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Victor Marques Aug 2010
You have friends in the same war,
That you have never met before.
The world isn't the same anymore,
I came to Pakistan, to Lahore...


People playing everywhere,
Clouds in the air,
I looked for smiles and faces,
I found laces...


People like the Queen,
Simplicity that I Have never seen,
Windows open in Pakistan light,
I wish prosperity in their site.


Humanity is all about love,
God is looking for you,
The sky is above,
What can I do?


Warmest regards.
Victor Marques
Maggie Emmett Jul 2015
PROLOGUE
               Hyde Park weekend of politics and pop,
Geldof’s gang of divas and mad hatters;
Sergeant Pepper only one heart beating,
resurrected by a once dead Beatle.
The ******, Queen and Irish juggernauts;
The Entertainer and dead bands
re-jigged for the sake of humanity.
   The almighty single named entities
all out for Africa and people power.
Olympics in the bag, a Waterloo
of celebrations in the street that night
Leaping and whooping in sheer delight
Nelson rocking in Trafalgar Square
The promised computer wonderlands
rising from the poisoned dead heart wasteland;
derelict, deserted, still festering.
The Brave Tomorrow in a world of hate.
The flame will be lit, magic rings aloft
and harmony will be our middle name.

On the seventh day of the seventh month,
Festival of the skilful Weaving girl;
the ‘war on terror’ just a tattered trope
drained and exhausted and put out of sight
in a dark corner of a darker shelf.
A power surge the first lie of the day.
Savagely woken from our pleasant dream
al Qa’ida opens up a new franchise
and a new frontier for terror to prowl.

               Howling sirens shatter morning’s progress
Hysterical screech of ambulances
and police cars trying to grip the road.
The oppressive drone of helicopters
gathering like the Furies in the sky;
Blair’s hubris is acknowledged by the gods.
Without warning the deadly game begins.

The Leviathan state machinery,
certain of its strength and authority,
with sheer balletic co-ordination,
steadies itself for a fine performance.
The new citizen army in ‘day glow’
take up their ‘Support Official’ roles,
like air raid wardens in the last big show;
feisty  yet firm, delivering every line
deep voiced and clearly to the whole theatre.
On cue, the Police fan out through Bloomsbury
clearing every emergency exit,
arresting and handcuffing surly streets,
locking down this ancient river city.
Fetching in fluorescent green costuming,
the old Bill nimbly Tangos and Foxtrots
the airways, Oscar, Charlie and Yankee
quickly reply with grid reference Echo;
Whiskey, Sierra, Quebec, November,
beam out from New Scotland Yard,
staccato, nearly lost in static space.
      
              LIVERPOOL STREET STATION
8.51 a.m. Circle Line

Shehezad Tanweer was born in England.
A migrant’s child of hope and better life,
dreaming of his future from his birth.
Only twenty two short years on this earth.
In a madrassah, Lahore, Pakistan,
he spent twelve weeks reading and rote learning
verses chosen from the sacred text.
Chanting the syllables, hour after hour,
swaying back and forth with the word rhythm,
like an underground train rocking the rails,
as it weaves its way beneath the world,
in turning tunnels in the dead of night.

Teve Talevski had a meeting
across the river, he knew he’d be late.
**** trains they do it to you every time.
But something odd happened while he waited
A taut-limbed young woman sashayed past him
in a forget-me-not blue dress of silk.
She rustled on the platform as she turned.
She turned to him and smiled, and he smiled back.
Stale tunnel air pushed along in the rush
of the train arriving in the station.
He found a seat and watched her from afar.
Opened his paper for distraction’s sake
Olympic win exciting like the smile.

Train heading southwest under Whitechapel.
Deafening blast, rushing sound blast, bright flash
of golden light, flying glass and debris
Twisted people thrown to ground, darkness;
the dreadful silent second in blackness.
The stench of human flesh and gunpowder,
burning rubber and fiery acrid smoke.
Screaming bone bare pain, blood-drenched tearing pain.
Pitiful weeping, begging for a god
to come, someone to come, and help them out.

Teve pushes off a dead weighted man.
He stands unsteady trying to balance.
Railway staff with torches, moving spotlights
**** and jolt, catching still life scenery,
lighting the exit in gloomy dimness.
They file down the track to Aldgate Station,
Teve passes the sardine can carriage
torn apart by a fierce hungry giant.
Through the dust, four lifeless bodies take shape
and disappear again in drifting smoke.
It’s only later, when safe above ground,
Teve looks around and starts to wonder
where his blue epiphany girl has gone.

                 KINGS CROSS STATION
8.56 a.m. Piccadilly Line

Many named Lyndsey Germaine, Jamaican,
living with his wife and child in Aylesbury,
laying low, never visited the Mosque.   
                Buckinghamshire bomber known as Jamal,
clean shaven, wearing normal western clothes,
annoyed his neighbours with loud music.
Samantha-wife converted and renamed,
Sherafiyah and took to wearing black.
Devout in that jet black shalmar kameez.
Loving father cradled close his daughter
Caressed her cheek and held her tiny hand
He wondered what the future held for her.

Station of the lost and homeless people,
where you can buy anything at a price.
A place where a face can be lost forever;
where the future’s as real as faded dreams.
Below the mainline trains, deep underground
Piccadilly lines cross the River Thames
Cram-packed, shoulder to shoulder and standing,
the train heading southward for Russell Square,
barely pulls away from Kings Cross Station,
when Arash Kazerouni hears the bang,
‘Almighty bang’ before everything stopped.
Twenty six hearts stopped beating that moment.
But glass flew apart in a shattering wave,
followed by a  huge whoosh of smoky soot.
Panic raced down the line with ice fingers
touching and tagging the living with fear.
Spine chiller blanching faces white with shock.

Gracia Hormigos, a housekeeper,
thought, I am being electrocuted.
Her body was shaking, it seemed her mind
was in free fall, no safety cord to pull,
just disconnected, so she looked around,
saw the man next to her had no right leg,
a shattered shard of bone and gouts of  blood,
Where was the rest of his leg and his foot ?

Level headed ones with serious voices
spoke over the screaming and the sobbing;
Titanic lifeboat voices giving orders;
Iceberg cool voices of reassurance;
We’re stoical British bulldog voices
that organize the mayhem and chaos
into meaty chunks of jobs to be done.
Clear air required - break the windows now;
Lines could be live - so we stay where we are;
Help will be here shortly - try to stay calm.

John, Mark and Emma introduce themselves
They never usually speak underground,
averting your gaze, tube train etiquette.
Disaster has its opportunities;
Try the new mobile, take a photograph;
Ring your Mum and Dad, ****** battery’s flat;
My network’s down; my phone light’s still working
Useful to see the way, step carefully.

   Fiona asks, ‘Am I dreaming all this?’
A shrieking man answers her, “I’m dying!”
Hammered glass finally breaks, fresher air;
too late for the man in the front carriage.
London Transport staff in yellow jackets
start an orderly evacuation
The mobile phones held up to light the way.
Only nineteen minutes in a lifetime.
  
EDGEWARE ROAD STATION
9.17 a.m. Circle Line

               Mohammed Sadique Khan, the oldest one.
Perhaps the leader, at least a mentor.
Yorkshire man born, married with a daughter
Gently spoken man, endlessly patient,
worked in the Hamara, Lodge Lane, Leeds,
Council-funded, multi-faith youth Centre;
and the local Primary school, in Beeston.
No-one could believe this of  Mr Khan;
well educated, caring and very kind
Where did he hide his secret other life  ?

Wise enough to wait for the second train.
Two for the price of one, a real bargain.
Westbound second carriage is blown away,
a commuter blasted from the platform,
hurled under the wheels of the east bound train.
Moon Crater holes, the walls pitted and pocked;
a sparse dark-side landscape with black, black air.
The ripped and shredded metal bursts free
like a surprising party popper;
Steel curlicues corkscrew through wood and glass.
Mass is made atomic in the closed space.
Roasting meat and Auschwitzed cremation stench
saturates the already murky air.              
Our human kindling feeds the greedy fire;
Heads alight like medieval torches;
Fiery liquid skin drops from the faceless;
Punk afro hair is cauterised and singed.  
Heat intensity, like a wayward iron,
scorches clothes, fuses fibres together.
Seven people escape this inferno;
many die in later days, badly burned,
and everyone there will live a scarred life.

               TAVISTOCK ROAD
9.47 a.m. Number 30 Bus  

Hasib Hussain migrant son, English born
barely an adult, loved by his mother;
reported him missing later that night.
Police typed his description in the file
and matched his clothes to fragments from the scene.
A hapless victim or vicious bomber ?
Child of the ‘Ummah’ waging deadly war.
Seventy two black eyed virgins waiting
in jihadist paradise just for you.

Red double-decker bus, number thirty,
going from Hackney Wick to Marble Arch;
stuck in traffic, diversions everywhere.
Driver pulls up next to a tree lined square;
the Parking Inspector, Ade Soji,
tells the driver he’s in Tavistock Road,
British Museum nearby and the Square.
A place of peace and quiet reflection;
the sad history of war is remembered;
symbols to make us never forget death;
Cherry Tree from Hiroshima, Japan;
Holocaust Memorial for Jewish dead;
sturdy statue of  Mahatma Gandhi.
Peaceful resistance that drove the Lion out.
Freedom for India but death for him.

Sudden sonic boom, bus roof tears apart,
seats erupt with volcanic force upward,
hot larva of blood and tissue rains down.
Bloodied road becomes a charnel-house scene;
disembodied limbs among the wreckage,
headless corpses; sinews, muscles and bone.
Buildings spattered and smeared with human paint
Impressionist daubs, blood red like the bus.

Jasmine Gardiner, running late for work;
all trains were cancelled from Euston Station;  
she headed for the square, to catch the bus.
It drove straight past her standing at the stop;
before she could curse aloud - Kaboom !
Instinctively she ran, ran for her life.
Umbrella shield from the shower of gore.

On the lower deck, two Aussies squeezed in;
Catherine Klestov was standing in the aisle,
floored by the bomb, suffered cuts and bruises
She limped to Islington two days later.
Louise Barry was reading the paper,
she was ‘****-scared’ by the explosion;
she crawled out of the remnants of the bus,
broken and burned, she lay flat on the road,
the world of sound had gone, ear drums had burst;
she lay there drowsy, quiet, looking up
and amazingly the sky was still there.

Sam Ly, Vietnamese Australian,
One of the boat people once welcomed here.
A refugee, held in his mother’s arms,
she died of cancer, before he was three.
Hi Ly struggled to raise his son alone;
a tough life, inner city high rise flats.
Education the smart migrant’s revenge,
Monash Uni and an IT degree.
Lucky Sam, perfect job of a lifetime;
in London, with his one love, Mandy Ha,
Life going great until that fateful day;
on the seventh day of the seventh month,
Festival of the skilful Weaving girl.

Three other Aussies on that ****** bus;
no serious physical injuries,
Sam’s luck ran out, in choosing where to sit.
His neck was broken, could not breath alone;
his head smashed and crushed, fractured bones and burns
Wrapped in a cocoon of coma safe
This broken figure lying on white sheets
in an English Intensive Care Unit
did not seem like Hi Ly’s beloved son;
but he sat by Sam’s bed in disbelief,
seven days and seven nights of struggle,
until the final hour, when it was done.

In the pit of our stomach we all knew,
but we kept on deep breathing and hoping
this nauseous reality would pass.
The weary inevitability
of horrific disasters such as these.
Strangely familiar like an old newsreel
Black and white, it happened long ago.
But its happening now right before our eyes
satellite pictures beam and bounce the globe.
Twelve thousand miles we watch the story
Plot unfolds rapidly, chapters emerge
We know the places names of this narrative.
  
It is all subterranean, hidden
from the curious, voyeuristic gaze,
Until the icon bus, we are hopeful
This public spectacle is above ground
We can see the force that mangled the bus,
fury that tore people apart limb by limb
Now we can imagine a bomb below,
far below, people trapped, fiery hell;
fighting to breathe each breath in tunnelled tombs.

Herded from the blast they are strangely calm,
obedient, shuffling this way and that.
Blood-streaked, sooty and dishevelled they come.
Out from the choking darkness far below
Dazzled by the brightness of the morning
of a day they feared might be their last.
They have breathed deeply of Kurtz’s horror.
Sights and sounds unimaginable before
will haunt their waking hours for many years;
a lifetime of nightmares in the making.
They trudge like weary soldiers from the Somme
already see the world with older eyes.

On the surface, they find a world where life
simply goes on as before, unmindful.
Cyclist couriers still defy road laws,
sprint racing again in Le Tour de France;
beer-gutted, real men are loading lorries;
lunch time sandwiches are made as usual,
sold and eaten at desks and in the street.
Roadside cafes sell lots of hot sweet tea.
The Umbrella stand soon does brisk business.
Sign writers' hands, still steady, paint the sign.
The summer blooms are watered in the park.
A ***** stretches on the bench and wakes up,
he folds and stows his newspaper blankets;
mouth dry,  he sips water at the fountain.
A lady scoops up her black poodle’s ****.
A young couple argues over nothing.
Betting shops are full of people losing
money and dreaming of a trifecta.
Martin’s still smoking despite the patches.
There’s a rush on Brandy in nearby pubs
Retired gardener dead heads his flowers
and picks a lettuce for the evening meal

Fifty six minutes from start to finish.
Perfectly orchestrated performance.
Rush hour co-ordination excellent.
Maximum devastation was ensured.
Cruel, merciless killing so coldly done.
Fine detail in the maiming and damage.

A REVIEW

Well activated practical response.
Rehearsals really paid off on the day.
Brilliant touch with bus transport for victims;
Space blankets well deployed for shock effect;
Dramatic improv by Paramedics;
Nurses, medicos and casualty staff
showed great technical E.R. Skills - Bravo !
Plenty of pizzazz and dash as always
from the nifty, London Ambo drivers;
Old fashioned know-how from the Fire fighters
in hosing down the fireworks underground.
Dangerous rescues were undertaken,
accomplished with buckets of common sense.
And what can one say about those Bobbies,
jolly good show, the lips unquivering
and universally stiff, no mean feat
in this Premiere season tear-jerker.
Nail-bitingly brittle, but a smash-hit
Poignant misery and stoic suffering,
fortitude, forbearance and lots of grit
Altogether was quite tickety boo.



NOTES ON THE POEM

Liverpool Street Station

A Circle Line train from Moorgate with six carriages and a capacity of 1272 passengers [ 192 seated; 1080 standing]. 7 dead on the first day.

