I am restless of what is left. An empty shell that was once so full. Being drained over time, with its contents close to empty. It seems as though punishment over shadows, for something that was never caused.
But why, for any reason, am i being treated thus. There are no explanations to such actions, or there lack off.
Frailty in promises, which seem to multiply over time. Yet, i linger, not wanting to give up. Its it foolishness or bravery? What governs me so to my actions? What is to become of me?
Eyes closed as I lay,
I wish you were here to stay
yet fear envelopes my aching chest
and I worry that I'll never
rest beside you.
So I lie awake and count the breaths I take,
each one feeling wasted as
the only piece of you that lingers
For a moment, everything lingered. Words
lay suspended in the evening air between
us and we sat together. The silence
cradled us and we had nothing except
enjoyment - the enjoyment of experiencing
one another - yet my eyes fell to the
floor as I realised that this was a mere
dream, being half the world away from you.
Whilst re-watching a home movie from 1995 recently
filmed at my former family home during a birthday celebration
my eyes didn't stay dry for long
I stopped counting at 10 for those departed from this life
looking into their eyes on the film
knowing now what we didn't then
what triumph mixed with disaster
would unfold in their lives yet to live
happy, smiling faces in all
children now adults
adults without children
now adults with children
not a mobile phone in sight
everyone's full attention given to those speaking
grungy fashion of the day omnipresent
looking into my own face
I see a 20 something young man
with unlined features
sitting in the shadows
happy for others to seek attention
poetic thoughts in my head
as yet unleashed on an unsuspecting world
where did those 21 years go?
what have we all lived through in that time?
what have we achieved?
do we have daily happiness?
my focus has been sharpened
my appreciation of every new day has increased
linger over those special moments
many do not return
Death played hopscotch he threw his
touch then his feet grasped upon the
souls of mortal man and there hearts
were stopped twelve steps of death.
He lifted his cloak so to see where
to jump, one jump, two jump third
jump and three drop dead like fallen
trees they fall in the breeze.
He could play this all day the pebble each
one a heart, he lifts it up jolting in his
bony fingers and then looks as it beat
within his palm then crumbles it to dust.
Then anguish and pain the daughter of
death that help him in his role in the world
"father let us once again play our game,
He smiles and skips on broken spines.
Mother please, As decay walks over asking
what is this scream not of mortal breath?
Its daddy he is ruining our game,
off the children's play thing I say.
Death wallows as his fun is ended, and
once again death now cant end their
suffering as his children once again
Linger there misery on human kind.
"My husband I no you meant well,
But children must learn from mistakes.
Now come with me and let us rest in
the earth and linger in corruptions embrace.
Four years ago today you walked into my life.
Four years ago today, I had never known love.
Four years ago today, I had never known the fear of losing someone.
Four years ago today, I had never known the fear of staying with someone.
Four years ago today, I had never known the fear of being touched.
Four years ago today, I had never known you'd never let me say no.
Four years ago today, I had never known the nightmare of love.
Four years ago today, I was innocent.
Four years later, you showed me how to doubt.
Four years later and I still panic when asked about you.
Four years later, you're still haunting me.
Four years later and you still call my name.
Four years later and I'm still so scared.
Four years of this.
They told me your first love
will always haunt you and the were right.
You bang on yhe doors of my heart
every minute of every night.
They told me first love will always
be the most special and they were right.
You are still the blood that rush through my veins.
They told me first love will never die
and that's where they were wrong.
Because why am I still in love with a ghost?