Sometimes, life gets too loud.
It makes me feel like an empty soul;
filled by pools of people and drowned by waves of noises.
Walking back and forth, without knowing the right direction.
My own voice seems to be muffled along the way;
Just like a broken record, its vote couldn't be heard clearly.
Sometimes, life gets too loud.
I choose the mute option.
Perhaps, I just craving for a moment of silence.

Be silent and speak your peace

This isn't a poem that I could write easily.

It is but a reply to a kind girl I cherish. That I hope she never reads.

On awful days like this I think of you, though I shouldn't.
The spiteful guy who knows you betrayed him.
Should the book of life be written, I would argue it's pages to say you betrayed me.
Lo, the poison spreads.

I can't help that you are human.
That you were broken over and over again by your abusers.
And hate these arms of mine for being one of them.
Lo, the toxin wears.

I am a tired man who curses those to whom he protects.
When you smiled at me, I felt truly alive!
I have gone too long without that smile. It is kept from me and these loving eyes.

Because these eyes are killers eyes.
This heart, will rise again.
And my soul will corrupt.
The price I pay for being a big fat liar.

And the pain I feel for loving someone for whom it is impossible to love. One disgusting hopeless narcissist to another.

---------Thoughtful Strangers letter---------

If we meet, I'd like to watch the sunset with you. And call you a pathetic woman with no talent whatsoever at finding happiness. And a ***** who is so predictable, I could tell her future looking into dog **** rather than a crystal ball. That I actually wanted you to save me from the disgusting people I called family. And that unlike you, I was enlightened to understand just why I have to think through everything in front of me. I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't do drugs like you because I don't have the luxury of serving my own purpose of self-satisfaction because this body won't let me. That you broke my heart when these, my only pair of eyes made you feel afraid when I looked at you in my most loving gaze.

Now I look into the mirror and see something disgusting that truly should not exist. So before I die, never feeling the touch of one who loves me. I hope you suffer. Just like I always knew you would and wanted you to. I hope you die ******. That horrible future I see is a lot kinder than the hell I've been confined too. Trapped like a cockroach. With a beautiful heart that poisons everything it touches. And hurts every time it remembers that he has no friends.

I can only hope it's easier not to care.

Don’t look at that piece of mirror,
For I will tell you something to shiver…
Hey you,
You have changed so much!
Those long curls of hair bend smoother,
Your skin’s turned fairer and fuller,
You look the perfect strength and size;
And your mouth talks much smarter,
With your eyes better awake to things around of you!
Hey you,
You know you have changed so much!
But it’s just that,
Your lips don’t smile full-face like they used to!
You talk wise, but are a bundle of paradox within;
Hiding behind curtains of “everything’s fine!”
You look composed but are bleeding to death;
Wounded by chaotic battles fought inside your head!
You got more friends but fewer people who count,
You are learning the ways of life,
And are hurting with your own judgments!
You are winning quite often,
And have lost to victory from endless desires and lusts!
You pretend to be more wholesome,
But are groping for every companionship, except for yourself!
Maybe you have drifted from yourself ashore;
And are you even listening to me anymore?

My inner voice is speaking to me,
telling me to give up
On all the paranoid things that has been happening.
Feels like I'm a feather
Left upon to drop
But the wind is stubborn
not letting me to be in the place I'm supposed to.
I'm struggling ,suffering
But incapable.
Incapable of being my own,
And to be, where I should.

It sooths my soul,
Easing me into a secure state.
Persuading me to lift the corners of my mouth
And smile a sparkling grin.

Then it snaps,
And screams nonsense in my ear.
Causing alarm and panic to kick me in the gut.
Causing my head to spin,
And my stomach to clench.

It tries to sooth the whirlwind it has lead me into,
To put me back on steady ground,
To breathe through the confusion.
It whispers soothing lyrics to me
To lift my spirits once again,
Encouraging me to smile
Imploring me to steady my nerves.

But panic for some unknown horror has already sunk in,
And the alarm bells are screaming in my ear.

With gasping breaths,
Clenched fists,
And a pounding head,
I release myself into sleep
Where even My Voice doesn’t have control over me.
-ALC January 18, 2019

How can you forgive anyone but me?

Why can you accept anything but me?

How can you remember everything but me?

Why are you so kind to others but not to me?

How can you be so concern to anybody but me?

Why are you listening to them instead of me?

How can you cheer them up and let me down?

Why are you blaming me for the things out of my control?

How did you give someone a chance and dump me?

Why did you give up on me and hold on to other's expectation?

How did you love them before me?

I am your inner voice, this is yourself begging you to keep my worth, take care of me, nourish me, you are me and I am you, no one can separate us. Let's keep your sanity together.Let's do this together.Don't shoo me away.Be more gentle to me.Love me before anybody else and see the difference.