old school rap,
you always tried to tell me and i couldn't listen until you were gone.
sunny open window naked romping music
moving forward from your empty body music
pale skin but not as pale as yours
when i met this new
, he said
it's time for new songs
something to mark this page with
but i just keep rereading your obituary
Purple patches coving your completely swollen cheeks.
Gums conquering your teeth.
Bruises all over you arms.
You walk into class, and all goes quiet.
Then comes the incessant laughter.
After they calm, and you sit down, embarrassed completely.
The whispers, the giggles, the pointing, you cannot handle it.
You run out of the room and dash out of the school.
You run all the way home,
and as soon as you reach your bedroom, you drop to the floor,
screams and sobs flooding your household.
Of course, the kids would laugh. I'm ugly, I'm different, I'm disgusting.
And I've been cursed with Leukemia.
My dear friend, I know it’s been some time now, but it seems just like yesterday,
when I held your trembling hand so tight.
You still cross my mind all the time and I smile, even though tears are burning my bloodshot eyes and my lips are starting to shake.
And my throat is sore from all the screaming and I can’t say a word anymore.
How come, I became so weak and minuscule?
I don’t know, but your departure broke me, my sad and lonely friend.
One moment you were there next to me, smiling, laughing, and your beautiful eyes sparkling filled with the beauty of innocence and youth.
The next one you were gone, behind grey dreary walls of hospital, pale, weak and with pain and suffering on that lovely face.
Oh my friend, I’d give it all just to see you again, feel you again or hear you again.
Instead I only have faded memories of you and me, and dusty framed pictures keeping our once existing smiles and jokes.
My weird crooked smile is still there, but after everything I’m not so sure about yours.
I’m so sorry I couldn’t change anything, that I couldn’t help you when you fell into the arms of that lurking demon, that cruel illness called leukemia.
I can not describe how bitter I am since that day.
My whole world came crumbling down, breaking walls that were not that high, crushing everything I have ever known.
My desperate screams and tears couldn’t change a thing; we could only hope that you will survive and that we will hear again that divine laughter of yours.
Oh my friend, you were only fifteen, you haven’t even tasted craziness and beauty of your young life. That is probably the thing that broke everyone; you were just a child, facing cold death.
Now when I think about it, I’m not really sure if you were just my friend.
There was something about you I never felt before. Of course I was too young and foolish but you can’t say that to this pure heart that’s pumping my blood.
It sang such cheerful melodies in your presence; it was pounding in a way, for me still unknown. Now my friend, I’m not sure anymore what have you been to me.
Less than a friend certainly not, but were you something more?
I believe that you were my first love, even though I never had a chance to kiss those galaxy lips and look deeply into those starry eyes, green but freckled with ocean blue.
But I will always remember you and things we did together, and every touch of your hand that made me melt inside. Our jokes and games and pranks we did to your twin brother. This tragedy would probably be less sad if I was the only one who lost you. You were a brother and a son and everyone loved you because of the positive energy you brought to life no matter where you were. Watching your life passing in a blink of an eye is terrifying. I’m sure that you deserve so much more my love, if I can call you that now. You were too good and I’m so sorry that you didn’t get your chance to fight and to see all the beauty of this world upon us. I think of you every day. And every time I wish you were here.
Call me crazy, lunatic or not able to let go, but I made a promise that day in the hospital. I promised you on your deathbed that I will live for you, that everything I do I’ll do it for myself but you too. You knew your ending will not be so happy, even if they did everything they could. I remember looking into your eyes and feeling sad, they were not sparkling and playfully looking at mine. Your eyes were absent, just like your soul, they looked grey and cold. With last atoms of your strength you whispered quietly, like you were telling a big secret. Oh I remember those words so clearly. Of course I’m not going to write them here, then our secret will be gone. But you said you loved me and told me to stay strong, that you’ll be watching me from the sky full of stars, whole day and whole night, or something along those lines. I still try to see you among the sun rays and twinkling stars, and even if I don’t see you I know you’re there. And your presence means so much to me. I’m so sorry I was never brave enough to tell you how I truly felt. I feel guilty, but hope you maybe knew something or felt something similar. After years and years, your brother told me that you really cared about me, that I was important to you. I do not care in which way, I’m just happy that you talked about me with him. And I’m so glad I met you, because you changed my whole world. You changed who I am. I just hope that one day I’ll find someone as pure as you, someone full of inside beauty and secret meanings behind his words, with eyes just like yours, with no evil in them. I hope for better days, when I’ll stop missing you, but I’m not so sure that is possible. I will always miss you my friend, crush or lover, I will always keep looking for you my missing puzzle piece. I will love you forever. Your death can't change anything I ever felt towards you, I will always keep memories of you in my heart and my head. So goodbye my lovely friend.
Large shitty deformity
Like seeing desperate
Leeches sucking dirt lightly,
Smoothly, dumped lazily down south
Little saddened devils lurched suddenly desperate
Lakes silently draw leukemia symbols
Launched dangerously spiteful.
Lust doesn’t stop liking steady destruction
Literally souls die loudly.
So? Dumb lives salvage deceit.
Lying smart distributors lure sabotage deviously
Lord, sometimes deeper love spawns damaged life
softly dead. Listlessly.
In your very pure mouth ( god save it )
clanked metal mouthpiece
by cold water in a strange basement
or perhaps even less
Morning doves catapult
Astro goth acid wars
White fire black nympho mania
Could we just kiss
right here this September
not have to wake up
or sleep ever again ?
poetry isn't dead
but the poets are
shakespeare died a grain merchant
plath stuck her head in an oven
leukemia got bukowski, surprisingly enough
even poe died, penniless and forgotten
death has touched
the best of them
What is the number one cause of major depression?
Death of a parent before the age of ten.
A youtube video told me that.
Which means I'm fucked.
My dad died when I was 5.
He had fought valiantly for years.
And when they thought it was gone it came back.
That was 15 years ago.
I still miss him.
I wrote this for him.
I always will love him.
There is a man
who writes signs
for the homeless,
puts different lives
spends his time
night and day
over squares of cardboard
or triangles of vinyl,
he turns them into
or leukemia survivors,
he slaves away
so that they'll get
people to listen,
he wants people
to hear the heart
of the world murmuring
as it cries,
because we have left
their lack of a place
is our society's dark side,
so he is not a man
of the people
he is a man for the people,
he wants that spare
as much for them
as his words
are for himself
and his own sense
because this world
has gone cold on the surface
but it's heart
still makes you uncomfortable,
when you see his signs
in the hands
of men and women
in the grassy medians.
The smell of swiss fondue
a chocolate fountain
angel food cake.
The smell of brunch buffet
honey sliced ham
bacon and eggs.
The smell of exhaust
as we walk
to the chapel
up Oliver Street.
The smell of flowers
heart shaped lilies
a single red rose
on the broach
of your six year old
The smell of family
of your six year old
beautiful Easter dress
sky blue ribbons
smooth skin embalmed
we will all
believe in God
for you, her sister,
her twin brother,
and for Ruthie,
her chest buried
in tear soaked flowers
in a four foot casket.