Brittanie
Brittanie
Nov 27, 2013

For my birthday I would like a few new veins and a brand new life, okay? Wrap up some happiness, love and a little bit of sanity with Star Wars wrapping paper from the late to mid 70’s, please? Make sure to use bubble wrap because those three things can’t arrive to me cracked, I can’t survive disappointment like that. Help me find a way out of the life I’ve been trapped and stop me if I ever try to go back.

Today is October 17th and I’m now twenty two years old, daydreaming of quitting before hitting twenty three. I’m alone in my apartment, sober and painfully lonely, making lists in my head of all the ways I could make my life end. I spend every day counting numbers in my head, adding dollars, subtracting minutes and hours, ounces and grams, dividing 1.5 by 2 and injecting the remainder into my arm. I’ve never been good at math but I’ve become an expert at calculating the amount of poison needed to keep breathing, the amount of toxins required to stop myself from screaming. The equation is simple—just add up your regrets and add that number to how many mistakes you’ve made, then multiply the sum by the number of people you’ve disappointed. Take that product and add the amount of people you miss, multiply that sum by how many lovers said, “Sorry but I can’t do this” and what’s the product you’re now left with? That’s the number of reasons you have for not wanting to live.

But sometimes you can take that number and subtract it by grams, you can reduce the amount of pain that you’re in.. numb is possible with poisonous subtraction. Right now my bag is empty and so is my wallet; I have no variable to subtract from, there’s only more addiction and multiplication. What happens when I reach infinity and there’s no poison left to reduce the severity?

Is it sick to find it slightly poetic to die on the day you took your first breath? I’m growing tired of math and equations, I’m better with words and false explanations. Am I simply venting or is this my official letter of resignation? Well, you do the math.. I’ve subtracted my life into the negative and I’m sick of being in debt.

BLS ©

#addiction   #drugs   #creative   #prose   #meth   #fiction   #non  
Naomi Gamby
Nov 14, 2011

This addiction is bad
These injections will change your life
It is everything, it is nothing, it is unexplainable
Like being stabbed a million times with a knife

It burns my whole body
Inside and out
I want to stop so bad
But it fills my mind with doubt

I become obsessive,
Sometimes I'm in rage
Even saying something simple
Will put me on a rampage

There are bugs in my skin
I get constant heat flashes
I can't stop itching
It leaves me with gashes

Your friends become enemies
Every family member is now a stranger
No one can be around you
Everyone is in danger

I'm loosing my body
I'm loosing mind
This specific drug,
It's the worst kind

I can't feel my body
Now it's all down hill
I no longer shake
I am completely still

My vision is impaired
Feels like it was injected into my eyes
I lay here stiff as a board
As my body slowly dies

Do not lay, lay in fair repose, sweet angel,
My one true love whose dreams give wing to solemn night
And steer the stars above this swale of ragged wood we call our home.
Arise fair angel!

Hurry! Let us hurry to the peach grove
Before the breath of morn gives harbor to the chatter of birds
And the knells of treacherous commerce call me to my obedience.
Awake from your slumber!

Here in the peach grove,
where the herons drink from the mouth of their reflection
we shall build our quaint crib of cockle burrs & jellybeans
and make love & eat Ben & Jerry's all day without getting fat
& drink Cointreau & order shit we don't need over the Internet.

Here in the peach grove, we shall build our brave new world
where there's real justice and and suicide bombers wake up to a harem full of seventy virgins but their cocks are blown off and they don't eat pussy.

Here in the peach grove where the traffic lights are synchronized and everyday is a four day weekend in a leap year of Sundays
and where there are as many raisin nuts inside the cereal box as there are on the pretty picture on the outside

and where you answer a piece of Nigerian spam mail and actually receive a certified check for 40 million dollars

and where people who drive while using cell phones crash and burn on the second ring (and on the first ring if they're driving an SUV); crash and burn along with the scumbag tailgaters who honk their horns at you the nano second the light turns green

and where gas prices fall to a dollar a gallon but everything's in walking distance anyway all cars have been beaten into ploughshares -- except for Ferraris which are transformed into gelato

and where Martha Stewart goes back to prison and just stays there for life
and where George W. Bush gets fucked in the ass by an escaped Texas Death Row inmate

Hurry with me to the peach grove where the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

NOW WAKE THE FUCK UP, BITCH!!!