Southbound, destination Aldgate. Explosion occurs midway between Liverpool Street and Aldgate.

Shehezad Tanweer was reported to have ‘never been political’ by a friend who played cricket with him 10 days before the bombing

Teve Talevski is a real person and I have elaborated a little on reports in the press. He runs a coffee shop in North London.

At the time of writing the fate of the blue dress lady is not known

Kings Cross Station

A Piccadilly Line train with six carriages and a capacity of 1238 passengers [272 seated; 966 standing]. 21 dead on first day.

Southbound, destination Russell Square. Explosion occurs mi
This poem is part of a longer poem called Seasons of Terror. This poem was performed at the University of Adelaide, Bonython Hall as a community event. The poem was read by local poets, broadcasters, personalities and politicians from the South Australia Parliament and a Federal MP & Senator. The State Premier was represented by the Hon. Michael Atkinson, who spoke about the role of the Emergency services in our society. The Chiefs of Police, Fire and Ambulence; all religious and community organisations' senior reprasentatives; the First Secretary of the British High Commission and the general public were present. It was recorded by Radio Adelaide and broadcast live as well as coverage from Channel 7 TV News. The Queen,Tony Blair, Australian Governor General and many other public dignitaries sent messages of support for the work being read. A string quartet and a solo flautist also played at this event.
Nida Mahmoed Mar 2019
Rose, Sunflower, and Lily
decided to get in a war train,
A sunflower was fearless and believes’ she can turn this journey into peace,
Rose was afraid to see everything red like her skin,
But a lily carries just pray with her fragrance,
A journey begins from Lahore,
People were rushed to get in the war train,
Lily asks Rose, Why they are in War train?
Rose says; I don’t know?
Lily was afraid,
She felt’ that her presence won’t change anything,
This train was on its way to Delhi,
Delhi, where people are already in a War train,
And Lahore to Delhi start believing that war is a solution,
But’ Solution of what?
The solution to destroy every rose, sunflower, and lily,
The solution to making every drop of water as poisoned,
The desire to see bloodshed,
The desire to stop playing children's in the parks,
The desire to not let grow a single crop in the soil of mother earth,
The desire to war for sake of war,
A solution comes from the songs of peace,
From the chances to let grow the roses, sunflowers, and lilies,
Swords, Bombs, Bullets, Jet planes and Nuke are not the solutions,
They are the end of all hope,
Hope to live in a love with a rose,
Hope to start a morning with a sunflower,
Hope to sleep with the pray as a beautiful lily,
But the question is who will stop this war train?
Many stations pass,
But none care to stop the war train,
And people of both side,
Just closed their eyes and souls
for nothing but for War,
They did not care; this war train is carrying the message of End,
But Rose, Sunflower, and Lily now knows, this is not their fault of believing,
It’s a fault of war train frenzy,
If this train won’t stop here
then each glimpse of life will be gone forever and ever!

By; Nida Mahmoed.
In this all war scenario between India and Pakistan, I penned down a poem. Poetry is a form of healing and it is scientifically proven now. Hope we two countries reach the point of solution soon and not let our children’s get in the war train.
Àŧùl Mar 2015
So aged he is, but still so zealous for his job.
It feels like he has only known his rickshaw.
The ancient bard in him tells Punjabi poems.
He belies his wrinkles as he pedals his ride.
Just putting to shame his fellow rickshaw pullers.
None remembers or even cares to know his name.
He just pedals and remembers his deceased wife.

He told me a Punjabi tale of partition...

"We were really happy when it happened,
I was 16 and married to my beautiful wife,
But then he pressed for a separate Pakistan,
Just so much wicked was this demand of his,
Punjab was alight due to some people's doing,
We were to cross river Ravi en route to Amritsar,
In Lahore my childhood home was burnt to ashes,
My beautiful wife was still so young at that time,
She was ***** on the banks of river Ravi & killed,
In no cloth was she draped as they burnt her body,
After pouring whiskey all over her lifeless body."


His voice broke and a stream of tears escaped,
Down his eyes they flowed like the river Ravi,
"In front of my two eyes the men had ***** her,
Her mistake? Looking at them once & smiling,
Sin as great to be punished by such brutal drab?
What God, Ishwar or Allah did they follow?
I have known all & none advocates ****,
To which parents could they born?
Must be the devil & the witch."


By now his nose was red and his sobs audible.
He said, "She was not just *****, she was also killed,"
The ancient rickshaw puller gasped for breath as he said,
"Would the high heavens thank them for killing my wife,
She was a Hindu and an idolater with my mangalsootra,
Why they spared my life I have no idea but just remorse,
Will their Allah or God spare them on Doomsday?"

==============
And Google knows who pressed for a separate Pakistan in the name of communal majority.

My HP Poem #813
©Atul Kaushal
Victor Marques Aug 2010
Meeting new culture, new nation,
Feelings and thoughts behind imagination.
Country with peace and hope,
With friends we can cope.


The captain of Pia 785 flight,
Believes in God as a light,
I Was sitting in a window seat,
I came for a friend that I can't quit.


I saw eyes with care and peace,
That nobody can't miss,
People with noble heart you can see,
Country with respect for you and me.


Pakistan touch my poetic soul  that shines,
We learn with so many different minds,
Lahore has so many treasures to see,
Like a bird I'm free...

To all my global friends.

Warmest Regards,
Victor Marques
Arfah Afaqi Zia Mar 2016
Those who are deceased,
Leave this world in peace,
Well some at least,

Tears of abhor shed down the eyes of the families,
For those terrorists who come in vengeance,
I wonder for what?

Wouldn't it be great if only there was tranquility worldwide,
Or in fact leaders who mobilize attacks against these savages,
I pity our lives and souls of those who don't cry,

How hard can it be to realize,
That taking away lives is so low,
Please God ! Help these people deviate from wrong to right.
I stand against terrorism.
Mateuš Conrad May 2020
there was an audience... there is still an audience...
i wonder about it...
i'm such a conservative deacon in the comments
that... i leave very little traces of interaction...
i tried getting ****** into the whole affair
of leaving comments - like i might have left
grafitti tags on the pillars of bridges...
                   there was an audience... there's still an
audience... i imagine...
or i rather: translate with metaphor what i'm:
trying to imagine...
              three moths have attempted to fly into
my room to spend the night free from fear...
i caught two in my hand... put the clenched hand
to my ear... no... not the sea trapped in a seashell...
close... sound effect of... rain on a tin roof...
a moth trapped in a cage of a hand...
it hasn't rained for days... weeks even...
       the most... bountiful of springs in england...
and everyone is... supposed to handle the affair
like the 2nd coming of ribonson crusoe...
          i can: because i'm used to it...
                    peacefully anti-social...
                     it's hardly bragging but:
there's an audience... there's always an audience...
here's to me: getting regularly milked...
or... laying some eggs with the sunrise and the moon...
i am... at a stage of maturing from...
a phase where... i did... once upon a time...
care about what i wrote... for my own gratification:
but... not any more...
         i've reached a point where...
i can join the ranks of the 4 Dada Suicides...
     'the four' (who) 'took nihilism of the movement
to its ultimate conclusion, their works are
the remnants of lives lived to the limit and then cast
aside with nonchalance and disdain'...
Vaché (overdosed)... Rigaut (shot himself)...
Cravan and Torma (disappeared)...
        the latter two... probably lived a life in
approximation to what might have happened
to... Richey Edwards...
born on...                  disappeared aged 27...
death is the last clue...
    not that i'm going to imitate what's already
claimed...
but... a mile from my home...
i can... find... ample resources... hemlock...
the stems are poisonous...
      i've tried... lilac mushrooms... dog mushrooms
they call them...
i don't know whether i ate a poisonous
one or not... it wasn't...
    a muhomor... amanita fly agaric...
           but... when the circuses have died and
the bread is still there...
no new movies... no sports...
what can beat: the old tease of mortality...
the grain-of-sand per month's worth of movement
added... to the tally and
the curriculum vitae of vivo per se...
                   the theatre of death...
     if i don't think about death with a joke...
i stop being... ridiculous in life...
                   i like the thought of death when...
life doesn't preserve any... sense of...
any... alternative... "light" entertainment...
it's not like i'm planning an escape...
rich and about to clone myself...
   and teach the clone "me" to be: a "future" - and me...
i almost can see how someone must
have tried to cheat death with the available
avenue of cloning...
but... the subservience of the clone...
the clone being what?
       someone must have learned the hard way...
i just interjected the question as an: and...
which is a conjunction...
          but if you're gonna go...
hell... seal a room and yourself in it...
and buy a... metaphorical tonne of lily of the valley...
go to sleep... and never wake up...
death... even death has to become entertaining:
in thinking terms - at the very least...
the only real eventuality among...
half a dozen of impossible things to think about...
daily... and here's that apple...
   if nietzsche... sentenced the source
and future disease from the 19th century...
well... so much for overcoming nihilism...
         nihilism... after all... is not... apathy...
   and even with the death of nihilism...
                              at least nihilism still asked
for moloch-esque sacrifices of will...
     apathy? what does this slug ask for?
it asks of you to... well... wrestle with yourself...
hence that "overlooked" quote:
if a day has many pockets...
       yes... those pockets of self-realisations that
provide a glitch of proof...
a proof of... having to find dominion in
settled dust... oh to hell with grand metaphors
of staging revolutions brought down
from mountain-tops!
- and i'm literally drinking my way through...
what 19th century nihilism became:
a 21st century apathy hangover...
      i'll spare the 20th century the rites of...
a mythical new beginning... a year 0...
        100 years give or take... each side of the end
of the 20th century...
but... nihilism is no longer... the standard:
to overcome...
             as much meaning can be derived from
a peanut as from a falling star...
to be this: subjective sanitiße everything -
                       i hardly think... a dickens would
require an objective reader...
what is an objective reader?
someone who studies: rather than reads...
newspapers...
someone who probably proofs reading...
by also ensuring citations are... made abundantly
clear... archives... etc.
well... better contemplating the theatre of death
than... say...
"normies":
    ahem... the critique of china...
       point: can you imagine... if... communism...
was thought-up... when...
the french revolution began? the only revolution?
rather than the russian oopsie?
well... and communism began...
when... engels and marx... went to the north
of england... and... prior to the manifesto...
wrote of the details of child-labour...
this is not my thing but...
it gets to the point where:
you can criticize china all you want...
but there's no smart... or dumb way...
to go about... pretending to be at war...
with a population of a billion people...
that... if push comes to shove...
could be conscripted instantly...
              to point out... is to exhaust the argument:
to have an argument for:
"western" principles of democracy...
here... have some balloons... here's a keg
of helium... 'ave fun...
by now... saudi arabia is secretly planning
a jihad into the Xinjiang province...
saudi arabia: the vatican of the islamic world...
is secretly trying to... blah blah...
no... the saudi princes are strapped to their yachts...
the bangladeshi slave labour blah blah...
yeah: but whittle ol' england needs
the Neds of Lahore and their tier up from
the chimney top: crescent moon-lick... slick...
- but to be this... fired up...
                it's simply exhausting to have:
a freedom of speech for such high demands...
not need to hide behind the ideals of love...
or being misunderstood...
             in no defence... but... under the guise
of that grand word: capitalism...
the sub- thorough: made in china...
                and what now? the jaw dropping
counter to the very delicate status quo?
it's beyond nihilism... when such upheld
values allowed for artistic rebellion...
to the moon: been there, done that..
europe the old man... h'america the newly
acquired *******...
       you want politico jargon ******* squeezes...
sure thing...
     stoic india... always the stoic india...
to **** off the competition - cheap soviet steel...
the soviet union's nuna 2, on 13 september 1959 -
in between: frank sinatra's:
fly me to the moon - 1963...
and thus... r.e.m.'s yeah yeah: 20 July 1969...
it's hard to compensate / compete with
that sort of a trojan hard-on ***** of
the elgin marbles...
                              at least the germanic peoples
played and understood the ping-pong
with the slavic peoples -
the hungarians on the side...
but not this... african trash for beijing...
the mongol capital of crimea...
and golden hoarding project: typo...
   when they came riding in... smeared
in **** and week old **** and horse blood...
to make... the labyrinth of the baghdad library...
a pyramid of skulls...
squeeze me: to this tired state of lost
the head to a guillotine chatter-box...
even the events of napster unfolding...
and all that's being streamed and...
now's the time to kiss and cuddle prostitutes...
and wet mr. whittle dicky for second
chances of a lost digestive... in that pond
of brew...
                easy fools to fool: those camel back
rich in dino-blood: soul black...
like espressos of mecca... flowing rich
and dying with a soothing...
from amnesia and diabetes...
and amputated limps when... sugar ingestion
leaves them... dancing ballet on only one foot...
because: porky pie and ms. amber: ha!
all bad!
                so much for... what's waiting
the white girl pornstars...
the liberated afro-h'americans and the service...
of beijing shrimp ****...
double edged sword... the height and...
all those attaches... of a fine... fine...
procelain piece of ***...
no-man's-land... the middle ground:
of... mercedez-benson-and-hedges...
        on my way out... the apache / sioux /
dodo / aztec / mayan / dodo (again) projects...

semi-closure...
   gary glitter - rock & roll part II
     ian watkins (of lostprophets) -
                      shinobi vs dragon ninja...
sorry... that one was a paedo...
              toddle-****** for the latter...
and it's not like... i enjoyed the music
to begin with...
i can't see an ad hominem argument
for the former...
                 toddler-******: esp. if the output...
well... it's not trash...
   it's: dad mantra... it's dad claustrophobia...
my take on:
mahler contra pergolesi....
            counter: invest in 100 years to come...
of which... you will...
find a future reader: being alive...
not having re(a)d you...
1986... the reader is born...
1997... you die...
you are discovered... come...
2K and 7... 8...... perhaps 9...
  a time-reference of...
         13 years from the readers birth to your
death... it's Glasgow... a very rare...
sunny... afternoon...
psychosis of the reader...
         1997 through to... 2008...
              that's 11 years... so...
what matters most is... how well you walk
through the fire...
that one about the crow and the madmen...
and each: having his niche:
his "social distancing" clause...
writing was fun when one could
stomach the: in the background...
when people lived their: very troublesome:
important... surgical precision...
nobel prize winning type / typo lives...
writing via a sense of voyeurism was...
well... hardly the self-evident blatant it has
become...
escape into fiction (lies you tell others)...
escape into imagination (choking ties of
tier-a: as above... with tier-b: as below)...
or escape into memory (lies you tell
yourself)...
but i rather the memory...
the cinema of it...
i forget to blink when: blinking is akin
to... signatures... autographs of famous people...
bull... shyte: philately...
         lepidopterology... half closure of the semi-
closure... a brilliant metaphor...
      when the **** or the latex gimp suits
are not available...
there's always that 14 year old "idea"...
of... a tamed *******...
well... if you imagine it as... love at first sight...
you're 16 she's 14... and...
you're dating her older sister at the time...
and then... she disappears...
within the confines of her first and last
unflowering...
but the pristine first-impressions become
less metaphor and more: idealism...
it's fun... when there's a concensus of it being:
forbidden... it's what drives both the hunger...
and the feeding...
that it's never actually realised is beside
the point: made... in... lars von trier's
nymphomaniac...
          too catholic of me: born into it...
but... repressing the urges... is as much as...
delighting oneself in them...
ergo: the necessary *******...
so much for... *****-******* and oyster
slurping... when... you have been...
ahem... told to **** it up...
with the: "excess of skin"...
excess of skin / chemical imbalance
in the brain...
how about... i allow... a triatoma infestans...
to quicken my: dementia...
the myth goes... along the lines...
a horse with a grain of sand...
via its ear... will bash and ram and ram and bash
its head against a brick wall:
in an attempt to rid itself of the irritation...
conformity:
cul de sac queers and kwerks...
i lampoon on a sunday...
the rest of the days i'm free...
clued into: cwown...
which is... somehoo: velsh... in parts...

