When I was little, I refused to get out of the bathtub until the water cooled down completely and my skin resembled my grandmother's.
Now that I'm older, I take showers that seem to last forever.
I feel like the water is washing away all of the bad, all of what's wrong with me.
I'll go outside in the summer just to stand completely still in the torrents of rain, waiting for something to happen.
After all, I learned in school that water is the strongest force on Earth.
That water can conquer anything.
Water shaped the mountains.
Water shaped my bones.
Water will change my fate.
There are two things that comfort
Let’s see if you figure it out
They consume me, lock me in
They are both the darkness and the light
It makes me come alive and is safe
It traps me, drowns me
I’m not scared
It’s full of ecstasy, gasping for air
It can fill up any space
There is some panic
Feel the rain, feel the beat
The screams, sounds
The clean, the cold
I’m not sure why it fills me
I’m drowning in it all
I just take the leap
Let it happen
It’s freeing, gets rid of all the pain
The kind that no one can see
Washes out the night
All that remains is melody
Somewhere in the distance
I see you standing there
I wish I were laughing too
Your smile takes my breath
Away I’ll go
And inside I’m screaming
But you won’t hear it
Under the lakes and rivers
Are the silent sounds
The aches are drowned out
The rest is perfect noise
You can’t see the tears I’ve cried
Or hear the screams I hide
But just you wait
Til I breathe
To sing out the words
That I always need to say
The ones I keep hidden
You’ll hear them, someday
When the storm is gone
And the air is clear
All I needed
Was for you
you touch my face and it feels like the rain that’s falling outside your window but it’s warm and comforting and i feel at home or is this my home? is a home a structure with a roof or can it be a person? is a home a heart or just a place to sleep? if so then i want to live in you and sleep in your mind so i can see what your dreams consist of and then maybe i can figure out what it is you need me to be and at this point i’ll be anything as long as you hold me but please don’t let go because my head is filled with thoughts so heavy i might sink down to the bottom of the ocean and the only way you could possibly get me back is if you turned yourself inside out and crawled inside because you are the ocean and if i have to drown in you just to be near you then that’s ok with me.
All of these people are bathroom tiles.
I am sinking beneath the hot water but my reflection is asleep on the floor curled up in your shirt.
All of these people are dripping from your hair,
running away from you and changing your skin.
Sometimes I don't turn the faucet off because I miss you too much.
I imagine that this is not how I'm supposed to go.
I've always liked the water but never when it liked me back.
Have you felt the essence of water
as she slips through your fingers?
She is wild and invigorating
~She is spiritual~
She sustains life and is sacred
She's both inspirational and moody
Speaks smoothly with beautiful mystery
At times she will awaken
All tranquility is disturbed
She gently cleanses both hands and souls
Quietly waters your gardens in Eden
Fiercely drowns your private Hells
The essence of water
as she slips through your fingers
is wild and invigorating
~She is transforming~
There's a creek I used to see
When I was young
I'd go there to think
It calmed my mind
See the girls were all yelling
And it made it all cloudy
And the boys were all calling
And it made it all rowdy
My mind was a castle for them to play in and stay in.
I wasn't tired yet but cried from all the savin
There's a Brook I used to go to
When I was older
I'd go there to kiss
It gave me more time
See the boys were all touching
And it made me afraid
And this one boy he cared
And we held hands and stayed
My heart was a labyrinth for them to search in.
I wasn't wild yet but tired from all the ridin.
There's a river I used to go to
When I got a little older
I'd go there to lie
It treated me kind
See the men were all looking
And it made me so scared
And the one boy he left
And I had only scars left
My body was a object for them to play with.
I wasn't dying yet but wild from all the givin
There's a lake I still go to
Now that I'm older
I go there to sink
It lets me pass the time
See the people all are passing
And it makes me look down
And I've been alone so long
And I'm tired of changing
My soul is a tomb for them to lay in
I'm not dead yet but dying from all the cravin
But in the winter it gets colder
The lake freezes up
No one sees me as I walk holding my cup
I breathe it in and someone whispers to me deeply
"Honey we're all flyin through life, so stay an evening"
I stopped treading water
and dove head first into the ocean
And God if it wasn't a mistake.
But you taught me that I value trust
over one good night
and that it is okay to love myself before
I love you.
You were a tidal wave I saw coming
a mile away.
I have moved to higher ground.
- R. H.
Burning and popping still Lingers in my minds eye, I look down to see a crinkle in time. I walk through seeing flashes if gleaming memories. Smoky gray glass silently floating, wondering, but forever still. Blue twisting and spinning through all thoughts, like everlasting bruises of the sea. Gut retching anticipation of silent questions always answered, paused and stilled. Never again to be caressed by the silent husky laughter of memories past. Light begins to reappear through the memories of black and white photographs. Loneliness suffocates me as if all those years ago with water filling my veins.
I had been so lost, so alone. I was drowning in it. The effort it took to smile like I cared was so minimal. I scared myself with how much I didn't care. Voices running ramped through my mind. I was falling farther and farther into oblivion. Two hands reached out to scoop up the remains of me.
Silent and still I say there till I crumpled as if to be thrown away. Birthday wishes never come true if no one if whooshing for you. Tears held in, hair pulled on with dead inside hands like a toddler in the night. Until a shy smile came into sight. Timid and warm but is there more?
Time pasted, wounds began to heal. Words became fewer till non were spoken at all. Pain searing. Water calling. The sinking feeling was all I was missing. Sights and sound faded till all was blank. Pain all I felt, love betrayed. Torn and beaten till nothing remains. No smiles, no silent laughter, no words to ever to be spoken.
The water beckons.
The feeling of water flowing around me, never stopping. Hands that once has held me up now push me under. Circulating, pushing out pain. Searing life on the brink is all that's left. Black oblivion rushes in like the mistress of the sea's tide. Warm salty water flows as if from a broken facet. Till it all stopped.