I am filled with regret
You were strong. You were brave. You were reliable.
I long to go back if God would allow
But who can fight time’s unrelenting tide?
I am filled with longing.
They miss you. I know they I do. I know I do.
The lack of shade. The sun’s smothering embrace.
If only I’d thought, and not run away.
I am filled with remorse.
Will you forgive me?
I am filled with regret.
You were the best dog a family could have.
So barren, for me, was that June
after your death, when I still left plates
of food up high out of your reach.
When we made the decision my head began to riot:
All Dogs Go To Heaven on Disney channel. But the abyss
into which you fell has no baby bunnies under the porch
or couch pillows like mountains or bites of Shepherd’s pie.
I remember you relished in eating peas
off the floor, your wrinkled tongue a prune
pressed against the wood.
But your life was a cocked pistol,
a fraying string on a guitar.
When the snap finally came, I brooded
a bit. But still, I miss your wet kiss.
i am so conflicted right now,
because i know i'm at fault too,
but when you go and say
all of this shit to me,
i can't help but wonder.
what did i do wrong?
i'm sure you could write
a long list of all my faults
and wrongs i've done,
just like i can write one
we were going to be friends,
you visited that one day,
and even though you cried,
my heart was numb and
no tears could come.
i've done my share of giving my
tears throughout my life
and i'm honestly done with it.
it's exhausting, being hurt and sad
all the time. it's hard to keep up
and i've grown tired of the
now you've been given the hand,
how does it feel? you say
you're cynical, bitter, tired,
well darling, i believe it.
going down that road, it must
seem dark. are you going alone?
you're going to need a hand to hold,
i can see the dark circles
under your eyes, the tint of red
at the corners of the whites,
have you been crying lately?
the trees are going to loom over you,
evil fingers outstretching to
squeeze the good out of you.
don't become another me,
like a zombie i hope i haven't bitten
take this moment in stride,
learn from it and i know you'll
be holding hands with a new
mamasloth, taking her out for
ice cream and walking along the river,
looking into her gorgeous eyes,
and breathing a deep sigh knowing
that you have moved on, and you're all
it's never actually all right.
even though he was verbally abusive,
i still miss my first boyfriend.
the way his hair fell into his eyes, above
his glasses, and his big headphones
he'd sometimes place over my ears,
so loud that it'd drown out his voice
and i felt like i swimming in a sea
the way his eyes were a deep blue,
and it reminded me of the ocean i
saw once, and the way he called me
killer, so endearing,
when i was too excited.
calm down, killer
his smile, his voice,
for the longest time i thought
he was my soul mate,
but it was just the wrong moment
i thought once, i could fix it.
before we even begun, sweet pea.
speaking for just a few weeks,
went to wichita to see you,
asked if he'd like to see me too
and instead i got
you make me sick,
i hope i never see you again,
i just wanted to
string you along
like you did
it goes full circle, each time,
throwing hearts away
just to see how much it'll hurt this
i find you in my hems
and in my hair
i can't believe i let you go there.
traded in my soul,
so i could give you more.
our fears were your fuel,
you were you,
i could not be me.
and your convincing lies,
made me believe that i
should never leave.
your shiny new wheels,
and all the Ben Franklin's in the world,
can not replace
you found in me.
i leave you,
in your cracks and corners,
where emptiness hides.
A shared cab toghther we grasp the nights end.
black stockings a well fitting suit hours have died torwards a blissful ending sidewalk's paint the
after thought as faces that ghost's haunt other stories later I'll cast thoose stories towards paper.
Rearview glances traces memeories moved along silkend thigh.
In warmth we cast aside a New york streets cold does this city sleep in time when even I seem worn?
Streets past my thoughts still will not erase a sense of no direction but a ending is always clear.
Above the lights apartment view downward we cast care topassion met in bed left as reackless
desire spinning yarns scattred across the floor.
A blizzrd outside seldom matches the fire within.
Time makes us care and the effect never seems to last.
Goobye we set are eye's to a path we never seem to once again cross.
Iin bouban scented clothes tainted from the nights exploits washed clean in regert.
Maybe another night we will exist as starnger only to return to bed's now treated as tomb.
I cant imagine the direction through the door another shall fill the past's role.
Lovers and fools resemble each other all to often.
But what of the stranger who catches a nights tressure from life's rear view.
A empty bar seats turned apon tables to sweep away dust like thoughts ive burried and broken glass.
Love like a match book is often burned up in passions and choices often given little thought.
A cab ride cross town takes such a diffrent view alone.
Maybe faces passed now can be given light.
through a srcambled haze the pen does embrace page.
Another night was the theme it's ending may never be the same.
To understand the edge is only to have crossed it at some point.
words like punches in some drunken brawl never lose there sting.
I spiral in directions and embrace every vacant streets view chasing all lost cause but
Time has broken the clock set in stone was the nights moment i forever cast in a fools time.
The end till next time
Set aside that woman,
The one I use to be,
the girl with twisted smiles,
and wild eyes and loud laughter.
Replaced her with a stranger,
serving supper like a servant.
In search of that glass slipper,
the one that is suppose to fit.
Losing confidence in what made me, me.
Thinking that this stranger was the better woman to be.