while the feelings are accepted,well actually any feeling.
Maybe this was planned maybe if I keep going I will see a light.
Through this darkness I will come.
Feelings of acceptance creep in, slowly, but they still come.
Laughter seems so far away, like it is foreign where I am.
Where is that I ask? Why does it even matter because I know what darkness feels like.
I know what being unwanted feels like.
Because no one can help me now. Now that I know what it feels like and what it means.
Now I know what it means to be
Thrown back, like unclean
Not even as a second look,
Features great the cold ground,
Feeling more in this moment
Of contact, than in life
Feelings upon show, not opening
That emotion that shows,
I have hands out, as if trying to cup
Of others, not wanting to go back,
"I will not look back"
They shut that door, and ended it.
A new harder chapter in my
Walk of life, But the ground is
But it is upon this I now rest a
Protection of self,
For predators of the night greet darkness
I hope that a new day awakens my eyes,
For I am among many,
Vacant emotion upon many faces
As if the world has won over them,
I just wish to open my eyes and greet a new day
I am among many unwanted but still wish life.
My heart is racing violently,
Yet I stay seated silently.
Please not now, anxiety.
I need to remain calm.
I lightly touch my temples,
I can't keep myself from gasping.
I look towards the door,
My eyes begin to sting.
A tear drops past my cheek.
Fuck this, I need to leave.
"Don't say such things."
These emotions have me snared.
As I stare at the door in tears,
I finally run through it,
Down the hall; and stairs.
They put me through this.
The reason I'm so anxious,
Is simply because of you idiots.