Oh what I’d give...
What I’d give to write within
A book whose every page is made
From smooth banana skin

The texture firm but fair,
This I long to feel
Beneath my pen which glides
Over yellow, fleshy peel

Guiding, fixing clumsy script
To exceed its usual style
Putting pen to banana
Puts to my face a smile

Like a child tentatively approaching a lego tower
I'm reaching
Touching
Crashing
Down, you crumble
Plastic tinkling, rain stick
I just wanted to touch you
Not to break you

Previously I purged.
Traces and reminders
Repressed with zeal
Detached from truth.

Now I binge,
Indulgent hypotheses
Fuel fantasies
Detached from truth

Reality,
Elusive middle ground
Between denial and delusion
Decays

I heard that stoicism meant strength
And so
I buried my grief
Under layers of logic
Detached from death
Detached from life

When I seemed ready to experience
Feeling again
I tried to feel
But fell
Tripped by logic
Stopped by stoicism

I wasn't sure if
This would work
I'm still not

.
We were whole, once
Ordered, balanced: one
Disorder grows; time emerges
Time elapses; disorder grows
Entropy
Pulls us apart, away
Farther from the state
The unlikely state
Where we were whole
…

I remain
Uncertain
Until you observe me
Validate me
Make me real
When you look
I exist