Afraid?
Of what?
Of what's inside of me.

How evil
Dangerous
Destructive
Could it be?

I am my own careful detective
Investigating parts of me
That I myself have hid
For years quite stubbornly

Will I be able to rejoin
All parts of me together?
Will I be able to enjoy
The wholeness then forever?

It's not as easy to put into words
It feels as if I had maybe two hearts
There's one that tries to be so nice
But underneath it lies...
Another one, the dark and rough,
That one was made by times so tough
That really it just cannot smile
It has its own dark heavy style

I'm digging deep to see
My fear is growing though
That's how I managed to ignore
My darkness for so long

But finally, for feelings' sake,
I gotta stop before it's late
I need to see and to admit
Who am I underneath the dry smile
That I have been practicing for a long while


Scared of losing myself?
Maybe.
But I gotta risk it,
Don't I?

After all I just know
That my darkest side
Does deserve the attention
Of my soul and mind

It's a part of me
I'll express it in arts
Before my dry smile
Dries out both my hearts.

The Sky Was Turning Blue
by Michael R. Burch

Yesterday I saw you
as the snow flurries died,
spent winds becalmed.
When I saw your solemn face
alone in the crowd,
I felt my heart, so long embalmed,
begin to beat aloud.

Was it another winter,
another day like this?
Was it so long ago?
Where you the rose-cheeked girl
who slapped my face, then stole a kiss?
Was the sky this gray with snow,
my heart so all a-whirl?

How is it in one moment
it was twenty years ago,
lost worlds remade anew?
When your eyes met mine, I knew
you felt it too, as though
we heard the robin's song
and the sky was turning blue.

Keywords/Tags: love, reunion, reconnecting, rekindling, desire,  renewal, attraction, kiss, winter, embalmed, spring, hope, resurrection, happiness, joy

i missed you so much
but i dont want to have to keep saying goodbye
it’s just too hard.

you hugged me like you did when we were together
long and tight
you hugged me like you did when you loved me.

and it just made it that much harder to remember that you don’t love me anymore.

Focus on my breathing
In and out
I can hear the air flow
I can see the sky so high
Like a very accommodating blanket
Dark yet not scary.  Without stars.
Hand on my heart
I am reconnecting with myself
When was the last time
I visit myself? Asking ‘how are you?’
For so long I have been taken myself for granted
To live for their acceptance
Siblings, colleagues, friends and bosses
When was the last time I treat myself kind?
Just like a best friend, telling her ‘You are doing fine’
When suppressed tears drop
It’s a caring comfort!
Me with myself.
Seize the moment.

I miss you
Like, a lot
But I felt like at times I was in the way
Of you doing better things
Bigger things
I didn't want to mess up
Something that was so good
A friendship that was only good
Because I mess things up
Like, a lot
So I gave you some space
For you to do what you wanted
How you wanted
But now I'm wondering if I messed up
Like, a lot
Because I miss you

I was so broken
the cracks in my heart went so deep
deeper than the ocean
all I did was sleep

I wanted to sleep my pain away
sometimes I still want to
but I don't
because im trying to better my life,
keep my **** organised,
stay away from my knifes

but last weekend I was alone
not lonely, but alone
I was connecting to my body again
nobody was there to judge the things that I did
I was laying in the grass
looking at the trees
meditating, streching, praying, painting
all the things I like to do but I'm scared to
scared that people judge me doing them

but in that moment
after the weekend reconnecting with myself
I finally felt happy
my cracks were filling up with joy
I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop smiling

that moment
that short moment
I will never forget
I finally felt hope again

I don’t know how to just be your friend
Trust me, that’s literally all that I want to be
Because I can’t be stuck in this back and fourth continuous stream forever

When we reconnected, I felt something inside of me that I hadn’t felt since the day we met
And that’s sappy and stupid, but I don’t care
How dare I let myself get close to you again
And we’re not even close
We’re nowhere as close as we used to be, but in a way we’re closer
How dare you renter my life and think that it’s fair to just pick up where we left off, but actually not
Because you know the impact you have on me

Did you know that the last time I cried up until recently was February of 2016?
But then recently, when I got scared of what was going to become of this newfound friendship,
I cried again — every night for a few nights
And when I think of you leaving again like you left the first time it honestly breaks my heart

Did you know that I wrote a letter to you a few weeks ago when we hung out for the first time
Because it didn’t feel like the first time, it just felt like a continuation of all the other times
Except this time was better
I wrote a letter that I had planned to give to you after a while of reconnecting
But now I just really don’t know

You said me “I think it would work better if we had dated now, rather than two years ago”
How the hell do you think you can just say something like that and it be okay
How do you think that you can have late night conversations with me
And send pictures back and forth
And, oh god, the worst, SHARE MUSIC WITH ME
And keep up this so called “friendship”

But no, not as a regular thing
God forbid we have more than a 5 minute conversation in one day
And just to be clear, no, I don’t think that it’s “unreasonable” to be developing feelings

I wish you would just give it a chance again
I know you recently felt something, even if it was just a little, because you told me
And because I saw the real you for a split second
And yes, that messed with my head even more, in case you were wondering

Do you believe in soul-mates?
Because I do with my whole entire being
And the reason I can write this without it being weird
And the reason I’m putting up with the 5 minutes a day, is because there is something here and it has not gone away and it will not go away
And I’m literally sacrificing any feelings that could be developing for anyone else during this time
Because I am not giving up, and honestly, I never did give up
I was upset and I acted out, but that was only to hide that I still cared
And I really think, well, hope, that deep down you might still care as well