I'm overwhelmed and I just want to give up. I just want to give in. Because I swear there's no one near me who's listening. So I'm screaming "Olly olly oxen free" to whatever strength is hiding within me.

I know
I have control
but I don't want to anymore.

I was out of control
in the worst of ways
and somehow
I miss those days.

if its all temporary at this age then what's the point?
what is the point of letting someone in and getting emotionally involved when it is all temporary

everything ends

nothing is forever

so for what?

hopelessness is what I've become
but some sick part of me believes that the lost of hope that has taken over me protects me from further damage

why start over? why give in? why spend my time invested on someone who is only going to hurt me and leave

there is absolutely no point

I've loved and lost to the point that i don't want it.
yes, i remember the happiness love brings and the unbelievable breath taking feeling that overtakes everything you are when you look at the person you love in the eyes, or when she tells you she loves you. yes, i remember all of that.

but the pain surpasses the happiness by far to much for me to be able to let myself love again.

I'm empty
and i will not let anyone fulfill me
not now
its a waste of time
a waste of effort


for what?

Stuck in a whole
Filled with waters that are made of
Fear, sadness, & infinite desolation

I have no fight
I'm giving up on myself
& everything is supporting my forfeit

When she leaves I miss her
But after she's gone for a day or 2 maybe 3 I feel empty again
I can't let myself get distracted from what is good and revert to my hurt as always

I feel comfortable in this hurting desolating state I revert to on days like these

I'm killing myself, am I a *******? She makes me happy, so I torture myself because she won't do it?