I always forget to remember lessons from the last failure, therefore I'm forever havin' to start all over, my own personal torcher chamber
It creates this culture of fear that I can't get over, the chip on my shoulder staked on the bolder that's already there
A taunting whisper on loop saying it'll never get better, cursed with bad days, one after another
Try to fudge the numbers, facts don't lie but memories blur, every passing day recollection gets harder
I had this thought in the shower, your heart beat is just a countdown to your last breath and death is just a new beginning to forever
Should I still follow my dreams if it's a recurring nightmare? Only the loser says the other didn't fight fare
Only the winner gets their name in the paper unless it's a smear campaign so staying out of the conversation is safer
Where's the line between assassination and ******? And what's the difference between an unwanted guest and intruder?
Does a lamb know about the slaughter? Does the hand know it can take a life without being given an order?
Which is shorter I wonder, the path to greatness or to a personality disorder, my dark passengers a backseat driver
So it's all in how you frame the picture, have a nice day sounds less threatening than enjoy your next 24
Who decides what will occur? How much more can I endure? Roll the dice and hope they don't shatter
Matter of fact I pray for just enough to make it to the next day not knowing there's no listener
God ain't there and if he is he doesn't care or doesn't know the answer either
Either that or he to has given up on this fallen soldier all together, abandoned by my supposed creator
I don't make an hourly wage, I sell chunks of my life for pennies on the dollar
Some one, somewhere is listening to the last song they'll ever hear
Could be me, right now, right here, no way to tell till after then it's to late to alter
Masking anxiety with witty banter, no alter ego just another dark passenger, this time he's riding shotgun like one in the chamber
One personality is hard enough to keep front and center, take one down but there's always another, I am just fodder
The split is wether to move forward or quit all together, don't know which is better
Tried divide and conquer, another failure, tried to find a new harbour but couldn't pull the anchor

Got control of my anger just to immediately lose the battle, instantly falling outta the saddle
I thought I wasn't supposed to get more than I could handle, I guess that's just another cryptic riddle
Starting to feel old testament biblical, the punishment for mistakes are astronomical no matter how miniscule
Almost feels personal, maybe I'm part of some sadistic ritual, forced to be a part of it, no consent, held against my will
Little did I know I could walk away and be okay still, no one told me the rules making every move futile
Trying a different approach, going vocal, begging for mercy in vain but hopeful
An ineffectual campaign, the struggle was always inevitable, my thoughts not believable
Not even a credible witness to my own life, how is this even possible?
Well, cranial damage is plausible due to hitting every obstacle head on, brain almost falling out of my skull
Life is the train light at the end of the tunnel while I'm mid tunnel on a stationary bicycle
Rock bottom was the pinnacle of my life, cynical doesn't even begin to describe what drives my mental
Keep it all in to avoid the hospital, trapped lightning in a bottle but couldn't get a grip on its broke handle
Already sold my soul, not to the devil but to the people and the return on my investment was far from equal
The colossal difference was they got the best of me and I was left an empty shell
Tried to fill it but it now looks like a landfill, a trash receptacle, the overflow of garbage unavoidable
Completely full of hurt and pain, I pray there's no sequel but I just saw the preview commercial so I guess it's ******* official
But even before dress rehearsal I took myself out of the circle knowing it wouldn't be merciful, devouring me whole
Besides, the demon inside stole the show and convinced me I was evil and deserve to not go any further than my current window
I accepted it cause it's all I know, brittle and fragile, will I made it to another day? Doubtful, the outcome predictable
If written out the how come would be longer than the bible so just take my word for it so you're not liable
Life itself is my rival, and now spiteful has replaced delightful and forced the downward spiral
The life or death questions I scream at the sky come nightfall are being treated as rhetorical
And there's no capable Oracle these days so I'm on my own to wrestle this powerful, never ending dose of trouble
Stepped out of my comfortable bubble once before and it was brutal
Promised myself never again but it's not that simple, every attempt pitiful

Wish me luck

©2022

G 💥 💥 D Monday mourn hey 👋
U knw who U R... 🤗💫😘
Even at night, tomorrow's poetry shines upon me.

however we aren't that far apart.....
I always missing you a lot !
As a matter of light , as I flashback , Aura of yours were so intact,

u were just a poem with a blind 🦯 rhyme
bringing out the mimic mime out of the inner me
a six to one 🕐 counts obviously is a countdown synergy
ages of sixty one taunts edges from downtown👇 energy

last year I am your forty-five years old sweet lover
until this very moment of our lifetime together
still you and you and only you treated me like a star ⭐✨
not in the night 🌉 and in day time neither

for you might really get of what you wish for !
when my eyes feels your gorgeous looks
as I close it during the longings of my 💘 loving heart ! 💖
**** I'm a little big Aladin scrubbing 🪄🪄 magical lamp 🛋️🪔

It may took a couple town drive away distances everytime I hook for a book just to reached the precious lap between us,

no matter where I make a sight focus of those sparkling scatter bouncing back from my visor...
I'm not bother by a destructible hearsay about that little detour.

