There is an old story,
From 1909 I believe,
By Mr. E.M. Forster,
Where he basically predicted the freedom and enslavement,
Of the Internet,
Video calls and all sorts of,
And to go further down,
The rabbit hole,
Everyone lives in little rooms,
Not unlike modern apartments,
Where they never see the sunlight,
Or sit for hours outside,
Next to their water source,
Nestled by greenery.
I remember my green childhood,
I stayed outside all the time,
Shat in the woods,
Drank out of streams,
Fought with my brother.
Another version of heaven.
I have always battled the modern existence,
Trying to live some sort of Kerouac-esque,
But they really don't dig that,
Recently I found an old VHS tape,
Of a movie called "Jacob's Ladder,"
Where this post office guy,
Thinks that demons are coming to get him,
But this Jewish chiropractor that always,
Cracks his back,
Says this weird saying:
"If you're fighting against death,
You're always going to see demons,
dragging you to hell.
But if you make your peace,
They'll always be angels,
Ready to free you from this Earth."
And sometimes I feel like that.
The generations rumble on,
I know no reason why.
We build our countless tower-blocks,
Reaching to the sky.
Jacob is our newest one.
He’s only two years old.
Who knows what things he’s going to see?
Great nephew who’ll have…great stories to be told.
We saw men land upon The Moon,
For him it will be Mars.
His kids may go much further,
Even to the Stars.
He’s such a cheery chappie,
Chapman his mum’s maiden name!
I hope he will stay cheerful,
Though Life’s a funny old game.
I hope the world gets better,
For him and all his peers.
I’m sure he’ll be a pacesetter,
And not too many tears.
So here’s to futures bright,
For Jacob and the rest.
May there always be plenty of light,
Let’s wish them all the best.
When you walk past me, I can feel the hatred burning in your heart.
When we make eye contact, I can feel regret swelling in my throat.
When I hear your name, I think about all the good times we had.
When I see you smile, I start screaming inside my head to look away.
When you run your fingers through your hair, I feel myself die inside.
When we avoid each other in the hall, I know everyone can see my pain.
When I talk about you, I feel like you're there with me, That's why I do.
When I see you, I taste the blood from my cheek warm on my tongue.
When I look away, I unclench my jaw before I realize it was even closed
When I realize what happened, I make sure nobody saw me staring at you.
When I know the coast is clear, I swallow the evidence.
When you’re through with me, I will have scars nobody can see.
You're like a headache that doesn’t go away.
When I try to erase you, you scream “No Way!”
All I hear is your throbbing, All I feel is your pain.
All your memories are burning a hole through my brain.
when our eyes meet, I’m the first to turn my head.
When I try to shake you off you only manage to spread.
I’ve only managed to love you, and I think that ruined me.
He was perfect, but my mind said, “If he’s not him we aren’t meant to be.”
I know you hate me, everyone does.
I just wish my love for you would fade away to fuzz.
I don’t only taste blood sometimes I taste microwave burritos or Twix
You ate yours with the cheese that always sticks
But now they only make me sick when I start to chew.
You wrestled your brother and let him win because he’s smaller than you.
I can only blame myself because it's my fault you’re gone.
I shouldn’t have been scared I should just held on.
maybe then I’d have butterflies in my stomach,
Not bees in my mind.
Distract the heart with other emotions than that of
Distract the heart with excitement, with laughter, with joy.
Distract it with memories of being a little girl and boy.
Distract it with conversations of intellectual thought,
Though sometimes distract it with those that are not.
Keep it enthralled with the day's many moments.
Enthrall it with what options that day were not chosen.
If sadness does come, welcome it to see
How deeply I do care for thee.
My dearest friend, the only
Whom I write of,
My heart is now
The mirror is shattered.
So without any reflection on the misuse of this image,
The shards will be incarnadine.
The bleeding will ne'er end.
It drips drops of thick sick thoughts,
Smothering the scattered shards.
A sight bred for horror.
Speckled endlessly, sorting sorrows
Into uniquely spattered shards.
The fulmination of self-imitation.
No longer are little words taken lightly.
You are now obscure shards.
I, too, once saw clearly.
I've been there ~
She listens with ears that only hear the pain of lovers past ~
He sees with eyes that are blurred with visions of everyone who went away ~
Love spears your insides ~
It disrupts old memories ~
It stirs them up into toxic mush ~
Until all you see is ALL the people that used to be ~
Not each other ~
The glass is stained with the past ~
Clean it off ~
Clear the smudge ~
Look at the water with clearer eyes ~
Listen to the night with ears that have long since shed an old lovers sin ~
You still can't look at each other ~
But don't let go ~
No one will hold you like she does ~
No one will protect you like his jealous arms ~
You are hers and she is yours ~
And that's all you both should see ~
Listen not to whispers of people who can never be ~
Push aside ~
The pain and pride ~
Listen to each others hearts again ~
Because the beat didn't skip ~
And when you hold his hand ~
And touch her skin ~
You'll realize that a love like yours ~
Can never be apart again ~
I've been there and lost. And everyday regret whispers in my ear and pulls away my sanity.
Needless to say
I'm a disaster.
Next to my
About the constant feelings
That confuse me
And enslave me
And ravage me
And leave me craving an escape.
Your peaceful breathing
How it ever so slowly calms my raving mind.
I can't sleep.
You're lying next to me and I am
Helpless, needy, and hurt.
Helpless - though your attempts to calm me are caring and sweet, I can't help you sleep by staying awake.
Needy - I desire your company at 3AM when the world should be silent and yet here I sit wanting your attention.
Hurt - I can't hurt myself anymore than to know I am hurting you.
I love you.
I lie here and weep.
I need what you have,
Your peaceful sleep.
Sometimes I just want to see another way of being me
Another way of being free of all insecurity
But there are times when that is hard
And there are wounds that have been scarred
And now I'm trying to get by with what in my life has been marred.
I keep trying to escape all of the lies that cover my eyes like tape; such a disguise, I can let out only sighs.
It's hiding all of my fears deep inside all of my tears that never flow, I don't let them go, so I keep moving, I reap what I sow.
So no, I'm not fine, I walk a fine line between peace and what is at least my foreseeable destruction.
And I know I'm laughing and requesting you leave it alone but what is worse is the curse of knowing I am and will always be unknown.
All weight will drop off my shoulders, but before, it gets much colder,
So cover me in this vacancy of emotion and make me bolder.
Make me able to stand under the pressure of the hand that smacks my hand and tells me "Man, it's just a phase." which does the opposite of
Raising me up and making me new, so if you only knew that what you do makes me rue the so-called man that I've become and now
The future man that I will be will never rise up from his knee
So I'm left stirring in this mind of never-ending insecurity.
To the place where I find
Silencing the world
Silencing the mind
Silencing all that creates
I create havoc.
Day after day
Wondering when I will
Be able to find that
But day after day I am
That is why
To the place where I find
To the River
Where drowns the havoc
Where flow the souls of the silent.
To the River
Where I find