She keeps me up at night,
And I lie awake
as Peace drenches into fright,
she takes and takes and takes
and screams at me for my mistakes.

She tells me "No, you can't".
But even when I try to fight
My ear she takes and starts to rant
"You CAN'T, you CAN'T, you CAN'T."

And please don't think too less of me,
'Cause there's been times where I fight back
And I tell her who I want to be,
But it's no use when she attacks.
The color inside me fades to black.

If people tell me "Yes, you can",
I start to think maybe that's true.
I begin to smile but there she stands
behind my back a deathly hue
And snarks and laughs, "who, YOU?".

I know what you think,
why keep this friend?
Whose cold-****** words send me to the brink.
Why wouldn't you want it to end?
I'll tell you I try to break and bend.

But her hands choke me with guilt
Her eyes paint me with sick disdain
She tears down the places I rebuilt
And carves out the happy in my brain.

I put up a fight I can't back down
Because in glass and mirrors all around
what I see when I see her,
is that I am my own saboteur.

Going, going, going here.
Your open heart is showing dear,
our love just keeps on growing near.
Just meet me right or wrong.

I know we'll see the light of day,
we can't have it another way.
All that I am is yours to stay,
you are the man I need.

Although with love can come great fear,
I know I will stay smart & strong.
And though the path may not be clear,
I feel like we belong.

On this bed we both shall lay
and from each other's souls shall feed,
And even in the darkest day,
trust and hope take lead.

I want to write songs about beautiful people and words
--a song for the birds!

I want to travel and dine, drink Italian wine
--I want to feel alive!

I want to hear words so deep that they burn my soul
--maybe then I'll feel whole!

I want to stop dreaming and wishing and yearning
--my passions keep burning!

I want to write poems and dance and have wild romance
--maybe I'll get the chance!

I need it.
I need it.

The dark, deadly feeling of despair
rose upon me through the layers
of my warm winter jacket.
I placed a single foot
upon the cold gravel,
and off the safe sidewalk beneath me.
A new feeling entered the hollows of my being.
I was leaving.
I was going home.

I will myself to hate you,
And to find something that I can use
as ammo against your love.
But I give up.

I can listen to the brave words
that my friends help me use
as my shield.
But I don't believe them.

It's different this time.
It's all there, yet there's nothing.
Just a tiny lighthouse seen through
a deep dark sea.

I will my boat away
towards the islands.
But it's no use.
I am too in love with the light
to not follow its unpromising affliction.

Watch me as I drown.

Observation: People are scared of everything.
I cannot say I am fearless.
But here's the thing.
I believe that we find ourselves in the pain and the ****.
Why are we so scared to feel?
Those happy moments, they're great.
Who doesn't love to be loved and to have smiles and laughs surrounding them affectionately?
But to be so low, to let yourself feel the gut-wrenching, dreadful, anxious, grieving, suffering, numbing pain,
it makes those moments of happiness even greater.
It's no longer a happy moment, it's an exhilarating one.
I swear you'll feel so happy that you wouldn't even care if it was your last moment on earth.
It's no longer a laugh, but a bellow that makes your insides scream of joy.
It's no longer just a baby laughing, it's a beautiful little soul that makes your whole day a little brighter.
It's no longer just a song, it's a beautifully crafted symphony that makes your ears explode.
It's not longer just a day to you, it will be a day in which you do everything possible to take that happiness and spread it to others. And that can be every day.
But to feel this, the truth is that you have to go through the **** first. You have to let yourself be depressed and anxious and moody and angry and sad, because once you've felt it all you'll know that you can get yourself out. And that everything will be okay. And that being lost will get you found again. You can't give up on yourself because I'm telling you this: You can find strength in every pain.

So here's to you life, keep pushing me down and pushing back at me. Because it just makes me want to keep being stronger.

words are my drugs.
how powerful words woven together
like beautiful chords in a song
i feel them down to my very core.

the way they can inspire
or hasten
or beckon or call
they can make you feel, feel anything at all.
they swell up tears in lonely eyes
it seems to be the only thing to satisfy
a lonely mind who needs another voice inside
to tell them it will be okay
or that its just another day.

sometimes all we need is a sentence or quote;
a little handwritten note.
a word alone is just alright
but together they unwind hearts so tight
because these seemingly innocent, yet disastrous things
can somehow understand
and express
all the things that feelings cannot say.

and my god it is a beautiful thing.