my dark waters stir
turning the moon's placid reflection
into a chaotic dance of broken light
echoes of churning
and raise your foreboding laughter
up and over the old well's lips
but you will not awaken me
to burn this nightmare into my core
rather I shall sleep into dawn
awaken to a silent Sun
you once held my heart below these waters
but unlike all those that followed
I survived you
you may impose fear in the heart
of a wayward toad
or other spineless woodland creatures
but I sleep well
immune to your frozen tears
Thank you for visiting my memory,
thank you for just dropping by,
replaying that day -
repeating in vivid technicolor,
the last long an sad goodbye,
I don't have a single tear though,
as none are left for me to cry,
like a broken record,
how, when an mostly why,
My bedsheets are my torture,
I smell you - an I feel you too,
I twist and turn just ALL night long,
so terrible an so sadly very true,
Well I guess I'll never know those answers,
but if you're bad memories they never fade,
if you never let me let you go,
if my debt is never really ever paid,
if at the alter,
if I am always, always laid,
I can't do that-
Just please stop the technicolor,
Becuz if you never stop haunting my sleep,
you know baby I am not sheep,
I may never get any,
Because I will never be able,
to find real love again,
I'll be much too busy -
out howling -
and baying at the stupid, stupid moon.
Ma Cherie © 2017
How long will it take her to understand that your blood is laced with loneliness?
That the smoke staining her tongue cannot subdue the angry taste of your mouth?
That the hands that hold her neck want to strangle the air encased under skin
and no song
can dilute you.
why did I wish you cared enough to suck the life out of me?
Why I wasn't enough to kill.
You play with my insecurities like kittens,
laughing at how they can't jump high enough
teasing with what's just out of reach,
I was a mouse weaving through the holes
I had gnawed in you
but your hands stopped me in my place:
put me in my place.
I am nothing but a comfort when the weight of the world
lands on your chest,
I'm your oxygen mask
as the plane starts to crash
and you swore up and down you loved me
but years have made it clear you don't know what that means.
Your words are an empty void
I would gravitate towards them,
let myself get sucked in
you told me I'm different
that you didn't want to hurt me
though years of pain beg to differ.
I should have called you puppet master
instead I called you dear
and I have realized I deserve better,
that I don't have any more years to give you,
but I still craved your attention
and your jealousy
as though I could teach you love and how to feel it right.
But at 16 I had you figured out;
you've only regressed since then.
and I should be used to people letting me down;
etching their names in my heart as a reminder
but you were supposed to be the cure.
The end to my self imposed suffering.
You bring no good to me,
trap me in the light of the child I used to be,
and your name haunted my lips like the last time you
but none of this would ease how I wanted you to hurt me.
Prove you cared with your actions.
Your words are white noise.
I need to focus on the swollen melody my heart is performing.
But how do I find closure,
To what will always feel --
Confined to the four walls of my room,
Lost without you,
Locked away in my self made tomb.
Crying into my pillow
Til its tear stained on both sides,
Knowing that that was our last goodbye.
I miss you.
There is nothing left to do but
And I intend to.
You were my heroin.
And when I was down,
You were my heroine.
But now that well is dry,
So I drown my sorrows in booze
And all I do is cry.
I don't know why you left me,
But it makes sense;
I'm depressing, you see.
But it's okay because
I have a lot of time alone,
To think of where I first went wrong.
But you're all I seem to want,
You're all I ever think of,
And your presence haunts my thoughts.
Broken glass, shattered mirror,
a house with a creaky door,
and with creaky floors.
I could hear footsteps down the hall,
but I know that I'm alone.
Next then I know an object would fall,
then I knew I was being haunted in my own home.
I looked in the mirror and it just cracked,
but nothing hit it.
I'm stilling trying to gain my confidence back,
trying to get past it.
But this haunting is still there,
as I watched my valuable glass collection fly across the room.
I knew I had to get out of there,
I knew I had to get out of that house soon.
As the stair creak as I leave,
a hangmans noose appeared out of nowhere.
My head was caught in a trap.
I couldn't escape, I couldn't breathe.
My body was lifted off the ground as I was running,
with my legs still moving trying to get free,
my spirit left my body, and suddenly I could breathe.
No longer was I haunted by my past.
Days of old, her hair, spun gold
Ways she smiled, and beguiled
Times we shared, our feelings bared
Love not spent but kept, all the tears she ever wept
Lips of deepest red, sweet were all the words they said
Hearts aflame with lightest touch, no such thing, as way to much
Bodies held in ecstasy, hers and mine, pure revelry
Souls entwined in destiny, all that I, will ever be
A Crow theived him of his blood
And in return he haunted her,
And when madness and contempt
Became stained by passion and pale flesh
He thinks that their tangled, bloody limbs
will be their d o w n f a l l
[But then again, he was the one to triumph in the end]