- by death i imply a riddle...
                 by death i imply:
          freed from the cinema of highly edited
pseudo-living...
not even among the stage of the theatre...
but at least...
cinema got one thing right...
   the suicide of christine chubbuck -
the urban myth goes along the lines of:
a cockroach was found... alive... 2 weeks...
after its head was guillotined...
       it's like that... bane quote:
and... the andrei chikatilo... reality...
non-verbatim:
                 'perhaps he's wondering... why
someone would shoot a man...
before throwing him out of a plane'...
rephrasing:
   'perhaps he's wondering...
why someone would shoot a man...
after throwing him into a prison cell'...
unless... he wasn't... expecting...
to wait for him... to die... of a urban myth...
2 weeks if not more...
brain-dead: heart still pumpking...
horrors from Kiev... Chernobyll the *******
icing cream topping the gwand:
godzilla: pie in the sky...

     i cared... once... once... that was:
upon a time...
these times don't really require much focus...
the space itself poses enough
liberty... no need to look as far back
as there's to look forward...
     the 20th century killer: zenith...
****** and ferriswheel of events...
                waking up to the new mandarin
plateau... it's like...
waking up from... the refreshing cain
mythos relatability...
always from h'america...
otherwise... bullet to the head...
king soldier: human rights...
   yeah... nice... the shame of homeless people:
there's an alexander the great...
a a diogenes of synope: with a hippocratic
oath... loitering around the corner?
hell! go wit' the flou...
                 jump-start a prison adventure...
less... high morality ****-pants
asking questions on the way...
people of high morality
and high: low social status importance...
**** someone...
better than becoming philosophically
homeless... blah blah...
                         i'm so little i actually
define myself as:
at liberty to preserve the lives of moths...
yes... well that's nice...
for anyone asking to: ride the easy... roulette.
Michael R Burch May 2020
The Condition of My Heart
by Munir Niazi
loose translation by Michael R. Burch

There's no need for anyone else to get excited:
The condition of my heart is not the condition of hers.
But were we to receive any sort of good news, Munir,
How spectacular compared to earth's mundane sunsets!



Mystery
by Munir Niazi
loose translation by Michael R. Burch

She was a mystery:
Her lips were parched ...
but her eyes were two unfathomable oceans.



I continued delaying ...
by Munir Niazi
loose translation by Michael R. Burch

I continued delaying ...
the words I should speak
the promises I should keep
the one I should dial
despite her cruel denial

I continued delaying ...
the shoulder I must offer
the hand I must proffer
the untraveled lanes
we may not see again

I continued delaying ...
long strolls through the seasons
for my own selfish reasons
the remembrances of lovers
to erase thoughts of others

I continued delaying ...
to save someone dear
from eternities unclear
to make her aware
of our reality here

I continued delaying ...

Keywords/Tags: Munir Niazi, Urdu, Punjabi, translation, Pakistan, Lahore, love, love hurts, heart, heartbreak, condition, mystery, pashto, relationship, delay, delays, delaying, mrburdu
Causticji May 2015
Something stinking this way comes
not just the nausea of cobblestone
on Sundays and all public holidays
'neath the stairwell of insidious intent
hooked onto the static line for ages
the suicidal fish sinks deeper in the
pool of bile but cannot drown, so he
toes the line of the drama queen via
the lament-laden path trodden by
god's servant, past the corner where
foreignicating correspondents collide,
turn right or left – doesn’t matter
which way he chooses, it’s wrong.

The misfortune of being missed by
a Fortuner, he proceeds to jump off
Tilak Bridge and is hit by Range Rovers
endeavouring to hit and run after
the mundane Meru that lost its wind
shielding itself from the tyranny of
daddy's little boys with flaccid toys and
***** mouths and itchy trigger fingers,
misadventure interrupted they pause to
douse the flames of the dying but
urea isn't carbon dioxide; it's piscicide.

Something Kafkaesque calls him but it's
masked with the aroma of ******* served
in the nick of time from 22 through 71,
past Lahore Chowk down Baker St.
Pedestrian rat on the wrong side of
a one-way expressway to your skull
about turn into pitch black cul-de-sac,
scurries in through the out grille gushing
acerbic symphonies from the basement,
storm-water drain up against the tide,
never learnt to swim yet he tries.

After a while, she'll be home and dry.

The low ceiling makes him slouch
in and out through endless maze,
daily grind never takes a break
no room to turn around walk out,
yet again he forgets not to stretch
yet another fresh bump on his skull
now there are four score maybe more
benign, perhaps, who knows?
rats can't scan, only cats can.

The ache's spread to the limbs
the head and the hypertensive heart
then anterior now posterior
the costive claustrophe bleeds again,
it's a duct with a view downstairs,
he's a ****** not entirely by choice,
tom cat jerry kitten eating in and out
the pie is beyond grasp, at the exit
lies a mousetrap sans the bait,
nothing else for him to do but
work his fingers to the bone.
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2017
most nations are divided by
either the south vs. the north,
or the east vs. the west,
well... some, not all,
there's no clear indication that
there's a true indicator -

in the case of england though?
well... you
have the emergence of
a "demographic" slang,
and apology for a lack of a better
word,
but i already indicated
this to be a misnomer,
meaning?
               third-parties,
i was never into coining a phrase,
so i took the lazy route,
and unquoted ("     "   vs. '        ' -
hence the inverted commas)
what would sediment into a fluid
pretense for rhetoric...
sure, the picts know
that glasgow is poor, while edinburgh
is rich...
   but that's an anomaly
of the rules...
       most of the underground
services are bound to the earth-worms
of north london...
  south london barely touches
on the convenience of underground
services...
               the underground
stretch of influence goes as far
as brixton (victoria line) -
   and morden / mordor (northern line) -
   **** me! on the north end, we're going back
as far as epping! farmland!
croydon? croydon?! talk about
                heathrow for ****'s sake!
   what the **** happens in west ruslip?
so kilburn is not a mini-havana / kingston
a jamie-jammin-chicken-****-fetish?
marble arch through to edgware
not a niqab "cat walk"?
             i knew i'd loose my compass
when strutting in london...
              homerton, hackney whick,
stratford...
           oh **** me, you go beyond
   hainault....
can you believe they still have
a video rental shop (blockbusters) just
outside of woodford station?!
               cities within a city,
like all modern micro-states of
frowned upon nation-states are:
   london? a city-state...
                           it's not a nation-state,
that 19th century: uh-hum...
                       ya ya...
                          i'm living within
an ancient-greek tickle of a city-state...
i'm living on the membrane,
i'm at the gates
  of the barrier between
   a city-state, and a nation-state...

newcastle, liverpool, manchester are
not actually considered to be
city-states...
           they're national-disconcertives...
   birmingham? ha ha!
           is it either? is it not the lahore
of the north-west?

mind you, me drinking an ale from
newcastle, walking in essex,
the "demographic" slang springs to mind...

i'm a southern fairy... drinking a
northern monkey's brew...
         ain't that a cause for rhyme?
i'm ******* sure it it:
what thrill in crafting art,
   within the confines of a mind
that knows no ill,
               for what of art,
if there be no ill of mind -
         to craft the thrills of true art?
is not art the craft that
          encourages control
over a decomposition, into the vigour
of ferment,
  like wine, like cheese,
                    so too...
   a florentine gallery...
    god: by a tarantula's bite, immobilißed
in the uffizi: mouth agape, pretending
to yawn.

ah yes... a reminder:
with a northern ale in the southern lands
of england...
   ******* southern fairies...
      bollocking northern monkeys.
Turning a key and in turn turning free all the thoughts that then fly, they could flee but then thoughts that fly free have no need to flee or am I missing something?

Bring me my ideas in a box filled with sand and I'll show you castles built not with the hand but the mind and then hand me the key to let all thoughts run free, hand me the sea in a sieve and I'll give you gemstones.

Backpedal.

See how we're home free with the domes of Damascus that would stop men to ask us, how do they do that? we answer them using Aramaic, using ancient and archaic chants planting seeds before the harvest.

Beating chests and tearing hair and where the answers lie for us in the old markets of Lahore we wore stripes on our bedrolls and tore strips from our skin, we didn't win that one and that's for the best.

And Beau Geste in the legion somewhere in the region of a beach, out of sight out of reach and he wasn't real really just someone's idea of an ideal and we fell for it.

Turn me another brother, turn me a key, spin me the wheel and let the numbers fall free.

We all see in the end as the beginning starts to wend its way wearily home and for some the end is another key to set free all
the beginnings we knew and could never see.
They build and call them tower blocks

,
they're concrete rockets to entomb us then they'll blast us into space.

This race is no race for old men.

And when we're our there gravitating towards the dying sun
they'll have us playing parlour games,
gee whizz
oh lord
what fun.

But we're catching on to their games and the things they're going to do, you'll get older one day
it's time for you to catch on too.

They're building seismic sidewalks
that tremble when you talk

They're building hell out in Lahore

hell
that's been done before.

They're spending billions on defence while a  million people starve
there's meat upon the table, but
there's no one left to carve.

Unfinished
If I sit here and savour the minute
if I hear a pin drop in Lahore
does it make life sublime
if I'm wasting my time
could there possibly be
anything more?

why do larks rise each morning to drown me
If I swim will they all fly away
in the songs that they sing is it hope that they bring
do they move on the wing just to sing in the morn
were they there on the day of the day I was born'

as the pin drops the penny engages in
the history of questions I've asked
and the reels start to spin picking out every pin
and the moments I see
question
will I ever be
what becomes of the lark when it's cold and it's dark
does each song hibernate
does it wait for a time
when I'm sitting and savouring a moment of mine?

If I knew I could say
if I was when today
I feel fine.
I am tied to uncountable questions to which there may or may not be an answer.
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2021
i've never cooked crocodile flesh before...
but i've seen what happens when
you buy raw herrings...
you're not going to cook the herrings...
after all: herrings are the Baltic sushi...
but you can't just eat them raw...
you need to curate them to some brine...
i.e. soaking them in salty water...
phenomenal... a fish swims all this time
in salty waters... as a whole...
but when you turn it into a schematic of
edibility...
you have to... ha ha... pluck all that's liver
all that heart... intestines...
to get to the flesh: edible flesh... proper...
you have to throw it back into salty water:
it's obvious that the flesh of the fish
never experienced... what could make
it edible...
apparently crocodile meat is the same:
it's lean... although... herring flesh
is also high in fat...
to brine something involves the thing
sitting in its own juices:
for the "other" thing: the protein about
to be eaten is left curated:
salt... in terms of what's edible and what's
not... weighs as much as gold...
if not more...
          but you can bypass this whole
chemical experiment with mushrooms!
you don't need fish: which have to be brined...
or with meats which have to be cured...
with mushrooms it's much more simple...
you start off frying a batch in some unsalted butter...
they fry... and fry... getting all golden...
you start choking them with a lid above
the frying pan... that sort of helps...
but... doesn't... it's only until you sprinkle some salt...
and: but especially in terms of fungus...
salt: the great drawer of water...
you put the lid back on... or whatever...
to get the mushroom: you need to cook it with
some salt...
it's like... the most organic magnet...
salt is a magnet... for water...
salt is what allowed such great bodies
of water as the Atlantic and the Pacific to stay
intact... even when the rivers and the lakes
dry up... the seas will never dry up:
salt is a magnet... for water...
water, water everywhere: but not a drop
to drink... that line stands eternal:
from the rime of the ancient mariner...
esp. with fungus...
you sprinkle from salt on them while frying
them off in butter... and hey presto!
you tempt the water encompassed
in the mushrooms come flooding out...
you end up cooking them in their own juices...
the texture of the mushroom is arrived at...
but there's also the essences of the taste of
mushroom...
salt: magnet... sieve!
- but that's not brining... unless it's...
brining done... exponentially quick... which it is...
meat takes time... fungus is neither
meat nor... salad...
but salt! salt is light!
        how it draw out the remaining water
from a thing... and allows the thing
to be cooked in its own storage of water...
which it wasn't expecting to be cooked in...
you might add some more water:
depending how much you're cooking...
some excess of fat also helps...
but i've never cooked crocodile meat...
watched how someone failed to cook it on
Australian MasterChef...
          if crocodile behaves like a herring...
even though one is a lizard get-go...
while the other is... fritz...
           i expect a crocodile tartar steak of sort
could have aided the contestant...
because i can't actually imagine
eating a cooked herring...
later soaked in some spirit vinegar with
onions... a lay leaf... all-spice... mustard seeds
crescent moons of garlic... onions...
and oil...
but cooking a herring seems as much a bad
idea as cooking a salmon: rather than
not smoking it...
still: quickened brining process...
no water involved... since we're dealing with
mushrooms... fungus...
you start cooking they're browning beautifully
like it's some post-racial but still nationalistic
Brazilian utopia (since they have
a ******* football team that tells others...
you're not us... blah blah)
   but it's only when you add the salt
that the mushrooms give in...
to the "torture" of being:
less the telepathic busy-bodies attached
to the moon-key-brain they latched themselves
onto... i wish they were hallucinogenic prone
types... sometimes:
but then... all these supposed colours
and no clarity in writing in b & w...
i couldn't stomach it...
with herrings about to be turned into pickled
flesh i expected the slow-brining process
is expected: fish is not fungus...
all that excess water storage in the flesh
is what gives man a brain...
i hope... then again: i hope not...
that's why i drink: to be borderline dehydrated...
quickened brining: frying off some mushrooms
in butter then sprinkling some salt on
the frying process... immediately a mushroom
stock arrives "out of nowhere" on the canvas
on the frying pan...
the mushroom is to be then: essentially eaten...
the flesh of the mushroom: isn't mush...
it resembles something from the annals of
seafood... but the juice is... earthy...
beguiling the humanoid to harvest these
forest pleasures...
       salt is ought to be: ought have to been
more treasured than gold...
there should have been salt coins...
how there should be painting of one army
riding horses... another... riding bulls...
salmon ought first to be smoked
then... decided upon: cooking salmon ought
to be considered: haram: forbidden...
i don't want to see that orange flesh of the waters
turned into an anaemic pink...
dried out: not once... not ever!
it's one "thing" to butcher an animal once...
it's another "THing" to butcher
the animal twice upon the altar of cooking it
poorly!

