I have w e i r d anxiety
And I don’t quite k n o w where to put it
I feel off
Like watching a black and white movie when you’re a kid with a theme that’s b e y o n d you and knowing that you don’t quite know what it’s about
A lack of an aboutness with yourself
Much about what I do and where I go and who I see
And triumphantly living this l i f e
As I w a n t
But feeling a l i t t l e far from m y s e l f

I’m writing a bookmaybe I should get back to it

Nothing changes no matter how you try. Change your perspective... see it from another view they say. They must not know in the world I'm a slave to stay. Nothing changes, nothing gets better, just let me die one day soon, and when I try to see it out but it didn't go as planned and I'm still barely alive, do me a favour and walk on by so that death may shortly take me away. Thank you.

i've written this poem a thousand times
and it's never the same
but it's always about you

Sometimes I learn to stay awake,
In dawn some falls says ''It is the fate''
Running past the wall of hardship that you make,
Thinking of giving up every hour that i fail,
But looking up ahead i see the birds
Free, Flying past that wall that seems high without a trail
The sound of freedom rings in the distance,
The wind of change whispers within the walls
Slowly gone without a trace,
Somewhere in me,
I know there is something that kept me back
Something that lock me in my track,
The old me that use to say No
The one that laugh that say No
The one that say they care about you,
The Inner me that spark me to go,

Lift up my eyes,
I grab the first rock,
It Hurts,
It Hurts,
Slowly i whisper, It Hurts
I felt alone,
I felt hopeless,
I felt useless,
The dark hands that strangle me from within
And somewhere within this journey,
I realise i was not lost,
I was not beaten,
For None are worthless in His eyes,
For those who had give up hope,
For those who had lost in darkness
Shall found light,
And In you hope lives on.

I lift up myself,
I grab the second rocks,
I saw you,
Trying to carry all the burden alone,
And you were whispering
''Help''
You were worrying of how Others will think of you
You were worrying how Others life are so perfect
You were worrying how Others look so cool doing it,
Unrealising you are drowning in pain,
Deep in you slowly rotten away in vain,
I close my eyes and whisper to you,
Somewhere in you The You has decay,
Hope has no where to stay
And All I can do for you,
Is Pray.

Sometimes life is weird,
Life is hard,
Life is scary,
Life can be wary,
And it can drown you,
Life is like the rail in the forest
Dark in the midnight
Unknowing where to go
Or where it leads to
So many tracks
So many ways
So many walls
It just a matter who or which
Track will you chose?

i am the kind of girl
who feels too much and speaks too little
who often gets caught in her midnight monologues
who embraces loneliness as a gift of time, to be alone and whole in her own chaos
who loves melodies from the '80s and classic poetry,
and also enjoys the modernity of the current reality
who seems a little ignorant but mostly just being shy
because she has an issue with shallow conversations
who gets excited about puppies but runs away from kitties
who travels miles away to seek the feeling of being home
who writes stuffs that are a little depressing,
even though her life has been a blessing
who hopes that these words somehow can convince you that
above them all
she is the kind of girl
who has a habit of translating the world into poems
believing that there are still good things to unfold.