She was a cigarette
And I was the ashtray

She'd let unworthy lips experience
Her cancerous and addictive flavor
Allowing herself to burn down
Into nothing,
Leaving me to collect her ashes
Leaving me to watch
Yet another sad girl
Take her place the next night
And to wonder if the cycle
Could ever end

A common thing in a common place
#self   #sad   #life   #girl   #bar   #worth   #respect   #bartender  
Brandon Burtis
Brandon Burtis
Apr 28, 2015

I've been experiencing life
through 1 oz. of meltage,
and a smile that's fading with the moment.
I pick up my drink in lieu of
making trivial conversation
about the weather, sports, life in Los Angeles --
searching for clues of anything you like,
so that for a mere moment
I can be the one that makes you smile.
Not that cookie-cutter, customer-pleasing smile
that cracks around the ears,
but the type that makes the restaurant roof split open
a bit more every minute your heart beats;
the type that makes you feel
like you're not working,
and that a smile is never necessary
if only for the sake of another.

The Doppelgänger of the bartender walks into a bar.
βέƦẙḽ Dṏṽ the Smartass Rabbi

The Doppelgänger of the bartender walks into a bar.
The bartender turn to him and says,
'What will I have?'

A bar walked into a bartender because he owed fifty-large.
βέƦẙḽ Dṏṽ the Smartass Rabbi

A bar walked into a bartender because he owed fifty-large.

Loan  Shark
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loan_shark
.
A bartender walks into a Bartenders Convention and
βέƦẙḽ Dṏṽ the Smartass Rabbi

A bartender walks into a Bartenders Convention and sees
an Indian, a Rabbi, a bear, a horse, a duck a Minister, a Priest,
a terrorist, a prostitute, a stutterer, a dyslexic ~ in short he sees every character who ever walked into his bar for the past twenty years.
He turns to the Priest and says,
'Wow, take a look at this turnout!
This here's the best bartender's convention I've ever been to.'
The Priest turns to him and says,
'Bartender's convention?
You're dead man and you're in purgatory!
All these fine people have shown up here to torture you
because you beat your wife and watered down your drinks.'
The bartender says,
'Well then, I guess this time the jokes on me.'

Bar Joke
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bar_joke
.
**A bartender walks into a Bartenders Convention and
βέƦẙḽ Dṏṽ the Smartass Rabbi

A bartender walks into a Bartenders Convention and sees
an Indian, a Rabbi, a bear, a horse, a duck a Minister, a Priest,
a terrorist, a prostitute, a stutterer, a dyslexic ~
in short he sees every character who ever walked
into his bar for the past twenty years.
He turns to the Priest and says,
'Wow, take a look at this turnout!
This here's the best bartender's convention I've ever been to.'
The Priest turns to him and says,
'Bartender's convention?
You're dead man and you're in Purgatory!
All these fine people have shown up here to torture you
because you beat your wife and watered down your drinks.'
The bartender says,
'Well then, I guess this time the jokes on me.'

#priest   #indian   #bar   #karma   #horse   #prostitute   #bear   #duck   #trending   #rabbi  
'Bartender, I'd like a free beer.'
βέƦẙḽ Dṏṽ the Smartass Rabbi

A cynic walks into a bar and says,
'Bartender, I'd like a free beer.'
The bartender says,
'If you want a free beer, you gotta make me laugh.'
The cynic agrees to the challenge. He then says,
A cynic walks into a bar and says,
'Bartender, I'd like a free beer.'
The bartender says,
'If you want a free beer, you gotta make me laugh.'

'Just hold it right there,' the bartender says.
'That's not a joke ~ that's real life.'
The cynic says,
'Who's to say real life isn't a joke?'
The bartender laughed
and poured the cynic a free beer.

Bar joke
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bar_joke
.
#life   #free   #bar   #beer   #joke   #beryldov   #bartender   #cynic   #wikipedia   #lifes-a-joke  
Before the bartender can say a word,
βέƦẙḽ Dṏṽ the Smartass Rabbi

Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar.
Before the bartender can say a word,
Schrödinger walks into the bar yelling,
'Anybody see my cat?'
The bartender says,
'Yeah, I did...uh...'
The bartender scratches his head, saying,
I could swear that cat was sitting
on that barstool just a second ago.'

.

If you don't get it, just Google it,
and all will be illuminated.

Schrodinger's cat
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger's_cat
.
The bartender says, "What will you have?"
βέƦẙḽ Dṏṽ the Smartass Rabbi

A non-conformist walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "What will you have?"
The non-conformist says, "I'll have what everyone else is not having."
The bartender takes out a bat from under the counter, and smacks the non-conformist in the face with it.
The non-conformist says, "Why the hell did you do that?"
The bartender says, "Everyone else is having a good time. How's your day?"

For 34 other original bartender jokes please visit:
http://hellopoetry.com/search/poems/?q=bartender+beryldov
.
He's the bartender.
βέƦẙḽ Dṏṽ the Smartass Rabbi

A man walks into a bar and says,
'It's good to be at work.'

He's the bartender.

Bar joke
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bar_joke
.
 
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