Fistfuls of lust, yet tender
Smell your skin, and dare remember
Holding, yielding, grasping, pleading

Smokey eyes and steaming embers
Destruct the inner walls to lend her
Naïve tongue and tremble breathing

Heat. “I like it”.

Roughing, grinding, fasting, slowing
Oils seeping, fingers deeping
Push and pull to tease and bend her.

Stop, but just to start again,
Steaming. Heating. Beating… Beating…
Beat the heart to break and mend her.

am i incapable of falling in love?
they say those who have been extremely damaged are the least likely to fall in love
i mean it makes sense, all of us damaged ones have never been shown what love was
our version of love is being treated like a dog, constantly begging for love

when i found you it was a different type of feeling
part of me knew i'd end up with you though
we've had our bumps but i've learned plenty on this journey
about you and me
we've definitely had to build on each other but we've come a long way

oh how i wish it were you all along
i strongly believe it's the timing of it all
if it was you since the beginning i'm 99% sure falling in love wouldn't be so hard
but unfortunately i had to be damaged a million times before meeting you

they always say the hardest relationship is the one after the toxic one
for so long i've been used to abuse and emotional manipulation,
that now i find myself getting bored when i'm not on that crazy rollercoaster ride, begging for love

but i'm happy i've met you
i just wish it was earlier
if only.

in order to fall in love, do i need to feel butterflies or that burning sensation in my chest?
to feel like i can never get tired of this person no matter what?
to feel constantly like i'm on cloud 9 when im with you?

oh how i yearn to be madly in love with you
i know love cannot be forced though, and the more i try the more it strays away
are we not meant to be or is this a different type of love than im used to?

it used to be easy for me to fall
but time went on and life changed, experienced changed me
i once felt that spark with someone else so it's hard not to compare
but one thing i know for certain is that you make me feel safer than anyone else on this planet can

i would do absolutely anything for you, just to see you happy
there's so much i like about you
so just because you don't give me that feeling, does that mean i will never fall in love with you?

they say there's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone
it would be sad to think that i can never fall in love with you
but oh how i long for it so much, i just want us to be happy

but in the end, if it cannot be found i will have to let you go
it will break me and change me forever, but i want you happy
that's all i ever wanted
just for you to be happy

A hollow vase forged and crafted to function as a keeper
God only knows what was to be placed in the vessel
Made from dust and was molded by love
A perfect container to be filled with knowledge

At first a perfect family was imbued inside the vessel
Followed by lessons only a prodigy could handle
Slowly it was infused by different lessons from diverse people
The vessel was happy it was being filled finally fulfilling its purpose

Up until it was filled with waste and trash
The perfect family was emptied and was replaced by a broken one
Lessons from diverse people was slowly thrown away
The vessel that was once filled happiness was replaced by sadness

Continuously shattered throughout the years
now full of cuts on his wrists and a barely functioning heart
It could only imagine what he had once
a perfect idea of what he could've been if he only was a tad bit stronger

what was once promised to be kept on the top shelf
for safekeeping as he was the most valuable
was now hidden for it had become
a broken and shattered vessel hidden from everyone

It yearns for a purpose everyday, watching other vessels be filled up
with knowledge he dreamed for while he laid there being filled with trauma
the now cuts on the vessel were displayed as it was full of them
the owner could barely keep it intact but the vessel knew otherwise

It was close to breaking it was filled with knowledge and lessons from its past
memories that were supposed to be happy were replaced by haunting experiences
It could barely hang on it was filled to the brim by waste but it felt empty
a new line was made on the shattered vessel everyday as if it was a cut to display its pain

being filled was its purpose
but was the haunting memories enough for him
the horrible wisdom it has learn throughout the years
it all built up until he couldn't take it and he shattered

everyone was heartbroken about the vessel
full of what-ifs and promises they made to the vessel
regret filled the cabinet where it was once stored
everyone mourned at the finale but no one helped during the ******

i knew deep down that the person in the picture wasn't really you
but in my fantasy you were everything i had ever wanted

but oh how i miss being held in your arms
in distressful times such as these, i find myself wanting to run to you

to feel your embrace
to feel your presence
to have the warmth of your cheeks pressed against my mine
when you ran your hand through my hair, reassuring me
that everything would be okay in the end
but it wasn't.

i quickly remind myself who you really were in the end
the disappointment still consumes me

preparing months for an exam
for a number that supposedly determines your worth
******* up to teachers, people you don't even like
just for them to hopefully write a few commendable words about you

all for the hopes of being deemed "acceptable" to some supposed authority
for a place that will decide what you'll be doing for the rest of your life
making these drastic decisions at the age of 18
when not too long ago you were just picking out your prom dress

listing down any type of hobby or recreation you have
to make yourself seem a little more unique
since the competitiveness between you and your peers is sharper than a knife
who will make the final cut in the end and be deemed worthy?

if only you knew all the nights i spent hating myself
for thinking of him while i was with you
if only you knew i barely ate for days
because i couldn't understand why i felt empty every time we kissed
if only you knew the endless apology letters i had written
because i couldn't forgive myself for hurting you
until this day, i still can't

how could you think i never cared
how could you think i never tried
how could you think i purposely had ill intentions
how could you think of me this way,
when all i ever did was **** myself for you
but a million "i'm sorry's" will never repair the damage i've caused

my feet touched the bottom of the ocean, i felt the cool sand tickle my toes
swim as fast as you can
flailing my arms and legs and quickly as possible, in hopes to make it in time
swim as fast as you can
the air inside my lungs is crushing me
swim as fast as you can
there's still a few more feet to go, although the water escapes into every hole of my body
swim as fast as you can
falling back down, there's no energy left to get back up
swim as fast as you can
suspended amidst the deep blue, unable to move my limbs
just try to swim
thinking about them and their damage, causing lacerating pains in my heart
i give up