You may not know,
but right now my eyes are burning - because of the brightness of my phone's screen.
Right now, my fingers and hands are aching,because I've been in this position for a while.
I've started yawning very frequently.
I'm actually on my bed right now,
but even though all I have to do is close my eyes - I don't,
because my stupid heart won't let me :
I just can't leave you until I read the word,"bye",
because I said that I would always be there for you,
so for now I'll endure all this,
I'll endure the aching in my body,
I'll endure the inflammation that my finger joints are experiencing,
I'll keep trying to soothe my eyes by scratching them every 5 seconds if I have to.
I'll keep enduring all these seemingly unnecessary hardships because I love talking to you babe, even though you're yapping about what your dog did today.
Glance behind you,
What you may see may disturb you.
What you once were
isn't what you are now.
It's not the physical appearance; the way you dress
Not the tone of your voice,
the change in your character –
But the change in your demeanor
You've developed from a carefree soul
to a figure you never imagine yourself being
The lines on your face,
developed from years of hardship;
days in which you endured, prevailed
fell back down, got back up again
Weeks in which you worked day to day,
Just to make ends meet. Months in which
You struggled to keep up on your feet.
Your past self imagined this would be
The equivalent of a cold, dark world.
In every way, you see it's worth it.
Worth each waking morning.
This may not be what you wished for
When you were younger...
...It's all a part of living life.
We eat, we drink, we live, we die.
Pay our debts in order to survive.
We have to live through hardships,
In order to make it throughout life.
I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one
That term is so disgusting I wouldn't label you as one
So Jay-z can keep making them songs
just know them big lips won't get respect for long
I go to the gym , so I really hope this works out
this spark , can grow and Won't burn out
You ain't the ordinary bird you can't move south
What happens to me though?
like a time bomb, I'll blow
like I will becomes red emotion traffic builds and you can't go
the talk about the other side where the grass is green
I cant climb over with the defences blocking me
It's like my heart is locked
and you can't find the key
trying to find more fish , but you are not a fish but my sea
I remember when I was young
And my empty stomach would ache,
My grandma would dance with me
And all my troubles would go away.
We never had enough food,
Many times I saw her cry.
But if I asked if she was hungry
Often times she would lie.
"When you eat, it gives me strength"
Then her stomach would growl,
I didn't get it but didn't push
At six years old I didn't know how.
God never left our side,
So things started to improve.
At 70 she held a job as housekeeper
And so we fell into a groove.
I became her little helper
So she wouldn't mess up her knees.
I was just the right size
To fit most places with ease.
I feel like we grew old together
But it didn't last long,
I moved away with my mother
And grandma was left alone.
She did have the rest of our family
But they only care about themselves.
They take but rarely give,
Not caring about anyone else.
It's been years since I saw my grandma.
Nowadays I dance alone,
When I'm sad though, I give her a call
And suddenly I am home.
"This makes us stronger people,"
My mother always told me
With tears in her eyes
"God knows we need to
He is just giving us an opportunity
To make ourselves better."
And I sort of believe her.
Just a little bit.
Mainly I just think
That life likes to shit on us.
"Oh, your dad got a good job?
Nah, we can't have that.
Lets make it temporary.
This job will last 6 months."
This happens more often than not.
And it's crazy.
I don't know anyone else
Who has it like us.
And I'm not trying to say
That my problems are greater than yours
We all have hardships
They're all just different ones.
Some people have disabilities
Some people are suicidal
Some people abusive lovers, abusive fathers
No, I will not disregard these people
All I'm saying
Is I'm tired of this shit.
It gets real old
And it never seems to end.
We go through hardships and trials to build up our characters.
To make us stronger and to gain compassion for other people.
Christ uses hardships to build up love for those that hurt.
We love not despise, we pray healing for those whom hurt.
We love those that despise us and for those that hurt us.
For he is building his character in each of us that loves him.
For he is a God that loves his Creation which is everyone.
Not just the ones that chase after him , but everyone of us.
For he lets it rain on the just and the unjust as well .
I married him for all the wrong reasons
his dashing good looks
leave something to be desired
the added addition
to his bank books,
which was a God sent
in this winter of my hardship
And by this all being tragically said
Never once have I bothered to check out the family tree
a sensible adjustment
I divorced him for all the right reasons his
Cheating and dealing
and his inexperienced lovemaking
This was worse than any dealing