i'll pretend hunchback posing as a crow:
the crow will disagree:
i'm standing up-right! you're the one who's
hunched! hitchhiker: boring son
of a dozen: that's came from elsewhere...
elsewhere... "elsewhere":
even in the now apparently arrived at now:
i see no familiar face...
i see... too many rivers...
of people... that hardly make up
a sea to froth... to boil up...

people are dying in their minds...
this rot is yet to be made popularly promiscuously:
tempting... enticing... but i fear it already is that...
people are dying in their minds
while their bodies... if agitated...
if alive... are spewing nothing but
fictions! pick-me-ups!

i'm hopeful... this period will pass...
there will be a time of fathoming a relief from this
intermission...
how all empires crumble...
but how "things" have changed...
we're all pretty much educated to recognise
phonetic encoding "biases"...
even if some of us scribble on
walls in giraffe graffiti... so be it...
TAGS...
            let people have what's immediately
available to their imagination's content...
don't let them suffer the constraints of
some ruling... ha! who's ruling in 100 years
from now?!
who's most envy prone to dictate
the peacocking workaround for social:
hierarchical-stratification?
all will pass: in a blink of an eye!
even if no eye is looking:
or to be looked at...

        i've become accustomed to cherish
this onslaught of pulverising subjectivity:
i seem to not have had a welcome escape...
pickling brain: Brian syndrome does that
to one... the sensation of being subjected
to so much... yet objecting to so little...
oh but i'm objecting to as much as i'm being
subjected to...

            i am subjected to gravity:
but i object to it... as a falling "thing" from
the top of a building...
how's that?

          i need language to somehow comes
across a... "2 + 2 = 4"...
       no?i need a sensation of: arable:
with a trill of the R: that's so... desperately
missing in the -ing-leash zunge...
i'm about to call Kaiser Wilhelm and implore
him: more zeppelins! more zeppelins!

tread past the thought that was originally cast:
lay the thread bare...
come as you were... come: less arrived at...
all this will sooner or later be:
gobbled up by the certainty of time...
which competes over space...
minding our progress...
if time is the tongue...
then space is mouth what
yawns at as: welcoming... eager for more sacrifices
at the altar...

curry is great! at a meal...
as a meal one has for... supposing it's 5pm
in Lahore...
but at 9am in France...
where there are no eggs...
poached? scrambled? fried?
  what's on offer?!
*******... CARRY... CURRY...
CRY-WE..
i can't make my stomach churn out appreciation
for a ******* broth in the morning...

it's scented ****-***: overt-**** ***
insatiability in the morning requiring English
pubescent northern girls:
sorry... they "are"...
        "my"... girls?!
i speak the language... last time i heard...
there was a lacking in brick-work...
the people most associated
with keeping food production in line...
the truckers... all gone...
well.. if the Englishman want's
an Empire implosion...
save all the Pakis... he'll get all the ******* Uber
he desires...
"my" people will just leave...
for whatever the brain-drain that arrived...
that will stay...
but the rest of it...

who needs England... when England
is all the more better off for X-factor: people need
to be entertained!
no?!
by even the more ******* sort of...
entertainment!
i'm entertained by the moon...
by a brick wall...
"my" people... came to these shores...
and were quickly told to... *******...
thank you!
let all the Pakis take over!
*******... Ing-Leash... brats!

i have an inherent animosity with these people
that has not schematic to a past
so formidable as to have a past worth
questioning: here lies...
the atomised man...

- but while speaking this... zunge...
i reach out to an elder...
i am seeking compensation:
for the tiredness i'm forever to experience...
in English i have no...
certainty: i have only an objectification
of history: not being subjected to it...
i live in a country with a past:
but not history...
anaemic hybrid...
     i'm the barbarian knocking
on the door... with a message:
let me out! let me out!
              
whoever read too much of "journalism"
but not enough of Horace...
                  
      the sanctity of salt:
                      sal de sanctitas....
backwards to forwards...
how time disembowels grammar.
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2017
you know, cats prefers feathers of crows, to yarn ***** of synthetic wool rolled up into "playthings"... oh wait, i'm white, i have not base in providing knowledge, only copper-skinned people are wise... use whites are a piglet's word short of extinct... go! sinjit! go! turbans plop! go! bunch of queen sheba hoes... the wanking patronage of lahore's preserved existence.

which just shows how many actual cat-ladies
there are out there in the world -
and the mystery of missing cats being
explained:
even the ****** cats go missing
with these women,
me? i can't get rid of my maine ****
male...
****** rapes me, with his presence!
******, please, *******!
****** comes back...
says: your bead, mine...
   what am i, ******* flintstone shortcut...
and yes, i think that whoever "conjured"
up the idea of a yarn ball of wool as
entertainment was wrong,
you pick up a feather of a crow,
dip it into your makeshift dip of ink,
and then give it to your cat..
watch it pretend it's a dog with a bone...
and then see the lullaby...
by the way, how do you get a cat's
respect?
     you either sleep at much as they
do: of you beat them at their sleeping pattern...
i've managed to sleep longer than cats,
which also means i am guardian of
their toiletry pattern -
  the female maine **** prefers to be
petted when she's incubated by
a boa tightening of a hold -
the male? just an empty bed and a crow's
feather, then he snoozes,
and i shed a dear:
listen to some johnny cash,
and feel complete...
        and then i compare that to
the islamic rites of prayer,
the way you wash before making dues -
which is so much against;
******* with the dues of
elevating the necessitated
*******..
              while shaming the actual
efforts, that overshadow both
psychiatrist, & priest...
           i shame the dog-collar
bigots, and the psychiatric ******
insipid conjurers of "hope"...
who deserve as much tuxedo
as a straitjacket...
and a lot of these "doctors" have
a woman lying by their side:
which is always a bad sign...
none of them a dog, or a cat...
     ever heard of a serial killer with
a cat, or a dog as accomplice?
me neither! go fetch!
      aport boy! fetch!
         sing my a *******
johnny cash song you ******* '****.

why is it, that journalists suddenly
think they're the respectable class
of profession?
      no one respects journalism
after the *milly dowler
scandal...
   really? the best they can do is do that,
or simply troll?!
       **** it, i'll **** the rest of it...
there's no point in asking, pleading,
regressing, or revising...
    it's like asking for a monkey
to act as a ghost and instead of
stating ooh! stating a boo!
         sure as **** a jew got hurt with
missing H...
oh right... a pole said it...
the vermin class...
      nibbles nibbles...
rats got you nibbles...
      show-as your leggings -
i'll pride a nibble!
    not so proud then...
  what a shame...
      the usual sussex nuns come along:
and state the atypical ENGLAND,
entertaining as about three quarter's
worth of saudi arabia;
retracted in the comment section,
mostly by homos,
         or people who read as much
of a the ideal mention of headlines in newspapers...
then channel four says:
e ain't no ****!
     oh, wight, whites on whites...
**** ju ju juicing for the cumin
and coriander paste...
      finally!
multicultural england!
    i can finally bash a **** without
being called an anglican west ham supporter...
and?
if i don't get away with i?
  applause! manchester 2.0!
  or do i have to remind you, that my ethnicity
was called vermin?
      you know how turban bashers are born,
how these turbanators are born,
and orientate around muslims rather
than sikhs, and how you should have
read the placard, of the polish r.f.a. pilots
who fought in the first world war?
come next ****, i'll make another japatti.
Yenson Oct 2020
In those houses of little dreams
where whites steal from ambitions
and party members hail those without creams
declaring underdogs do wrongs in petty revolutions
and its all about 'power' to be wrestled in vacuous teams
some became Lahore marriage arrangers to strangers in evolutions
others ape crazy voodoo doctors exorcising perceive lovers it seems
jiving manically they sputter invisible love incantations
of which appointed lovers are unaware and unseen
then in so magical thinking conjured cessations
yelling they are sowing doubts in streams
for this shows mob power in motion
see nor speak criminal's schemes
dare not mention colonisation
cloud shame and disgrace
to the extremes
to polarizations
Karisa Brown Jan 2020
Made in your face
Or drawn over a thin
White lie
I mean line
Made out of paper
You posted it
Didn't you

Who are you
Where do you live
Inside a crib
You once slept in
No home goes unnoticed
To us kinds

We live in imagination
BEyOND the bright fillip stars
Where comfort and knowing are

We live to follow you
And quarter just for a go about
What you imagine life really is

It's you
It's all inside of you
Your soul stretched a thousand lands
Before finding you
And reaching into
Your afterlife care

It sput out ashes upon
Your bed
And told you
Please do not take
These off your sheets
One day you will kneel
I'm what yiure now doing
Only to look up
To a brighter pool
Of hopefully zooms of light
Inhabited by mother
And father time

Just joking they don't exist here
Here is parallel to any know being
Where the fish comb
Through your vessels
And hats race thru your mind
And hurddles of black sea
Trunks of ancient old trees
Soon devour
Fastly
Intrigued
By YOU
Little I'm
Nobody pays attention to me you
We,are interested in you

But why?
I don't like the attention
Please don't look at me
It makes me really
Creepy and weird
And mad and rages
Like scavengers eating
At my brain

Please,see it a different way
You are us
We birthed you from the Stars
We love your light
We never hate
You
When you feel
Low or have a hard time
We encourage you in
Whispers light
Through this species
I found your aunt
Delilah and uncle Sam

aha I thoubut so
They are mine

And the dark ones
I carry like backpacks
Of rocks
Never to lift
With each,thought

Erasing won't,help
They've already
Bought space
In my mind
And they live in my bed
And eat,the ashes
Before I have tome,
To descend into the sky
Upside down they have
Me
Curling my toes
Where,the duck are,my toes anyway
It's man eats shot all day
Kind of love,that they celebrate

To my disguise
You,can eat cake and raindrops
Will soon taste like healing
And your insationable appetite
For life,will soon
Turn on

Is it perspective
Can or do I still have you've,them
For morning noon and night
Or can I take a flight
Or lay down a Lahore the help do I get rid of them all

Well never tell
That's where you'll
Find us
That's where we dwell
In the back of my mind

Enter stage right
Exit night
Enter light
Take,my hand
OFF TO NEVER NEVER LAND

Perspective is everything!!
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2021
it must be a clear misunderstanding when someone utters the words: 'you hurt my feelings'... taking offense etc. last time i checked... doubt is outright discredited... yet in doubt: such a plethora of emotions... bundles of emotions... emotions that i can't bestow a narrative onto... it's not like the lack of emotions matched with denial... doubt's plethora: it's a pale version of love... in all but certain times... a pinch of uncertainty is always welcome... as is being offended... it's a loose-paradox (paradox: probably a misnomer in the context) of... an imploding objectivity... all those who claim objectivity also claim: being cognitive pure... not being dragged: muddled by emotions... why are emotions so undeserving to be felt... i'm tired of the silence of the heart for almost forever... when people say they have "****-hurt feelings"... or that they might be "offended"... it's not that... i see it as: implanting emotions... somehow it's easier to digest thoughts: since... "somehow" thoughts can exist in both an: in vivo as in an in vitro staging... you will probably never take thoughts seriously... but emotions... that raw slice of cured beef? well... it's not that i "hurt" your "feelings"... it's only that i gave you... feelings you never prior experienced... no one has hurt feelings: never... people only have bothersome feelings they cannot digest... no one is hurting... there are only a few with indigestion qualms... but since it's not the stomach but the heart... no one their pigeon brain starts to coo coo: cook up nonsense...

in light of recent events, in England...
a proselyte: of a former Islamic persuasion...
gets stabbed, slashed... whatever...
for wearing a Charlie Hebdo t-shirt
at speakers' corner in Hyde Park...
does it matter she's a woman:
does it matter whether or not she
was actually talking or merely wearing the t-shirt?
a proselyte...
i'm sort of one: teasing at the adventure...
i'll write the word ****** because...
well: giggle... bundle...
i will not censor my thoughts...
but because i will not utter the word:
i will not: it's not for the debility
and some "sacred past"..
but i will not scream it: choke my thoughts
with it... i'll reach the platitude...
urban slur that it has become:
you... don't... "own" the word...
i don't need this black hole punctuation
marker...
                      the "N-word":
god grease this "taboo": i have better pork
to ****...

- when enough drink is in me
i'll be writing under the influence:
but i won't be cycling... i tried that once...
i collapsed on the side of the road
clenched my bicycle
like a woman might clench a ****-buddy
and just... lay there... i was aiming
for the moon... it was a moonless night...
i started aiming for the constellations:
it was cloudy... i just lay there on
the pavement...
it felt... very village-esque...
as if the Red Army just passed through
having seen the well-dressed SS-men
running for their life in scuffles
and... torn limbs... in rags...
thank god the Bolsheviks were not
those ****-smeared Mongols...
who ate nothing but rancid horse-meat
and drank nothing but horse blood...
but it figures...
can i please talk to some of the sensible
Muslims: the ****'ites?
the old world Persians... even they're ******:
how come a bunch of camel jockeys
started to dictate to the Persians
a new thinking parameter?
the youngest of the monotheistic brat-dom....
so easily offended...
my greatest "fear":
the jihadi with an acute sensitivity
most associated with: French footballers...
why are these Muslims as sensitive as
French footballers...
Islam was once so gracious:
i was almost willing to "revert"...
i was implored by some Muslims to do so...
that's the thing with associating yourself
with Muslims in the west:
a feeling of conversation soon turns into
a feeling of conversion...
i asked one ****-
            -stani who approached me in a park
while i was sipping a beer...
why are you single? he implored...
a man of your stature...
shouldn't be single...
i didn't ask him whether this was England or
whether it was Lahore..
i just asked him what:
Alif-Lãm-Mĩm
meant at the beginning of a surah...
he brushed it somehow "aside" with a:
'only god knows'...
sorry... but that's not good enough...
i have to be the worst type of
a convert prospect...
although the best should an architecture
student... come along with a joint...
me with two beers... him with Le Trio Joubran:
that is happened in Amsterdam:
of course it had to happen in Amsterdam!

