Devastation

Noun

I Inspecting the wreckage,they say it’s a good thing you weren’t there, that you didn’t suffer. You bite your tongue. They do not know what good is.This is not it.


II  You feel free. You know you shouldn’t, that it’s wrong. You smile anyway.


III You suddenly feel like you are drowning and no one is noticing. You cover your face and begin to cry.

Going from a smoke bomb
to a pipe bomb
to a fire bomb
call it vietnam.
Take it to the car bomb
to the time bomb
to the flying bomb
we call the atom bomb.

Loving you is like a black box
Pain goes in
Nothing comes out

What could we do, but
Reach out and defy rapture
As the light took us?
Come the fire, come what remains,
Our dust will be together.

life is beautiful
but it is also sad
of all the good things
there is also the bad
and it feels as though the bad is always embracing the good
that there is more bad than there is good in this world

and when the mind is overloaded with the negative
sometimes the drowning can't be stopped

the world starts to understand
that the happiest people may just be the saddest
and it fills me with grief
as it is anything but untrue
true to the point it hurts me

my secret was being revealed

it strips me off my feigned confidence
and leaves me with an empty shell
empty of love
of all the good things in life

i am sad for myself
who have turned out this way

and in the end i only have myself to hold
but i do not like me
not now
not ever

so tell me

how shall i live?

— Y.H.

my own personal epiphany,
gentle fervor.

The act of grieving.
It’s unlike anything I’ve
Ever had to go through.
Survived through 17 years of
Mental torture at the hands of
A mother who should have loved me;
But alcoholism had her by the throat
          ****.
That never received any justice.
Physical abuse and mental abuse
For years by a man who should have
Cherished me but instead hated me.
12 hours of labor with no medication.
No relief of the spine crushing pain.
And yet the simple act of you dying.
             Of you leaving me behind,
                           In this world without you.
Has crushed and devastated me.
     Leaving me
                          annihilated and listless.
And without

My best friend, my cheerleader, my fan, my sounding board, my dad, my confidant, my partner in crime, my moral backbone, my courage, my strength, my forever compass, my mother figure, my only family.

I don’t know how to exist here.

The act of grieving,
Has left me tired and restless.
And I’m unsure if I’ll finish the act
Or the act will finish me.
   Exit stage…..
                                                        ­        Right.