No one ever, no one ever shall dare keep us apart.
Morpheus the chemist, lays murdered; he floats face down
like Ophelia, gurgling obscenities to the fish.
Now, you and I & me and you,
just the four of us
shall lie awake forever & ever & ever,
tweaked, cranked and spun like Rapunzel
until our swirls of dust have righteously mingled
and squarely blackened this howling cunt-eye of a moon.

Please wake up, Angel. Please,
please,
PLEASE...

For my related crystal meth pieces please visit:
Baking Bad Cookbook: Crystal Blue Margarita
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/baking-bad-cookbook-crystal-blue-margarita/


Baking Bad Cookbook: Crystal Blue Ices
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/baking-bad-cookbook-crystal-blue-ices/

Baking Bad Cookbook: Crystal Blue Cheese Coleslaw
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/baking-bad-cookbook-crystal-blue-cheese-coleslaw/

Baking Bad: Red-Hot Cajun Crystal Blue Cheese Wings
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/baking-bad-red-hot-cajun-crystal-blue-cheese-wings/

For my crystal meth junkie piece please visit:
Romeo's Crystal Meth Lullaby (Poetry Slam Audience Favorite)
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/romeos-crystal-meth-lullaby-poetry-slam-audience-favorite/

For my related New Mexico piece please visit:
The True Demographics of Santa Fe
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/the-true-demographics-of-santa-fe/
#love   #go   #drugs   #angel   #ice   #white   #trash   #candy   #no   #dust   #fast   #hot   #cross   #glass   #cookies   #lullaby   #la   #meth   #chalk   #speed   #peach   #g   #garbage   #wash   #crystal   #romeo   #dunk   #fuel   #juice   #ben   #jerry   #crank   #christina   #tina   #cris   #cristy   #geep   #getter   #getgo   #crunch   #hanyak   #hironpon   #hiropon   #super   #batu   #kaksonjae   #cream   #quartz   #chunky   #cotton   #gak   #go-go   #junk   #doze   #pookie   #rocket   #scooby   #snax  

Do not lay, lay in fair repose, sweet angel,
My one true love whose dreams give wing to solemn night
And steer the stars above this swale of ragged wood we call our home.
Arise fair angel!

Hurry! Let us hurry to the peach grove
Before the breath of morn gives harbor to the chatter of birds
And the knells of treacherous commerce call me to my obedience.
Awake from your slumber!

Here in the peach grove,
where the herons drink from the mouth of their reflection
we shall build our quaint crib of cockle burrs & jellybeans
and make love & eat Ben & Jerry's all day without getting fat
& drink Cointreau & order shit we don't need over the Internet.

Here in the peach grove, we shall build our brave new world
where there's real justice and and suicide bombers wake up to a harem full of seventy virgins but their cocks are blown off and they don't eat pussy.

Here in the peach grove where the traffic lights are synchronized and everyday is a four day weekend in a leap year of Sundays
and where there are as many raisin nuts inside the cereal box as there are on the pretty picture on the outside

and where you answer a piece of Nigerian spam mail and actually receive a certified check for 40 million dollars

and where people who drive while using cell phones crash and burn on the second ring (and on the first ring if they're driving an SUV); crash and burn along with the scumbag tailgaters who honk their horns at you the nano second the light turns green

and where gas prices fall to a dollar a gallon but everything's in walking distance anyway all cars have been beaten into ploughshares -- except for Ferraris which are transformed into gelato

and where Martha Stewart goes back to prison and just stays there for life
and where George W. Bush gets fucked in the ass by an escaped Texas Death Row inmate

Hurry with me to the peach grove where the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

NOW WAKE THE FUCK UP, BITCH!!!

No one ever, no one ever shall dare keep us apart.
Morpheus the chemist, lays murdered; he floats face down
like Ophelia, gurgling obscenities to the fish.
Now, you and I & me and you,
just the four of us
shall lie awake forever & ever & ever,
tweaked, cranked and spun like Rapunzel
until our swirls of dust have righteously mingled
and squarely blackened this howling cunt-eye of a moon.

Please wake up, Angel. Please,
please,
PLEASE...