Alif-Lãm-Mĩm: is that sort of quiz
akin to turning letters into numbers
and "seeing" patterns... there's that Hebrew term
for this practice... it's not chiromancy...
it's not the concern for the Zodiac...
it only takes three letters...

"666": ΧΞϚ

last time i checked: "they" were breeding black
athleticism over Hebrew intellectualism...
Hebrew intellect fell short &, sour...
with what came out of Marxism
and... Freud still chokes:
but it's hardly a ******* celebration
when translated into skyscrapers...
when there's also that alias of the ****
with the football stadium... no?

but the "******" can be celebrated for his
physical prowess...
there are more holier words in this language
than a slur i hope to confess has become
more of an urban doodle: prepositional-punctuation
marker....

at least i'm not screaming the "N-word" in the back
of my head like some stuttering numb-nuts...
it's there... plain to see...
if i were to write: Niggerian instead of Nigh-Gear-Ian...
it would imply... what?
the same sort of hyper-sensitivity associated
with Jihadi Johnsons alias:
macabre: Russian ballerinas are more cut-throat
than these French footballers...

there are more sacred words than require
black-holes of: translated into "thinking"...
the name of the Hebrew god...
hidden within a "name for a name":
ha-shem...
there... i'll go as far as that...
i will not utter this word...
but sure as hell i'll make a great dough
of it: seeing how it might rise...

**** a black girl: colonial superpower, i...
the English are the tourists of Europe...
i don't think the Polacks ever felt comfortable
in their backyard... ever...
the argument goes: since the English went
all over the world... the world now has
to come knocking...
for all this ****** weather: you're more than
welcome...
Japan is an island... it has much
better weather: go figure...

another example... a former ISIS bride has returned
to England...
she's living in a £500,000 house
and has been giving treatment for
a prosthetic extension
of a lost arm: "lost" in a drone strike...
**** me... should have fought for ISIS...
pumped myself up with all those
amphetamines all those warriors were
ingesting because:
drink is... b'a'a'a'h bad (stutter?) i bet
you want...

hypersensitivity:
great at running...
but... no good at swimming
or for that matter: rock climbing...
from a tree unto the rock...

no matter... i was watching the Australian masterchef
contest and spotted a stand-out...
her grandmother was of a south-east-asian
"persuasion"...
pure as chalk...
well... "good news": ol' sandpaper man
comes in... 2nd generation
of interracial breeding...
well... two generations short...
what's that like in dog years?
the first encounter... done...
2nd... by the 3rd turn product pops out...
all is bleached...
worked with sandpaper... of white: piglet skin...

what a pretty fine explanation...
this connect: nuanced: "us":
greedily waiting the next: new...
conversion...
how do born & bred Muslims treat
proselytes...
converts... "reverts":
if not black h'american Malcolm X
stints...
all white... Mamluk / Janissary types-typos...
second class: ha! "citizens":
i don't trust these anaemic-**** smears
from the sand-pits of wannabe Congo
any more than...
no... great curry...

how it came about that a western man
had to become: educated by
some... retrograde... concerning words:
he would never ******* use!
even in a bilingual sequence of "events"...
mind you... the niqab would come about
as sort of... useful...
concerning the mythological blonde and
her ******* tirade of cough-ups!

get the **** real: ******:
the blacks just want to be...
blacks... the whites just want to be:
white...
you... play-up your jazz
while i drown my ******* Prokofiev...
you be black... i be white...
women always: some great heritge
of brotherhood making a comeback?
must be a Vancuever sort-of
a shin-dig...
investment in lady... qualities...

just about right: how h'Arabs treat those
Bangladeshi whips...
you have to whip those h'Arabs into
owning some ******* whiskers...
brown-beat doesn't even cover it:
with the copper-necks...

- just don't get me started on the Turks...
Turks... supposedly Muslim...
but their alphabet originated with the Mongol
geography...
seeing how the Turks licked at Vienna...
spent so much time just below
the Carpathian mountains: in Europe...
the best barbers and the best
prostitutes known to man...
oh and the ****'ite Persians who still love their
iconography...
Charlie Hebdo was wrong in that respect:
i bet Muhammad was a handsome *******...
a camel jockey / goat herder...
an illiterate par excellence...

it's not like he was immediately liked in his
local Mecca...
i have my "theory": in praise of older women...
i'm pretty sure she was the elder
the literate... the business mind-set illuminated...
she must have been the person who
wrote down the first Surahs...
who? Khadija: Muhammad's first wife...

eh... and they really do think they're the dog's *******...
Eddie Izzard's explanation is still tip-toe for moi...
my francophobia will not go away:
i can't speak French and not retain a French accent...
that will not pass...
therefore? i will not learn French...
i'm not going to speak French like a foreigner...

clearly i wanted to convert to Islam once...
"clearly"? hmm...
i once listened to this spectacular adhan and cried
like a Janissary...
what put me off Islam?
****-
    -stani Islam...
                 Saudi Islam...
     i'm still teased by the Turks... well... Turkish prostitutes...
once upon a time i also
heard vaughan william's fantasia
on the theme of thomas tallis... and also cried...
i cry at beauty... that's what i do...

my ****** lot... because the Hebrew's devil is older
than my devil...
imagine... coming from a people
that still defended the last paganism
of the Lithuanians: the last paganism in Europe...
the year: 1410... a battle between the pagans...
the Tatars (remains of the Mongol Horde)
the Polacks: lack-land lack-land...
and the Teutonic Order...

perhaps i could have convinced myself
to convert to Islam...
but then... what the hell do i do with
the *******... ms. amber and all that bourbon
that... always reminds me of a brothel?

the Hebrew god...
well... it begins with the implosion and all that's
clockwork with the Greek Δ -
that became the Y or... the serpent's split tongue...
funny story...
i was chatted with a Greek on a train to central
Warsaw from the Modlin Airport...
my god... how similar Greek sounds to Spanish!

look here: γΥ!
                           eh? eh? it's a sound structure that
requires an umlaut when transcribed into
Latin:                     gÜ...
one parabola... two parabola: a pair of wheels:
goo!          of the ghoul!

i do believe the story of of Carmenta (the Cimmerian Sibyl)
because... why shouldn't
it not be mythological that the genius
of Sejong who invented Hangul...
enough time passes...
journalism becomes history and history becomes
myth... or... there abouts...

all for the best... now that we're all seemingly
literate...
under too much weight of history:
it seems that i have inherited too much...
and i have inherited too much:
there's a plateau of a horizon...
so much history for a single man to digest:
ingest... that we have hoarded so much
of it... enter filter... enter skim-reading...
but it happens  ever so often that a Quran arrives...
a fire... but then... all the restrictions
that come with it... so much with keeping
too much from the past...

if only Islam could have cured me
of my drinking solution
to the boredom associated with
the soberness of the everyday: platitudes...
perhaps enough: just enough of *** could
curate me towards a better path...
such are the times:
there's plenty of drink: available...
but never enough ***...
unless you're a performance artist...

i feel most sane on a bicycle... feel safest
when being overtaken by a juggernaut of
a truck's volume...
a critique of traffic...
i feel... completely bewildered when
a mini-cooper: this sized: ||
takes... this much: |       | of space
to overtake you...
while... a man driving a van...
or a truck sized: |       |
takes... || to pass you...

Gallows Corner roundabout...
the last thrill of a cyclist taking to orientating
traffic... in the newspaper...
another solipsistic cyclist was mowed down
by a truck turning left at some junction
of Holborn...
me and my unconscious spatial coordination
arithmetic: not some ******... although:
a ****** would probably wave hello
this was a paediatrician cycling to her job...
i don't pity her... let the earth be light
upon claiming her body...

most cyclists that die on the streets of London
deserve to die...
how nonchalantly they ignore...
how... no... nonchalant is a timid word:
how... blasé they seem...
every time i pass one of these solipsistic
bulges geared up for: target practice
i forget to laugh...

i feel human... i bought 70cl of bourbon...
gorgon... bourbon: watch me turn to stone...
**** it... i'll sober up tomorrow morning
on the dual carriage way...
why not take the risk?
i'm most sane when drinking and scribbling
or when cycling...
i was expecting to see some lovelies in
Upminster... but...
since i was riding a road bike with 23cm wide tires
i was looking down for... ***-holes...
more than looking up for cleavage...

but this glorious spot... just outside of Upminster...
beyond Cranham... easing into
Bird Ln... through to Tomkyns Ln.
while walking across the A127 Arterial...
the organic beauty of England is starting
to grow on me... i love what the Saxons did with
the place...
perhaps the Welsh and the Scots: the origins story
Britons that the Romans met would have
done just as much...
nice... tended to garden...
i once felt nostalgic for the land most associated
with Polacks occupying it
but a land the Swedes wanted... the Mongols...
the Russians... Turks and Germans...
i imagine i'd be as much involved with
a love for the organic north America
while missing the love for the...
culture that lay on top of the organic spectacle...

i much adore this topography...
of course i can hardly appreciate the natives
having too play the game of capitulation
of former colonial herd "animals"...
hurt feelings? or feelings aroused?
you felt them: your problem...

how the English capitulated to their former subjects...
it almost hurts... almost: no... it hurts...
i love this land...
i'm hardly going to agree with the people...
nicety... politeness:
you give them a ******* mosque in the middle
of... i've was invited to the Reagent Park mosque
as a prospectus convert...
what is it with having Muslim "friends":
you're only "friends"... "proper":
if you convert?!
what's that recipe you have for the Lavash?
who would have thought that rosemary
works just as well with beef as it does with lamb...
oh right... that was it?
fair enough... *******!

see... that's what put me off Islam...
****-
  -stani: Rotherman...
bad taste man... it just left a bad taste in
my mouth... i ended up without a mouth...
pretending to eat via the hole i **** from...
i'd scoff out some diarhoea digestive juices on
my meal and then... vacuum it up with my ****...
i remember the concept of teeth...
though... teeth were nice...
so was the tongue...

****-
  -stanis ruined my vision of converting to Islam...
i'll settled for this... makeshift of Christianity...
gnostic.. because... well:
in my position: you're not teasing at Hebrew
superstitions... you must be...

oh this land... this most glorious: serene land...
how breath-taking "concept" of Scotland...
all the finicky irks of the rolling hills of
what's mostly England...
on a bicycle: best...
do i mind the locals?
well... do the local mind their former colonial
subjects?
what's that saying: thanks for the recipe?

you see me in Bangkok... you see a *******
chimpanzee die from dehydration:
sweated out from his... salty... nut-sack!
i'm not going... to hell with south-east Asian
humidity...
it's a cancer... i'll best survive with "the idea"
of keeping up a hard-on / narrative on...
prospectus ghost horizons...
the Faroe Isles... *******: GREEN-LAND...

that's where Frankenstein's monster would
have went... i'd go there too...
the agony of summer...
everything decomposes too quickly...
the flies... the maggot **** the flies!

oh for the love of these isles... perhaps not the people:
then again... i rather drift in & out with
the anglo-saxons than be jumbled up with
"my" people...
you start to appreciate despising the
******* diaspora after a while...
i guess the Polacks are the most willing to
integrate...
whoever showcased the dynamics of the
congregation project of Chicago...
somehow forgot...
i'll drink drink this 70cl of bourbon:
don't worry... i won't clog up the arteries of
the NHS with my antics...

you what? i love this land... perhaps the wolves
have been culled...
but the foxes are still running rampant...
well: if life throw you foxes:
you're not going to exactly: ah-woooo!
bark? for the love of life: i will never
bark or take to the leash...
i own two maine *****...
i exhausted them while grooming them...

they ended up spending the afternooon
sleeping in my bed...
i'm hopefully going to retire to it:
with a horror movie soundtrack somehow:
soon...
spontaneity of narrative... closure:
more impromptu... less of that...
masquerade formality...
this god blessed land...
if only the Spanish armada...
like the Mongolian ships...
should the conquest of Yappon could have
been envisioned...

anyone still reading this still bothered about...
GG?
the consensus of... a neGlected...
     Giant...
i think... this former soy boys catching
their Goliaths... catch 'em cold... sober..
or... simply exchange them?
to perform so well in slam-dunk prowess...
reinvent classical music via jazz through
towards blues... rock... etc.?

somehow the weight on my shoulders shifts...
a Nigerian ****** turns out to be an urban slur that
doesn't invoke a Nigerian...
a soy boy vegan: perhaps...
i implore the use with coercion tactic...
for those offended: yeah... i'll just implant some
emotions into your heart...
it's very much offensive for my to intrude with
proper spelling...

let's be honest: anyone who has been:
honest... is by now... tired of walking on eggshells...
**** a black girl... what, you?! colonial beast!
yes... confuse the ****** with the Croat...
the Russian too... hell... throw some Ukrainian bias
while you're at it...
anti-racist western girls are...
eh... m'eh... if i can get what i want for
half a decade's worth with some Turkish raven
hair... beaus...
do i... have to mind... pronouns... prospectus quotes etc?

like i said... wait for the bleach..
or... the sandpaper...
i've seen the complete works...
i was ****** with... love... affairs...
girls that dated me...
sure... but they had younger sisters...
and their younger sisters were more...
most attractive...
terrible combination:
dating a girl while her younger sister
is more attractive...

for all the choices and Heidegger...
lucky loser...
no... thank you...
to be one of these super-sensitive Islam propagators...
me? convert?! *******: no!
best keep that ***** in the niqab...
if it were a bone tomahawk..
it would be a female... declined limbs...
blinded...
a torso readied for *******...
imagine that... a replica machinery...

oh i'm sure... Muhammad... was a handsome beast...
but i'm thankful...
that the first... last... true religion...
met a schism so early...
Muhammad was so easily undermined
not keeping a nepotistic promise for
a cousin Ali...
early schism: no truer than:
truth is somehow sold?!