Because there's no new into a head-turning sound of a hard-fall hitting bang made by the shattered glass...

Faster than the four o'clock
I'd rather be came like that...
Colder than unloaded glock
I never be able to put a dot !

maybe or Someday Soon
you'll fly me to the moon
Afterwards, we will Cherish our Silhouette
Ain't before paint barnish hour with a seal of wet

not 🚫 that bad
spot and 🛑 stop
I'mma 🦜 talk ****
s o  W h a t

(" solEmn
     oaSis
            wants
             her
                           affection
                                            termlessly ")

Only God can help you now and and I don't see him here, do you?
I asked you a question motha plucker!! DO! YOU! SEE HIM?! He's certainly nowhere in my view
What's he gonna do, bust in her on some kind of divine rescue?
Kick the door off the hinges and run through, swoop you up and save you?
As a grown asss man how does that idea not perplex you?
If he exists he's forgotten all about you, he's forsaken all but a few
And the slough of sins you've happened to accrue became an issue
He's turned a deaf ear to every sincere word you've ever cried into that pew
Oh but you've never been alone, the devils there for us all
To answer the desperate call for help when our life's in a free fall
When we pledge to give anything for that one thing we believe to be a cure-all
Turn to an inadamint object for a sec for a possible answer to it all
"Oh magic eight ball...is there even any hope for me at all?"
"Not a chance" reads on the small dice, that's when you offer up your small life
Hand over your soul and heart packaged nice in a Ziploc bag full of ice
And at that percice moment he hands over your dreams but at a price
As eventually the good days splice off giving way, showing your sacrifice
A new nightmare trasnforms from your paradise, what once was used to entice
Turns to a vice that's twice as powerful when used as an evil device
And of course, by then, it's far to late to stop this from happenin'
The Lord's furry captured by a heathen stolen through the Golden gate, taken from heaven
Good heavens, where's Chris Evens? We need the captain
But a heros shield held by a broken zero is a domed zeppelin
Soooooo...I win, dark beats light again
I've racked up so many that we should change that old time sayin'
The one about how light always trumps dark cause I leave no question
Leave no doubt in anybody's mind that good doesn't always come out the champion
If you've ever watched any wrestlin' you've seen that the heel or the villian
Gets his hand raised often, over and over again and god willin'
I'll can keep continuin' this stylin', profilin', limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss-stealin', wheelin' n' dealin' with a little added blood spillin' till my will 'n passion come unfastened or to an abrupt end
That's your only hope so I hope it doesn't ever happen

©2023

Under the shelter of a desolate sky
The few stars I see
Take the light from my eyes

I followed the order handed over to the T, I swear, I checked every square inch of the interior in that musty, empty chamber as well as the outer perimeter
And, just to make sure to cover all of our bases, a land surveyor calculator was used so no one would have to return to confirm the number later
He soulda, woulda, coulda but didn't prepare for the worst,  should have taken ques from one of them openly mocked doomsday prepers
Just in the event there was no search and rescue coming together to push the radius wider
I'll say this, there's nothing you could compare to what was in there other than a twisted flair of a taboo desire for a living nightmare
Keeping it honest here, there was no proper way too decipher if pain or anger fed the monster in turn fueling the inner and outer warfare
After all this time the why is still unclear like an over exposed Bigfoot picture under the blur of an out of focus layer with the top half blacked out by a fat finger
It's mostly ever operator error, there's no proof of any attempt to even remove the lense cover
Resulting in snap shots that fully render the emptiness of a gut wrenching, heart breaking type of forever
Walking through the bare walled entry erected the neck hair, instantly on anticipatory high alert, predicting a jump scare
I'd never go back there but if you dare, prepare to soil your underwear, best to bring an extra pair
It's far eirrer in there than I imagined it'd be with the unbalanced nature of finding tragedy has bled into the comedy so frustration and the for mentioned anger seemed not only justified but fair
One might expect a shrill chill to fill the air befitting the general atmosphere likened to the hollow echo of an abandoned aviator hanger
There was an uneasy stillness in the helplessness seemingly coming from nowhere and everywhere
The nonconsentual caress of chaos looked to have been ramped up a gear, allowed to feast on the bounty of self loathing and fear
I don't know if you could consider one over the other being better while not sure who's the bigger threat, the dark passenger or driver?
Neither should have been allowed to steer especially after the request to hold so and so's beer
Looks like nothing penetrated the barrier inside each ear that, according to the guest sign in on the counter here, had been garded by a couple demon friends made during his very first winter
Just prior to the proverbial greener pasture being engulfed by an arsons fire lit by the land owner
And oh how it wreaked of dispair, heavily punctuated by the stench of failure
It lingered like a stocker predator peering over top the chip and bolder on what's been dubbed an unworthy shoulder
Progressively more violent as the one under investigation grew older, evidence shows a temper that consistently boiled over
The life destroyers lurkin' behind every door down a never ending corridor, waiting in the cover of darkness found around every corner
You don't know from where but can hear screams of terror as you pass a single motivational poster that reads, "being dead inside will allow for the skipping over of the coroner all together"
Buyer beware, this particular first stair is a header, the warnings couldn't have been clearer
A lack of empathy stains character but if lead by example it's plain to see why someone might refuse to care
Or would even know how to for that matter, solely focused only on the neighbor who's grass is forever advertised as greener
Didn't do the work on the personal endeavor so it didn't get any better, attitude towards it all seemed very cavalier
An obvious what not to do trend setter, a self proclaimed and locally agreed on idiot of the year
Missed all this YOLO banter, acting like a pop of the trunk would reveal a spare
Who's life is it really if you're not even a content creator in it much less the engineer
Come to think of it I don't recall that even bein' offered up to this poor sap as a qualifying career
It should be but that's neither here nor there, what's done is done and every other cliche you can pull out of the air
To put it simply, he wasn't known as a fighter so he threw in the towel and tossed innocence out with the bath water
The belief that life was beyond repair was a thought he struggled to alter, positivity was something he never learned how to gather, had a horrible teacher
It didn't help hearing a proper confirmation message from both a soothsayer and palm reader with no reassurance from his supposed maker
Proof that it's always safer to separate judge, jury and executioner, it's a no brainier
But he wore all three hats plus at his core was a sinner, it could've been his last meal every time he sat down for dinner
So he no doubt knew there was no scenario where a man like himself was gonna come out the winner
And now that I've seen the bizzar aftermath from every angle I can say with far more confidence than when I began to explore that I don't know how he managed to even get this far
The violence was real, the battles weren't staged, it raged on behind the fleshy mask he wore to keep us from witnessing the horror
But every day his anchor to a brighter reality got weaker, thoughts and surroundings becoming darker faster than he could remember from the days before
One can only be expected to hold on for so long when you're the nail trying to resist the hammer
He was neither hero nor imposter, just the next mother fuucker to fall victim to his own future

