First Love:
You were never cruel,
the "too good to be true."
You always remind me of youth,
as pure as young love.
I never thought that I would be writing again,
as I think of those days.
How I used to love writing about you.
Your smile,
your love for music,
and your soul.
They were my favorite subjects.
I'm writing again.
Being reminded of how pure I used to write.
But the truth is, I never told anyone.
The reason why I used to love writing.
It was because of that person.

Second love:
The love who also teaches most with my firsts.
How I learned about poetry.
She loves them more than I do.
She's my soulmate.
I love writing, and I bring her with me.
She was there in almost every behind-the-scenes of how I love things.
I was also never a fan of reading,
but I also learned to love it.
I got to learn to think deeply.
Again, she was there.
I carry her with me every time.
I also got to taste the harsh world as she first had it.
Now, we are also sharing the same sentiments about the world.
How could we hate the world and everyone who made us who we are today.
I got to know most of my firsts from her.
It's like she'll have them first, so I can have her as the person who will understand me.
But now that time is something that we can no longer control,
I've got to learn things by myself too.
Thank you, even when I only learned to love you second.
You will always be my soulmate.
Still and will always have you as part of me.

Clear rills caressing the waves,
Brisk breeze twirling on the surface,
With every drizzle I drive content,
And so I am divergent.

Unlike that former sea,
won't burn your blood up,
Tranquil your mind to a faraway terrain,
Shattering the delusions fading your soul into nothingness,
With me this would be your first,
Every moment would be contrasting,
Will reciprocate your reliance with culpability,
Won't defy decisions,
But admire your confidence,
Won't tear up your liveliness with my ambitions,
My aspiration would be the same,
Watching you soaring high like dazzling wave.

You need to acknowledge this,
I am divergent.

Not so different
yet so strange,
Not so old,
yet something new
this is not first time I'm getting those Butterflies,
this is not first time i look through the car window and smile while listening to my favourite music.
this feeling is familiar.
I've seen clouds converting into rain before
too.
I lie awake under sky ignoring the beautiful star constellations, lost in a name.
I've done all this before too, but I've never seen someone doing exactly as me.

this is not first time I'm in love but this time i am being loved too.

There's only so much damage a person can take and after all the damage and abuse mine has been through, I swore falling in love, again, just wasn't in the cards for me. I went through so much at the young age of 14 and I didn't know how to deal with my emotions. I was only 14, you know? How do you come to the acceptance that the only boy you've ever loved used the fact you loved him unconditionally as a tool against you to break your heart? It was too much for me. So for 3 years I stayed away from the idea of "love" all together. I promised and swore to myself that after all the trauma I went through that no one could love me, not even my family, and that "never again will I let someone in." And for 3 years, I kept that promise. We broke up May 2014 and I never wanted to fall in love after that May... But then May 2016 came...

At the end of my junior year I met this guy, and from the moment I met him everything just about him drew me in. He was so handsome and he was so unbelievably sweet to me. He made me feel appreciated and made my heart feel alive. When I kissed him the first time I fell in love and when he put his hands on me it was to hold me not to hurt me. But I was still scared, because I didn't want to get hurt again.

Because for 3 years I stayed away from love but I didn't stay away from boys. I talked to boys, hung out with boys, but when I found myself catching feelings I ran away. I just couldn't do it...

I never intended to fall in love again, it just kinda happened. He's a dream come true and he is such a blessing in my life. I love him, I really do. And I never want to lose him... I can't...

The say your bad
Or perhaps your mad
Or at least you
Should stay undercover
Your mind must be bare!
If you would dare
To think you can love
More than one lover