i fiddle with my beard:
whoever says otherwise... no... i'm still playing a violin!
i'll sober up solo... cycling against the gusts of wind...
Eloise...
Eloise!
England... oh this well deserved and welcome land...

my land....
in deutsche:: mein(e) erde...
i watch the locals: capitulate....
   what are you?! slugging *****-best-please
sumac? i... i am to surround  suspicion?

this glorious land....
                   this.... glorious land...
this: ING-LAND...
best forget the wolves..
given the foxes are prunes...
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2022
what a ****-show...
    i don't have the luxury of renting... not in London...
i know that in Anglo-Saxon culture living
with your parents in your 30s is a bit weird...
and well into your 40s... probably your 50s...
magically weird...
     i truly understand it...
         how could a boy "love" his parents so much?
love?! what the **** is that?
i loved my grandfather, maternal...
my paternal 'un abandoned my father...
i don't even know what my paternal grandmother
looks like... or looked like... is she dead?
don't know...
            i have a fond memory of my maternal
great-grandmother...
she used to feed my grandmother: toddler...
opiates on the front in between the warring
Germans and Russians so she would shut up...
opiates... makowina... a poppy-seed milk...
my maternal great-grandfather?
oh... i remember him too...
a shadow... a shadow-form...
probably my first memory...
   he used to be a security guard at a nursery...
so one time he took me on a shift...
he played the big piano... i played the little piano...

it does look weird... it feels weird...
but me renting a house with random flatmates
while making some Pakistani landlord rich?!
sorry... what?!
       and living with five random strangers would
make it easier to go out and bring some poor
girl round for a one-night stand?
would it? could it?!
    as much as i abhor English egalitarianism...
i'm going to have to side with the Japanese
and the love-hotels:

learn from the outsiders... of all Asians the Japanese
are most likely to feed into the beloved state
of European queer... in-ness...
the isolated "genius"...
    of all the Asian people... the Japanese feel as much
isolation as the Europeans...
why do you think they competing with "us"
in ski-jumping events?!
  eh?!   any Thai any Chinese ski-jumpers?!
the eternal smile of Noriaki Kasai...
                                  ノリアキ   カサイ...
i love sport... i love sports...
   female tennis... ++... Olympic judo... Olympic wrestling...
Olympic pingpong... Olympic archery...
i love sport because i'm not a fanatic
football hooligan...
           i like kissing rough...
sometimes biting lips... sometimes smashing teeth
against teeth...

point being?
                   ラブ ホテル
(rabu hoteru) - love hotel...
                     well... we don't have that in Europe...
we just have brothels...
and the alternative being?
is there an alternative?
                  
i couldn't love just one woman...
which makes me smiles whenever, yet another Muslim
colt decides to be all brass-***** and blow himself up
for a reward he hasn't tested in owning...
hmm... hmph... ah ha ha...
it's as if none of them sat in a waiting room
of a brothel with a carriage of... line in sight...
folded, naked legs...

or ****** two at a time...
   i'm wondering about these supposed "martyrs"...
these involuntary-celibate frustrations...
sure... some ego-boost if i had my own condo...
revenue of a corporate lawyer blah blah...
eh... life's cheap... no need to buy dinner
or cocktails... we used to do that
in our teens... an art gallery ticket: bought by me...
a cinema ticket... bought by me...
a sushi bar finish off... bought by me...
then the grand disappointment...
a blow-job on the bunk-bed... she shared with her
sister... telling me while she was doing
the deed: what would by daddy think
if he saw me...

     **** your daddy... and i'm ******* off...
talk during *** is a bit like...
a bit like... ******* out a tapeworm when you're
also constipated...
i don't understand talk during ***...
can't eyes just speak for eyes...
eyes eat eyes... and... onomatopoeias...
can't we just pretend like we want to say
something: but can't?!

of course it's weird that i still live with my parents...
down the road an Asian household
undermined the English architectural sensibility
with three-generations of Asians living under
one roof: "Baroque" ugliness...
sorry... forgot the hyphens...

                 i get it... angry living among white people...
angry whittle-Asian kids... don't blame me...
blame your parents... for abducting you:
for not teaching you your mother tongue...
it's so funny when they become angry
in a tongue that's not theirs'...
akin to Asian Dub Foundation's: La Haine...
oh sure... because the Japanese are on board...
******... Pan-Asian reinterpretation of
of the Pan-Slavic movement that was Communism...

reiterated with the ****** left in the west...
pink hair: rainbows! rainbows! unicorns! unicorns!
not all Asians are Pakistanis...
some are Japanese folk that like
competing with Europeans: ski-jumping...
because we share: winters...
******* copper-necks...
        RE-TAR-DO PRIMO DELUXE!

it's not enough for a Genghis Khan to ****
your women once...
it takes a mind like me to **** your
women twice...
thank you: Manchester bombing...
yeah... thanks... Bangalore and
Lahore is: waiting with open arms!
Darwinism and the leftover of logic...

                 funny how these angry youths
are not speaking their own tongue:
oh... i have a retainer...
i was spreading it concerning the conflict in
Ukraine... brat brata pocharata...
i still have my tongue:
i was born into it...
                 too bad for these metaphysical nomads...
who probably require psychiatric care...
since... they can't be evaluated as quantifiably
believable...
   no... most of them? i've seen
the "process": INBREDS...

awkward looking people...
         INBREDS... they look comfortable...
but if i were adorned in Hugo Boss **** uniform...
eh?!
  would i, think, twice?!
i like the idea of dangling a stick... while eating a carrot...
but i also like dangling a carrot and...
using the stick for kink...

my mind warped... sorry...
you don't come near me...
even i don't want to come near me...
no one comes near me, unless it's trying to **** me...

ha ha... Muslim colt martyrs
wishing for a harem...
the same ones... that... never visited a brothel?!
wow!
o.k. let's test the waters... and of the supposed 72 virgins
how many would: could: would:
cut the phallus off of the dear: "adventurer"?!
dearest... Odysseus?!

how many could bed the said "satyr" for eternity?!
i'm... *******... waiting!
Asian my ***...

yeah... it's weird that i still live with my parents...
do they have to pay mortgage payments?!
no...
do i own Nicholas II banknotes...
and gold coins with the effigy... yeah...
but i'm "poor"... so?
do i own a rare bibliography... yeah...
but do women look beyond the stated obvious...
no? so? i'll be 70 years old looking at a 20 year old girlfriend...

i'll become a true artist!
        or i'll just simply **** myself...
    because... why the hassle? why the bother...
              i like blinking at a blankness and nothing
and something resembling a tree...
and that's because:
sometimes... people seem...
oh seem... oh so very... "borrowed";

can't tell the difference whether i want to **** on them,
**** on them or simply ***** on them;
hell... maybe all three... or perhaps the one...
finding that marvelous medieval cure using
leeches... bleeding out... maybe that's my first choicest
of choices.

aren't the dentists in England forcing people to
drink too much whiskey and perform the "detail"
using pliers?!
    really?! it's that bad?! the herald state of capitalism
is hiding dentistry issues?!
           thank god that i don't need anyone
to do my nail-clipping.

this one girl i was trying to date...
beautiful auburn ginger hued NPC...
her dog started licking my wounds on my knuckles...
weeks passed... i turned into a dog...
and started to nibble on my wounds...

father, dearest... mother's not dead!
first day she's gone...
he comes home and i get a shouting down...
why isn't the fence painted?!
why why why...
but the hockey stick is still a hockey stick...
ice is still ice...
i cooked  medium rare steak...
and the chips...
and i poached the pepper just about right
with the green beans?

i will never fall in love with q woman:
i can't allow myself to belong to somone
so much...
       no! nein! niet! nie!
         we were eating steaks come 5pm...
in absolute silence...
              you love her too much: you miss her too much:
i can't lace myself to love a woman like that...
let's just put it plain: YOU'RE WEIRD...
not fantasy weird akin to...
              NORMAN BATES....
   just ******* weird...
               normal weird...

i'm not you father...
i need to **** more women and love them
even less... i need to die with a heart of stone!
call me night... call me wind... call me the defeaning
wilting of all things confined to a skull.
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2022
maybe it's one of those nights where i don't write
anything and simply enjoy drinking
and some good music...
it must be one of those nights...
i feel intellectually lazy...
                     more than that...
i feel that my memory faculty has taken over...
culminating in a reading
of Zhuangzi...
      what was that band that did a song about
Mr. Brightside?
                 the Killers? no?
                ****... i didn't leave a bookmark...
i usually leave a temp. bookmark with a sample
of toilet paper...
                     no... not because i could wipe my ***
with the pages of the book i'm currently reading...
it's just easier that way...
but this one story was about two concubines...
one was beautiful... and she knew/ thought that
she was beautiful...
   the other was ugly.... and she knew / thought
that she was ugly...
but the ugly one was more endearing...
             the master of the inn replied to the traveller:
i treat the ugly one better... because:
i sometimes forget her ugliness...
                           this is non-verbatim of course...

i could easily incorporate the following Cyrillic
into ****** on the basis of laziness...
   following from                 щ:

     szczur becomes щur...
                             i don't think there's any aesthetic loss...
i rather find it elevated...
but with that it also means i would have
to drop the Czech orthographic aesthetic of the caron
hovering about either S or C...

because there's no щ in Czech...
the Serbians can incorporate a Latin J...
i'll just leave it as my own idiosyncratic attitude...
rigid English is also fluid English:
whatever grammatical uprising happened or is still
happening: my I.Q. was drowning in
the "pronoun debates"... so i sort of lost interest:
but English will not incorporate any post
Roman accents... perhaps that's how the English
prospered: thinking themselves as the rightful
inheritors of the Roman Empire...

makes perfect sense...

like the critique of Communism...  to me?
it converged with the already emergence of Pan-Slavism...
which was a genuine movement...
the unification of all the Slavic people...
Communism didn't work... it didn't...
in the Soviet Union...
              it worked in China where it morphed
into a quasi-capitalism...
it also worked... in the satellite states of the Soviet
Empire...

it worked in... Czechoslovakia...
it worked in Hungary... and it worked in Poland...
it did...
   how?                  mein gott!
everyone's familiar with the Marshall Plan...
so... basically... funding by the F.S.A.
          (united? states? please... nice 20th century
gimmick... nice chant at sporting events)
so there was this Marshall Plan...
        aid was distributed to the war torn countries
after World War II...
           even Sweden! (i thought Sweden was neutral?
yeah... it was, hmm!)
           was given a paycheck to rebuild...
but what else the Soviets "liberated"? sure...
         "we" received a paycheck... a "grant":
via an ideology...

                               i'm starting to think that...
music from the Satellite States of the Soviet Union
was on par with Western music...
i'm happy i kept my bilingualism...
i can go back to a culture that i'm a diaspora member
of...
         unlike all those Asian immigrant children
who's parents tell them to forget their mother tongue
and only acquire a strange urban accent...
thankfully i'm first generation immigrant...
i kept my tongue, because, as Napoleon said:
a person who knows two languages is worth 2 people...

oh please... Soviet music is ****...
i'll give three examples... maybe more...
Maanam - Krakowski Spleen...
Klaus Mittfoch - Śmielej...
Republika - **** Doll...
Omega - Gyöngyhajú Lány...
fair enough... the last song is Hungarian...

but it wasn't all bad...
                        perhaps it was bad in the Soviet Union...
well... you bring together Russians and Mongolic tribes...
the Kazakhs etc.
            but? surprisingly... the genius of Gorbachev...
as my grandfather used to say...
that it happened so peacefully!
can you imagine the breaking apart of
the United Kingdom... or the F.S.A. as peacefully?!

i can't...
    perhaps it was bad in the Soviet Union...
but after the historical facts of the **** Empire building...
there was always going to be a subversion
element to nodding to the Soviet-post-Tsarist
arena...

    i'm not saying that communism will ever be
a success... but... it's not a bad idea in crucial scenarios...
like in Poland from the years 1945 through to 1990...
it worked...
    and then... the reins are let go...
what happens? a diaspora is created...
   those adamant that communism didn't work
stay in the homeland... and rebuild it with a doubled
fervor... while those that thought that communism
worked: ******* to other countries...
i think my mother pushed my father into
looking at immigration: given she was a daughter
of a prominent member of the communist party:
**** me... my grandfather was a meisterschtick
in his profession... he was even asked to be
a peer... in a courtroom...
                     i.e. a member of the jury...

me? i was once a witness...
  a troublesome witness...
so me and m'ah "fwend" and some other witnesses
were walking down a street in the night...
some ****-
                          -stani pulls up in a car...
and grabs m'ah "fwends" phone out of this hand...
i tell the other witness to note down
the number plates of the car...
duly noted: we go to the police station
and report it...
   week or two later i'm skimming through
mug-shots in a police station...

idiocy goes to trial... i'm standing in the dock...
the lawyer of the defesense
shows me another picture of the culprit...
back in the day when there was an imprint
on the photograph: before photographs became
digital...
is this him? he asks...
i look at the face... then at the date...

this is two years prior?
    can you imagine me growing long hair in two years
time? can you imagine me growing a beard
in two years time?
so why are you asking me what someone looked
two years prior to a crime... if not asking me
what i will look like two years from now?

it was a simple ******* question...
i honestly don't know how the case finished...
i guess it was a failure because:
m'ah "fwend" probably felt scared
and couldn't identify the culprit...
whatever the case: "problem"...
i sort of lost respect for him and in a polite way:
when i was in my nadir...
he uttered the words: would you like me to
bring out a violin?
oh... ******... ****** ****** ******...
i wanted to tell him that the reason why
his parents divorced and why he was still
living with his dad
and why his dad ****** off to Thailand
and brought a Thai bride with him
and hy he now had a step-brother
and why his father was still playing Command & Conquer
and breeding Thai chickens...
and why his hygiene was terrible...
why he didn't clean his kitchen...
and the reason why his father divorced his mother
was because she was a terrible cook
    and because the third child they had
had serious mental disabilities... *******...

but... no... i didn't...
              this is how you repay me... after i stand
up to you?
   i remember parting with him after he left me
stunned with that violin quote:
i turned my back towards him...
raised my hands up and then... let them flop:
**** it... tower of Babel...

that was just prior to the "onslaught" of the pandemic...
me? i gained from it...
while everyone else was growing tired,
cold, distant: i was already tired,
cold and distant...
akin to the crab bucket: there was only one
way up...

friends! ha!

two more songs...
            Róże Europy - Jedwab...
Róże Europy - kości czerwone, kości czarne...

what are friends? in the dire straits...
only then... and by then...
you're befriending strangers...
no... no ******* childhood memories of people
you used to play hide & seek with...
or... by western standards: video games...
oh: to hell with that!

my Cerberus came to lie in my bed just
a minute ago...
i think i'll need him to stand watch should
any rat from my neighbour's garden try to nibble on
me while i take to sleep in the garden:
half frozen in nakedness on the hyper-"real" grass
that's fake...
i'll need him to watch over my sleeping body...
but that's the only great aspect of a heatwave...
while everyone else will be rotting in a household...
i'll be falling asleep in the garden...
illuminated by solar-panelled lights...
and i'll be: mostly glad to be alone...

just that silence in my head...
which i try to rekindled with multiple egos
like a Thespian and not a poet...