Maniacal laughter deployed to be louder than the roar of any monster

Most notably the inner

It gets harder and harder to adjust from looser to winner when just a beginner

Sold a bad bill of goods, nothing gets easier when older

I reside in my own temple but can't shake this feeling of being a squatter

Labeled by life as nothing more than NPC fodder

Never been...never seen a main character

In essence, I'm just practice for a dark passenger that always comes out of nowhere

Far scarier than the for mentioned inner monster but they conspire together

I am not now nor have I ever been a shot caller, never given a reason for no offer

Rather, I've been assigned a standard issue shock collar

Always trying to silence the hollar

Why bother?

Stay inline or find the hypocrisy of anarchy and counterculture

Tried bein' louder than ever before, pullin' from somewhere deep in my core

There's no one with a willing ear prepared to listen so no answer

Preforming to an empty chair reserved for anyone who might actually care

It's been empty for as far back as I've been allowed to remember

So I just stand there, wondering what's the matter, what is matter, do I matter?

A pitiful stature of a habitual quitter being quit on over and over

Want to know where I learned it? Just look over my shoulder

This is a learned behavior taught by an unqualified teacher, both mother and father

Scream into the ether, I'm a dreamer but this nightmare ain't from a fever

There's no relief either

Not even first chair in the orchestra playing behind the dumpster fire of my own one man disaster picture

A head scratcher to any outsider, just another blunder to anyone who's ever been there

Next time'll turn out to be better

I swear

I'm a lier

We prefer the lie, at first it's far easier

A few too many attempts to hide the pressure, broke the regulator and boiled over

My present back lit by that there **** dumpster fire I explained earlier

My past rages unchecked through my future

A failure by every measure

No answer to why bother

...real quick...

This is off topic
But please don't let me become my father

...anyway...

Cover mistakes faster with lead paint over plaster

Pay no mind to the cancer that comes after

Dangle from a rafter like a fleshy chandelier

You don't have to guess what happened here

The dossier of the crime scene is crystal clear

You couldn't not get the picture

Even if the veil is never lifted, ignorance a problematic but gifted blinder

Gotta know I would never go and drag myself across the floor before arising once more just to lay on an altar

This has been nothing more than my dark passenger being front and center

How could I know letting it steer would lead to a full takeover of more than the arm and shoulder?

Will this ever be over?

Excuse me, is there someone there?

Has there ever been anyone other than me here for that matter?

Hello??

©2023

Who of you can hear laughter in both ears, a devilish whisper from each shoulder
I dare say this two vs one nightmare is a little unfair, turn to tag out and there's no one there
My corner's bare, how'd I even get here? On my knees, can't breathe, please, someone return the air
Dark comes from everywhere leaving one light in the far distance, dead center and it draws near
Looked death square in the face and said, "you're no longer welcome here"
He didn't hear, probably did just didn't care to answer
No atheists in foxholes huh, who knows the correct prayer?
Do we even have a prayer?
Why bother with a prayer
It's only wasted air, there's no one there
...is there??

©2023

When did I become
the monster under your bed?
When did I grow teeth?