I had poor sleep last night.
I tossed and turned with the light on.
The light kept me safe from the quiet darkness, but not the words that scrambled to abuse me in my mind.
I've cried till my face is dry and flaking.
I cry cause of the stupidest things....
like do I wait to finish our shows? How long would I wait?
Do I watch them without you? Can I text you if something makes me smile today? Who am I going to have Thanksgiving with? Will you think of me then? Will I be a passing thought?
I didn't think more tears could even come out of me.
I have moments where I remember being unhappy with you.
Stuck and misunderstood.
I want to ride off those thoughts and use it as fuel to become whole.
But its not true... I still love you, and I feel so broken that you left like this.
I still can't eat. I can't focus on my work. I just feel so empty, and I know thats the codepedence in me, but it hurts like you ripped a part of my soul deep from me.
Last time I lay in bed with you.
You said you would come back and we would marry, and start a family.
Then you left, and said I should get a roommate.
Who does that in the same day?
I'm so tired as I write this, just jumbled nonsense I need to leave my mind.
You left to clear your mind, but you cleared me out too.
and now i'm stuck in an apartment full of memories of you and our 7 years together. I'm stuck because you said it's a find, and that it would be a shame to let go. Before you said it's cause you're coming back. I feel let on, and so ******* confused.
I wish you'd come and take the rest.
I wish you'd come and take me to.
Raw morning thoughts after 4 hours of sleep.