Communism worked... because it only works for
a while!
               it would work in Syria...
it could work anywhere for a period of 50 years...
up to... 50 years...
then it disappears... gladly...
it's not a permanent Utopian sentiment...
it's a crux: for rebuilding nations...
it worked in Poland...
                        it didn't work in the Soviet Union
because... Communism was anti-Tsarist...
but the French Republic could have...
turned into a Communist experiment:
which it did... post-Communism...

                         blah blah... i'm enjoying the music
more than the writing...
1:34am... i think i'm going to ******* to the garden
to sleep a little bit earlier before sunrise
arrives... i'll take my Cerberus with me...
to watch over my sleeping: dead body to mind
the rats not trying to give me either manicures
or pedicures...
            
    we'll have our fun... stars... moon...
a naked torso... the chill of night...
                       if i lived a place where the cold wasn't
a concern for raising bricks...
i'd be a... waste of time... or rather:
i'd be an untouchable...
i'd grow my beard to my bellybutton
and my hair strapped in dreadlocks
to my ****...

         but i do enjoy Turkish barber-pandering...
it wasn't all that bad!
         it wasn't!

see! i started off thinking about nothing...
now i have a narrative: genious sessions with Hans Zimmer!

but i really could do with certain letters in the Cyrillic
alphabet...

               i feel so bad for Maine **** cats and Huskies
in this weather...
don't ever leave dogs in hot cars in parking lots...

i really could do with some Cyrillic letters...
beginning with щ...

             via the word: truthfulness:

щerość > ščerość > szczerość....

                 i can't introduce the caron S or caron C
with the already available acute S and C...
better turn to Cyrillic...
because i'm / i am lazy... with Cyrillic being
what the English do with the apostrophe...

but i need several more letters...
i don't imply having to derive from the Glagolitic anymore:
i.e. Ⱋ...

                  i need the following:
to replace the SZ, CZ... RZ...
                  esp. these three letterings...
ж to replace rz
                              i know there's an alternative meaning
should ж be replaced with what replaces rz,
i.e. żaba: frog... rzecz: thing...
ergo?                                                  жecz..
ergo...                to replace CZ?
                                         ч...
i.e.                  жeч...

     what am i falling on? terrible ideals and mystical
Judaism... i'm trying to HIDE the TETRAGRAMMATON...

SZ...                          шatan...

hmm... this one curiosity: coupled with another...
it took **** Germany with Soviet Russia
to conquer Poland than it merely took
**** Germany to conquer France...

a human has 32 teeth...
the Polish language has 32 letters...
although... i'm trying to extend the bite...
by borrowing some Cyrillic lettering...
perhaps it's a "bad idea"... but i don't see any problem
with it...

the English language has 26 letters...
although, the same "problem": SH and CH
are also letters: even if they are composed
of two letters... sat and shat...
cat and chappy...
                                                                   no?

there are enough words in the ****** lexicon
that utilise the SZCZ (shch) coupling:

another example: szczegół...
i.e. detail...
i can't be bothered with writing one s after
two zeds before writing a c...
щegół...
                           hell... it looks pretty for any
English speaking crowd...
esp. the monolingual tourist types...

i like it... i think i'm going to stick with it...
frankly: i think i am...
but that's me... will it become popular?
i hardly ******* doubt it...
i'm just trying to hide the Hebrew TETRAGRAMMATON...
the Latin grapeme Æ in the name of the name:
in the first born Siamese of
yAh of Adam and wEh of Eve...
      the rugby goals of the HH...

   and all? because i'm writing in London...
outskirts... perhaps... but i can catch a train from Romford
toward Liverpool St. and arrive within 20 minutes...
or i can cycle...
       and still get there... with a whiff of
Bombay... and Lahore...
hmm... funny me looking at funny you:
WASP...

Richard Harris coming to England... to London...
smashing a glass window
with a poster: blacks... dogs... the Irish not welcome...
i adore authentic drinkers...
they make me believe that i don't
have a problem...
that the problem is outside of me!
because... the propable cause is that:
the problem is outside of me...
i just adapted to it with drinking...

best gain: **** prostitutes like a pirate
without a ship...
spend your night listening to phone-calls
coming in from Arab boys trying to attest
their ****-philia...

in conversation:

what's this with your husband? i'm bounding myself to being boxed as both confused with... yu need to elaborate... i promise to return a cryptic language... but just show me your head... i was going to write this... i think i will... "imaginary scenario"... a jealous man comes across a woman cheating on him... RED FLAG... what does he do? he asks the cheating woman... how about a *******?! what could be worse for the cheating woman... two men fighting over her... or... one man deciding... sure... if she's up for it... let's share! do i need that much crap or do i just allow the woman to play out her full fantasy? we're already reached a ******... we might as well elevate the ******... you cheated on me already...next stage? i share you with someone... there's no need to ****** on the wedding ring... it's what i call the de-escalation of symbolism...but all the FREEDOM! if i was in a relationship with a woman... and found out that she was cheating on me... i'd ask her for a *******... after all... mouth... ******... ****... ****... *******'s not enough: it would require a foursome! eh... you can spare him the nun antics...
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2022
it was truly a most wonderful day... i would have never thought
that Coldplay were such a grand band live...
it's not that i love them: it's that i just don't hate them...
work started at 3pm... we were supposed to sign in at 2pm...
i was 15 minutes early...
a £1.99 coupon from the Metro meant i could eat
a Big Mac and some fries before the shift...
a father and his little daughter sat down next to me
while a man talked to himself about perverts...
while being underdressed...
the heat was unbearable....
                      ****... i had to take 8 newbies to their shift
locations... i was on turnstiles... giving out wristbands...
i talked a minimum of any possible talk...
thanks you this thank you that became mere
nodding and smiling...
i don't think i touched so many female wrists in one
go... i was working for a hard-on of:
i'm not wearing a hat... or a kippah...
i really felt like ending this day in a brothel...
we finished at 8:30 when Coldplay came on...
we had 30 minutes to spare...
in that free 30 minutes they played my two favourite
songs: adventure of a lifetime and... paradise...
but Coldplay wasn't the Red Hot Chilli Peppers...
i don't hate them: but i don't love them...
i forgot to look at the stage when i saw the entire
Wembley stadium illuminated by those glowing
wristbands we were giving out...
i was there for the atmosphere rather than the band...
i smiled and put my head resting on a clenched fist
admiring humanity...
when humanity allows itself to relax...
and enjoy music...
we finished at 9pm... i didn't eat anything from
circa 2pm... so i went into the Wembley Lahore
curry house... ate at lamb tikka wrap...
sure... i'd love to have stayed for the whole concert...
but i also loved the idea of not queuing up
with the crowd...
       plus?! i'd get paid for the shift until 12am... even
though i finished at 9pm... so?
once i sampled the atmosphere i was glad
to ******* from there...
which meant? each... ****** time...
i have some remains of **** in my body
i get these head-jerks like i'm about to fall asleep
but get rudely woke-up...
at Liverpool street i did what ****-break did in
American Pie: people should stop ******* on the toilet
seats... i'm tired of putting toilet paper all around
the toilet seat... just to sit down and squeeze out
the shy remains of a loaf...
                   but i did... the pressure in my head
decreased a little... i drank a cherry apple cider admiring
Liverpool St. station... got on a train
and ****** off to Goodmayes...
got out... bought a 750ml bottle of cider...
walked around in circles with it.... thinking: best dilate myself...
i need to ****... plus... a dry cider?
after a heavy meal? works like an aperitif...
7.5%... that's the percentage for a cider...
it truly cures your digestive system of any blockage...
i then walked into the Tesco and bought 35cl of
whiskey and some Pepsi... did more circles drinking
about 150cl of the gold heart of ms. amber...

started rubbing my groins attempting to
get an *******... well... half-way through...
   not like a pervert: i was aiming to get something off my chest...
did another round of circle around the brothel...
walked in...
ah! there she was... a pretty plum of plump body type...
i needed that sort of body...
i only booked in for half an hour:
with a body like hers?! cherub plump?
what couldn't: what wouldn't have not done with it?

Michaela... that was her name...
i asked her if i could take a shower... i was sickly sweet
with sweat from the shift...
one hour or half an hour? let's see how it goes...
half an hour first... we'll see...
i'm pretty tired:

thank god for being able to take a shower...
wash my genitals etc.
and relax...

each any every man ought to feel this relief
after a day's worth of work...
whatever that work might be...
i was already admiring her physique from
the get go: her clothes were hardly an obstruction:
more, an invitation...
i do hope the people i work with never find
out about my secret life...
some are married and that's good on them...
i would never i could never love a single woman...
i'm like a ******* in that respect:
i need to be shared around...

it would break my heart to only love one...
to be faithful with only one...
i need more...
i'm the guy who "steals" kisses from prostitutes...
how Michaela jumped straight onto my lips:
like a bee toward a blooming flower...
i can't just tell her no... there's no simplified
version of NO... there's not no aversion to YES
either... it just happens...
i felt like a child with her adamant approach:
kiss me before we start playing hide & seek...
i like the plot of reassuring women...

she asked me whether i smoked, i replied yes...
i asked her: do you drink?
we smoked and drank some whiskey sharpshooters
before *******....
PARA-PARA-PARA-DISE...
it was a quickie... some girls like quickies...
i was feeling selfish: and thinking about shellfish...

i adore prostitutes... this one?
after a a kiss and a oral *** and: what position do you like?
*******: in the meantime:
i fell from my knee altar with a cramp...
ah! ah! CRAMP!
30 minutes was enough...
          oh man... she was butter, loaf, and a croissant
on the side... and: a man like me?
does he require a ring on a finger?
we ****** and then chatted...
Romania this that and the other...
no: i'm not here to **** them...
   i'm here t **** them them... i'm not here to love
them...
even they know the pretenses... of
suggested topic...

but how quick she was kissing  me...
i felt like a child...
kiss me: before i start playing this elevated guise
of hide and seek...
all before the *******: she did mention:
although Khadija didn't mention it...
£30 extra for non-****** *******...
£40 extra for vaginal ******* without
protection..
i'm not only here for half an hour...
and let me tell you...
i have a turtle's body that will be given wings...

i just received the splendours of slob
****** free for? for free!
my adoration for women is unbounded
in any framework if constriction...
love your mother like you might a *****...
or the reverse...
we smoked we drank, we talked...
i thanked her for becoming so relaxed...
to hell with marriage pleasure-dome melancholy...
i walked home back at 2am...

a very beautiful world...
                 but this girl... i kissed her lips: she stole mine...
i stole her eyelids...
we tried to make sense of our musical tastes...
plump body of plum....
           all the right shapes in all the right places...

i don't know why i'm on such good terms
with the MADAME and the "****":
maybe i'm just the type to love and to be loved:
why haven't you visited us more,
frequently, Matthew?
oh **** me, i'm on a first name basis?

next time a ******* steals a kiss from
me:
i ought to know the constellation
are awry....
Akshata Lanjekar Jul 2020
You have always been a whiskey person, but you sip on warm Kaluha today,
the caffeine seeping into your dark lips
like age has seeped into the spine of your home
slowly, crack by crack. The walls have eaten
paint for so long and now they're bulimic,
throwing up shards of plaster on a floor
matted with dust. You sit on the huge armchair,
the one your grandfather smuggled in parts out of Lahore, and stare at yourself in the huge mirror on the armoire your grandmother got in her dowry. A broken teapot stares at you, sitting among other cracked China, in the high glass cabinet in the kitchen. Your mother served a million cups of tea in this house while your father sat and recited poetry in the verandah. The pillars of this house know your stories and the old mattress in the guest room still remembers the taste of the salt in your tears.
This house has been home to all your dark and all your light yet there is little left now. It feels as if the house went through a series of heartbreaks and now has given up on love. You identify with it more now, than you ever have.
And you know its time to leave.
Leaving is hard, but staying has become its own cancer, slowly spreading dark in your veins
and the house's.
So you sit with your home, one last time, thinking of the rights words for the perfect Goodbye, yet all you can manage is a grunted sigh.
A single tear makes a plop in the dust below. You put down your glass of Kaluha in the wet of your tear and walk out the door.
It takes everything in you
to not turn back.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2022
i'm feeling good... i'm charging up... i've been charging
up for about four days so far...
jerking off without climaxing...
fixating on the crack: the grand canyon(s) between
the the ******* and ***...
my god... sprinkle some blues on me:
give me some alcohol... i need a straitjacket...
a... straightening-jacket...
i look sort of hunched... wild-eyed in my head:
but obviously playing poker externally...
i'm charged... Duracell bunny on the ready...
i can't wait for tomorrow...
that ****** shift... finishing at 9pm but getting
paid until 11:30pm...
i don't mind... the number of gigs i've seen...
sure... Coldplay have created the best atmosphere...
i hardly looked in the direction
of the stage... i was looking at the crowd
enjoying themselves: by "consultation" with the crowd:
i was enjoying myself...
     the best precursor for an hour in a brothel awaits me:
how many tender wrists did i touch...
fiddling with the wrist-bands last time?
ugh... sausage fingers of mine...
shy girls with wrists the girth of my *****...
ha ha... exaggeration... close enough... some...
me fiddling with tender hands trying to focus on
the binding... of course i touched them "up"...
well... the most tender meat in man is...
on the inner-parts... on the inner-parts of legs:
where thighs are external...
around the wrists... i sometimes elevate *******
to caressing myself around the inner skin
of my arms...
recently: rather: today: i started thinking about...
Albert Fish... it's not like i have a fetish for
American serial killers...
but you have to admit... inserting needles into your
groin prior to execution...
this inability to feel pain?
   exquisite... it had to be...
   or rather: it's not about not feeling it: it's like
that android in Prometheus exacted while
watching Lawrence of Arabia:
it's not that it hurts: it's not minding that it hurts...
i'm going to enjoy tomorrow...
fat chance of my going back to that Lahore curry house...
that Tikka Lamb wrap was utterly ****...
i'm heading for the cheapest... chain-gang-burger at
McDonalds... it's one thing to appreciate
the independent bicycle shop to get your bicycle fixed:
quiet another for any local north London grub:
just give me the Romford chicken shop alternative
just right off the station...

wrist-bands again... i'll be touching up so many maidens
up... perfect for me: i have a fetish for hands...
for hands... wrists just dissolve me...
shy eyes to boot...
i frenzy in a deep freeze while there's only heat
around me!
to hell with being a political creature:
to hell with being a social creature...
what i learned from Marquis de Sade i elevated
to the statures of Ovid: and i became alchemical!
i'm not stopping...

the crudeness of Marquis de Sade mingling
with the nobility of Ovid... what will you get?
you won't get... that crude example of
the womaniser that was Casanova...
perhaps: if i had the money i already have...
but then: life would be boring...
i like living a life not having what i could easily
have... if... i sold a few things in my property:
but... that would be boring... boorish...
i'm sentimental about beetroots...
and potatoes...

