Brush painting his features
Irregular
Heart aches
Skin itches
Irreparable
There's still war outside
Irrelevant
Feels likes I'm lost in him
Irresponsible
Soft touches
Steady steps
Irremovable
His smile, his smell, his secrets
Irresistible
Intertwining our lives and bodies
Irrevocable
Strong presence, whispers, support
Irreplaceable
All of this is so ethereal

Irrational

A human jumps over the other side of the wall
the pi was on the way, abyss of decimal ocean
kept expanding deep and wide but the formula
was handy on her hand she could nail it down.
Perfectly squares the circle, the ocean in a drop
and peeps up over the irrational chasm for good
scaling at the highest high Fathima moons!
.
Deduces straw by straw the maestros' dream ascension
potion-polished taking Ma pauses in liminal crescendo
between past and future, here and hereafter, circle duo.
Limning out chiaroscuro in light and shadow
oh, nothing is like it in plain sight or the world in toto!

Raw Fathima moves on the shadow nature follows
clustering atoms ever spin in the space in between the two
impossible to fathom, couldn't do in Makkah and Medina,
remained untouched, uncharted while there she was living
in encrypted fashion wholly secured yet full functioning! 
The intelligent design, blueprint is in her elements
and the breakthrough exponent is in her eyes
she is the original can show the way.

Truly the only one feminine zoom passes the irrational pi,
the most complex chasm yet mathematically goldmine.
Beyond the mass eyes and their painting canvases
in the daylight that get lost though at the twilight but us
are victorious; since a human being bears the moonlight!

The night at the twilight may take the sun into its veil,
as a little mole into its star-vanishing fathomless trails.
The rainbows are already shaded into Fathima’s black hair
bolder than the dark matter that has the cosmos
glinting off it’s edge, the story goes on for the mass
‘Paint in bold black before the sunrise’ Fathima matters.

Yesterday was a grilled cheese
Cheesy, hot, delicious, and simple

Today is boring
A chicken cutlet on a hero
With nothing on it

The next day is not what I ordered
I taste ketchup and mayonnaise
In my turkey, egg, and cheese on a roll
I could’ve changed it,
But threw it away instead

The day after that
A tuna on whole wheat sliced bread
I got it on a hero instead
Since I wasn’t that hungry,
I shared half of my sandwich
With a homeless person
Not like I had anyone else
To eat with

After that day
Was a PB n J
Only I tasted no jelly
Not sweet. Not a big deal either.
Peanut butter and bread
Was good enough to carry on

It’s the least of my worries
Taxing my car
Or saving up for a house
Or remembering that thing
I was supposed to remember
Or anything really
Or passing that test
Getting into that school
Acing that interview
Getting that job
That pays enough
That allows me to progress
Progress?

I hadn’t even thought about that.
I hadn’t thought about any of it.

I think
about one thing
I obsess
I compulse
Or do I?
Is what I do when I
Think about that thing
I always think about
A compulsion?
Because if it’s not then
Can it be called
OCD?
And if it’s not
That means it’s me
And the thing I always think
About
is true

I know it’s irrational
But what if it’s not?
Maybe it just makes me feel better
To think that it is

See, who has time for rational worries
When you’re so full up with
Irrational one’s?

love makes you forget what's important
it's an irrational feeling
making lose track of yourself
and only think of him.

so i dont want love
im not combortable with becoming a person of love.

Pi with love won’t die
it’s irrational but rational
between the infinite Creator
and finite creation.

A creation is dead zero
somewhere being irrational
with the eternally Irrational
That can’t be thought,
or felt let alone be seen
is beyond the imagination!
But Qun Be the very creating Voice
at the beginning that
was allowed to be heard!
Giving the rational reason
the creation revives on a tangent.
Turns on to a perfect circle counting on
both worlds perfectly closed!

Follows the Voice in the nothingness abyss
pleasantly resonant throughout
the deepest and darkest hours showing light.
Suddenly the creation becomes so relevant
finds love that was in creating the creation.
It starts to discover its own
seductive narrative arc:
The vital three acts
the beginning, the middle and the end!

But finds no true end
therefore no middle in the middle
no, begin in the beginning.
The creation in the creation
floating in the void nothingness
starts to see the Irrational for good!

They can separate themselves from their demons
I can’t
The demons I carry around have been my best friends for so long,
I can’t tell the difference from them,
And me
They know when a thought is being placed there from something non-human
I don’t
They talk so much it pours out my mouth
The demons say they love me,
So Me, being desperate for love
Accept them
Then I follow their rules
- eat little- sleep none- cry always- tears never
And so many more
I’m no longer self-regulated because I'm no longer myself
They swallowed me
Since I can’t tell the difference between us, I willingly gave myself up
Traded myself
For a monster
That only brings others down, or drags me down, to lift others higher
They have become me
They are me
There Isn't a distinction anymore
There isn’t a red font to tell me what ideas to avoid
Because I don’t avoid any ideas at all
Nothing is off-limits, they tell me if I see a thought,
Take it
No matter who it hurts, especially if it hurts me, if you think it, you can do it!
They tell me
You only live once
So they make it hell, but only to prepare me for what’s to come,
They’ve convinced me they only have my best interest in mind, I let them make walls
To protect me

The soul
Is seen beneath a face of glass
With eyes looking up
As
Beads of water from clouded skies
Dispersed across the pane.

Why don't they like me?
What can I do to change?
No matter what I do,
everything stays the same.

All of these thoughts
darting around inside my head.
As I write in my diary
words are leaping onto the two-page spread.

As these words come out, so do the tears
because I start to see all of my fears.
Now that they are in front of me it is all just too much
and so I take out my kit and start to cut....

As the blood runs down my arm
I can feel myself becoming calm.
In my head, I can hear them saying
just keep going and no telling!

I know that these thoughts are sometimes irrational,
but that doesn't stop me from taking them as factual.