Burning and popping still Lingers in my minds eye, I look down to see a crinkle in time. I walk through seeing flashes if gleaming memories. Smoky gray glass silently floating, wondering, but forever still. Blue twisting and spinning through all thoughts, like everlasting bruises of the sea. Gut retching anticipation of silent questions always answered, paused and stilled. Never again to be caressed by the silent husky laughter of memories past. Light begins to reappear through the memories of black and white photographs. Loneliness suffocates me as if all those years ago with water filling my veins.
I had been so lost, so alone. I was drowning in it. The effort it took to smile like I cared was so minimal. I scared myself with how much I didn't care. Voices running ramped through my mind. I was falling farther and farther into oblivion. Two hands reached out to scoop up the remains of me.
Silent and still I say there till I crumpled as if to be thrown away. Birthday wishes never come true if no one if whooshing for you. Tears held in, hair pulled on with dead inside hands like a toddler in the night. Until a shy smile came into sight. Timid and warm but is there more?
Time pasted, wounds began to heal. Words became fewer till non were spoken at all. Pain searing. Water calling. The sinking feeling was all I was missing. Sights and sound faded till all was blank. Pain all I felt, love betrayed. Torn and beaten till nothing remains. No smiles, no silent laughter, no words to ever to be spoken.
The water beckons.
The feeling of water flowing around me, never stopping. Hands that once has held me up now push me under. Circulating, pushing out pain. Searing life on the brink is all that's left. Black oblivion rushes in like the mistress of the sea's tide. Warm salty water flows as if from a broken facet. Till it all stopped.
I am Tenacious like a stubborn lion
But sometimes I only have life by a thread
And I walk lethargic almost as I'm dead
But I keep going
Disregarding the dread
Like a soldier far from home
I lose hope when I stumble
But remain strong like a stone
Step down from my undeserving throne
And become humble
Fight the strongest temptations
Keep on my righteous path
Even come the lowest rations
I push on
Remain on my straight line
Come hell or high water
I'm bringing mine
You were the water I needed to live
it was a process of give and receive
The water that satisfied my thirst
I thought you would put me first
The water that soothed the scars I bare
and you made me think you actually care
The water that I shed to feel better
I thought you will stick around forever
The water that washed my imperfections away
you promised me you will stay
The water that kept me dehydrated
even when I thought it was better to be dead
The water that reflected the good in me
even if I was lonely and ugly
The water I needed to live
But you also were the water that
put the fire from the burning coals
Since then I bare these burnt soals
A small child once swam up to me
While I was drowning and gasping for breath
Be my friend?
Without responding I looked at her,
And ignored her
To continue with my flailing in the shallow water.
And it took me until now,
And until later
To realize the deepness of the water was in my mind.
That she had not swam to me but walked
With water around her ankles
Her ankles alone.
So now I'm standing
In shallow water
With a friend, who has waited
For me to realize there was never any water at all.
None at all.