For my related crystal meth pieces please visit:
Baking Bad Cookbook: Crystal Blue Margarita
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/baking-bad-cookbook-crystal-blue-margarita/


Baking Bad Cookbook: Crystal Blue Ices
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/baking-bad-cookbook-crystal-blue-ices/

Baking Bad Cookbook: Crystal Blue Cheese Coleslaw
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/baking-bad-cookbook-crystal-blue-cheese-coleslaw/

Baking Bad: Red-Hot Cajun Crystal Blue Cheese Wings
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/baking-bad-red-hot-cajun-crystal-blue-cheese-wings/

For my crystal meth junkie piece please visit:
Romeo's Crystal Meth Lullaby (Poetry Slam Audience Favorite)
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/romeos-crystal-meth-lullaby-poetry-slam-audience-favorite/

For my related New Mexico piece please visit:
The True Demographics of Santa Fe
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/the-true-demographics-of-santa-fe/
#love   #go   #drugs   #angel   #ice   #white   #trash   #candy   #no   #dust   #fast   #hot   #cross   #glass   #cookies   #lullaby   #la   #meth   #chalk   #speed   #peach   #g   #garbage   #wash   #crystal   #romeo   #dunk   #fuel   #juice   #ben   #jerry   #crank   #christina   #tina   #cris   #cristy   #geep   #getter   #getgo   #crunch   #hanyak   #hironpon   #hiropon   #super   #batu   #kaksonjae   #cream   #quartz   #chunky   #cotton   #gak   #go-go   #junk   #doze   #pookie   #rocket   #scooby   #snax  

me and u
holding hands
forever
miles away

Do not lay, lay in fair repose, sweet angel,
My one true love whose dreams give wing to solemn night
And steer the stars above this swale of ragged wood we call our home.
Arise fair angel!

Hurry! Let us hurry to the peach grove
Before the breath of morn gives harbor to the chatter of birds
And the knells of treacherous commerce call me to my obedience.
Awake from your slumber!

Here in the peach grove,
where the herons drink from the mouth of their reflection
we shall build our quaint crib of cockle burrs & jellybeans
and make love & eat Ben & Jerry's all day without getting fat
& drink Cointreau & order shit we don't need over the Internet.

Here in the peach grove, we shall build our brave new world
where there's real justice and and suicide bombers wake up to a harem full of seventy virgins but their cocks are blown off and they don't eat pussy.

Here in the peach grove where the traffic lights are synchronized and everyday is a four day weekend in a leap year of Sundays
and where there are as many raisin nuts inside the cereal box as there are on the pretty picture on the outside

and where you answer a piece of Nigerian spam mail and actually receive a certified check for 40 million dollars

and where people who drive while using cell phones crash and burn on the second ring (and on the first ring if they're driving an SUV); crash and burn along with the scumbag tailgaters who honk their horns at you the nano second the light turns green

and where gas prices fall to a dollar a gallon but everything's in walking distance anyway all cars have been beaten into ploughshares -- except for Ferraris which are transformed into gelato

and where Martha Stewart goes back to prison and just stays there for life
and where George W. Bush gets fucked in the ass by an escaped Texas Death Row inmate

Hurry with me to the peach grove where the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

NOW WAKE THE FUCK UP, BITCH!!!

No one ever, no one ever shall dare keep us apart.
Morpheus the chemist, lays murdered; he floats face down
like Ophelia, gurgling obscenities to the fish.
Now, you and I & me and you,
just the four of us
shall lie awake forever & ever & ever,
tweaked, cranked and spun like Rapunzel
until our swirls of dust have righteously mingled
and squarely blackened this howling cunt-eye of a moon.

Please wake up, Angel. Please,
please,
PLEASE...

For my related crystal meth pieces please visit:
Baking Bad Cookbook: Crystal Blue Margarita
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/baking-bad-cookbook-crystal-blue-margarita/


Baking Bad Cookbook: Crystal Blue Ices
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/baking-bad-cookbook-crystal-blue-ices/

Baking Bad Cookbook: Crystal Blue Cheese Coleslaw
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/baking-bad-cookbook-crystal-blue-cheese-coleslaw/

Baking Bad: Red-Hot Cajun Crystal Blue Cheese Wings
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/baking-bad-red-hot-cajun-crystal-blue-cheese-wings/

For my crystal meth junkie piece please visit:
Romeo's Crystal Meth Lullaby (Poetry Slam Audience Favorite)
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/romeos-crystal-meth-lullaby-poetry-slam-audience-favorite/

