Psychotic Poetess
Psychotic Poetess
13 hours ago

Lolita grew up
she got herself a man
and a disability card
Lolita grew up
and she's not yours anymore

Lolita grew up
her life has changed
did you take advantage
not of her age
but of her winter?
Did you want her locked in your cell
was it convenient for you?
Well, the winter's gone
She's not the girl of your dreams
She's the woman of your desires

Lolita grew up
but always in your heart
always in my heart
the girl she was

but you can't take it anymore
the fact she grew up
it was going to happen
as soon as she left winter
and you were summer
but now the summer's burning
and you are not the flame

the beautiful, deadly winter
the place where she lived
the comfy, White walled, mind crowded Winter
where she still lives
but now put a handful of pepper
and a handful of flames!
would you take it better
if summer had a girls' face?

It was nice, keeping me in a jar
It was nice, helping me out
what were you?
a wolf? a friend? a ghost?
true love? My Humbert Humbert?
all of this? and even more?

Did you really know me
(because you do)
did we build something more
on Spanish lessons and kisses by wire
did I lead you on
well, I'm partly guilty
and not guilty at all!
we were friends! not lovers anymore!

Lolita grew up
but always in your heart
always in my heart
the girl she was

What light do you throw to yourself?
You are not guilty of your feelings
but you must abide...
I cannot, either, forget our past
But I must move on...

Lolita never grew up
but she's not yours anymore


Self explanatory.
#man   #girl   #up   #relationship   #woman   #growing   #older   #lolita   #younger   #nymphet  

If I could go back and tell myself what I know now.
I’d probably say, Dear younger me,
you’re gonna have a long journey.
You’re gonna have a few heartaches along the way,
but trust me, you’re gonna be okay.
And whatever you do, don’t be alone
you’re not on your own, quite yet, please don’t forget
what I’ve told you, Dear younger me.

You’ve probably been in so many trials,
and it’s probably been awhile since you’ve smiled.
You’ve took a billions of steps and traveled thousands of miles.
Darling, you’re gonna be okay,
please just smile for me today
while I tell you what you’re gonna go through.

You’re gonna see that true love is so hard to find.
I’m telling you that you can’t always speak your mind,
and you’ve got to work for everything in your life.
Nothing will be handed down to you,
oh and don’t believe everything you hear, it isn’t always true.
Please listen to me, Dear younger me.

You probably already know that you can’t always buy happiness.
Just so you know high school goes by way too fast.
Brace yourself cause life is gonna be tough,
I wished they told me why, why life itself is rough.
Dear younger me,
you’re gonna have a long journey.

If I could go back and tell myself what I know now,
I would, if I could go back somehow… I would.

#go   #poem   #poetry   #poet   #lyrical   #lyrics   #me   #back   #younger   #lyric  
Ana S
Ana S
Dec 30, 2016

The words she paints so gently
Etch my mind
Her voice leaving me stunned
So beautiful and fine
Speaking ever so softly
Sending chills down my spine
She wispers in my ear
Babe are you really mine?
I am yours my love.
Always have been.
Always will be.
Til the end of this universe.
And life as we know it.
I will always be yours.  
Some don't believe in forever.
Some don't think about infinities.
My infinty rests with her.
She is my light.
She is my love.
Whispering gently in my ear.
I love you so my dear.
Is that so? I wisper back.
Well beautiful, guess what?
I love you too.

The words she wispers softly
#love   #good   #romance   #sweet   #emotion   #write   #lesbian   #younger   #audience  
May 26, 2016

Fishing the coins up from my pocket.
One by one.
Counting them carefully. Repeatedly.
I hope I haven’t forgot some.

Just the thought of it makes me nervous.
I’ll face the ground.
What should I do if I have counted wrong?
Just keep looking down.

Standing in line, trapped in a cage.
The next one is me.
Please, don’t do anything stupid.
Count slowly to three.

The beeping from the machine.
It’s too loud.
The voices and smiles are all too much.
I don’t belong in a crowd.

I am up front, the point of no return.
Eye to eye.
Looking down, giving the money.
I am ready to die.

