I'm happy one minute
And then you flip
And so do I
One minute I'm in love
And rightly so
But then you decide to speak
You like to take anything
That brings us joy
And crush it
Well, we won't pretend anymore
You've lost now
It's all over now
We're aren't under your control
You're just going to lose us
But we belong here
And so I'll fight for them
And do what I know to do
So while you flip and flop
Change your emotions
I'll be emotionless
Because none of us can stand it
Any longer with you
I live in Wisconsin,
and the weather here is seriously bipolar.
A few days ago it was
Today and yesterday,
Fifty degrees and rainy.
Today is not so gloomy,
as yesterday was,
but it is still
Fifty Seven degrees
and the weather is
so don't change then
you seem to be perfectly comfortable
in your insanity.
anhedonia coming alive in your party
master wrangler of sorrow,
been there, done that.
and like watching
the christians and the lions,
i am rooting for you
but know you will shed blood.
and when you are devoured enough
you come to life,
stay where you are then,
forget em happy pills.
i will go certifiable with you
as long as you do not forget
the lunacy of our love.
The toxic word flickers across the blue screen, taunting my tears into reckoning. Everything makes sense now. Now I know each time my feelings crash there is no reason, no problem, no answer. Just disorder. My disorder. It’s swirling in my veins, intoxicating me like a drug, and sometimes I like it.
Each manic moment is incomprehensible perfection, with I as the center of its universe. The world is mine to own, the Gods mine to control. Every movement is unstoppable, the energy seeping out of my very pores. Words come easily; all I am is a flowing expression of the beauty within. Nothing is above me, all are below. I am flawless. Why can’t everyone be so perfect?
Yet each depressed crash sends me spiraling into a darkness I have never known. My nails become bitten, my hair a tangled mess. Every turn I find myself nothing but alone, no one around to notice or care or even see. They are better, everything’s better, as long as it’s without me.
I am a cyclical monster, luring in my prey before dragging it into the pits of my own personal hell. Every shattered shard refracts inviting light, yet they cut deep and only capture people in a lethal web. I am breakable, unfixable. Every shade of me I thought I understood is now a vague gray. Is this smile mine? Are these tears real? Am I feeling pain or is it just the chemicals and synapses dancing haphazardly in my brain, concocting this uncontrollable body that I do not know?
I cannot hinder my blood from screaming for help, but my heart cannot tell what my lips refuse to speak. Lips lie when I try to hide, the habitual sin I can never break. People must be punished for their sins. Locked within my prison, kept without my food, begging to be unchained yet pleading to cement my sentence. A prisoner cannot kill when they are dead.
He asks to help, but he is ignorant to the truth. My arms pull him close while my heart shoves him far away, dooming my flicker of a fantastical romance before it begins. It shoves them all away. The choice is shove or break. No one deserves this, the swirling vortex of uncertainty, depression, mania, unknown. How could I break them too? The only paths before me are to lose them or hurt them. Losing them would kill me; hurting them would kill me. My heart will be murdered either way. How inevitable it is for me to be dead.
This disorder is not terminal, yet its killing me quietly, so slowly, and forcing me to feel alone in even the most crowded room. To become an alien in my own world. They want to save me, but they don’t understand, she doesn’t understand, I am too afraid to understand. It won’t be spoken. Only on paper can my iron heart ease, only alone can I say what I know is real.
The worst part about falling
is not when you hit the bottom.
Not getting back up after the fall.
Not when you have to let go,
Not when you have to move on.
The worst part about falling
is knowing that you are slipping.
Knowing you are slipping, deep down
into a pit of demons and despair.
Knowing you are breaking.
Knowing you will be held hostage
by the devil inside you.
Knowing you need help,
but when you finally cry out,
no one is there to save you.
And you just have to allow yourself to fall.
I wanted to enlist as an army babe, but i can take-care-of-my-self,
stay healthy as a tree, no more frantic order's like "Smeeeaaaag?!?"
Just a girl who wanted to be a penguin and swim free,
of the trap of an incomplete mind.
Walls of neutral yellow and beige, as a
sunflower soaks the rays of,
lost in this endless sea of confusion.
Is there really dedication, reflects blue eyes of Lilies socket's,
does Eternity really exist?
As a blown kiss,
a wishing well
The heart is the only gate,
gushing feelings and
masks this face of shy Grace.
As thundering pride takes over,
build a dynasty and touch the heavens,
as dove on wings, crowned in Gold,
I've found the Soul.
In the lake this treasure keeps
as a door swings open,
step'n on through to morning.
Finding super power's at twilight daze,
thrust onto the writer's play.