I see overreaction
You see red

You see: "you've broken a promise, watched it with
another boy"
I see: "I was lonely and wanted to watch
a movie we'd planned to watch together on my couch"

I see: turn over and slowly drift to sleep
with my love by my side
You see: you're being distant, now I feel alone
and hurt

You see: I smoked without him Thursday night,
that's so disrespectful of me
I see: you enjoying time with friends while I need
a night in alone

I see: you walk out of the galleria after saying
cattily: "I'll take those keys now"
You see: me hurting you, being inconsiderate, invalidating
your feelings

You see: the silent treatment
I see: you slowly inch away from me with each
passerby

I see: myself trying to understand why you feel so
intensely about this, why you believe me (by some default setting)
to be driven by self-interest; general inconsideration
You see: me invalidating you

You see: me as someone who can't see what I contribute
to the struggle
I see: you continue to question my awareness and intent

I see: clarifying questions, then my own defensiveness
because I am being accused of intent I never had
You see: your feelings invalidated and me being
defensive

I see: you assuming the worst
You see: what you want to see

Please don’t beat me up.

While you are entitled to feel however you're gonna feel,
you don't get to beat me up because you've decided that
I came for you with malintent when I didn't.

I come from a place of love.
I'm intentional about my words,
tone and intent.
I am aware.

Give me grace.
Give me the benefit of the doubt.
Understand your past, present.
Understand mine.

If I say something that has upset you,
just because you feel I am being judgmental,
doesn’t mean that I am being judgmental.

Our feelings and reactions do not
necessarily (and often are not)
accurate depictions of reality.

That's how you feel.
Figure out whatever it is that
has you feeling hurt.

It probably has more
to do with you than it does with me.  

When I defend myself from accusations,
it’s because I know my own heart. And
I want to protect it.

When I defend myself from accusations,
I am not invalidating your feelings.

Feel the **** outta your feelings.

Just,

please don’t beat me up.

If you really knew me
You'd know that I am
A student first
A teacher second

If you knew me
You'd know I need
Grace and patience
To stave off the Angst
Monster napping upon
My left lung

If you knew me
You'd know that I want
To give you grace and patience
Because you need it too

If you knew me
You'd cradle
My heart
My intentions
So softly in your
Callous-free palm

If you knew me
You'd know that love
Is my goal and my
Experience vibrates
Softly in step
With my heart beat

If you knew me
You'd know my
Heart raced through
The night and I woke
With diarrhea

If you knew me
You would not ask for my freedom
For my walks in the night on mossy paths
For hammock, new friends, Bukowski, cigarette,
A life that is separate but complimentary to yours,
For the sacred voice that speaks in the silence of the night

I will be more alive to you for these.

See me.
Know me.
Even through
The abuse and neglect
Your heart suffers
From past love

For nothing is more knowing
And loving than saying:

"I don't need you to
Light yourself on fire
To keep me warm."

I file away every beautiful moment,
Each a memory's spark in your eyes.

I've collected memories,
cobalt grave,
lustrous,
doleful,
resplendent,

That haven't even happened yet.
If I lose you, where will I file those sparks?

I still get lost in them.

fantasy of broken glass
steps from fridge
to barrel-chested
water heater

push the green button
clicks to ignite pilot
filling with heat
the cold, vacuous hope chamber

click times twenty
no yield
wait
wait

the projectionist empties
the can and tosses ribbons
to the screen--
that's his job

click times twenty
no yield
wait
wait

but behind the lights
he sees not what
the screen's
face lays bare

click times twenty
no yield
wait
wait

the projectionist hears
only what his own speakers
interpret as consistent
with what he is familiar

click times twenty
still no flame
wait
wait

so walk the glass path?
take a nap
call your State Farm agent
task manager forced reboot

Do you ever wish you could choose your dream
Before you go to bed?

Mine'd find my nose lost, twisted
About jet-black, jawline beard hair
Scent of peppermint and the day's scrub cap

I'd get lost in the softness of underamour
Cotton blend cloth wrapped softly
Over chest fuzz and brown skin mounds
Musky and warm

Tongue rushing past tongue
Taste buds tingling like a newborn kitten's
Sand paper tongue or that zing that
Happens when you lick a battery.

Smiling eyes that look up at me
From chin rested on chest
And hand stroking face as if to say:
"I wouldn't be any other place
Than right here right now, so love me."

Two island flat feet, wide and deliberate,
Kicking like a baby might splash his
Feet in his first bath out of giddiness
And the longing for our ocean church.

Whispers of:
"I'm in love with you and
I'm so excited about it. And us."

A collection of songs that once covertly
Communicated longing and now
Proclaim belonging
Because--for ***** sake!--we waited
A long *** time
And it was worth it.

I guess I should start choosing dreams
Of the dark water abyss
Or flying
Or speaking 7 languages
Or a 6th and 7th sense.

Because I get to live this dream.
Every day.

Flood gate motorcade
Spirit sprite's lemonade

Walnut wig
Lipsticked pig

Throw me down a love grenade.

Five foot five
Brown skin live

******* pucker
Real good ******

Kiss my neck we both will thrive.

Hold my hand to cross the street
Me, your mama meet and great

Supply the sticky
Never picky

Poetry makes my man feel neat.

I want to love you all the time
Nose hair, **** cut, I don't mind

Always love me
Always hug me

Get into this heart of mine.

Spring time makes you itchy, sneezy
Wash feet of the hungry, needy

Lifetime bond
Warm palm frond

You said you don't just want, but need me.

Your love for me is unconstricted
Throw out fear, that wolf’s evicted

Be my champion
Handsome companion

Ensure our spirits stay soaring, lifted

><<>> <<><<

Side-note:

(Who taught you to love like this?
Who taught you to love like this?

You  know it’s because you love yourself
in a way that’s ******* rare, right?

This is why you can afford to give this much?
It scares me, but not in the horror movie way.
It scares me, not in the feeding-the-bad-wolf-way.
It scares me because your love is becoming the platform upon
which I am learning to love myself the way I deserve to. My love for myself is catching up with the love you have for me.

How you look into my eyes is indescribable.
I think you see something in here that I don’t. I’m getting there.

This is how you inspire me.
This is why I need you.

This is a race we will both win. We will both win this one.
Hand in hand, marathon ribbon cut sand.)



I'm afraid to say it
I'm afraid to say this

But I think I have to

I more than want you

Circle the block
Drum core, piccolo, fife.

You might just be the love of my life.

Good morning.
I love you.