Most of my life is a forgotten cliffside. There's nothing you can really do about it, it's just the consequence you pay for being alive.
I don't remember a lot of my childhood. I can remember my schools, my friends, my parents, my teachers. But I don't remember my sisters. Only my brother, the little boy carrying the family name on his shoulder blades... But he is not ready for that.
As for my sisters... I do not officially "know them" until they begin to leave. I was 11 when they started leaving my house, and 13 when they started re-entering my life.
There is no excuse for arriving late to my life crisis. But what crisis is there anyway?
I grew up alone.
Sisters too old, brother too young, parents too protective.
Too eager to run through the halls of my early life, and high school is not what I expected the years to be. But I am still here... alive.
And there will always be that to hold on to when the sky falls from the stars that pin up the rest of the universe.
Or the the clouds fall from the blue sky just before that cliffside collapses into the abyss.
This is the artistry that is my life on a power surge. Feeling the shock of the first kiss, and the break of the last word.
The many voices, and single sayings. The before and after. The push and then the fall.
The feeling of all my memories being shot.
But not killed.
This is the joy of living off of the electric tower... or the Eiffel tower.
This is life made wild, love made public, friends made family, me made whole again.
Me surviving the cliffside fall for the 378th time this week.
Safety nets were never written in the fine print of this circus act.
But this feeling can kill as much as it can save. It is, and always will be a cosmic shot across the front of my skull...
Opening my mind into eternity. Until I decide to go back to that cliffside...
Would it tear you apart to know that I was clean for so long.
Would it tear you apart to know that the the number is back to zero.
Would it hurt if I told you how you woke up those monsters inside my head that all steer me towards steep cliffs of insanity.
Would it hurt you to know that I stepped off.
Would you cry knowing that you choosing her broke me.
Would you cry if you saw my shattered bones spelled your name.
No I don't think it would.
My screams are not silent, they are carved into my body, they erupt from my eyes but baby you never were one to notice how my heart bled for you.
Our love was a metaphor written in a language you didn't understand.
maybe you need to learn to read.
I'm standing at the edge of cliffs that stretch on through Norway.
Looking down I see another me.
Deciding if I've got what it takes to go through this doorway.
I'm at a junction of paths with more than your average split.
I've got endless roads which lead nowhere.
Apprehension in my voice but I can't see where you won't fit.
You're a little special though because I smile like a fool when you're near.
You won't see me with the same eyes.
That's all I'll ever fear.
We stayed up late last night.
Together - you could have left.
Though I'm glad you stayed.
Was it me you stayed for?
Your a natural beauty more than these rocks and views in the Kjerag.
It's more than body, pulse and heart.
Its all of you I've gotta have.
When I thought I'd met them all.
Struggling to find a spark.
I've never met anyone like you.
Now you're all I think of in the dark.
Take my hand and show me love
Out beyond the imaginary.
A slight chill in the air-
Jump into the sea below you say I wouldn't dare,
But the rocks below are just a detourant for those not willing to take a risk.
My fight has been humble though I have been humbled many a times,
And my battle has been pretty prolonged.
Here I am, Inclined to inform you of who I am today.
I am a San Diego sunrise
Pastel hues that paint the early morning skies
Or vibrant and bright,
Represents my personality on a spectrum:
Calm and reserved to outgoing and extroverted.
The exuberant sun reflecting off the ocean is passion.
This image is poetry in the making.
My passion is in fact poetry.
The ocean below is intensity-
The waves crashing upon the white California sand in a continuous, mellifluous soundtrack,
Just as I continuously strive to succeed in all I do.
Failure has never been an option for me.
The soundtrack of the waves is not only my love and desire for the ocean waves, but my need for music-
The sun rising to the top of the sky demonstrates my sky is the limit attitude in Life and the fact that I have always had the tenacity to go after what I want whether it be finally playing college athletics after a career ending ankle reconstruction surgery, or maintaining my drive to go to law school.
Finally the sun setting at the end of the day and disappearing into darkness represents how even in dark times I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.
Darkness only lasts for so long and the sun will once again rise to display its beauty, candor and potential.
The sun is optimistic for each coming day and continues to rise even after it falls, as do I.
As a sailboat sets sail out of the harbor I feel the sun warming my soul and I know that I can continuously rise to any occasion to make it smooth sailing.
San Diego is in my heart and saltwater is in my veins-
It does not make sense for me to be anything other that a magnificent San Diego sun rise above the glistening pacific coast.
You stare at your feet for a few moments,
you weigh out the odds of surviving,
and you jump.
You start falling, or rather, flying.
you get the chills.
Thrills. Sparks. Genuine laughter.
You feel free, you feel more alive than you ever have.
In the back of your mind there is worry,
will you make it? Or is this rush only going to last until the water hits?
You don't care,
I don't think you ever did.
You scream, you feel as much as you possibly can,
and then you hit the water.
Passion, rebirth, lust.
A new beginning.
And that's what loving him is like.
The view from the cliffs were so exquisite,
As the oceans would crash upon them.
I would Climb up the wet slippery rocks,
In my little Easter dress.
and the scents.
Looking around at all the beautiful mansion foundations'.
Laughing and running.
Trying to avoid all the geese droppings
And God damn was my mind full of innocents
Not knowing that these moments could ever fade
It was the most beautiful place I would visited.
And I Wish I knew that then.
I don’t want you to see me
Not ever like this,
Broken and devastated on the ground,
Like I’m falling down from cliffs.
I’ve tried the entire time to cover up,
Every bit of pain I’ve got
Because opening up to someone is scary
Even though I need it a lot.
Don't leave me behind.
I don't want to be left
on this island alone!
There is nothing here,
but the emptiness inside,
and constant fear
that our passion will die.
Please don't leave me,
on this sea of broken dreams,
just little old me,
and all the ideas of what
we could have been.
Don't leave me hanging,
on these cliffs of memories,
trying to grasp to the past,
to get back those feelings,
of love and certainty.
Please don't leave,
what will I do without you,
when you are the lifeboat
that is keeping me afloat?