                         you probably didn't ask but i'll tell you:
women... of such volume... i... i...
i just can't help myself...
they have bodies that embody you...
they mingle with you...
they're like serpents...
i might have to do some extra push-ups...
i am high: perhaps drinking:
but the mere thought of *** secured is
like a drug...
of all sorts... i hope i don't dream up
anything... i probably won't...
    
i have ***** socks... even though i mopped the house
today... i can't find my loafers...
oh no no: i know where i have my shoelaces...
they're still attacked to my shoes...
what?!

the age of the guitarists is over...
it's down to the drummers and the bassists...
i should have started playing the drums...
i'm usually perched on a windowsill with
an invisible crow pounding out a rhytn:
hey! if Walt Whitman can write a song
of self-celebration!
i'll better him!

it usually takes three degrees of separation...
for me? it only takes two...

bassists: Michael Balzary (Flea)
  "vs." Justin Chancellor...
               Red Hot Chilli Peppers vs. Tool...
likewise the drummers...
Chad Smith "vs." Danny Carey...

        i'm not going to entertain any dialectical
approach: my opinions are fixed...
hmm... Socrates... what you think about
aesthetic-dialectical-fixations?
they have to exist, no? i just stated mine...
you can't approach certain matters
of discussion with a dialectical approach
to undermine your opponent
with a counter argument?
Socrates... you're not going to persuade
me! aesthetics lies outside the realm
of dialectics! the eternal motto:
beauty lies in the eye of the beholder:
you will be unable to change, my, mind!

you can't!
you can't tell me what i like or what i don't
like: what i'm supposed to or not supposed to, like!
which is why the idea of fame:
so many people aspire to: is so... flimsy...
it's flimsy because: the fame that is supposed
to arrive with it: is so selective:
if i were to call on fame: i'd call upon a deity!
all must know: or none at all!

i'm hardly begrudging: i'm just willing
to allow: people to make the willing sacrifices to understand
that... fame is a difficult process of
attainment: me? i'm aiming for fame...
after i die... not when i'm alive: hell no!
but not even Socrates... attired himself
in undermining the arts...
too scared... the ****** marched into war...
but attacking artists was too much for him...

what, dialectic when it comes to art?
people are fickle... "class" A likes art B...
"class" B likes art C...
you can't avoid the tides of the Thames
or the seas like you can't avoid the whims and fickleness
of peoples' preference regarding what
art is to be liked: what art is to be ignored:
what is to be abhorred: and what's to be
discarded!

there's no room for dialectical reasoning
when the sole reasoning is
a collectivised matter of: consensus!
there's no room for a quest for independent thinking
in some areas of life... art... entertainment:
no chance!
   one can at best: make hypothesis after hypothesis
at a distance... but never
able to implement any change...
no change is going to come
from an idea toward a system that behaves
with a kinship to its natural environment...
the entertainment industry changes with
what can be: at best... ascribed to a flock of investors:
or their lack of...

scared baby boomer typos of period-drama zombie folk
too scared to attempt euthanasia...
oh: but i'm here...
i'm gearing up...
i have my wet lips... tomorrow i'm hoping
to **** on a *******'s **** for free...
i'm here... whoever the **** i am...
i'm getting ready...
i'll die: that is certain...
but perhaps i'll have a legion of shadows
to manage...
who knows! after all, god is dead!

but before i go? i need children and animals on my side...
i need to showcase a few examples of
my benevolence on these poor creatures...
i need to be kind to children... i need to be kinder
to animals... the rest? will follow...
i've already done some of the exacted work...
thank you: thank you me, me... thank you: me...

that's how "the" hierarchy works...
first... be kind to animals... regardless of your
dietary requirements... the ones you pet...
what's that infamous Kurt Zouma chant
about kicking cats: left right and centre?
it doesn't matter about the diet...
pets... insects are enough proof...
i personally can't **** a fly... mosquitos?!
**** them! those crucifix fixators!

second? treat children in kind: with your own
stature: perhaps treat them with less of your
own stature...

thirdly? women... esp. the prostitutes...
no shame... no agitation...
i feel no pains over her experiences...

fourthly: my fellow man?
like i might treat my own shadow: i basically avoid it...
or: if i must... i peer into it
like a woman might peer into a mirror
and i find something difficult to carry
for a day's worth of carrying anything to begin with...

this has been a day's worth of carrying:
the weight of the entire day...
with sunrise and sunset...
with all the inhibitions of youth
and the exhibitions of old age...

2am is upon me... there's plenty of time to sleep:
and "wish"... Freud can *******...
i don't dream....
i just see or sleep...
                           dreams are the "vantage" pointers
of people that are reminiscent of people:
they're simply peopled-leftovers....
it was: nice... to learn something a little
via being dehumanised...

great learning...
               while they entertained their ******* Ascot...
while they glorified their clinging
to the crown...
i saw termites undermine the glorification
of hell's emblem of the crucifix...
heaven?! heaven didn't send the Lord of Mosquitos
into these realms!
hell did... 2000 glorious years
of progress via suffering!
and what have we achieved?!
the most glorious of things!

                                               hmm!
i dare to think: or not think!
i think we're living in a period whereby
Moloch will arise...
              western woman's fascination
with infanticide...
                    the Epoch of Moloch just started...
hell and all its fury is making a comeback...
for long ago did we fall into this dominion
of metaphors?!
                          ancient times await us... to try to
remember... perhaps that's why i'm not dreaming
when i'm sleeping...
ancient times await us...
perhaps god is forgiving giving the idiots surrounding
him:
perhaps the vanity i.q. of the likes of us
wasn't such a bad thing...
boys! i think we've been told to ascend!
gather up your marching orders!

we're going up! oh no... believe me...
we won't be singing!
apparently no cellos or violins... in the godly choir:
that's... about to change...
we'll be the orchestra! while the innocently new-born
will remain the choir!
oh... but we're going up...  Moloch took over...
women are making sanctity of baby-sacrifice their
natural right equivalent to giving birth!
no wonder the population of Africa and that
of India is exploding...
   i get it: life's too expensive...

Dante, or Milton?
            either: neither...
                             what's happening right now?
thank god i didn't invest in having children...
i'm so glad: oh so glad...
                 i just need one rotten idea of mine
to pass into a mind of a someone i'm genetically unrelated to!
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2021
sometimes it so happens that... you ride a bicycle to get a... suntan on your legs... the face is covered, the hands and forearms too... little blonde hairs protruding... giggling copper-neck: i have become...

a purely joyous endeavour, it has to be,
there's no otherwise...
cycling... against the eight winds:
gusts from either the south, east...
or gusts from north-east...
perhaps i could brag about knowledge
of classical music...
but something wonderful is brewing
in Europe... a pagan revival in music...
example no. 1? Faun...
tanz mit mir! there are plenty others...
i was almost waiting for this to happen...
to escape the constipation of a Glass...
sorry... i can't listen to the "music" of
falling pianos or shattering glass...
give me the sparrows... give me the sparrows!
by now... a crow croaking:
uncorking a bottle of wine sounds more
pleasant...
i'm alone... there's a maine **** cat sleeping
in my bed... how did i manage
to have a cat that likes me?
doesn't matter... peasant music... like peasant
food: the simpler it is the better it is...
of the people: for the people...
i'd settle for some chants of the templars
while i'm at it...
anything medieval... too...
because i can't remember having fun with
music since...
oh... silverchair's: frogstomp...
or... tool's anaemia...
                                or... king crimson's:
in the court of the crimson king...
or culture's: harder than the rest...
- i never understood any sort of music snobbery...
Phil Collins has had a terrible time...
whenever his solo project
or whether still writing for Genesis...
surprise surprise...
on a cool night when...
it really takes 2 sessions of cycling to complete it...
the 2nd... cruise mentality...
the most perfect song: Genesis' no son of mine...
the bicycle turned into a drum-kit...
i was hammering my legs
on the pedals and grooving
finger tapping...
don't know: perhaps it was just the excuse for
a day spent...
a most perfect song to listen to
while cycling through the labyrinth of
streets of outer London...
peeping into houses
watching them ferment into cucumber pickles
watching t.v.:
i still watch it... i'd much prefer an aquarium
filled with fish... better still...
a fireplace... t.v. Plato's cave it is...
from time to time...
10 years not cycling:
i still can't get over the fact
that a £125 viking road bicycle is a better
machine than a £495 trek marlin mountain bike...
what else?
i seem to have forgotten something
having found myself this very evening...
ah... cycling in the evening...
when the air thins out
because it cools...
you can get up to 30+kmh on some
stretches of the road... whizz whizz...
the trees forever stand: deservedly rooted...
i imagine what it must feel like
to jump into the swimming pool...
i haven't swam in well over a decade:
it's not like i've forgotten it...
i haven't forgotten my centre of gravity
on a bicycle... those 23cm tyres really
pierce the tarmac...
the momentum is unreal...
as is my aggressive cycling...
i like to shame the people driving by being
quicker out onto the roundabout...
not being a **** about it...
but... solipsistic cyclists that get themselves
splattered into liver pate...
drivers that indicate too late or...
too soon... then change their minds...
to hell with owning a car!
why would i need a car?
by car, what's implied?
road-tax... m.o.t.... i can fix my own bicycle up...
plus the thrill of tight: lycra...
the closest i'll come to latex and b.d.s.m. ***
i wouldn't substitute a bicycle for
a motorbike even if i wanted
the added speed...
what?! so freely... no helmet... wind against the
face... eh...
absolutes... minimalism...
i would be most tired trying to pretend
to be a good lover...
i'd be tired of the dates...
put me on a bicycle
and i'm off... rummaging in my mind...
- and as i left Upminster and headed toward...
i'm most thoroughly: through-and-through...
what am i? i must be an: Anglo-Slav...
i'm pretty sure the Anglo-Saxons were
Saxon-Saxons prior to reaching these
isles... where... the Romans found the Welsh
and the Scots and all the other Celts...
well then... then the infusion of French Normans
and the French Normans having roots
in Scandinavia... Danes... etc.
who are you? i ask myself...
perhaps i don't agree with the layer
of culture ruling these lands...
i knew this would happen...
when my grandfather died i knew i would
close a chapter of a book
where i still felt some... organic...
thirst for my native Poland...
the English have a knack at organising
land... the Polacks lack it...
ask a ****** what a village should be...
all the houses at the main road...
never... like the Ingleash... German... huddled together...
scenic...
i once loved the pines of Poland...
forests of birch trees! the scouts
of the kingdom of trees...
i've settled for the oak of England...
kings of the north...
Anglo-Slav... well... i have been living 'ere
since i was 8...
i'm 35 now...
if the natives care so much to pander
to their former colonial subjects...
at least the Sikhs can be met in the middle:
in no-man's land...
and almost everyone else...
but it's their problem...
i just acquired this tongue and i'll use this
tongue over my native tongue:
even though i rather read a philosophy book
in ****** than in English...
i can't read a philosophy book in English...
English pragmatism is too strong
to settle for continental metaphysics as
somehow... entertaining...
i don't know the months of the year
in my mother-tongue...  i rather think of numbers
in: raz... dwa... trzy... cztery...
than one, two, three, four...
this apparently makes me a schizophrenic:
literally: bilingual...
to hell with it... bothersome little: turnips in tunics...
i stopped minding when i learned
that... people don't really need to be
that important...
- how else doesn't it therefore work?
former colonial subjects came to England
and began their quest to own the English
institutions... laws...
lawns...
so much for the debacle of Rotherham...
me?
i came for Bower Wood... i came for
the rolling hills of Essex...
i came for the oak... i came for the jolly
green...
even if London has "fallen" and become
little Lahore...
i'm not native enough to cry over the loss...
i'm looking for an England "elsewhere"...
eh... they didn't leave any wolves roaming:
i'll settle for the foxes!
it took me an almost "forever" to "befriend" one...
but then i cooked the most amazing curry
and he came sniffing...
i fattened him up for a month...
before he was hit by a car or...
worse... poisoned... a fox that became a dog:
no food went to waste...
well... no need to masquerade this freely:
come... freely on a whim go...
i don't need to lie about being a Don Juan...
i don't need to go on dates:
i can just find my way into a brothel
but by then: cycling is more available
ergo? by then *** becomes a chore...
hyped-up: i like to use the muscles associated
with cycling... i'll bench-press my body
to deflate the "*****":
i just don't need the lies of purity...
body-count... who's fooling who?
a dog invokes a need for a leash...
how much i prefer cats? no leash...
and there are periods in the day
when they disappear: best ignored...
if only women were like that...
women are hardly feline creatures...
i like my £120 an hour *******...
if asked to go on a date i'd be gagging for the whole
day... an Edward Hopper hour at the gallery...
a film... then some food...
that wasn't a date... it was a day!
i'm diesel like that... it takes me a lot of day's
worth to build up momentum...
first come first served:
stomach is to be associated
with butterflies?

nice cinema... great memories...
well...
    what's not to like...
best baked with all that's sincere and makes
life worthwhile...
however much others undermine your
neglect of ambition being
satisfied with crumbs...

life is so completely mine at this sitting
of doodle that:
well... a maxim of sorts would quite
simply... spoil it!

— The End —