I've lost a lot in the past few weeks
Given up on almost everything, everyone
And I thought you would be there for me
Merely because I am for you
I thought for once I might come first
Only because you always come first to me
I was naive to think you would try anything but the bare minimum
To make me happy
I'm not blind
I can see what you're doing
I'm not deaf
I can hear what you're saying
And I'm not numb
I can feel you breaking my heart.
In the deep shade cast by a towering mountain
Lies a monstrous warehouse. And inside this warehouse
Is column after column after row after row after row
Of shelves, shelves, shelves, more shelves,
Fading off into the gloom of the farthest corners.
And on each of these shelves sit dolls—
Hundreds, thousands, millions—billions?
And each of these dolls is defected.
The reason for the defect is branded across the forehead,
Melted plastic forming the biting words:
And on and on and on these dolls sit,
Shelf after shelf, row after row, column after column.
The dolls gradually age—slowly, almost unnoticeably.
But they age. Each is an “improvement”
Of the one next to her.
The newer model would get though a bit more,
Last just a bit longer, but still fail at some point.
And so the brander draws near, and brands the skin,
Melting plastic to drip softly down as tears.
But the doll can’t cry.
She’s already been shut down and awaits
The day the space next to her will be filled.
Until this thick burden
Eats all of you dry.
I remain the living
torn shrapnel of paint.
I've seen where we should be.
And I'm not alone.
Here in this garden
truth will be shown.
Before all the roaches.
Before all the lies.
Before all the temples.
Call blood from the sky.
I am no section.
I am not whole.
Where is your face?
This shadows a forge.
Yet I have defected.
And call out your threat.
In brown eyed seduction.
You'll fear what you get.
Crusading for love
to understand being
leaving the lens no vision for seeing
momentary glances keep the spirit alive
with vexations abound they tear at my soul
Nashing and clawing
As i stand at this yawning
Will i jump in will i submit
Crashing around me in this sulphur pit
Aghast it stops the rational clicks
that clear inner voice turning dark into light
vexations and demons they leave with great flight
I had known all along i was up for this fight x
We've seen the Angel of Death
Coerced- his hands we become
His hollow countenance, our own
So many numbered wretches
Disguised as hollow drones
Stalk the night
Fighting non-existent thrones
The empty expression, brow bent in deep thought
The humans we used to be
A garden of seedlings in desperate need
The tide rises quickly
These ideas can save us
Or they can tear us apart
Once we've destroyed the concept
Of the celebrated self and love of art
We can begin the process of growing up
We bit the apple, bought the lie
Exploited the poor and boy did we rise
We snapped those necks and boy did we thrive
i have a brain
and i have a body
and that's really cool
because what i see through my eyes
and feel what i am
is not a brain nor a body
but a world that i created
a world of what i am
and that's what you are too
what the hell is anatomy
it is a lie
if we could only see with feelings
the world would be an inspiration
every life would be a galaxy
every person would be a treasure
so you can have my body
you can tear it to shreds
lock it in this prison
make it bleed, make it run
starve it and poke it
but you will never have me
because i will be years away
in my mind
gone with the universe
and the stars that died years before