All the attention is now gone, I’m free.
The exit has arrived.
I can’t believe I did it once again.
I can’t believe I survived.

Back when I was younger I was terrified when I had to face the cashier and pay all by myself. It was like everyone kept staring at me and I would always imagine the worst case scenario.
Luckily I don't have that problem anymore. I have even worked as a cashier myself.
#afraid   #social   #anxiety   #step   #child   #shy   #terrified   #younger   #buying   #paying  
Bleached truths
Bleached truths
Jan 31, 2016

Dear whoever you are,

That bed,
that wretched bed.

Those sheets,
those cold and unforgiving,

What possessed you?
What gave you the right?
What made you think it was okay?

What made you think what you'd done was okay?

What gave you the right?
What gave you the power?

Did you feel strong overcoming a child?
Did you feel manly knowing I couldn't defend myself?

I have nightmares about you
I wake up crying...

My friends have to stay on some sort of video chat,
just to make sure I sleep okay.
To make sure I don't wake-up sobbing

I was only a kid.
I don't even remember your face,
all you are is a blur...
But when I think of you

god I feel so filthy,
sometimes I make myself sick.

Sometimes I wake up,

and my body burns,
my skin crawls,
my throat closes up,

I cant breathe.
I cant think when I'm reminded of you.

What was your name?
How old were you?
How old was I?

So much of my life is gone because of you,
my innocence,
my memories,
my happiness,
my self love..

But do you know what you took from me?
You took my trust,
my dignity.

How do you think I feel?
Nobody but my friends believe me.
Scratch that,
nobody but ONE of my friends believe me.

They think I'm making it up,
because I don't know your face,
or your name,
or even my age at the time.

My own family doesn't believe me.
They tell me to come to them if someone "touches" me..
I told them i remembered what you'd done

They said I was making it up!
They said I was lying!

Not only did you take away my "flower"
You stole the one thing nobody has ever been able to restore..

You stole my trust
You stole my happiness...

You stole who I am...

But I wont let myself be a victim forever,
one day...

I will RISE above
I will become more than my history
I will stop fearing you beyond every corner
I will stop being afraid of adult men
I will become more than you

So dear whoever you are
I hope you suffer at the thought of me
Like I do you

Not your Victim

When i was younger; I had something taken from me. Although I don't remember by who or when. I still remember the act.
Alli Michelle
Alli Michelle
Oct 9, 2015

I will never be able to face you in person, after all the pain i'll put you through. I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I hate you, but that'll be the only thing I know how to do. I can't explain how much this pains me to know i'm killing an innocent little girl. Soon you'll be crying yourself to sleep wishing you were in another world. You'll break down your confidence and build up walls, you'll isolate yourself from the world itself. You'll cry and scream and go into panic, when you realize you'll never be someone else. You'll get used and hurt, he'll make you do things. You never say no, but that's all you think. He'll leech onto your soul and suck the life away. Your life will seem pointless, you'll try ending it one day. But it fails. It won't work. Because you think you're less than you really are worth. You'll still be struggling, five months later. But by then you'll know how to scribble words onto paper. I love you even though in your future you'll contradict. I'm sorry to put you through a hell like this.

#suicide   #self   #hate   #depressed   #sorry   #note   #younger  
Jun 22, 2015

and this is how i pick my bones apart.
every layer of skin begins to burn,
there's a bad taste on my tongue from choking back on your name.
i hear the tones drop in my chest, fully involved with my anger inside.

and i wish that roof collapsed.
when does the smoke clear up from the flashover we caused?
there's a tombstone above my bed commending you for killing what was left in me.
no light, no light, and you were trained to move without your vision.

there goes the flag, my final call.
to the monster you were, and he slayed, see you at the big one.