For my related New Mexico piece please visit:
The True Demographics of Santa Fe
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/the-true-demographics-of-santa-fe/
#love   #go   #drugs   #angel   #ice   #white   #trash   #candy   #no   #dust   #fast   #hot   #cross   #glass   #cookies   #lullaby   #la   #meth   #chalk   #speed   #peach   #g   #garbage   #wash   #crystal   #romeo   #dunk   #fuel   #juice   #ben   #jerry   #crank   #christina   #tina   #cris   #cristy   #geep   #getter   #getgo   #crunch   #hanyak   #hironpon   #hiropon   #super   #batu   #kaksonjae   #cream   #quartz   #chunky   #cotton   #gak   #go-go   #junk   #doze   #pookie   #rocket   #scooby   #snax  
Pure LOVE
Pure LOVE
Dec 10, 2012      Dec 11, 2012

I was in love with you for so long,
I thought you were the best thing
That ever happened to me....

When ever I needed you,
You were always there for me,
And when you weren't I would
Feel like I was going to die,
I would search and search for
You every where and nothing
could stop me until I found you,

Sometimes you would show up
When I didn't want you to,
And when I tried to quit you,
You found me every time,
And I would give into you,
Every time you would make,
Me feel like I was nothing without,
You in my life,

I gave up everything for you,
And you just took and took
Until you took every friend,
Every relationship, every job,
My self-esteem, Self-worth,
Dignity, Morals & freedom,

Well this is good-bye I am
Done watching you destroy my
Friends and myself and I can
See you everywhere in public
In the eyes of people passing by,
All the homeless, mentally ill,
your running the world,
But you will no longer run me,
FUCK YOU!!

If someone ever offers you drugs please don't do them they rob you of your life. I allowed it to take everything. But I'm changing all that today. Because I know it's dumb.
Typhany
Typhany
Oct 21, 2013

my hands bear bruises,
my shoulder holds a purple bump
from the metal bolt you threw in anger-
you missed my head
(as if it's not fucked up enough)
and told me i was wrong

all i ever did was love you,
you're supposed to be my hero
but the monster took hold of you
and drowned your veins,
with hatred

at the age of seven, i was taught that i was lucky to be alive
i was taught that i did not deserve to be alive

on the floor i hear yelling
walls shake violence,
masturbate likewise
breakthrough
complete silence
fucking myself deep in thought
avoid eye contact for
the fear of being caught
pathetic salvage for hope
only to find what is absent
The illusory crutch
I no longer make an attempt
to rationalize my being
only the ruin of broken down barrier
of every the generic whore I see
All I can say is
perfect restriction is admirable i guess
but i couldn't bring myself to give a fuck
I've made every single moment a regret
i've lived with a permanent cringe
now i'm numb to this life
I rest when I can and wake
only to  sleep
when i breathe,
airways are intakes for pain relief
seek comfort, not improvement
while society sustains conscious greed
a sweet tooth and a cavity
eternal yearning for the ice cream
oblivious to your expiration
perishing and bruised
unsightly and used
the frame is an empty cave
leaking waves of putrid nostalgic days of last
what is to preserve
every torturous moment of fucking up
every shaking thought of failing
every aching heart beat
the dwelling of my past
useless and without meaning
because you are a leech with a disease
set on destruction of innocence
used up and wrecked early on
i've been ready for my final breath
since the day i've stopped feeling
a soul present within me

yes i truley want to die atm

hotels are casually destroying the enviornment
i love the feeling i get when
you accept that i'm
getting closer to you
I have so much to do but
let's get taco bell and
play minecraft all day
we can build a quiet town
while the world around ours
falls apart
snuggle baby, comfy love
baby talk, my sweet bliss
rotting me from the inside out, emotional decay
just one more
fucking day i cannot handle
looking at your face
and i'm gone forever
I spend most nights suffering
but failing miserably
at relationships
babe if you only fucking knew
you were the closest thing to a soulmate
but the furthest away from true love
i still bang my head against the wall
I cover my ears and scream
when I can't handle the sound of this world's destruction
it's all louder and more apparent
without the saftey you granted me
you're probably happy as i'm being
tortured and devoured my soul
shit out and thrown away into a pit of
fucking useless torment corprate casual slave hell but
we all die alone and that's what matters most so who rly cares

 
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