Jun 9, 2015

what i say

i mean with the kindest of hearts

my love

is often mistaken for hate

because sometimes my visions spill out of my mouth when i see the life you’re trying to create

just take 

a look

but don’t look with your eyes

your eyes can’t see when your mind starts to fly

what i say

i say with an authority i shouldn’t have 

inhibition delivering me to my very well deserved state

teenage dream

but the dreams i have are controlled chaos 

nightmares that twist my rib cage towards the so desired truth

what i say

is the result of you trying to bleach me

teach me the truth that was passed down to greet me

wash me of my secret maturity

because its rude to stand up for what i believe in 
if what i believe in

is on the opposite end of a person over five years older than me

what i say 

is more than an everyday opinion 

i have washed that word from my vocabulary 

and protested it to no end
what i say

is not the result of the lack of thinking

it’s the result of admitting that the lack of thinking created this mess that we call

freedom of speech

and i know a little more of what it’s like

to become an object of a proven point

when your point has been proven by others

and you have to sharpen the edges for it to be seen as the same words

and i don’t know every scripture 
but i know that God is love

so why are those three words seen differently on Sunday morning out of a preachers mouth?

and i’m no republican (sorry daddy) but i know my God given rights
my country given rights
and my self given rights

but i no longer see that integrity in the cops we throw outside

and i dare say 
i am afraid of the american flag

because the fabric is being held against our mouths 
silencing us by giving us freedom

but if i brought these things up to you 

you wouldn’t understand

because you take part in the war

and don’t feel the land and it’s plans

70% of the people i know could tell me i’m wise

but when the time comes to talk i gotta sit on the sidelines
and watch people potentially ruin their lives 

because i’m 13

all i have to worry about are friendships 

and lies

and homework 

and guys

and i’m not downplaying these things

i’m just saying

a lot of adults have signed me up for wars

and told me i’m not ready for the training

but hey

what do i know

i’m only 13

but just because a cut is small

doesn’t mean it won’t bleed

and experience means nothing without integrity 

which is better than anything you could ever teach

so when i speak

someone is bound to listen to me

and to that one random person 

who i’ll probably never meet

thank you
for being a part of the solution

despite the fact 
that we’re only 13

and in case you were wondering about the other 30

in the percentage above

it’s my family

#thoughts   #me   #maturity   #13   #younger   #wiser  
Hanna Kelley
Hanna Kelley
May 19, 2015

I grew up too fast.

When I was younger, I was taught that school is important. Im going to graduate, go to college, get a job, have a family and then my life will be complete.
I used to get so excited thinking about all of it... now It scares me.

I miss being little
I miss having a dog that was bigger than me
I miss watching cartoons on Saturday morning's instead of studying for an exam that is most of my grade.
I miss my only worries being if I got coal or candy in my stocking that year.
I miss adding a new mark on the door frame, each mark a little taller than the last.
I miss the easy homework in elementary school that seemed difficult at the time.

I remember wanting nothing more than to be one of the big kids, but now I just want to reverse the years.
When your younger the only chore you have is picking up your toys and cleaning up your messes.
When you get older you have to sweep, mop, dust, the list goes on.
When you're younger you don't have to worry about relationships because "they have cooties".
When you get older you get this idea that if you don't date anybody then you're not cool, and if you date too many people you're a who're.
But we all grow up
We all have to take responsibility, and those who don't,
fail in life

My parents warned me,
They warned me about the people I would run into, the obstacles I would have to face, the peer pressure, the school work, the discipline I would have to learn in order to become successful in life.
I always thought I had more time to prepare myself.

when you grow up, one of the many obstacles you face, is the people around you; the bullies, the teachers.
when you grow up, you are exposed to peer pressure and are given no choice but to follow the leader.
Peer pressure is a horrible thing; it can get you to smoke, to drink, to join gangs, to ruin your life.
the lucky ones are the people that are strong enough to say “No”.
when you grow up, you have this feeling of depression, of loneliness, of feeling you are not good enough; and it's horrible because we all feel it at some time, no matter how hard you try to prevent it.

when your younger the years go by slower, making it feel like time will last forever.
Then the years pass by, they start moving faster and faster,
Especially when your having fun.
Growing up isn't always horrible, there are people I'm glad that I met, memories that will always make me smile, hard times that have made me a better person, and lives that I've changed.
Im thankful
I just wish the innocence, the simplicity could have lasted a little longer.

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